Can you help me with some biblical arguments? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 47 Old 01-28-2009, 05:24 PM
 
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I can't leave the relationship so I am trying to do whatever I can to make it better. I work hard at trying to do everything correctly, to not upset him, but it's not working out.
Quite honestly, you will never be able to do everything correctly. If you desire for your marriage to "make it" then you have to do something. You can not sit back and "take it", trying to be a "good wife" so he will not harm you.

You are just enabling him as much as his church is.

And if you raise children in an abusive environment, you are teaching them that it is ok to be abused and an abuser. You are not only NOT showing love to yourself, you are not showing love to your children.

We are not to enable others to sin. You must do something to protect yourself and your children. If you choose to do nothing, then you are choosing to live in a sinful, abusive enabling relationship as well as place your children in a dangerous envirnment. This is just as wrong as him choosing to be an abuser.

But that is just MHO. I have a hard time sympathizing with someone that refuses to do something.

I don't mean to be harsh, just trying to get my point across as clearly as possible.

Any misspellings or grammatical errors in the above statement are intentional;
they are placed there for the amusement of those who like to point them out.
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#32 of 47 Old 01-28-2009, 05:41 PM
 
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? How is this supportive or helpful?

To the OP: I'm so sorry you're going through this. You've received some great advice from others on this thread, and I hope you can be free from his disrespect soon.
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#33 of 47 Old 01-28-2009, 05:54 PM
 
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? How is this supportive or helpful?
I do think it is helpful and supportive. Because if someone is just asking for sympathy but not wanting real help, all the kind words in the world are going to do nothing. But if they are truly asking for help, then they need to understand that their actions are important, and doing nothing IS an action.

I am all for supporting someone in need or in desperate situations, but I will not be an enabler.

The entire point of my previos post was "DO SOMETHING", don't just look for sympathy.

It may be hard, but do it anyways. All the other posters gave advice on what could be done, yet OP says:
Quote:
I can't leave the relationship so I am trying to do whatever I can to make it better.
So, we are back to the choice. Do something or do nothing.

Any misspellings or grammatical errors in the above statement are intentional;
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#34 of 47 Old 01-28-2009, 05:57 PM
 
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With all due respect to my optimistic friend - while this MAY be possible, it will only happen if he is willing to admit that his particular brand of "faith" is abusive and wrong. In any case, the OP should not be forced to stick around while he's working that out. She still needs to leave, and ASAP.
ITA! I never meant to imply that you should stay OP. I believe the only chance that your dh will change is if he leaves his "church" and completes counseling, preferably does some jail time, and truly changes in every way.

I know it can be hard for an abused person to be told that there is no hope for the abuser they love, but, OP, I do want you to know, of all of the abuse situations I have seen, only once have I seen the man stop abusing, and he did some jail time and counseling.

I hope you are able to seek refuge with your family, OP.

:Patty :fireman Catholic, intactalactivist, co-sleeping, GDing, HSing, no-vax Mama to .........................:..........hale:
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#35 of 47 Old 01-28-2009, 06:08 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Kidzaplenty View Post
I do think it is helpful and supportive. Because if someone is just asking for sympathy but not wanting real help, all the kind words in the world are going to do nothing. But if they are truly asking for help, then they need to understand that their actions are important, and doing nothing IS an action.

I am all for supporting someone in need or in desperate situations, but I will not be an enabler.

The entire point of my previos post was "DO SOMETHING", don't just look for sympathy.

It may be hard, but do it anyways. All the other posters gave advice on what could be done, yet OP says:
So, we are back to the choice. Do something or do nothing.

Your second post was fine. Your first post with the popcorn icon is what seems out of place.

DS (6.06), DD (10.08), DD (05.11).

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#36 of 47 Old 01-28-2009, 06:08 PM
 
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kidzaplenty, she was talking about your popcorn post, which was a ridiculous thing to post.

Your second post where you actually told her to do something, I may not agree with, but was at least a response to the OP.

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#37 of 47 Old 01-28-2009, 06:14 PM
 
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Sorry about it seeming inappropriate. I was NAKing a cranky baby so I just saved my place quickly as I usually do until I got a free hand. Never meant anything by it.

Any misspellings or grammatical errors in the above statement are intentional;
they are placed there for the amusement of those who like to point them out.
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#38 of 47 Old 01-28-2009, 06:39 PM
 
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I have edited my post. I really am sorry I offended. That was never my intention.

Gurumama, I am sorry to you as well, as I took your post wrong (it was posted directly after one of my posts and just read it wrong). I am sorry.

I am also sorry to the OP, as well as anyone else, that I offended with my popcorn smilie. It is just a "standard lurking" smilie that I use to "placemark" my threads that I am coming back to, one that I can type quickly with only one hand while not looking at the keyboard. I did not mean for it to come across wrong. I will attempt to be more mindful in the future.

Any misspellings or grammatical errors in the above statement are intentional;
they are placed there for the amusement of those who like to point them out.
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#39 of 47 Old 01-28-2009, 08:29 PM
 
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please seek outside help.

Anne, Mama to Conner 2/27/04 blahblah.gif  Gabrielle 2/6/06 W/LMC-TCS, Neurogenic Bladder, AFO & KAFO wearer, Neurogenic Bowel energy.gif & Delaney 5/12/08 mischievous.gif &  Beethoven cat.gif& Gizmo cat.gif

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#40 of 47 Old 01-28-2009, 10:34 PM
 
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I agree with all the PPs.
Take your babies and go someplace safe.
No loving God would want this for you or your children.

Karen

Blessed partner to a great guy, and mama to 4 amazing kids. Unfortunate target of an irrationally angry IRL stalker.

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ~ Buddha

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#41 of 47 Old 01-29-2009, 01:55 AM
 
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I can't leave the relationship so I am trying to do whatever I can to make it better. I work hard at trying to do everything correctly, to not upset him, but it's not working out.
You can leave the relationship. you really really can. And you will be ok. Once the air clears you will find strength and wisdom and hope you forgot you had.

and you will never be good enough by his standards. but believe me. you are just fine. and you will be great.

s

I suffered for a long time and tried being perfectly submissive, taking the blame for everything, putting my foot down, giving him freedom, reigning it in and then it started getting violent and then the whole thing blew up. and he was never half as bad as your husband sounds. GET OUT! you don't have to file for a divorce. you don't have to go crazy. just take a break until he gets a grip. take a break until you can think clearly and decide what to do. take a break while you pray about it and see what God wants. just take a break and make decisions later when you can look at this objectively.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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#42 of 47 Old 01-29-2009, 03:12 AM
 
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It sounds like your husband is using religion as a weapon against you to get his way and to remain a spoiled child rather than as a belief system to live by to become a good person. Your not married to someone who's going to care about any bible verse that's going to go against his getting his own way.
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#43 of 47 Old 01-29-2009, 01:38 PM
 
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Every town, no matter how small, has a shelter or resources for women who suffer from domestic violence and abuse. You need to call your police or sheriff's office and get out now. It won't be easy. But your children deserve better than this. You must show them that this is not right and will not be tolerated. Go and do not look back. For your children.

Domestic discipline is wrong. The church you attend is wrong. Don't let yourself and your children stay trapped in this spot. Do you want your daughters leading the life you currently lead? Of course not.

Go now. Today.
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#44 of 47 Old 01-29-2009, 03:13 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Kidzaplenty View Post
I have edited my post. I really am sorry I offended. That was never my intention.

Gurumama, I am sorry to you as well, as I took your post wrong (it was posted directly after one of my posts and just read it wrong). I am sorry.

I am also sorry to the OP, as well as anyone else, that I offended with my popcorn smilie. It is just a "standard lurking" smilie that I use to "placemark" my threads that I am coming back to, one that I can type quickly with only one hand while not looking at the keyboard. I did not mean for it to come across wrong. I will attempt to be more mindful in the future.
I have to mark threads all of the time to come back too.

Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

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#45 of 47 Old 01-29-2009, 03:14 PM
 
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Still : for you.

Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

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#46 of 47 Old 02-03-2009, 02:13 AM
 
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You are in my prayers. You posted a year ago that if you left he would kill you. I pray that you will find a safe place and help from law enforcement. You know that leaving is the time you are the most unsafe...but once you have left and gone some where you can be protected and protect yourself and your children, each day will make you safer.
Please protect your children from seeing their mother, their heart, demeaned, threatened and hurt.
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#47 of 47 Old 02-03-2009, 11:10 PM
 
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how are you doing?

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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