Emotional eaters wanting to stop the diet mentality and be at peace with food? - Page 19 - Mothering Forums

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#541 of 1694 Old 03-08-2007, 04:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hmmm so hopefully I'll turn around in the next few days--my friend said that usually a few days into her period is when she starts to feel better so hopefully that will be the case here too--and if it does seem to be a pattern--I can definitely see how that will help me cope with it--just knowing that is what is happening instead of wondering what the hell is wrong with me!

Christina, you are right--I got mad when I couldn't run--but tried to walk and that hurt too so that made me more mad but mostly it just REALLY hurt. I've since taken some advil so I feel okay now--I did my whole route that I planned to do but it was far from enjoyable (and it often IS enjoyable) and I had to focus on breathing a lot to work through the pain--so yah--glad that was over! I came home and tried to meditate for a few minutes when I got home...

I think you are right also about Maslow's hierarchy of needs--when things get unbalanced on those lower levels, you really could care less about self-actualization! I guess with all this house stuff (building hell and selling hell and money hell in the middle of it all) --I am on the lowest rung--no wonder I'm having such a hard time dealing with anything else (and feeling like I don't even care a lot of the time!)

Update on our house building--our drywallers called and said that they will be done by Monday so that was good news--so our painters are lined up for Wednesday (we gave the drywallers a day buffer just in case) and then we lined up the flooring for the following week... That was all good and then my dh called our builder guy and found out that he is working on his sister-in-laws house!!!! : He said that he was waiting for parts for our heat pump so he was doing that while he waited?!?!? Ugh we are so mad as there are TONS of things that he could be doing on our house--and he certainly shouldn't be started a reno on someone else's house when he should be working on ours (and promised that he wouldn't do that).:

My dh and I are writing up a list of things that need to be done on our house and then he's going to call him and ask him to work on those things while he waits for the part--we don't want this to drag on ANY longer geeesch!!!

Ugh so of course my dh hates confrontation as much as me but he needs to do it as our builder will not listen to me AT ALL. Good grief-way too much drama in my life--why can't my life just be boring!?!?

Okay gotta run--I'm absolutely starving but just can't figure out what it is I want to eat...
Hol
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#542 of 1694 Old 03-08-2007, 08:05 PM
 
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Just. Lost. My. Post. Again! :

Must Go Breath

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#543 of 1694 Old 03-09-2007, 12:00 AM
 
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Hi Holly,

You're totally right about the real estate broker acting only on his client's interest. So his Simon Cowell comments...let it roll off of your back and don't take it personal. Having said that, you can try a couple of things since you're desperate to sell your house.
1. counter offer. let them know you're willing to sell at x price (just below what you've asked for). this is also the time for you to highlight all of the positives about your house that he conveniently omitted. Things like great school district, close to shopping, why you love your house.

2. [we did this when my mil sold our house]. go to a d.i.y. website or hgtv.com and find tips on the fastest and cheapest way to make your home more appealing. Some of the things we did: paint over with boring but neutral taupe paint. fix visible dents on the wall, chipped or creaky doors and plumbing fixtures. then we started packing. i know this sounds kind of premature but we started putting away lots of toys and things i know i can live without for three months or so (like out of season clothing and shoes) into moving boxes and out of the way. after decluttering, we moved furniture and put away some to make the house seem more "open." Most of the closets were organized (or looked like it) with sealed boxes. Those were some of the tips I followed from the hgtv website.

our house was on the market for $559K with an 180 degree view of the L.A. basin. the house across the street was selling for the same price but without a view. plus, our lot was slightly bigger. so i thought, for sure it'll sell just like that. the first two offers came back with ridiculous comments like "funky smell" (ummm...it's called grass and roses) in the backyard, "too old" and "design obstruction" (whatever that means) with offers under $500K! anyway, after we made the above adjustments, we had two open houses. By the second weekend, we had two offers. Although we accepted the lower one (at $555K), the buyers' terms were very very accommodating.

Oh, last thing. Our broker taught us a trick of putting a baking tray of water, brown sugar and cinnamon in the oven at 200 degrees in the oven. The entire house smelled like a pie during the open house.

I hope that helps. Best of luck. I know moving is a major stress. But sounds like you're still being very mindful. That's inspiration!

~May
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#544 of 1694 Old 03-09-2007, 12:30 AM
 
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Smell is very important to selling a house. We had cats and we were scrupulous about the litter...we scooped it and opened all windows for a while the day of a showing.

The cinnamon idea is very nice..I actually left baked goods and coffee for the open house.

also..the music wasn't to drown out the highway..If you play it really low it wouldn't appear that you were doing anything except staging. it's just something they suggest you do when staging a house.

The grass..make it look the best you can in the back. Seriously...may look bad but won't deter a serious buyer. Grass is easy to replace.



What I was saying about self care...I guess that while I believe that there is a connection between body and soul..the soul is the actual self and it's care should come first. When we are at peace in the spirit I believe that the rest naturally follows and not the other way around. If our spirit is taken care of then all the stress of life, selling houses, illness, kids, etc. will be easier to deal with if we have a well cared for spirit or "self"

But that's just part of my personal belief system..I believe the self is the spirit...the body and mind and all the rest are transient...but the spirit is unchanging and forever. The self is forever.

Ok..so I am rambling...I have been doing well. Taking care of my "self" , made a new friend, meditating a little and reading some spiritual books.

Oh..and the week before my period is my "depression" period...once my period starts I am fine. Usually I am fine the day before my period starts..once those pre menstrual hormone levels drop.

I have started using a wild yam cream for balance. Ithink I just ovulated so let's see how the next 2 weeks go.

Carolyn
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#545 of 1694 Old 03-09-2007, 12:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the tips Maying--I have pretty much done all of them--we have taken a TON Of stuff out of our house--we're really living with the bare essentials now--it's kind of ridiculous really but makes it a LOT easier to keep clean and looks a lot bigger... We've also done all fresh paint and fixed any broken stuff etc.--however we do have quite bright paint and murals in the kids rooms--we were told not to change those things though but now wonder if that is the problem???

I've been putting vanilla and water in the oven for showings/open houses.... maybe I'll try the cinnamon, water and brown sugar--maybe that will work better!

As far as that realtor--we don't even know who it is--I wonder what our realtors say when they receive feedback--I hadn't even thought about that--they should definitely be writing back and saying that we'd take x amount and it is worth every penny and did he notice the x, x, and x.... I wonder if they are doing that??

Allgirls--we are constantly scooping the kitty litter and putting it in plastic bags that we tie in knots before we put in the garbage can... I haven't been opening the windows before a showing though--maybe I should do that? It's not that warm though and I would hate to make the house cold but maybe that would help if there is any pet smell left??

I see what you're saying about the music but because of the highway, we were told NOT to do that -- just so they don't think that we are trying to hide it (you can't hear it inside anyway but they might think that we are trying to hide it) I'm going to see if there is anything fast that we can do about the grass in the backyard--I don't think that there is much we can do--it's mostly weeds and not much grass at all at this point unfortunately and if we sell in the next month like we should then there is not much we can do about it in time I don't think--but I agree--the front lawn and gardens look fabulous and pretty much EVERYTHING that Simon Cowell didn't mention is looking really great and you know what--so many other houses around here have SOOOO much more wrong with them--I really think he was just trying to break us down into a way lower price...

Man I have HORRIBLE cramps again today--I never used to have cramps like this--man it's painful!

Maggy--I got the cookbook (and Reviving Ophelia) from the library last night so I have some meal inspiration (and reading!) so hopefully that will help and I'll find things that not only I like, but that the kids like too--wish me luck!!

My son is going to the intro session for his 2 free weeks of Tae Kwon Do that he was given to by his friend that goes to the same place. I have to brace myself as the cost is INSANE and we CANNOT afford it but I figure that they will be doing a hard sell trying to get us to sign him (and the rest of the family) up--but my son REALLY wanted to go and his little friend told him that he could go ahead of time and so it was hard to say no--and heck it's free but yah--I'm not looking forward to being pressured but yet someone else!

Christina--hope you have recovered from your lost post!

SO yah--not much else going on--my builder called this am to talk to my dh but he was out walking the dogs--so hopefully that phonecall will go well although I'm scared to have him be awful to him. I am SOOO anxious to get this house done so we don't have to reply on him for stuff and deal with his crap anymore!!

I went to my NIA class last night and of course it was absolutely wonderful---LOOOOOOVE that class--I always feel SO good during and when I finish! Oh and I just remembered that I bought a NIA cd to listen to at home and maybe my kiddos will dance to it with me sometimes which would be fun!

Well I better go and get myself and the kids ready for school. I WILL be mindful today (oh and yesterday I was mindful for a LOT of the day--had a little mindlessness on the couch at night but not as bad as it has been lately and the rest of the day was pretty good so I'm happy that I did better than I have been!) and I'll check in later and let you wonderful ladies know how it's going!!



Holly
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#546 of 1694 Old 03-09-2007, 05:00 PM
 
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Hi Everyone,

I hope you are all doing well today. I'm thinking good thoughts for everyone especially those we haven't heard from in a while

I've been doing some different things latey.

-I've been eating more of my off limits foods-this has been interesting and challenging at times. I was thinking I had legalized all foods, but then I realized there were still certain foods I wasn't having in my house. Although I have done really well with accepting a lot of foods back into my life (which I've found has given them less power), there are still some. I'm noticing 2 catagories for me so far:

1.) Old diet no no's like fruit smoothies, potatoes, grains (ex-carb restricter),

2.) Old childhood "always has been bad" foods-mostly of the sugary variety.

I've found it's been easier to make progress with the first catagory than the second. So, this is my work right now, . Although it's hard, I'm already feeling a shift in power. When certain foods have felt extra looming, I decided that if I need to, that will be all I eat when I'm hungry until I've had enough. Scary, but it seems whenever I declare this, the power disolves (only if I really mean it).

What else, there was something...I got distracted with a phone call...

Lost it. Oh well. I need to go help my dd. Hopefully it will come to me later.

Hang in there everybody

We can heal this! Christina

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#547 of 1694 Old 03-09-2007, 05:01 PM
 
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Oh! Oh! I know! I put my scale away 3 days ago!!!

I DID IT!


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#548 of 1694 Old 03-09-2007, 06:39 PM
 
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Hi All. I haven't vaporized. I haven't been writing because my mom is away for the next week or so : and, while I'm enjoying being queen of my castle for now, my help situation is pretty slim.

I've been doing a lot of writing, otherwise, working on an article I'd like to finish soon, and that feels really good.

Been doing a lot of cooking lately, and trying to eat things I like when I feel truly hungry, and except for a few tough spots, things have been OK. I really think I do much better when mom's not here.

Sending all of you good vibes!

Maggy
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#549 of 1694 Old 03-09-2007, 08:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello ladies,

Well I decided to get out of the house today and went to JamTots to help out (rather than doing everything from home) and because my kiddos and I haven't been there for a while, it went well. (I used to go once a week but then found that they would get into mischief that wasn't good along with my business partner's daughter- I guess they were getting bored with being there and I was finding that I couldn't watch them as much as I wanted to when I was there so I had stopped going for quite a while...)

Anyway, that went well--pretty much didn't think about food the whole time--we stopped for lunch and I had just what my body needed rather than eating more and that was good--and it was nice that no one commented on what I ate (or the lack thereof)...

My kiddos were pretty good as was Jen's daughter--we then made a quick trip to Costco--I was hoping to get the book The Secret as I was told that it was there but they must have sold out so that was too bad. I did stock up on Febreeze for showings though so hopefully that will help! Jen (my business partner) suggested spraying my couches/sheets and the air with it--especially where the pets go a lot so maybe that will help...

We got some nice feedback from a showing that was earlier this week--they didn't like the layout of the house but loved our kitchen, the updates and the design of our house and said it was really clean and nice so that was good! We haven't had any showings since Tuesday but our realtor said that someone wants to come tomorrow morning--that they just need to call back to confirm a time....

Hopefully there will be more showings this weekend--there was an ad in the realty magazine yesterday (albeit smaller that we wanted) and it is the first ad to say that it is a new price so hopefully we'll get some interest from that... Our realtor has 1 week left to our agreement--and man I really want her to get it sold!!!!!

My dh decided to call a landscape company and so we're going to have them level out our new property, put the sprinkler system in and the fences etc. so we don't have to wait forever for our builder to get around to it so that's a relief... I can't believe that we'll actually be able to move in next month and that the paint will be starting next week!!! It's SOOO exciting!!!

Hmm not much else to report... Hopefully I'll try some of the recipes from the 5 ingredient vegetarian cookbook that I got from the library--they do sound good so hopefully they are!

Good to hear that you have some time away from your mom Maggy and that things are going better--maybe you can figure out what you need to have done differently with your mom so that you are happier when she is around more.... Hopefully this time apart can help you to think more clearly about that...

Christina--good for you for getting rid of the scale!!!!! I've really been feeling like weighing myself lately(haven't though)--I guess it goes along with my mood as of late--as IF weighing myself will make me feel better hahaha! Anyway--good for you!!

Good for you for working through some of the off limit foods too--that's definite progress!

Have a great weekend!
Holly
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#550 of 1694 Old 03-10-2007, 01:03 AM
 
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Hi everyone.
I'm still in the early stages of struggling to overcome this food issue as it is evident in my lack of ability to open up much. But I've been lurking. And many of your insights have been incredibly helpful. Christina's idea of putting away the scale is a good idea. I have a love and hate relationship with the darn thing. Sometimes, I'm down five pounds. But then two days later, I'm up ten. I think it's measuring my mood rather than weight. And it seems like, from Holly's post, that keeping busy is a good way to keep your mind off of food. I can be a home body when the weather is bad. So I'll have to force myself to get out w/ds.

Good luck, Holly. Sounds like the Simon Cowell realtor is out of line.

I have to try to be more mindful of my hunger cues and food choices. My dh always eats whatever he wants and never gains an ounce. As for me, I'm sure I've gained five lbs. since my late afternoon indulgence of two Hershey's kisses. I had this incredible craving for chocolate. I had to have it. I'm quite shocked that I stopped at the second one. I like to think Yoga is helping me become more aware of my body mind and spiritual needs.

Does anyone do Yoga?
Just curious what you all do for exercise? What do you find particularly soothing?
I used to go shopping at the mall as a form of exercise. But that quickly turned into another binge habit. Yikes.:

Good night,
May
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#551 of 1694 Old 03-10-2007, 11:41 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My husband sounds like yours Maying--why the heck do those of us that struggle so much with food end up with men who don't and that NEVER gain weight?!?!:

Yah I find that whenever I go to work at JamTots, food is not much of an issue (well most of the time--not always) but I am busy at home too--but a different busy I guess--and I'm here with kiddos only -- maybe it's the adult interaction that helps there? I find myself constantly working there--splitting my time between watching the kiddos and running around trying to help as much as I can and get as much as I can done--whereas when I'm at home--there are a TON of things for me to do for JamTots but it is all on the computer--so I'm sitting the whole time... hmm maybe that's it--there I do things where I'm up and down and doing a lot more physical stuff and here--I'm in front of my computer or taking care of the kiddos... I'll have to think about that--see what I can do to make my home experience more positive-need more movement worked in and some adult conversation... Hmmmm

As far as exercise--I normally go running--but do it for enjoyment -- not trying to race anyone or work super hard to get better or faster (because then I don't enjoy it anymore and find that I won't go)... I'm a run leader for a 12 week women's run clinic right now and I'm with the women that want to run faster--and some are definitely faster than me so I'm struggling a bit with that--there is one lady that I am faster than but the other 3 are faster than me and so I feel like a bit of a goof as I can't keep up and I'm their leader... However my dh reminded me that coaches are often not as good as the clients that they coach - they don't have to be to be a good coach... So I TRY to remember that so I don't feel awful!! I also do a NIA class once a week and that is great for my spirit--I always feel wonderful after that class--wish I could afford to go everyday as I definitely would!!

I did have a membership to the community center last year but can't afford it at the moment--but I would go to some aerobic classes and yoga classes and occasionally would go and do weights... I loved the yoga but haven't been forever... My aunt taught me a very simple yoga routine that is more for your mind/spirit and I used to do that but haven't done it for a while--it only takes 10 minutes but it really helps too so I really should start doing that again too!

The things that I find soothing are definitely the yoga and the NIA but running can be soothing too when I go alone and my mind gets to wander--I find that I often solve problems when I'm running...

My dh has been waiting for an opening to come up at the fire department--hopefully that will happen soon and he'll get it (fingers crossed!) and then I can get a cheap community center membership which would be awesome and I'm sure that he'll have good benefits and we REALLY need those so I can't wait for that to happen as we have no benefits right now...

We have a showing today from 10:30 to 11:30 and then my mom and my aunt & uncle (who are visiting from Ontario for a week) are taking the kiddos swimming so we'll have an hour to ourselves--we don't even know what to do hahaha!!! It is only an hour so it's hard to find something to do in that small of a time window...

I'm so excited for my Aunt to be here though--I absolutely LOVE her--she is SOOOO great--she *gets* counselling (and has done a lot herself and thinks that I'm a strong and brave person to be able to ask for help--and that was so great to hear when I first went and the rest of my family was so judgemental about it) and does yoga and is so fabulous to talk to--I just adore her and I feel so good after talking to her (and she says that I do the same for her which is even more wonderful!!)

She's one of the few people in my life that I ALWAYS feel better about myself after talking to... I'm working on finding more people like that to have in my life as those people are usually healthier people themselves--they "get" counselling and yoga and the whole giving yourself time and self-care etc. etc. -- but it seems that people like that (and like us!) are few and far between...

I caught the tail end of a guy on a show talking about parenting and how self-care for the parents is PART of parenting and that you can't be a good parent if you are not taking care of yourself and giving yourself the time and care that we have been talking about... It really helped to hear someone say how important that is to parenting--that it isn't selfish, it is what one needs to do to be able to be a great parent and that many people miss that piece of the puzzle but it is imperative--of course I have reserved his book at the library so I'll let you know how that is once I get it!

Okay I think I'll go--I think I might go for a run right now as it just crossed my mind--I might wait a little bit and take some advil first actually as these damn cramps are really bad again though...

Have a great day!
Holly
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#552 of 1694 Old 03-10-2007, 01:36 PM
 
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I am wondering if I am functioning under the same assumptions as others on this thread. We talk about eating what we want, when we want. Does that mean what we *feel* we want, or what we feel we need? Does that make any sense? I feel no guilt over eating say, nuts or avocados or any other high fat, high carb or high calorie "healthy" food. I *know* the serving size for an avocado is like 1/4 of an avocado, but I don't really think twice about eating 1/2 of one or even a whole avocado. I don't know if health-wise that is actually ok, but whatever... I dunno. I *do* however feel guilt over eating crap, but physically I feel terrible as well!! It's like, taste-wise, that is what I feel like I want most of the time. I suspect it is a response to depression or stress, but all I *want* to eat is candy bars and donuts and cookies and brownies. Stuff that doesn't nourish my body at all, stuff that makes me feel absolutely terrible emotionally and physically after I eat it.

For instance, this morning we had a really bad breakfast... something very sugary and with no nutritional value. I just felt awful afterward. Moody, couldn't think straight, wanted to go back to bed. So for lunch I decided to have lentil soup and a salad with walnuts and olive oil on it. Already I am feeling better.

So I guess my question is, when you say that you are allowing yourself to eat whatever you want, do you mean like the crap that you crave first (if you crave crap) or the stuff that you really need, that you might discover upon reflection? I mean, your body never needs brownies iykwim. Should we try to focus on nourishing our bodies nutritionally? Getting all the things we *need*? Vegetables, fruits etc. even if we don't really like healthy food>

I hope that made at least a bit of sense. I am distracted atm.

Veronica
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#553 of 1694 Old 03-10-2007, 06:01 PM
 
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Veronica, that totally made sense! What I've been doing is eating normal foods when I'm hungry. For me, that means I can have an egg and some toast for breakfast. It means I can have a sandwich with my vegetable soup for lunch. I can have some macaroni and cheese with my meal. I'll even have some dessert after dinner if I feel like it. Or I'll have a handful of chips with my lunch. I don't eat ANYTHING though, if I'm not hungry. When I don't totally deprive myself (like not allowing myself to have a sandwich on whole wheat bread for lunch), I don't feel like eating or binging on junk. Like allowing myself normal food takes those cravings away.

Whew! I hope that makes some sense.
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#554 of 1694 Old 03-10-2007, 07:40 PM
 
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Hi Veronica & Everyone-Happy Saturday

Well I'll try to answer your question as it applies to me and my journey, but I think everyone may have a different response depending on their situation. I believe in what I am doing. I am healing my realtionship with my body, food, emotions and myself. This is a layered process for me. I use therapy, this thread, honesty with others and am in the process of releasing food and body image as a coping/defense tool. This oversimplifies it, but that kind of it.

For me, the food componant involves trust. Trust in myself to make good choices for myself in the longrun. The trust was gone years ago, and because there was no trust there became deprivation. This was because I was bad, untrustworthy. I couldn't be left to myself, had to keep a close eye, whether that meant restricting food, overexercising, purging whatever...Then I could only keep that up for so long , and I would cave in and binge. My relationship with food has been beyond nourishment since I was 1 year old-I'm not going into that now, but it's on one my first posts. So, I'm using the model for healing that I first read about by Geneen Roth. There are certainly more professionals that use and recommend this technique, but she was the first one I read.

So, I think the initial idea is to end and heal from the deprivation. It is believed (and I agree for myself) that it is deprivation that leads us to eventially wanting wanting wanting. I am legalizing ALL foods. No good. No bad. Recently I thought I had done this, but I found there was another level to it. This included sugary, fattening, absolutely no nutritional valued foods. I still didn't trust myself with them. They are now in my house

Well, eventually you're supposed to feel there is enough when you believe you can eat whatever you want whenever you want. Then you work on paying close attention to your body. Eating what ever you want when you're physically hungry. When you want to eat when you're not hungry, try to access the emotion you're trying to avoid. I love this part-about listening to my body. This has been interesting...am I really hungy, am I full, am I anxious, am I lonely, am I feeling deprived...I have have found that with listening to my body I am starting to sort how different foods are making me feel. During and after. I'm staying as present as possible with this.

So, we're supposed to trust (and I do) that eventually, once we learn to not emotionally eat, our bodies and appetites will regulate. I always feared this path, I've considered doing this for over 10 years. I imagined getting so big if I ate whatever my bad self wanted. I wasn't ready and that's ok because I wasn't. Now I am


Of course the whole reason people like me ever started this behavior in the first place, usually to avoid feeling difficult things, has it's roots in our history. So, for me now that I'm experiencing life without numbing my feelings with food, that means I'm having to deal with not being numb. Tough stuff is coming up, and it ain't easy (enter therapy). But, I'm doing this. It is time.

For the first time in my life, I actually feel it's possible to heal my relationship with food and my body. I can't tell you how thrilling this is! I've wanted this for so long, but on some level did not think I deserved it-or was worthy or strong enough. I honestly though it was beyond me. So, that either meant a life being fat OR deprived. The end. I can't tell you how light my heart is with hope!

Thank you anyone who actually read all this. Obviously this is far beyond the question asked (sorry Veronica ) . It was so healing to write it all out and proclaim my intention to be well. Thank you, thank you! I want you all to know that I respect whatever journey you are on. The goal is to heal and be well-however we get there.

With gratitude, christina

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#555 of 1694 Old 03-10-2007, 08:17 PM
 
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Very well said, Christina.
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#556 of 1694 Old 03-11-2007, 09:10 AM
 
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Good morning everybody!
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#557 of 1694 Old 03-11-2007, 11:48 AM
 
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I hope Christina and anyone who has insight can answer this:
After workout, do you all have an insatiable appetite? This is the part that is most difficult for me. I think it's a natural response from my body since I've been running /walking longer (at 45-minute intervals).
I'll eat healthy but then throughout the day, my mind is telling myself to splurge a little on sweets and such.

The other thing is if getting rid of the scale is part of developing a healthy relationship with our body, food, mind? Sometimes, I want to throw the scale out the window. It's always reading the same darn number!

Thanks you all. Finally decent weather here in NYC!
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#558 of 1694 Old 03-11-2007, 12:27 PM
 
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Using food as a reward is a big part of my emotional eating. Two things come to mind that have been my own experience.

1.) you could be feeling deprived over-all and food is an immediate concrete reward. I found other immediate rewards to use first before eating-this was if I was wanting to eat and I was not hungry. I use hand/body lotion, quick manicure, but I think it should be something really pleasurable.

2.) If I'm hungry, I eat. A big part of my journey is letting go of good/bad & healthy/unhealthy. I know this sounds so scary, but for me, it has been essential. It's part of building back the trust with myself. I have to trust that I will take care of myself. Yes, initially I might go a little nuts on the formally forbidden foods, but already I'm feeling these foods have far less power as I let it go. For a few days I had icecream or popcorn for every meal. I am really letting myself do this with a trusting open heart. On about the 3rd day I was hungry and reaching for more legalized icecream, and I realized what I wanted was a soy/fruit smoothy. Now I'm stuck on those for the last two days Like a PP, I chant "I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want." This has become comforting and reassurring to me when I'm feeling anxious about food.

**I have posted before that was wasn't going to mention specific foods in my posts. This was because I working hard on eating what I authentically want (I haven't wanted to trigger anyone else by the power of suggestion) and for me this journey is about the emotions behind the food. But, I wanted to be clear about what foods I'm talking about and not be vague and confusing, so this time I was more specific.

Re: scale I don't think there are any rules. There have been times I was ok with using one- not too obssessed. But more often than not, I'm in the not-so-healthy place. I keep going into my bathroom to weigh myself, and it's not there. It's a good reminder of my intention.

Anyway,

It's beautiful and sunny here today, and I'm allowing it to fill me up

Take care evryone
Christina

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#559 of 1694 Old 03-11-2007, 12:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow Christina-that WAS well said--my journey looks like that (or at least that is what I'm trying to do!) and it really helped me to remember what my journey is to be able to read it all written out like that so thank you!!!

I have legalized all foods and have them in the house when I want them but still struggle a little with the diet mentality type thinking slipping back into my mind but mostly I eat what I want when I want it...

The part I am really working through right now (and it is HARD for me!!) is eating what I want when I am physically hungry--I OFTEN want to eat when I'm NOT hungry and with things being SO stressful lately, I find myself eating and having a hard time catching myself so I can journal or try to figure out what feeling is causing me to eat when I'm not hungry... I find that if I really pay attention to myself, give myself time, really give myself importance, then I can be mindful enough to pay attention and eat only when I'm hungry and work through stopping when I've had enough (rather than when I'm stuffed or have eaten the amount that I would normally eat)... Writing it out makes it sound really easy but I really struggle with this part so it must not be easy but I'll keep working it and every time I journal or just take a moment to breathe instead of eating when I'm not hungry is a tiny success and a step in the right direction--it does NOT have to be all or nothing (and I'm saying that as much for myself as you ladies as I need to hear that OVER AND OVER!!)--it won't happen overnight, it definitely takes work and it is more like a spiral rather than a straight line to being free from using food to cope...

Oh and my counseller (who specializes in eating disorders and was a compulsive overeater before and got to the other side) said that it is REALLY hard to work through these things with little kiddos--I have 3 kiddos 6 and under (and it's likely that many of you have little kids too) and she keeps reminding me how hard it is to do much of ANYTHING for yourself when they are under 5--and then I run a business as well and right now we're building a house and trying to sell this house so she keeps telling me to not get upset when I find that I can't be at all mindful as OF COURSE NOT with all that stress! Anyway, I'll keep plugging away as I certainly HAVE made strides since I started this journey and I have definitely changed as a person (and become a better person than when I started I believe) and even though food is still my main coping strategy, I find myself working through emotional things better and trying to get through past hurt so that I can start off each day with a lower permeating level of stress so that the small things in life don't affect me so much... (As I've always been told that I was over-sensitive etc.)

I often have a hard time figuring out what emotion is beneath the wanting to eat when I'm not hungry--I often have a hard time figuring it out as I've become so good at pushing down the emotions with food--I wouldn't even know that I was upset but I would find myself eating when I wasn't hungry all too often...

Anyway, that's where I'm at-Christina explains it much better as to the overall journey--we seem to be on the same path - just at different points...

I too had read Geneen Roth books years ago (not sure exactly when though) but I guess I wasn't ready either--I decided that I HAD to get help when my daughter was born as I didn't want her to live like this--I KNEW that there must be a way out of this--my first counsellor told me about another diet to try (as if that would help me stop obsessing about food!?! Obviously she had NO clue!) but then I found the Cedric centre and I'm so glad I did! I've gone there on and off since my daughter was born and I don't think I was fully ready when I started -- that and I had young kiddos so it was really hard to allow myself to take time for myself--I guess that's still one of the things that I struggle the most with--feeling that it is OKAY and that it is actually something that makes me a better parent--to be away from my kiddos sometimes!!

Veronica, I believe that once you legalize brownies (et all) and then eat mindfully then you really will be able to eat a normal amount of brownies (or whatever) and have that be enough... On the days where I can really pay attention to my hunger levels and eat when I'm hungry and try to stop when I've had enough--sometimes I do want things like brownies--and really--that is OKAY! At first, I did want things like that a LOT more--anything that I had deprived myself from for so many years (on and off) seemed to be the things that I wanted--of course that makes sense--but it does stop being like that--IF you really truly believe that you can have those things ANYTIME YOU WANT and promise yourself that you'll never diet and/or deprive yourself of those things again. If you only half-a$$ it and think that you'll diet later if this doesn't work then it won't work--you need to truly commit to this I think....

But yah, when I'm feeling balanced and mindful, I can absolutely just have a little of something and have that be ENOUGH!! Amazing to think that is possible eh when it used to scare me to be around those things and I'd have to CONTROL myself or not have those things in the house because I had 'no self-control' etc.!! Such freedom comes with being able to be around all sorts of things but not eat them and not feel the struggle of wanting to eat them and not allowing yourself to eat them...

IE I made some REALLY good cookies probably a week ago--and there are still quite a few sitting there--I just haven't felt like eating them and my kids know that they are always there and so there is no huge rush to eat them but if they feel like having one, they do but I try to make food a non-issue for them too and allow them things when they want it (but also ask them if their belly is hungry as I want to help them to be able to do this for themselves too) and so yah--they are still sitting there (and I KNOW That they are delicious but I just don't NEED them like I would have back in my diet mentality days)

OH and I absolutely think that getting rid of the scale (at least while you work through all of this and the diet mentality crap) is really an important part... I can never explain these things well though but essentially...

What the heck do you NEED to know your weight for? What is the number actually FOR anyway?? Does the scale ever produce good results? If you are like most people who eat to cope, then if you weigh less than you expected, yes you may be happy momentarily but then you'll end up eating --either because you feel like you can because you lost weight or because you fear losing weight or because you start freaking out thinking that you won't be able to keep the weight off... If you weigh more than you are wanting then you may begin yet another diet or feel frustrated if you are on one and end up eating to soothe yourself... Some people weight themselves once a day or more--now how crazy is that really when you have natural fluctuations throughout the day...

And really-what the heck does the number tell you REALLY? Different scales will give you different results, different times of the day will give you different results, if it ends up ultimately making you obsess about food and/or your body--then it is not serving a GOOD purpose nor is it helping you... I struggle with this a bit when people in one of my group counselling sessions said it to me--and they kept saying--what do you need to know your weight for?? Unless you are pregnant and watching to make sure you don't get really puffed up and have eclampsia or something like that, really, what do you need to know for? Especially when knowing never produces good results??

SO yah--I put my scale in our shed (as my dh didn't want to get rid of it?!?! and it was an expensive scale) when I heard that (maybe 1&1/2 years ago or longer??) but I still do feel an 'urge' to weigh myself sometimes... I have never gone out to the shed to weigh myself although I do have to report that when I'm somewhere that has a scale, I find it really hard to NOT weigh myself-that addiction to the scale is that strong and I'm always unhappy with the results (ultimately) and find that it affects me after that and I regret weighing myself...

So yah--does that help explain that part? Perhaps once we are healed of this food as a coping strategy stuff, we may be able to weigh ourselves once in a while IF we really feel that we need to for some reason but really--why WOULD we need to??

OH and I saw a bit of Oprah the other day and it was talking about gastric bypass surgery -- and about how many people that have that done end up transferring their addictive behaviour (eating as a coping mechanism) turn to alcohol or shopping or gambling or smoking or doing drugs or whatever because having a gastric bypass helped them to lose the weight which is like a bandaid solution as it didn't deal with the root of the problem which was the problems underneath the weight... Interesting huh? It really made me reaffirm what I am doing here as being THE way and THE thing and path that I NEED to be on...

Maying when your body is telling you to splurge on sweets and stuff--is it when you are HUNGRY or just when you feel like eating? If it is when you are not hungry, try to journal about it or figure out what emotions are going on for you.... It is natural to feel hungrier when you exercise though and I do notice that--but that is okay and normal and if you can be mindful then it will all work out--and if you want things that are sweets etc. when you are hungry and being mindful then just have them and don't worry about it--you need to allow yourself to have them when you want them in order to stop wanting them all the time....

Anyway, I am going to get my kiddos some breakfast and then I think I'm going to get some water for myself (damn I'm still struggling with getting that damn water in!!) and journal or do yoga or something for myself--hopefully before my youngest is awake since my older two have occupied themselves quite nicely here!)

Sorry for such a loooong post--hopefully it helps someone and if not, at least I think it helped me to write it out!!

Holly
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#560 of 1694 Old 03-11-2007, 12:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello again!

Veronica--we must have been typing at the same time as I posted my super long post and there was a new one from you!!

Anyway, I just remembered that last night when I went to put my diapers in the dryer, I realized that they STUNK like gasoline?!?!? What the heck!??! Has anyone heard of such a thing before??

My dh said that he put a gardening glove in with the diapers as we had found it in the shed and it was really gross and dirty--he doesn't think it had gasoline or anything like that on it though and even if it had a litte, I can't imagine it making the diapers stink so much?!?!

Then I started thinking about the fact that we had 2 showings yesterday but I'm sure no one would have put anything in our washer...

SO yah--that's our mystery right now--I just don't get it... I'm going to try adding a cup or two of vinegar as that has been mentioned in my google searches online and see if that helps--let me know if any of you smart ladies have any ideas or might know why it would smell like that?!?!? Oh and it's an electric washer/dryer, NOT gas--we don't even have gas (other than a propane fireplace) in our house!!

Holly
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#561 of 1694 Old 03-11-2007, 01:44 PM
 
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maying

yes the weather is nice here as well. yesterday we even went to the local zoo. time well spent!

veronica
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#562 of 1694 Old 03-11-2007, 01:51 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by veggiemommy View Post
Hello again!

Veronica--we must have been typing at the same time as I posted my super long post and there was a new one from you!!

Anyway, I just remembered that last night when I went to put my diapers in the dryer, I realized that they STUNK like gasoline?!?!? What the heck!??! Has anyone heard of such a thing before??

My dh said that he put a gardening glove in with the diapers as we had found it in the shed and it was really gross and dirty--he doesn't think it had gasoline or anything like that on it though and even if it had a litte, I can't imagine it making the diapers stink so much?!?!

Then I started thinking about the fact that we had 2 showings yesterday but I'm sure no one would have put anything in our washer...

SO yah--that's our mystery right now--I just don't get it... I'm going to try adding a cup or two of vinegar as that has been mentioned in my google searches online and see if that helps--let me know if any of you smart ladies have any ideas or might know why it would smell like that?!?!? Oh and it's an electric washer/dryer, NOT gas--we don't even have gas (other than a propane fireplace) in our house!!

Holly
holly it is amazing how things can pick up scents in the washer ime. your dh probably just couldnt smell the gasoline... i would guess that the glove was the culprit. i think men in general have worse senses of smell than women... i believe this is backed up by scientific data but dont quote me.

today has been good so far. i usually eat way too much at coffee hour after church, but today i just had a few crackers with cheese, a mini donut and a cup of coffee. usually i just cant control myself--one donut turns into a dozen, at least. but today i ate mindfully and told myself that i will eat again later--i dont need to gorge myself on the sweets at church! anyway it was good.

had a fight with dh this morning though that left a bad taste in my mouth. he is upset that i am behind on laundry (perpetually...) and we were both fighting dirty and he said basically that he didnt understand how i have so much trouble keeping up on laundry when "everyone else" )meaning other women) manages to do it. ouch. that REALLY hurt. : Soo yeah we kissed and made up so to speak, but I still feel bad. I know I dont do the best I could, and I want to improve, but being criticized really hurts. I am trying, you know? I aalways try to do the best I can, and I am starting from scratch here because I never really did chores as a kid...this is ALL new to me--the cooking,cleaning,childcare,dishes,laundry EVERYTHING. I have no experience with any of it prior to moving in with my husband when we were 20 and having kids starting at 21. Blah. Anyway.

Off to do some laundry. God I hate that job!! Then we're going to the ILs for lunch.

Have a beautiful Sunday everybody.



Veronica
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#563 of 1694 Old 03-11-2007, 06:43 PM
 
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*crickets*

where is everybody today?

I don't know why, but I am feeling down about my DH doing jujitsu. I WANT him to have a hobby, but he always takes everything to the extreme. He goes 6 days a week for 2 hrs each day, and 2-3 days out of the week he goes AGAIN for another 2 hrs later in the day. that is... like 18-20 hrs a week that he spends on this. It frustrates me because I don't get to have a hobby, kwim? I hate feeling so petty.

Veronica
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#564 of 1694 Old 03-11-2007, 08:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm here Veronica!! :

I've been reading some of the Reviving Ophelia book that Maggy suggested and have been writing down some things that applied to me from the compulsive eating part of it--mostly things I already knew but it clicked differently hearing it from the perspective of a therapist talking about adolescents going through it...

She had noted that compulsive eaters are often women that are caretakers--that have their life work as nurturing or caring for others.... Essentially that's what being a mother is--especially at these young ages--and actually probably throughout their lives as they grow up--we'll always be trying to caretake for them but maybe the eating stuff will get easier when we can give ourselves more time when they are less needy??

Anyway, I found that really interesting...

I think Christina was the one that was talking about stomach hunger vs mouth hunger and it was touched upon in this book and I had written it down so I'll write it here for you ladies in case it helps anyone:

Stomach hunger is genuine physical hunger
Mouth hunger is a hunger for something other than food--for attention, rest, stimulation, comfort, love etc.

She then said something about compulsive eaters find that all of their feelings are labeled as hunger and I could really relate to that--as I have definitely seen myself do that--even being cold gets labeled hunger as I have mentioned on here before...

So eating becomes the way to deal with feelings--they eat when tired, anxious, lonely, bored, hurt or confused and essentially we need to identify our real needs and not label all needs as hunger -- easier said that done as we all know but it helped me to see it written out like that...

She also said that we use food to comfort and nurture ourselves--that we are good at caring for others but poor at meeting our own needs so we become good at burying our pain (with food usually)

She usually recommends exercise to help fight depression, manage stress and feel better about our bodies and to learn to set limits with others and learn to ask for help along with the figuring out what emotions are behind our mouth hunger...

Anyway--not sure if that is helpful for anyone but it helped me so I wanted to share!

SO my diapers still stink like gasoline--I'm about ready to give up... I'm doing a load of towels and going to make sure that they don't stink-man my laundry room/bathroom stink like gasoline because of the wet diapers in there--good thing we didn't have any showings today! I did see a man wandering around our yard and the back path etc. checking things out just a little while ago--every time I see that I hope that they will be someone that wants to make an offer-I've noticed a lot of that lately but nothing has happened yet... I honestly don't know what we'll do if our house hasn't sold by Friday--as that will have been the 14 days that our realtor said to give her... AAAAGH!!! I really just wanted her to figure out a way to get it sold!!

ON a good note, my dh is at the new house putting up the railing for the balcony that is off our bedroom and he talked to the builder from next door and he's going to get all of trim, crown moulding and inside doors for us from the mainland (we're on an island!) directly and all of that will be about half price from what we would have had to pay here so that's so awesome!!

Our drywallers are finishing up tomorrow so painting will start Tuesday or Wednesday at the latest--I'm beyond excited about that part!! Oh and the landscaping guy is starting on Thursday so that is awesome too!!!!! I pretty much must be pushing down my feelings of excitement most of the time about our new house -- and I keep telling myself that I'm glad that I have been doing that since it's been a year since we bought our lot and 8 months since we were told that it would be finished so I may have gone insane with the wait otherwise--but then I think that perhaps that is part of my eating--stuffing down any excitement??

I waiting until around noon to eat today as I was trying to wait until I was hungry... then my dh came home and was rambling on and on about stuff that happened at the house (which is good) but it was VERY distracting so when I was almost done my lunch I realized how distracted I had been so I wasn't really mindful and ended up eating too much and didn't actually get to enjoy my food (which was one of my favorite things) so that was a bit silly... We're going to my neice's birthday party tonight--it's just for cake and presents essentially but I want to be mindful there too--and not eat the cake if I don't like it (which I often don't as I like really simple cakes) and perhaps I can take a piece home if I'm really not hungry when it comes time for cake...

Hahaha my dh just called--he finished the railing and was saying that he would do some other stuff--I said okay as long as you're home by 5:30 so we can go to the party and he was saying oh yah I'll be home way before that--I said --well it's 4:20 now and he's like what?!? It's only 3:20! He forgot to change his watch--good thing we had that talk hahaha!!

Glad to hear that you had some mindful eating at your church Veronica--doesn't it feel so fabulous when that happens--when you tell yourself you can have some anytime and when you actually believe it and don't eat just for the sake of eating?!?! GOOD FOR YOU!!! That's one more good experience in your journey that will always be with you to help you on your journey!

Oh man your dh ... I don't know what to tell you but my dh helps with the laundry--sometimes I get on a roll and get caught up and can stay caught up (it's one of the things that I don't HATE doing--although I don't like putting the clothes away--I don't mind folding them but don't like putting them away so he often does that part!) -- I often remember that I forgot to move the laundry along when I lie down in bed and he stays up later than me so I ask him to move things along so that helps... Can you talk to your dh and let him know how UNhelpful it is to have him criticize you and that makes you feel even worse which then makes it harder for you to do the things that he wishes that you would do??

AND he needs a reality check on what "other women" do--good grief!! I too feel guilty sometimes for not getting enough done and wanting to be better but then I remember that I'm not perfect (no one is) and that I don't have to do everything perfectly and that some days I'll get more done than other days and that is okay--that my job of being a mom to 3 little ones is a full time job in itself and the house stuff is secondary and is something that my dh is just as responsible for even though he isn't home all day...


Sorry I have to run--Kiegan is waking up. I too would be bitter if my dh spent 18-20 hours out of the house doing an activity -- that is a LOT of time away especially when you don't get the same... I would definitely have a talk with him about that (calmly!!) and see if you can help him to understand why it upsets you--I had a talk a little while ago with my dh--I told him that he would never have to read my mind again--that I would NOT expect him to do that anymore nor would I do that for him--if we need the other person to know something, then we need to communicate it and MAN what a relief that has been--just being fully honest... Anyway maybe that is somewhere to start with him as I know many women do that (and I still do it with some people--baby steps!!)
Okay really have to run!


Holly
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#565 of 1694 Old 03-11-2007, 09:07 PM
 
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Hi there everyone, I don't really have much time-just wanted to check in and say "Hi".

Holly, you live on Van Couver Island? I love it there. You reminded me about a camping trip dp and I took before our commitment ceremony : We figured if we could live together camping throughout Canada together for 3 weeks, we could go ahead and tie the knot I know this is totally OT-it just gave me warm fuzzies to think about. We had so much fun!

I've been pretty mindful around food today. I was very short on time and had an appointment. Dp and I went to fast food. I ordered what I wanted. I ate it. I enjoyed eating it in the moment. Then as I continued to listen to my body, I was aware of the queazy feeling in my gut and also the very bad coated taste in my mouth. It felt good to incorporate the whole experience...the food sounded good, smelled good, tasted good, but then it didn't make me feel good. I tried to remain aware and non-judgemental about it. This type of thing has been happening more lately, and it gives me a glimpse to what I think the "evening out or regulating" part of this process will be like. Interesting.

I hope you're all finding some time to take care of yourselves today. I learn so much every post I read...oh really quick, Holly that info you added from the book was great. I need to get that book!

Take Care!

Christina

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#566 of 1694 Old 03-12-2007, 01:13 AM
 
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Hi Ladies. It's been a long weekend here at my house. Yesterday I was pretty bored and so we went to the market and bought a lot of beautiful fruits and veggies. So then we came home and I made a fabulous dinner and decided to invite my IL's and my DH's sister, her DH and 3 kids. I had been doing really well up to that point, but for some reason having a house full of guests wasn't the right thing for me. It was just too much. The kids were running around colliding into each other. My DD had eaten almost nothing all day, and so that was making me anxious. She's coming down with a cold. Also, I started becoming annoyed that I hadn't had time to work on my article at all. I had a great idea that morning and was annoyed that I hadn't sat down and worked on it. I did a lot of grazing and finishing kids' leftovers last night and today. I feel bloated and terrible, but telling myself tomorrow is Monday and hopefully it'll be a new start.

Holly, I'm glad you're finding Reviving Ophelia interesting. I need to go re-read it. It's interesting reading what you wrote about stomach hunger versus mouth hunger. Lately, people have been talking a lot about where hunger is felt and I (when I'm not crazed) have been trying to pay attention. Hunger that is felt in the gut can often be deceiving, especially if one's eaten recently. Sometimes sensations caused by digestion can be misread as hunger. "True hunger", however, is supposed to be felt in the throat. I don't think I've ever waited long enough past the superficial "hunger" to notice what happens. This week my goal is going to be to try to locate throat hunger when it happens.

Brrrr... it's cold down here. I'm gonna go upstairs and crawl next to DH who's already sound asleep.

I'm dreading having to wake DH up to go to school tomorrow, but that's a whole 'nother issue.
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#567 of 1694 Old 03-12-2007, 09:36 AM
 
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Hey... Check out what I just read:

"Stress makes you eat more quickly than anything else," she states. And the foods you want to eat under stress are more likely to be fatty, pleasurable things that are soft or creamy (aka comfort foods).

These cravings aren't physiological in nature, but stem from emotional responses (chemical reactions in the brain), and they will continue to torment you until you give in. In fact, these cravings can change as quickly as the emotions that drive them.

Researchers found that these cravings follow a predictable curve: they build, peak, then subside. The best way to foil a craving is to take your mind off it, preferably by doing something incompatible with eating, such as going for a long walk.

Try avoiding the television or going out to a movie with friends, where you will definitely be tempted to buy popcorn or open your favorite bag of chips.

Another solution is meditation. Instead of plopping down in front of the TV on your favorite chair, meditate for 15 to 30 minutes. Visualize yourself the way you want to be and keep repeating this image, or even a phrase, for the duration of the exercise.

This type of meditation often reduces any future cravings.
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#568 of 1694 Old 03-12-2007, 10:51 AM
 
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Morning Maggy and Everyone else,

Well, I've been up since 3:30 which fells like 2:30 still : My little guy was just wide awake, and my dp's sleeping with dd whose really sick. My son finally went back to sleep at 6:00, but my day's started, so here I am . I'm not trying to be whiney, I'm just being conscious that this is a set up for me to want to reward myself today, so I need to set the intention about being mindful.

For the past few months, I have been withdrawing from my relationship with my parents. This is difficult and emotional for me. It is definitely something I can EE (emotionally eat) over. I can also have angry outbursts, not at them, at my DP and DD . I talked to them (parents) this weekend, and I'm struggling to stay mindful and present about their affect on me. In a nutshell, my upbringing was not ok. There was a public persona of our family which was "perfect", and the real family behind closed doors...not so pretty. My sibs and I were taught to keep this secret; moreover, somehow my parents managed to make it not ok to even discuss between my brother, sister and myself.

So, anyways, now were all grown and the public image is the myth we all are acting out now. We all get along, laugh, there is zero drama. BUT. We all know on some level it is a facade, but we don't discuss it. It has been so hard for me to access my feelings (especially anger) about the past because everything's "perfect" now. Why would I be a trouble maker and dredge this stuff up?

So, In the last few months, I've been dredging a little, and I have even had a couple of "real" conversations with my sibs. But, this is so hard

The process is feeling slow, but I'm respecting my spirit's pace-if that makes sense to anyone.

I'm not sure why I decided to type this out this morning, but thanks for anyone who read. Luckily, it's a therapy day :

I hope you all are kind to your deserving selves today!

Take care Christina

dust.gifloving magick mama to DD(7) flower.gif and DS (5) Bolt.gifLife partner DP blueman.gif  earth.gif )0( treehugger.gif
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#569 of 1694 Old 03-12-2007, 11:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Good morning... I too was up in the night--I was up at 4-could NOT sleep so finally went and watched the end of a movie that I started watching last night and then tried to go back to sleep at 5:30... The alarm woke me out of a deep sleep at 7 but yah I guess it was really 6 (here I was thinking that I had slept in so being up for an hour and a half wouldn't affect me too much-yah right!)

Anyway, good thing Christina wrote that--now I'll work really hard to squeeze a nap in so I don't eat instead--good to be mindful of this stuff!

So the party went fine last night-I had 1&1/2 pieces of cake because I didn't get a chance to eat dinner last night (we were about to have dinner when a lady came by asking if she could come in and see our house!! So we said okay--so her and 4 other people came in and looked around and acted very interested--so keep your fingers crossed for us--but anyway so I didn't get to eat before it was time to go) -- so I ate a few walnuts that I keep stashed in my purse for if I end up starving and then REALLY enjoyed the cake -- it was a really yummy one--and not one else had seconds but I decided to go and have 1/2 a piece so that I wouldn't later feel deprived for wanting it and not having it--I sat an date that mindfully and really enjoyed it too... Anyway, then I came home and tried to journal instead of eating--didn't really get far with that and ended up eating a little--I think I was a bit hungry as I hardly ate anything yesterday so I tried to eat mindfully and then went to bed early as I was really tired...

SO yah in the middle of the night I felt hungry but didn't want to eat then... so I'll eat after I write to you guys!

So interesting what you were saying about throat hunger Maggy--I've never heard that before nor can I say that I've noticed that before?!?! I definitely have let myself get to the point of starving lately--but for me I get hungry, it passes a couple of times and then I start getting shaky or ill feeling and really irritable... If I leave it too long then I'll get a migraine too... When I start to feel ill, I have to eat something immediately otherwise I feel REALLY sick... I didn't notice anything in my throat but never knew to watch for that?!

Christina-yup I'm on Vancouver Island--in Victoria! OOh a 3 week camping trip--what a good idea! That just sounds so appealing to me right about now!!! To just get away from it all!!!

Thanks for the stuff about cravings Maggy-I'll have to try meditating when I'm craving when I'm not hungry--it does pass for sure but it's getting through it before it passes that is so incredibly hard but I'll try your ideas for sure and also try to figure out what is behind the cravings too...

Christina, I'm so sorry to hear that your upbringing was NOT okay.... My upbringing was not bad in the 'typical' ways but there were definitely things that weren't the healthiest and over time they add up to making us messed up people if that makes any sense! I didn't think that I was from a messed up enough home to deserve therapy if that makes any sense--didn't feel I was worthy of help...

Anyway, my point is that my family too has always had to pretend that everything is fine--play this facade that nothing bad happens etc.-when naturally I'm a much more open person so this hiding of feelings and incidents was not healthy for me (or for anyone for that matter)...

Good for you for finding the strength and courage to start working through some of that! My family too wants no drama and my brother has actually told me not to be too honest as my family couldn't handle it!!!!!!! DOH!! So he was actually encouraging me to keep it the way it is--ugh how horrible is that when he knows how destructive it is for me?!?!?

Maggy--sorry to hear that you felt overwhelmed last night but good for you for realizing what was happening... Hopefully today will feel better for you!

I have to run--got up late today so now I need to scramble around to get ready! Have a mindful day ladies!!

Holly

Oh yah-we picked out our countertops this weekend--JUST in time (thank goodness we're installing them ourselves otherwise they would have been ready a MONTH after we need them - doh!! And we also went and bought the bathroom cabinets and they happened to have a 10% off sale--it was so nice to just have that be the case and we didn't even know-good luck for a change!!!
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#570 of 1694 Old 03-12-2007, 12:40 PM
 
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Ah, families!
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