Femme_rouge -- thanks for the kind words yet again! Change only comes through conflict--thanks for that also--that is so true and is definitely the case for me right now--both in the building of our house(!) and in my emotional stuff with how I deal with people. I really like the changes I have made - of course they are HORRIBLY hard at first but once I have done them, I am REALLY glad I did so hopefully I'll keep heading in that direction! I have written down your mantra and I will refer to it often--it is helpful for sure! Your plan of attack sounds great and very much inline with mine so let's work on it and NOT beat ourselves up if we stray--this journey is not a straight line, definitely more like a spiral--two steps forward one step back but then you get a deeper understanding each time. (One of the books I'm reading said something like that and I really like it!) I think if the change was easy, it would not be permanent!
Glad to have you back allgirls - I definitely agree that 5 or 10 minutes is all that is needed to ward us off from eating through our emotions so definitely use this group to help you do that and just post whenever you need to! I also journal if I can't get on the computer (or sometimes I just prefer to write rather than type and I can do it from my location on the couch where I usually feel like eating through my emotions!!)
Perhaps you can try to do what I have been successful with lately... when you feel like eating, try to figure out whether you are actually hungry... and then if you are, let yourself eat whatever it is that your body is wanting--there are no good and bad foods as long as you work on eating when your body is hungry and what your body is asking for -- please don't beat yourself up for eating pancakes and cookies--you obviously were dealing with something -- some kind of emotion -- and needed the comfort at that point - and perhaps next time, you can be kinder to yourself and stop and think about what feelings might come up for you if you did NOT eat anything (as long as you're not hungry of course!) and get on the computer or journal about whatever is coming up for you-- not matter how silly it seems....
missingthetrees - I'm so sorry you're feeling so crappy but do know that it will pass--I was feeling pretty crappy only a few days ago and I'm feeling fabulous now and so will you I'm sure! I'm sure the employer will understand... and perhaps the best thing for you to have done last night would have been to listen to your body and go to bed--you were obviously exhausted and you need to listen to your body and when it's tired, go to bed (when you can--I know that sometimes I want to go to bed but can't just depending on the kids but if you can, definitely do it--your body will thank you and you will find that if you don't listen, you will likely keep eating, trying to keep yourself awake)
I second the NOT looking at the scale at the Dr. office--I know it makes me obsessive even when I don't want it to--and it's just not worth taking the chance that it will trigger something in you so stand on it backwards and ask them not to tell you what it says as it won't do you any good--and obviously you already know that as you are stressing about it already (and good for you for realizing that--you must be doing some listening to yourself!)
Okay missingthetrees - if you are ready - let me know and I'll see if I can find my Why Weight Book (I'm pretty sure I have that one) and we can try to work through it together.... I'd be happy to help give you a push if you want one!
GouGou - I'm sure we can all relate to why you turned to food yesterday and PLEASE don't beat yourself up about it. You obviously needed some comfort or to take some time for yourself and eating was the only way you knew how to do that for yourself at the time. Beating yourself up about it does not help in any way, you need to be kind to yourself (as I'm sure you would to if a client said what you told us) as beating yourself up will only make you more prone to doing it again. While eating to soothe/numb your feelings is something you are doing to respond to yourself (which is admirable), as you know, it doesn't do any more good than applying icecream to a cut on your knee--I read that yesterday and found that helped me to see more clearly what I was doing so perhaps it will do that for you too?
Also remember that (as I'm sure you know) that this is a journey and it is not going to be all going forward, there will be times that you wish that you could have changed what you did and it sounds like you have been doing really well at listening to your body for a while and so while it seems scary, know that it is just one of the 'step backs' but that you have made MANY steps forward and so in the overall scheme of things, this is normal and you will still be able to continue going forward as you have a lot of positive experiences as well right?
I just read your second post and realize that you are already feeling better but thought I would leave my above advice for you or someone else to read when they need it another day.... Maybe I'll even be able to use it myself--that's the hardest to do of course!
While I'm not an immigrant and was never really skinny past the age of 12 (except for short periods when I was dieting), I can still relate to there being things that affect how we feel about weight etc. My family is definitely more on the chunky to fat side-my Dad is Scottish and my mom is British and that background brings it's own problems--like never saying if something is wrong in the family, always being/acting 'strong' and 'handling things' without help (it was HARD for me to get myself to a counsellor because of the stigma related to that and the chance that people would look down on me and my family--especially my parents!) so yah--I think I am naturally inclined to be stockier and my ankles are always large--even when I have lost a lot of weight... my thighs always touch and always will and my hips and butt will always stick out--so I am working on accepting what I have and trying to just be myself--the best person I can be and know where I came from and know what I am trying NOT to be like and then go from there...
My dad and my brother are obese (it feels horrible saying that about them as of course you don't talk about people's weight like that but it's a fact) and my mom has ALWAYS struggled with her weight as has my sister... My sister has been very healthy weight wise for maybe 6 years now however I don't think that she has a healthy relationship with food as she hasn't gotten any help and we were VERY similar before. I used to be the one that was skinnier and she was always jealous of me and now it has kind of reversed although I know she is skinnier, she is not 'healthier' in her mindset etc.--I am getting healthier in that way than her and I hope that one day she can too... Anyway, my sister is pregnant with her first baby now so she is struggling with that a lot and my mom isn't helping as she is encouraging her not to gain too much weight--when I wish she never did that to me as that made me obsess more when I think that you need to do when pregnant is not obsess and just let it happen... (Of course that is me looking back now!!) Anyway, my mom has always tried to 'help' my dad (and my brother when he was younger) to lose weight - she was a nurse and felt like it was helping but I KNOW in my heart that has only made things worse--his problem is that he doesn't deal with his emotions AT ALL being the good Scottish man that he is(!) and he is definitely what many people would say is a 'sensitive' person (like my sister and I were/are) but that is because he doesn't deal with his 'stuff' and I know in my heart that he never will (although I hope that I am wrong about that!) because he is so damn stubborn! So growing up my mom would restrict food, have treats occasionally (thinking that she was doing the 'right' thing) but she would restrict those too (like only 2 cookies each) and then we would each (all 3 kids and probably my dad too!) would sneak more and binge on them in secret and deny it when she would get mad as the treat was all gone! We would also eat really fast as whoever finished first got first dibs on seconds (even dessert) and we would always have to finish our plates and eat the things that we hated--and sit there until it was done! (I did a LOT of milk drinking--trying to drink down the meat that was fed to me as I always hated it and hated the thought of eating animals!) My dad was always the one to take us out for treats--usually when my mom was away--so ice cream or Burger King or donuts... so it was always like a sneaky thing and a reward and we often would not tell my mom as she wouldn't approve... but that was his way of showing his love I think.... Anyway, I'm guessing that if you have British parents, or even if not, there is a lot of that you can relate to--and of course I have vowed to NOT do any of those things with my kiddos but then it's hard to figure out what the heck TO do!!
In my book that I was reading last night, I started a chapter about how to raise kids to not be obsessed with food but I was too exhausted to read it last night so I hope to read that today so let me know if anyone wants to know any tips from that!
Gougou, I'm not sure if any of that helped--I went off on my own tangent, but know that I read all of your posts and while sometimes I don't understand everything you are saying, I know that it must be hard for you to deal with when you feel like you can help others but not yourself... Have you considered seeing someone yourself to work through some of that as I bet that would be helpful to you as you obviously believe in the work of counsellors and how helpful they can be, so why can't you give the gift of that to yourself as well???
Have a great day ladies!!