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#181 of 245 Old 09-24-2012, 12:23 PM
 
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Doing my GP 5k tonight.

 

Nik, how's the back?

 

I loved seeing all the pictures, Jo!  What a party!

 

Bullying of the sort DD experiences:  http://www.detroitnews.com/article/20120924/METRO/209240341

 

This is getting a lot of play on facebook today as a "wow, look at this heartwarming story."

 

I'm struggling to see the positive in this.  I've been experiencing literal flashbacks to my own experiences in middle school these last few weeks.  As in, I'm not simply reminded of memories, but I'm actually reliving them, confusing past and present.  It's scary.  This girl is now named in the national news as unattractive and unpopular.  That will stick.  She's portrayed in the story as pretty clueless, slow to catch onto the prank.  Those perpetrating the prank appear to be getting away with it ("we'll look into it" is something I've heard before).  The boy who is refusing to be associated with her is now highlighting that she is not the type a popular kid should be associated with, and it is taken as ok that he's doing this.

 

Please convince me I'm wrong.
 

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#182 of 245 Old 09-24-2012, 12:53 PM
 
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Ugh, Geo. that whole story leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. I was bullied like that in HS too, although not quite to that extent. I feel for your DD if this is happening to her already too.

~~Kristina~~ Mama to DS(10/30/01), DD1(VBAC 3/28/04) and DD2(HBAC 5/21/06)
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#183 of 245 Old 09-24-2012, 01:07 PM
 
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<insert exasperated scream>

 

that is all.
 


Kristin -- mom of Erin (11/5/02) and Leah (9/29/05)
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#184 of 245 Old 09-24-2012, 01:42 PM
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Mine didn't wait till high school, but started in 8th grade.  Ugh, ugh, ugh! 


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#185 of 245 Old 09-24-2012, 01:54 PM
 
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Things started in 4th for me, peaked in 7th, and didn't go away until I left the country for a year after high school.  My flashbacks have me suddenly understanding descriptions I read of soldiers with PTSD as I literally relive it watching DD experience it.

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#186 of 245 Old 09-24-2012, 02:32 PM
 
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Things started in 4th for me, peaked in 7th, and didn't go away until I left the country for a year after high school.  My flashbacks have me suddenly understanding descriptions I read of soldiers with PTSD as I literally relive it watching DD experience it.
Ugh.... grouphug.gif

~~Kristina~~ Mama to DS(10/30/01), DD1(VBAC 3/28/04) and DD2(HBAC 5/21/06)
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#187 of 245 Old 09-24-2012, 03:47 PM
 
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Kerc - the place I go to for ART is not a PT place, but yes they are very geared towards runners. It's called Innersport and they work on a lot of the Cal athletes, etc. I really feel better going there but since it is not a straight up PT place, I thought I would check out the PT referral and see what else I could garner from it. Bah. Feeling lost.

Plady - you're on, sister. I agree I need some sort of alarm to keep me on it.

ETA: Geo - all of it makes my stomach hurt with memories of all that crap. Mine was bad 4th-7th also. UGH.

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#188 of 245 Old 09-24-2012, 04:13 PM
 
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I did my Griffin 'run' today wile working - 8 hours on my feet running up and down stairs and all over the place. My h is away in France for two weeks so no time to get out on my own this morning and I knew my feet and legs would be too sore by tonight so I dedicated all of my steps today to Griffin and the other little ones who have gone candle.gif  grouphug.gif  candle.gif

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#189 of 245 Old 09-24-2012, 05:54 PM
 
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Things started in 4th for me, peaked in 7th, and didn't go away until I left the country for a year after high school.  My flashbacks have me suddenly understanding descriptions I read of soldiers with PTSD as I literally relive it watching DD experience it.

 Geofizz

 

Look into EMDR therapy for you.  I am in training for this amazing therapy right now.  Raising our children often stirs up old stuff and gives us opportunities to heal.  Good things are ahead for you girl, I can tell she has an amazing mom.

 

sorry to only pop in like this but I'm always reading along and wishing the best to the dingos.

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#190 of 245 Old 09-24-2012, 06:02 PM
 
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I did my Griffin run on Saturday as part of my 1/2. Good thing, too, because I completely failed to run today. I'm pretending that the 4+ hour nap I took was "listening to my body" and not "ignoring marathon training". In my defense, I'm on call from 11-7 tonight, and it's looking likely that I'll get called in, so I really did need that nap. rolleyes.gif

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#191 of 245 Old 09-24-2012, 06:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Geo - Ugh. grouphug.gif I only hope that this girl isn't as smart as you and doesn't notice the subtleties.  And I hope that once the media frenzy wanders to the next human interest story she isn't left in a worse position.

 

Griffin Patrick 4k done.  I had a really nice walk with my dad and my dogs.  It made me realize that that alone would be a good addition to my routine.  I definitely don't walk enough!

 

Speaking of middle school ickiness; C's best friend from last year has completely abandoned her this year, despite (or because?) they are in the same classroom and on the same soccer team.  C is so heartbroken and I have no answers for her about why.  There was no fight, no nothing, it seems like the girl just woke up one day and decided that she no longer knew C.  Now I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop when it spreads to other kids too. mecry.gif These poor kids!  Maybe we could make Camp Dingo for this coming summer, all these middle schoolers (and earlier!!!) and their moms are going to need a safe place to decompress.
 


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#192 of 245 Old 09-24-2012, 06:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Sorry for serial posting, in case anyone is interested in the fizzy water maker deal that popped up on Living Social today, here's a link to get one too.  I know, shameless of me, but if any of you might get one too I could get my $ back for the one I bought this morning! love.gif 


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#193 of 245 Old 09-24-2012, 06:29 PM
 
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Posting a bike 60 min./run 22 min this a.m. in memory of Griffin and all the babies born too soon or in silence angel.gifcandle.gif

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#194 of 245 Old 09-25-2012, 06:01 AM
 
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Also, Poppy, the first thing I thought when you described your pain was "hip alignment" and that you really should see a PT. I agree w/ that. But in addition, there's always body maintenance to focus on.... goodvibes.gif on finding what you need!

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#195 of 245 Old 09-25-2012, 07:33 AM
 
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Making lemons from lemonade here! I got called in last night, and made almost enough money to pay for my new car battery. Yay! I got sent home at 4 am, which is just a weird time to go home. Too early to send the nanny home, too late to go to sleep for 2-3 hours before getting DS up and ready for school. It was one of the few times I was wishing I belonged to 24 hr fitness. I decided to go to the Y to be there when they opened at 5, and it was a good decision. I got a 30 minute run on the hamster wheel, then hit spin class where we did hard interval tabata stuff for an hour, and I learned that they do pilates on Tuesday mornings after class, so I did 15 minutes of pilates! I got 90+ minutes of working out in and was home just in time to see DS finishing his cereal (and the nanny finishing packing his lunch, woohoo). Shockingly, he was ready early enough to ride the bus, so I walked him over to the bus stop and sent him on his way (and met a mom of a kiddo in DS's class who is also a nurse, cool). Home in time to take a shower, post to dailymile and MDC while sipping some rooibos tea, and head to bed before 9 am. I call that a successful start to my day. orngbiggrin.gif

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#196 of 245 Old 09-25-2012, 01:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow Gaye!  What a morning! 

 

Trying to do something like lemonade here too.  Our fridge/freezer stopped being cold and I discovered all our frozen stuff mostly or totally defrosted when I was looking for ice for my post-boxing shake.  I made some blackberry jam and have a banana bread in the oven.  The meat we just threw into the other freezer and hopefully it won't be too gross when we use it.  I was just super bummed that all sorts of fruit defrosted.  What to do with strawberries?  I have to be somewhere in an hour.


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#197 of 245 Old 09-25-2012, 01:43 PM
 
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Hi mamas,

 

Sorry for lack of personals. I will try to get back to them tomorrow night. I've had a good few running days and am starting to feel better physically. HOpefully it will continue.

 

Heading into our 25 hour fast this evening at twilight, until tomorrow after dark. If I have offended, hurt, insulted, distressed, or otherwise caused any kind of suffering to any of my Dingo friends I beg your indulgence and forgiveness.Peace.gif


 "Now bid me run, and I will strive with things impossible." (William Shakespeare -- Julius Caesar)

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#198 of 245 Old 09-25-2012, 02:17 PM
 
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Geo - Sorry the teasing has been so horrible!

 

Nic - Glad your niece and sister are doing well.

 

AFM: With moving and the extensive work the house requires before we move that we've been doing, I haven't done a great job keeping up on the running, but hopefully I'll finish week 5 of couck 2 5k tonight!
 


Partner to Rbikenew.gif ('03); Parent to T read.gif('07), Aviolin.gif ('10), and E ecbaby2.gif ('13)

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#199 of 245 Old 09-25-2012, 07:01 PM
 
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Making lemons from lemonade here!

Can you tell I had been up all night? Sheesh... lol.gif

Gaye, single mama to Tyler (5/06) and Baxter the labradoodle
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#200 of 245 Old 09-25-2012, 11:37 PM
 
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Can you tell I had been up all night? Sheesh... lol.gif
So if I didn't catch that until you posted it, does that mean I'm up too late? lol.gif

Geo--I guess I'm of a couple of minds on the story. On the one hand, I think it will do a lot for her future to see all these adults rally around her with stories about how this kind of thing stinks, but that it also happened to a lot of people and it didn't stop them from being successful. OTOH, I see what you mean about it essentially agreeing that she's unpopular or whatever, but it also sounds like she would agree with that assessment. I'm not sure that's terrible for her. I mean, I'd completely agree, without question, that I was unpopular and not particularly attractive in junior high and high school (at least freshman year)--and honestly, I considered those things to be the least of my problems. I knew I was unpopular and was fine with it, but I wasn't fine with people going out of their way to be mean. And I was fine with not being all that attractive, mostly because I was rather clueless about it all, and more than a little bit scornful of the girls who just wanted to talk about makeup and doing their hair. I was never nearly as gullible as that girl though, but I do remember those kinds of tricks. There were times people would pick me for their team or something and try to fool me into pretending they liked me, but I knew better, rolled my eyes and it backfired because now they had to work with me and they didn't even get the fun they hoped for.

For me, the nastiness started in 3rd grade, got a bit better in 4th-6th and things really went downhill in junior high, mostly because one of the few people I could count on to not make fun of me and sit with me at lunch moved. (This person was also my second-cousin, so she had some obligation...and thinking about that really underscores just how freakin' unpopular I was.) After that I sat alone or with the other handful of wildly unpopular kids. By freshman year I just sat alone most of the time, reading a book, or with a couple of slightly older misfits. Somehow, all the unpopularity didn't stop me from running for student council treasurer in 7th grade. Do I even need to say that I lost? Duh. We all had to give a speech in front of the whole grade (whole school? you'd think I'd remember this), and I'd been stupid enough to write a real speech. People started talking after about five sentences. By then I knew I was going to lose so I ignored the talking and finished it and walked away with my head up feeling glad I'd done it even if it was just more fodder for teasing. I think the teachers felt sorry for me but were reasonably impressed that I refused to be cowed by it all. Or maybe they just felt sorry for me. Hmmm. In any case, when I was the valedictorian in 8th grade, there was a great deal of satisfaction in knowing that those students who talked over my speech in 7th grade were going to sit quietly in their chairs and listen to my speech at graduation because they didn't have a choice. Ha! And because I was the shortest and we were arranged by height, I also got to lead the entire class in and out of the gym too. Double ha! And then we moved to a new district sophomore year, I learned to use a bit of makeup, do my hair properly and stop dressing terribly (it was the '80s but I had really, really bad taste) and best of all, ended up at a school with enough kids like me that I wasn't some sort of geeky freak.

If anything would have helped back then, it would have been to meet the older versions of me/us--like the Dingos of 1987 or something--and to know that I'd come out of it all being more self-assured and confident. And that the confidence would help when faced with the same crap in the adult world. Did I mention that at the last board meeting I attended, I had to walk past some members of the opposition who were talking in the parking lot, in their cars to get to my car, and that as I passed they got really loud and yelled out my name along with some clear parody of what I'd said at the board meeting? Yeah, that was a flashback to junior high. It was also an eyesroll.gif of "seriously" combined with some real fear that they were in large trucks and I was on foot and also, what if they decided to block my car in. (Then I remember that duh, there are sheriff's deputies right there in the building and I could call 911. It's good to be an adult!) One has since contacted me via one of my sockpuppet emails to thank me for blocking her on twitter and FB. 'Course, I'm not on FB, so that was easy. (And yes, I blocked several people on twitter months ago because they have become social media bullies. One put up a nasty video of someone I know speaking at the meeting with speech bubbles over her head making fun of her. I haven't seen it 'cause I'm not going to help their rating on youtube, but I heard about it. She was understandably upset. I think I show up in at least one of their videos from the meeting, but I haven't looked to see if they messed with it. Nor will I.)

What concerns me most for your daughter is the social media contribution to bullying. On the other hand, social media can get her a tribe, and she needs a tribe--whether virtual or otherwise. It makes sooooo much difference in being able to brush off the rest of it. Too bad it's too late in the season for a Dingo camping trip.

Are there things we might be able to do to help her? Have you asked her what she'd fix about her current social situation and in what order if she could? Or how we could support her?

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#201 of 245 Old 09-26-2012, 07:01 AM
 
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Thanks for your thoughts.  I think I'm increasingly bothered by two bits of that article -- (1) the boy refusing to go to the dance isn't apparently bearing any repercussions, and (2) it will be forever googleable whenever you search the girl's name.  I have less problem with her agreeing she's unpopular and unattractive than folks unquestioning acceptance of that statement.  And since when does wearing make up = attractive?  Grrr.

 

DD is a similar kid, often needing to be told that how others are treating her isn't a game.  We work on personal appearance daily:  go to school wearing clothes that fit, lack stains or tears, and do your hair in such a way it stays neat all day.  It pains me greatly that to get her to actually comply, I've had to say "people judge you on your appearance."  It's not the message I want her to internalize, but then again, she needs to present something that looks neat at a minimum.  When the "people judge you" message fell on deaf ears, I had to say that her teachers and friends did so as well.  While it hurt her greatly, it was also clear she wasn't getting appropriate teaching from her classroom teacher last year because her teacher was judging her on her appearance. 

 

Thankfully, we have a teacher 10000x better this year.  DD brought the latest issue of Sci Am to school to proudly show her teacher what she's been reading.  Last year, that would have been "bragging."

 

I have an easier time as an adult with the kind of behavior you've seen with the school levy issue.  (but holy cow that's appalling) My standard line is "I left 7th grade a long time ago."  Generally by the time the person I've said it to figures it out, I'm long gone.

 

 

 

I also missed the lemons/lemonade confusion.  Honestly, though, wouldn't it be quite the trick if you could make lemons from lemonade?

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#202 of 245 Old 09-26-2012, 10:51 AM
 
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Oh, Lisa, can I just say that I admire your composure in the face of that immature, mean-spirited, very personal attacks on you and those of your camp. This is exactly why I can't voice my opinions on things publicly, because those kinds of things would haunt me. I do think you are a strong person for still getting out there and saying what you think. thumbsup.gif

 

Frankly, the article bothers me, too. While it's great/hearwarming that the community has rallied around her, it's still disturbing me that the kids are so callous and hurtful in their sport of putting others down, and then the whole thing becomes the talk of the town. Frankly, I wouldn't want my child to be that girl, no matter how gracefully she has handled it. It's just all very catty and negative.

 

OK, my run yesterday was just a comedy of errors - I will spare you the details, but suffice it to say that I am really hoping very strongly that AF does not coincide with my first ever marathon on Oct. 28, because I would be censored.gif irked.gifsurrender.gif Is there anything short of BCP that can be done to influence these things? I *think* I should be on the safe side at 31 days.


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#203 of 245 Old 09-26-2012, 11:12 AM
 
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"Oh what a difference, a year makes"

 

Social struggles aren't gone, anxiety isn't gone, learning disabilities (or massive gaps left from 1st and 2nd grade) not gone, but Oh, what a difference a teacher makes.

 

Email from DD's teacher about a poem she wrote:  "The best articulation of the night sky I have ever read from a student (or adult, for that matter?).  I just watched the words come out of her head, onto the paper.  I really like the use of "rift" to describe the transition from night to day.  With your permission, I will submit this to Stonesoup."

 

 

This is a child who produces an average of 1-2 words a minute during free writing time.

 

The poem in question is 6 lyrical couplets about night transitioning to day, written in 10 minutes.  (Can you tell we're a family of early risers?)

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#204 of 245 Old 09-26-2012, 03:10 PM
 
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Ugh - dd spilled hot cocoa on her chin in the weekend and has a terrible burn there greensad.gif  We are taking good care of it but I hope it heals without a trace.

 

So every time h leaves, major appliances break down. In the past we have had issues with toilets, the furnace and the stove. This week? I opened the dishwasher to add something and it looked like the 4th of July or Canada Day in there. Water and sparks flying everywhere are not my favourite combination so I called someone in who took one look and disconnected it immediately! Now we have a new dishwasher in and the washing machine is acting up. It is a lot newer than the dishwasher was so I am trying to convince it to get its $%^* together.

 

The other thing that always happens when h goes away for more than a few days is I do a major clean/purge. This time it meant that the dollhouse got packed away as my kids don't even look at it any more after over a decade of the dollhouse family being an extension of our family. Why do they grow up so fast? happytears.gif  The up side is this led to some furniture rearranging on my part and for the first time I actually have a corner of the house that is mine alone - a little desk, all of my school, spiritual direction, yarn business and Enjo stuff - if I could fit a bed in here it would be perfect! lol.gif

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#205 of 245 Old 09-26-2012, 03:19 PM
 
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Why is it that the DD who qualified for full Gifted instruction cannot tell me what a work in her class is meant to teach 3 minutes after she JUST TOLD ME!? And why does she then have a full on stamping sobbing melt-down. wtf! Do I really need to tape-record our conversations when we have writing conferences b/c she cannot retain an idea for 3 minutes! (yes, I am patient today eyesroll.gif)


RR: none today. Weight circuit yesterday. I was tired (up a lot with sick dd2 for the past few nights) but wanted to do it. Turned into me pushing reallly hard even as I felt sort of wasted. In the end I felt kind of superhero.gif

Gaye - ... speaking of superhero.gif I personally like to make lemons out of lemonade; see above lol.gif

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#206 of 245 Old 09-26-2012, 04:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Gaye - ... speaking of superhero.gif I personally like to make lemons out of lemonade; see above lol.gif

lol.gif


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#207 of 245 Old 09-26-2012, 11:05 PM
 
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Go sparkle go! superhero.gif

Geo--that's great. Having a supportive teacher makes a great deal of difference too. As far as makeup and attractive--sorry--I was thinking of myself. At the time, just a little mascara and lip balm and spending the time to keep my hair from looking like it'd been in a windstorm at the end of the day all went together. Today, makeup is the difference between me looking healthy or dead. On at least two different days when I think I skipped the makeup, I was mistaken for J's grandmother. (Then again, most people sleep more than 4 hours a night.) My sister's never worn makeup and she's quite attractive even when sleep-deprived.

RR: a whopping 1 mile on the treadmill, in between swim lessons for J and running to Costco and picking up R at school. J's going through a phase where she doesn't want to be in the jogger. Or maybe it's a phase where she wants to be in the car because she has a new car seat? The car seat has a drink holder and two storage areas for her stuff, so that may be the attraction. At any rate when I tried to talk her into a run it failed, again, and then when arrived at Costco she told me she'd been getting really angry at me for suggesting that we go running. She fell asleep after Costco, so I unpacked, left her in the car seat and fit in my 10 minutes.

NRR: R's choir sang the National Anthem at the Rockies game tonight. We took the bus downtown because the route takes us right by Coors Field, got her situated and then found our seats in the nosebleed section. The stadium was probably 80 percent empty, so it was ironic that we were stuck all the way up there. DH met us by car, so then we walked a much longer distance to where he was parked (for $13!!!!) and headed back. It was a 6:40 game and they were still playing when I got home from handbells at 9, so I don't regret our decision. Usually they sing during the summer, and I'd be happy to stay for a game then.

On crazy junior high people: the person I mentioned earlier managed to get herself arrested at a Romney event recently. She likes Romney but has issues with law enforcement. And laws. I wonder if she'll turn up at the first debate too.

Lisa  caffix.gif and her wonderful girls: R (9) violin.gif &  J (3-3/4) coolshine.gif 
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#208 of 245 Old 09-27-2012, 06:13 AM
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Dingo summer camp!!!!!  Yes, yes, yes!!!!!

 

I have had to tell Katie that people will make fun of her if she x,y,z.  Like, letting her nose drip, or having food dripping down her chin, things like that.  It is not fun, and she doesn't get it.  She, often does not see that kids are making fun of her (she had a good friend last year that could see those subtleties and would coach her through it, telling her to ignore whatever comment, because it was mean), but it cuts to my core to see people treating her like that.  Thankfully, we have not had much of that this year.  She is doing well socially, has a couple of good friends to have lunch with, and is getting along well with the cross country team (they are really a nice bunch of kids, which helps).  I am a bit worried about Emily's class.  Emily is more socially savvy, but there are some seriously mean girls in her year.  I don't look forward to what they will look like when they get into full jr. high queen bee swing (they are in 4th right now).  Girl Scouts has gone a pretty good distance to building up the kids' self esteem, giving them a peer group that looks down on that sort of thing as a general policy and making it a little easier to deal with the day to day viciousness that school provides. 

 

On another school related note, Katie's math struggles continue.  I am more convinced than ever that she has dyscalculia.  Not entirely sure what to do about it, and if anything we could do would be different from the things we already are doing (IEP, special ed math, accommodations, etc.).  She brought home a packet of extra credit work for science class filled with metric conversions (km to m, mg to g, that sort of thing).  Just moving that pesky decimal point around.  But, it might as well have been moon language to her.  It took about 5 hours of effort (on her and my part) to get her to a point where she was consistently able to read the conversion chart I found (that was yesterday, who knows what she can do today), and we did not get even half way through the packet (which, admittedly, was pretty big, being 10 double sided sheets).  I have an email into the science teacher asking for more time to do this (something they have to give as per her IEP) and I'm going to talk to them about letting her bring the conversion chart into any test that she may have on this material (again something that is already in her IEP), because there is no way that she will be able to do this in her head. 

 

GP 5k - I did not run, and had a cold in the early part of the week that pretty much flattened me.  So, I have been dedicating the rest of my week in honor of Griffin and all those born too soon.  Had a good brick workout yesterday with tri class.  A swim (first time in the water in a few months, and boy did I suffer for THAT!) and a spin.  Then, up early this morning to spin class!


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#209 of 245 Old 09-27-2012, 12:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Morning mamas,

 

I had a good (very hard) (lots of squats)  (ouch) boxing today.  I'm so glad it's Thursday.

 

Bec - I had one of those I-can't-believe-I-have-to-spell-this-out conversations with dd just this morning.  Her bf made it clear yesterday that it was over and so of course C was feeling pretty bad about it this morning but I told her she was going to have to pretend that she was totally fine and happy while at school.  My reasoning is that she needs to reach out to the other kids to be friends now but they are going to stay away if she seems angry or depressed and maybe even think xbf had the right idea in dropping her.  She really didn't want to hear it but I'm crossing my fingers that she's trying it, it could be another long hard year if this is how it's starting.

 

Geo - That teacher sounds like a true Godsend.  What a star to see your dd for who she is.

 

Shanti - Ugh for broken appliances!  I hate having to remember how much I appreciate the machines in my house that I prefer to take for granted! orngtongue.gif  I hope your dd's chin is already all better. 

 

Sparkle - Thanks for the reminder about arnica!  I haven't had to take it too often but I haven't had to take any Vit. I!  That's a big improvement!

 

Okay, time to get back to work here.
 


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#210 of 245 Old 09-27-2012, 12:42 PM
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Well, I got a reply back from the science teacher.  He says he will give Katie full credit on what she has done, and partial credit on whatever she turns in later.  He said that this would be the most fair to the other students.  This makes me want to cry.  I'm trying to figure out how fair it is that she spends over 5 hours on completing 40% of the assignment that it takes the other kids probably around 30 minutes to complete.  But, she keeps at it, never gives up, never lets it stop her, and only rarely gets her down (usually because we are losing patience in trying to figure out how to explain it to her).  She's penalized enough by having to spend most of her day off of school doing homework.  Ugh!


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