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#121 of 1086 Old 08-02-2006, 04:59 PM
 
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Eksmom-I have very similar issues with dh. In fact, though we fight rarely, this what about 90% of our fights are about. I try and tell myself he loves me in his way and he's a really good husband and father, but then there are times when I get pissed and think, "I deserve for my husband to think I'm hot or sexy or beautiful or even cute", but I never get it. I rarely get "detained", too. The worst part is that he knows how much it bothers me and he just won't/can't change.: His excuse is that I was his first girlfriend and he doesn't know how to do this stuff. Ummm, we've been together 11 years, you'd think he would have learned???
I'm glad you're working on this before you're pregnant b/c it's even harder now than usual.

Paige, mama to three girls, (10), (8) and (3)
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#122 of 1086 Old 08-02-2006, 05:08 PM
 
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Aww, HBM, You do deserve that from your hubby. I wonder if you could ever get him to open up to say more about it beyond his excuse about not knowing how (which I agree is , it's not like you're only on your second date or something).

Katherine, mama to Emma Kate (7) and Griffin (3)

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#123 of 1086 Old 08-02-2006, 05:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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ummm, hate to break it to you eksmom (please take this the way it was intended, funny) It really helps to be doing the deed to TTC a child.

But I'm so glad that Chris is back on board. I'm so glad you've held it together so well this summer. I bet you're ready for it to be over.


Erik's not into me being pregnant. That's ok. I'm not. I've found that reaching out with what I need is most helpful. As in, I really want a backrub and some physical touch from him so I offer it to him. Then he might reciprocate, he might not. I'm also pretty darn clear with what I want -- hinting around at anything doesn't get me anywhere with my husband. I have to come right out and say it, "I miss kissing you goodbye in the morning. can we start doing that again?"

speaking of pregnant and how we all look and whatnot.....Any pregnant women got any beautiful bellies to show us? I know Patti has hardly any belly at all, but everyone else....bring the pics. Some of us need to live vicariously as our in real life friends aren't pregant. Wait a minute, some of you I've met -- you're now my IRL friends.

Kristin -- mom of Erin (11/5/02) and Leah (9/29/05)
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#124 of 1086 Old 08-02-2006, 05:25 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Balancin1
moonshine, hope you had a nice run this morning.
: I overslept. Now gotta run for work. People really want to be touched in this heat???
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#125 of 1086 Old 08-02-2006, 05:40 PM
 
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Originally Posted by kerc
ummm, hate to break it to you eksmom (please take this the way it was intended, funny) It really helps to be doing the deed to TTC a child.
I know Like I said, we still have some things to work on...

Although apparently he doesn't have too much trouble with actual BD... he has told me that is easier

We seem to be keeping a sense of humor about all this, well at least I am... today in the counseling session he was going on and on about something and I was like, "Six months! Six months!" And the counselor was like, "She's horny! She wants you to jump her bones!"

I can't believe I just typed that out for the whole internet to read. :

Hm, he needs to borrow and revise Mamabeth's motto... don't think, just...

Katherine, mama to Emma Kate (7) and Griffin (3)

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#126 of 1086 Old 08-02-2006, 05:42 PM
 
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Oh, on a different, slightly more on-topic note, can I just share that it looks like we're NOT moving our office at work? This means I get to stay in my building where so far no one has hassled me about bringing my bike into my office, and the gym/showers are down in the lobby. Woo-hoo!

Katherine, mama to Emma Kate (7) and Griffin (3)

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#127 of 1086 Old 08-02-2006, 05:50 PM
 
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eksmom and HBM, would it work if you detained them? Or do they outright reject you? I did this weird thing 2 years ago, deciding that I would detain my dh every day! No kidding. Every day! He was loving it!! Before that we were having sex about once every couple months and I wasn't even enjoying it very much. But, I bought a couple different good books over time and started learning more about my body (dh is my only, ever, partner. He'd had just a few experiences before me). We both have so much to learn. A lot of it was that I wasn't good at communicating. Then I got better at it. We were married for 12 years by that point. 12 years!!! I decided to give him an anatomy lesson at one point. I ended up having to give him several refreshers after that. But, for the last several months, he has remembered where everything actually is. Poor guy. He's a very generous...detainer. He just...missed. So, getting good books helped (I have several suggestions), initiating myself instead of waiting for him, making a committment to myself to do it x number of times in a week, getting more open about what I wanted to get out of each encounter. For most guys it's easy. They almost always have a good time. For us women...I think it takes a lot more mental work and good knowledge of anatomy to consistently have a good time. That can be intimidating for them. Dh would be so disappointed when I didn't. And I'd even tell him that I did enjoy it. It's not always important to orgasm, etc. He never bought it. Honestly, I don't think I did, either. Anyway. Dh thinks your hot, eksmom. Take it to heart and show him how hot you really are!!! Show him how attracted you are to him.

Gosh, I guess I had a lot to say. It's from 12 years of pent up sexual frustration.

I had a great run this morning. Still haven't checked the distance. Last week I did it in 46:Something. Today I did it in 43:49. I still had to walk up the hill. Then someone else was out with their dogs off-leash and their dogs just wanted to follow my dog, so I had to stop and wait for the owner to convince them to go home with him. He was annoyed. Oh well.

My parents are coming a day early...today. I'm so glad, surprisingly. Normally I'd be super stressed, but the thought of someone coming here who loves me is just making me feel so much better. They won't get here until late tonight, but I'll be leaving to get the show set up in a couple hours and will be gone when they get here. I have a ton of cleaning to do. My couch is covered in laundry and I haven't vacuumed in a couple weeks.
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#128 of 1086 Old 08-02-2006, 06:26 PM
 
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my word, it looks like i chose a great time to jump in here and see what y'all are chatting about. detain, detained, detainment, looks like i got the opposite problem. i will say this: some of these dhs i'm reading about seem to me to be extraordinarily kind and thoughtful men. since mine isn't currently in the house, i will say he is very self-absorbed. everything, schedules, plans, money, houses, cars, expenses, income, time, is all about him, especially detainment. once a week is a good week for me and a bad week for him. :

re: running - i ran 3 miles this morning in the awful texas heat. it was so muggy that my running partner and i decided to do fartleks to help pass the time and really get our heart-rate up. (which was fun. i saw my old running coach and we had long talks about africa, genocide, and family. the running trail in austin is such a social scene.) i only go for the conversation, so i'm thankful she calls me every other day.

i ditto wanting to see tummy pics.

eksmom, i love your siggy. did i say that already? and btw, you ARE a hottie!!

shanti, i love your website and quilts. they are gorgeous, mama. wow! truly special and beautiful. like you

1jooj, I'm very sorry about your uncle.

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#129 of 1086 Old 08-02-2006, 06:59 PM
 
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: Oh my goodness! So much to reply to! I thought I was keeping up and then suddenly there were 6 pages I hadn't read!

Kerc - Wow! You are just pumping out the wise insights and clever suggestions! Where's the buddha/guru smilie?

1jooj - I'm sorry about your uncle and I totally understand about your dh getting off the hook. Don't give up hope though, maybe reflecting on your uncle's regrets will help your dh to get to the place where he can grow a bit and stop acting like a child. It is so good to hear you raving about your work! What a pleasure to know that you've got such an ideal position. Eventually I'm sure that your dh will start understanding that a happy wife means a happy life and he'll get behind you too.

Eks - I hear you too. There was a point pre-dd that I was so desperate for some action I could barely contain myself. What freaked me out the most was realizing how vulnerable I would be to another man's advances (not that there were any :LOL) but honestly, I could not get dh on board (so to speak) and it was awful. We made it through one way or another but it has been a long road to the point where we are now taking advantage of the fact we can do it anytime we want! Partly we just like each other more after our therapy sessions and partly I've cut him a lot of slack after realizing that I came into this relationship with much more experience in this area and so I'm trying to train him up in a more gentle way. Anyway, all this to say it sounds like you're moving in the right direction. I hope the detentions start coming fast and furious!

Oh, and I love your new sig too. What Shanti said is so true. My fave older friend is 72 this year. Last summer she'd gone up to the States for the summer and when I asked her what she did she said, "Oh I had so much fun! I started teaching tennis lessons! I'd never really played before, it's so fun!" She is so full of energy and life but her face is far from one of those preserved lifted nasty Stepford looking ones, she's got so many wrinkles you can barely find her eyes but when you do they are always smiling.

HBM - That goes for you too! I'm sorry it's been unfulfilling. My dh was not very forthcoming on the flattery or affection until the therapist pointed out how important it is in the long run, that it may seem trivial and like it goes without saying but that really that doesn't cut it. Of course, I had no luck telling him that myself, it took a third party objective person to say it in a way that he could hear it. But maybe you could bring it up by offering a trade, like "What is one thing I could do for you that would make you feel more loved and special that I don't do now or don't do enough? In return for me making an effort to do x you could try doing y". I know it sounds like one of those awful, awkward forced conversations but if something good were to come of it it would be worth it right?


2BBs - Yea for toddler on the potty!

Argh! Dd needs attention and I've only responded to half of you (yeah right, more like an eighth!) by the time I get back here there wil probably be 7 more pages! Eek. Oh well, gotta go.

Hi everyone else! I am thinking about you all!

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#130 of 1086 Old 08-02-2006, 08:22 PM
 
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Wow, I'm way behind again - just realized there was a new thread

Thank you all to your supportive comments after my last neurotic posts.

Update: I did elliptical with injured colleague yesterday, planned to run today but then E was sick and I stayed home with him this morning. Really nice to have some time with him without G, no offense to G. Have been attempting to finish a draft of a paper before a huge bunch of inlaws arrive friday afternoon for a couple of weeks, but simultaneously realizing I am BURNED OUT!!! I just cannot stay focused and I fulfill all the other criteria for burnout (as I discovered with a little online research earlier today). Not surprising, but I need a vacation BADLY. This morning I read DS a book that has a little "mystery" to solve, and I was clueless about it. In a children's book! Waaaaaaahhh, I want my brain back!!! I'm really lookiing forward to my inlaws' visit forcing me not to work rather than continuously trying to work and just being very frustrated. I need to make sure I run and don't blow it off because I'm afraid my relatives will see it as selfish.

to you all.
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#131 of 1086 Old 08-02-2006, 08:28 PM
 
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my pics from the tri are up and I don't look horrible in most of them this time.
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#132 of 1086 Old 08-02-2006, 08:31 PM
 
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Oh, 2BB's you look great!!!
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#133 of 1086 Old 08-02-2006, 08:35 PM
 
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Wow, 2BBs, you look awesome!!
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#134 of 1086 Old 08-02-2006, 08:59 PM
 
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very cool, chica. man, you got some muscles, girlfriend. check out that those quads in the 2nd pic. you look awesome!!! your running pictures are especially wonderful!! you must be so proud!!!

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#135 of 1086 Old 08-02-2006, 09:09 PM
 
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Great pictures! You look like you are having a great time! How cool!

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#136 of 1086 Old 08-02-2006, 09:16 PM
 
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Elizabeth, great pictures!

Amara, I understand the burn out. I find I have to focus on something different each week. Especially when I finish a paper, I have to spend some time on something I haven't thought about in a while.
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#137 of 1086 Old 08-02-2006, 09:23 PM
 
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2BBs--awesome pics!

pumpkinseed, I should not have made any sort of statement about my DD and the sitter at the Y. Guess who was screaming for me and pulled the sitter to the pool to get me out today? sigh. I am going to try kercs most excellent suggestion of the book too. I think today was just a reaction to no nap and swimming and being ready for bed. So anyway I drove home in my swimsuit (with shorts over) and I think that's the only time today I did not feel like I was dying from the heat.

OT--one of the lifeguards and I were sharing a lane and she very nicely gave me some pointers on my swim technique. I am so excited, I feel like I am really improving.

cReb, for what it's worth (and its just a newbie opinion but maybe it'll help spark a reaction in you one way or the other?) I would do the half in your shoes, mostly because of the threatening injury and the chance to do it with your DH. And then I would reward myself by choosing a post-ramadan marathon with 1jooj...

Which reminds me to comment, 1jooj, I think your decision was dead on. I find the part of my life I skip most often is the spiritual but it pays back so big when I make time to nurture that side of me.

moonshine, I feel like the heat is all about survival. no run for me today either. I'm hoping to celebrate some cool weather with one tomorrow.

the sky is rumbly and I am so glad...

OK, now I like plady have only gotten to half of what I meant to say but I think I'm going to go collapse on the bed with DD before she wakes up looking for me...
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#138 of 1086 Old 08-02-2006, 09:27 PM
 
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Oh but I have to say to CherylAnn before I forget, that I *hate* it when people are dopes about their dogs while I am running with mine. Makes me feel like going home and getting the other and siccing TWO border collies on their dumb*ss dog. Wait 'til they have to rescue their dog from being herded up a tree and then they'll keep their dog under control. Poor dogs, they get these crummy owners...
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#139 of 1086 Old 08-02-2006, 11:49 PM
 
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Elizabeth, those pics are great. I am especially partial to the bike pics, but you look awesome in all of them!!

Cheryl, thanks for all your words about detainment. I have done more than my fair share of the initiating over the years and I have sworn off it. Honestly, what you said about guys pretty much always enjoying it doesn't apply to my DH. I think I am starting to understand how the depression had been getting in the way. He says his brain is much calmer now and he can, for example, just enjoy checking me out without it turning into a big analysis of the whole situation (will we, won't we, do we have time, what about the dishes, what is DD doing, on and on...). He wore himself out with all these swirling thoughts and worse, sometimes these thoughts would interfere with performance, which adds a whole new layer of anxiety to the situation.

Plady, I had the same turning point. The fear that I might cheat was a pretty large part of why I finally confronted him and set all of this in motion. Honestly, I still have days when I feel like any man on the street would do - wow, that sounds really terrible writing it out - but again I say... SIX MONTHS!! It's quite a good thing I did not end up in a convent. Unfortunately, I am still not sure DH understands just exactly where I am with all this - in a fight a couple of months ago I tossed out the word "affair," trying to get him to see just how serious this was, and, well, as you know it didn't jump start the detaining. But, no point in dwelling on that as we do seem to be making progress.

Loftmama, wow, thank you... you're making me . Good for you running in the heat, and fartleks too, sheesh! on the DH issue.

Wawoof, hope you get those runs in... don't worry about being seen as selfish. (This would be a great time for one of those "Mom, you're cranky, go for a run" shirts for your kids...)

So, conversation in the car tonight:

EK: Why is it dark?
eksmom: Because it's nighttime.
EK: Why is it nighttime?
eksmom: Because the sun is on the other side of the earth. (Followed by lots of explanations about the earth being round, etc.)
EK: Why is the sun on the other side of the earth?
eksdad: Because the earth is spinning.
EK: Why is the earth spinning?
eksdad: Because of gravity.
EK: Why is it because of gravity?
eksmom: Shall we move on to calculus next?

UHHHH.... how do you explain this to a toddler? This afternoon in the car we had a big discussion about why it's called a "heat wave." Other recent car conversations have included why rabbits have whiskers and an "argument" about whether or not bicycles need gas.

Nighty night, y'all. (Sometimes I feel like the Waltons and I should be saying, "Good night, John-Boy!")

Katherine, mama to Emma Kate (7) and Griffin (3)

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#140 of 1086 Old 08-03-2006, 12:01 AM
 
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2bbs - those pictures are AWESOME! you need one of the biking ones on a coffee cup.

eks - cool beans about dh being on board with ttc. enjoy! and gotta love those toddler conversations.

well, today's final 5K of the summer series was turned into an untimed "fun run" bc of the heat - 93 when i was driving the kids to mil's - and a heat index of 103. i ran with a water bottle, dumping it on my head frequently - and actually felt GOOD running! i took the first mile very cautiously, and was able to run confidently after that. according to my watch, i ran it in 23:38 - with splits of 7:37, 7:35, and 7:41. drank some gatorade, hung out for a little, and watched the award ceremony for the summer series (i was ineligible bc i only ran two of the four races). by then the sun was significantly behind the trees and it felt WONDERFULLY cooler - so i did the loop again i rationalized it by saying that my training plan had me doing either speed work or 5 miles today, and since i ran the 5K slowly, i couldn't really call it speedwork.

i'm wired now - so i'm going to watch the local news - there were three or four philly news helicopers hovering over the highway on my drive home, so i am intrigued.
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#141 of 1086 Old 08-03-2006, 12:04 AM
 
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eksmom, huggedy hug hug.


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#142 of 1086 Old 08-03-2006, 12:20 AM
 
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Oh but I have to say to CherylAnn before I forget, that I *hate* it when people are dopes about their dogs while I am running with mine. Makes me feel like going home and getting the other and siccing TWO border collies on their dumb*ss dog. Wait 'til they have to rescue their dog from being herded up a tree and then they'll keep their dog under control. Poor dogs, they get these crummy owners...
I have a border collie mix... and I KNOW what you're saying, and I'm totally !!! I am a total *itch to those people.. I yell things like "THERE IS A LEASH LAW, YOU KNOW!" and "IF YOU CAN'T CONTROL YOUR DOG, THEY SHOULD BE ON A LEASH!" and when on retractable leashes that they haven't pulled in so their dog is going nuts at mine "J#@!# C#@$#^, pull your effing dog in!"

I'm mean, huh?

Monica, mama to Olivia (6)
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#143 of 1086 Old 08-03-2006, 12:27 AM
 
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I am not doing well with the in-laws visit. FIL broke our front door today. We will have to buy a new door AND a new frame. They have broken something every single time they have visited. I kid you not. Someone help me. Please.

Running is going well. Tomorrow is a rest day. I miss yoga. I was doing it a lot before the inlaw visit, but while they are here I have nowhere to do it.

I repeat. Help. Me. Please.

If anyone wants to see my past big, pregnant belly, I posted a pic on my blog.

Monica, mama to Olivia (6)
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#144 of 1086 Old 08-03-2006, 12:30 AM
 
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I am not doing well with the in-laws visit. FIL broke our front door today. We will have to buy a new door AND a new frame. They have broken something every single time they have visited. I kid you not. Someone help me. Please.

Running is going well. Tomorrow is a rest day. I miss yoga. I was doing it a lot before the inlaw visit, but while they are here I have nowhere to do it.

I repeat. Help. Me. Please.

If anyone wants to see my past big, pregnant belly, I posted a pic on my blog.
when are they leaving? perhaps you might want to reschedule your rest day for after they are gone?
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#145 of 1086 Old 08-03-2006, 12:32 AM
 
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You know, I considered that. This morning I only wanted to do a 3 miler, but I didn't want to go home... so I ended up running 3.5 and walking (slowly) a half mile. I'm trying not to increase my weekly mileage too quickly, and it is getting up there. I need a rest day before my LR on Saturday. Coincidentally, they leave Saturday morning.

Eks, will you add my race? I'm doing the Great Salt Lake Half Marathon on August 19th.

Monica, mama to Olivia (6)
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#146 of 1086 Old 08-03-2006, 12:35 AM
 
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#147 of 1086 Old 08-03-2006, 12:48 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eksmom
So, conversation in the car tonight:

EK: Why is it dark?
eksmom: Because it's nighttime.
EK: Why is it nighttime?
eksmom: Because the sun is on the other side of the earth. (Followed by lots of explanations about the earth being round, etc.)
EK: Why is the sun on the other side of the earth?
eksdad: Because the earth is spinning.
EK: Why is the earth spinning?
eksdad: Because of gravity.
EK: Why is it because of gravity?
eksmom: Shall we move on to calculus next?

UHHHH.... how do you explain this to a toddler? This afternoon in the car we had a big discussion about why it's called a "heat wave." Other recent car conversations have included why rabbits have whiskers and an "argument" about whether or not bicycles need gas.
Clearly you are of the science minded, and I am not. This conversation at my house would have been along the lines of it is dark because the sun is sleeping and time for you to sleep too. Well, maybe not quite, but I admire your patience. I need to remind myself that they are learning and being curious about their world giving me a great opportunity to help guide them on the way and not just purposely trying to annoy me with yet another question. Oh, and the arguement about bikes needing gas had me truly laughing out loud.

Man, I am so hot and need to get into my air conditioned bedroom, but before I do, let me just brag on me a bit. One of my clients tonight told me the massage I gave him was "brilliant" and he tipped me just shy of 50%. My best tip so far! My first client had a migrating scapula, or so it seemed. It was almost on her arm! My last client (that they forgot to tell me about and I was already driving home when she arrived : ) came in because she has been very depressed and though a massage session might help. Felt like I was treating the tribe, so to speak.

Ok, cool air here I come.
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#148 of 1086 Old 08-03-2006, 05:50 AM
 
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yay!!! The heat broke! Dramatically, too. Yesterday was another doozy - and then just before supper a storm came over the lake. We were having dinner with friends who live about a block and a half from the beach. You could see clouds of sand blowing down the street! It was amazing! Then the rain started to pour and it was blowing in sheets, sideways. I had dd dance in it for a couple of minutes so she could cool off before the lightning started. It was an intense storm, and when It was over, the heat and humidity were gone.

After the kids went to bed I went for my first run in a long time. It felt great. I remembered to use my inhaler before going so my stamina was fine. Then I came home, had a shower and practically fell into bed - what a great way to fall asleep.

I always blow up like a balloon in the humidity (I think I am part sponge) and I have been chugging lots of water - so I am probably going to pee like crazy today and tomorrow and then be back to my normal size. I hate feeling hot and fat at the same time - life just stinks during a heat wave.
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#149 of 1086 Old 08-03-2006, 08:26 AM
 
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I ended up doing my fastest TM 5K yesterday, and an all-around fast 5mi (for me)...and if I can get myself going this AM, I'll try to run before work today. Most likely not more than 5 or 6. I need a nice, slow run, but I don't know when that will happen.
I was wrong about dh. He didn't take the opportunity to just let things blow over and get out of it. Instead, he is continuing to be a terrible, terrible jerk, and refuses to speak to me--he won't even tell me whether he's planning to attend the funeral with me (so I can arrange for Reb to watch the kids). He has refused to eat food I have cooked (apparently to prove some point). He's either lying around being sullen and useless, or outside, and he won't answer simple questions.
I've told him, if he's trying to punish me, he's failing. He's only showing the world what an @$$ he can be.
As Reb pointed out, I was a very easy wife to have when I hated myself and thought I didn't deserve anything good. Now, I take care of myself--and I'm capable of taking care of myself--and I don't "need" him for his finanacial or sole emotional support. I can find approval outside our house with my new job. He's in the unfortunate position of equality for the first time, and while inside he's scared, his lizard brain only speaks anger. So, there it is. He's tried all his old threats and intimidations with me, and I haven't reacted the old way (please, please love me!!), so now he's retreated into an ugly silence punctuated by occasional curses. It's a nice place to live, especially while dealing with the death of a loved one.
What I haven't mentioned is that he's scheduled to leave in 10 days.
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#150 of 1086 Old 08-03-2006, 08:47 AM
 
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Monikita: Here's how you do a "rest day" run when the in-laws are here. Put on your running clothes. Slip a $5 bill in your shorts. Walk to the nearest cafe. Spend an hour sitting there sitting, reading the paper, and drinking the fru-fruist possible coffee drink. When you're done, get a biscotti. Only once you've read the whole paper/magazine, do you go home.

My in-laws don't notice when I come home and I'm not that sweaty.
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