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#1 of 114 Old 06-19-2009, 03:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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A recent wedding at my Orthodox parish brought a question to mind. Virtually all of the guests were not Orthodox, which means not members of our parish. The majority of the women were dressed what in many would consider inappropriate for a church wedding, especially in a conservative faith - enormous amounts of skin showing, extreme cleavage, very short skirts, bare bellies/backs, etc. I've been at a lot of weddings of various Christian denominations over the years, some in more "liberal" congregations/denominations, and I've never seen so much skin exposed before.

If you are in a faith/congregation that tends to dress more conservatively, do your clergy ever bring up and/or enforce the issue of modest dress (for women) for wedding/baptism/other special religious events that will bring a number of people who are not members of your faith to attend? Request a note to be included with invitations?

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#2 of 114 Old 06-19-2009, 04:00 PM
 
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The only way I've seen it addressed was for my cousin's wedding which took place in Vatican City. They included a separate note card in the invite that said something like "Vatican City requires all shoulders be covered during our time there. We would hate for our guests who are travelling so far to be with us to be turned away for their dress. Please let us know if you have any questions."
They also had information on their wedding website and in the packet of travel information/accomodations/etc. that they sent to everyone attending.

At the few Orthodox Jewish weddings I've attended, the mother of the bride made sure to call the non-Orthodox guests a few weeks prior to let them know the dress restrictions and the particulars of those ceremonies.

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#3 of 114 Old 06-19-2009, 04:16 PM
 
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My experience is only with conservative anabaptist groups.

I have been to weddings and church services as a guest, and never once has a dress code of any kind been issued. I wonder though if people are more aware of their standards and thus aware that they're supposed to be "respectful" in how they dress?

I dress modestly anyway but when I visited Rome it was amazing to me how many people seemed stunned and confused at being turned away in the Vatican because of wearing short-shorts and halter tops. And I wasn't even Catholic.
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#4 of 114 Old 06-19-2009, 06:55 PM
 
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Faith - it varies. Congregation - I honestly don't know. Most people are just pretty aware that wandering into a mosque in a strapless minidress is probably going to be frowned upon, you know? I've never really seen it come up. I can imagine someone showing up as such either being taken aside or just being gossiped about mercilessly. And because people don't consider mosques to be as much a part of the "we already know everything about it" landscape as a great many people would consider churches in the U.S., more often than not when I've known non-muslims to plan on attending they have themselves asked what's appropriate. Often with considerable obvious nervousness about offending.
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#5 of 114 Old 06-19-2009, 10:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hmmm. Thanks. I know some Russian Orthodox parishes here in the States have signs posted at the entrance that women must have their shoulders covered, and some require headcoverings for all females. Pants a huge no-no. Friends who have visited Russia and the Holy Land in the past year or two report that if a woman attempted to enter a church dressed inappropriately (no headcovering, bare shoulders/arms, shorts, short skirt, cleavage) would be given a scarf for their hair, a long wrap-around skirt (in some places) and a large scarf to cover shoulders.

In my previous parish (Orthodox), if a regular member dared to come to church dressed inappropriately, you'd be given a large scarf to cover bareness on top - not much you can do about a short skirt or way too tight pants. In fact, the priest would often give the woman something to cover up himself. In all the weddings he officiated, whether at his parish or elsewhere, he REQUIRED a note in the wedding invitation saying something along the lines of, "The wedding is taking place in the House of God. We require modest dress to respect that. No cleavage, no bare backs, stomachs, or bare shoulders. Head coverings are encouraged for all women." Mind you, this man was an absolute control freak, and even required that bridal showers and bachelor parties be conducted in a certain way! Needless to say, this is a major reason why I'm no longer at that parish!

I'd forgotten previous priest's wedding guest dress requirements until the recent wedding at my current parish. Current priest is rather laid back. He strongly suggests no cleavage to brides, but bare shoulders are OK. Bride had a classy strapless dress that showed no cleavage. But I'd never seen so many people without a sense of decorum for a formal church wedding. Not only were most of the women scantily dressed, but there were men who came in ratty t-shirts, jeans, and dirty sneakers. And this for a wedding with a reception at a fancy country club!

I simply don't know what it was with the friends/family of this particular couple that made so many of them dress for partying, rather than a church wedding.

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#6 of 114 Old 06-20-2009, 08:28 AM
 
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Wow, that's kind of sad. Maybe they just weren't aware?

Although our church has no formal dress code whatsoever, people's lack of decorum/awareness is certainly a problem enough that they provide shawls so that at least ladies wearing short skirts won't end up flashing the preacher when they sit down, or so the women who are in choir on stage won't be displaying themselves for all to see because of a skirt that's too short when they're sitting down. :
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#7 of 114 Old 06-21-2009, 02:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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CM, was talking with groom's mom today, and she said that her new DIL's family are all regular churchgoers (Lutheran). When she told me that, I thought, "Then why didn't they dress more appropriate for a church?" Of course, I didn't say anything to her.

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#8 of 114 Old 06-21-2009, 02:53 PM
 
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CM, was talking with groom's mom today, and she said that her new DIL's family are all regular churchgoers (Lutheran). When she told me that, I thought, "Then why didn't they dress more appropriate for a church?" Of course, I didn't say anything to her.

I am a Lutheran, have been my entire life, and in general no one would ever be turned away from a service because of their dress. Many people attend services immediaely after work - I have even seen people who work in construction come to a Wednesday even service in their jeans and work shirt. While most would not attend a service in overly provocative clothing no one is ever turned away from worshiping based on their attire.
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#9 of 114 Old 06-21-2009, 03:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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While most would not attend a service in overly provocative clothing no one is ever turned away from worshiping based on their attire.
I don't know if you read the entire thread - this was a wedding where 75% of the women dressed very inappropriately - very provocatively - for a wedding in a church.

You'd think (or hope) that folks with experience of regular church-going would not do that, particularly for a wedding of a denomination they'd not have experience with before.

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#10 of 114 Old 06-21-2009, 03:48 PM
 
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I don't know if you read the entire thread - this was a wedding where 75% of the women dressed very inappropriately - very provocatively - for a wedding in a church.

You'd think (or hope) that folks with experience of regular church-going would not do that, particularly for a wedding of a denomination they'd not have experience with before.
Yes I read the entire thread - I only responded because you specifically mentioned Lutherans in your post that I quoted.

Just because a person's attire was inappropriate for your church does not mean that goes the same for their church. I can understand how someone might feel comfortable attending a wedding in a church in clothing that they might wear to a weekly service. My point was that I am sure they meant no disrespect in their choice in clothing - if a individual church is so strict in their dress code then, as mentioned above, specific instructions really need to be included in the invitation.
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#11 of 114 Old 06-21-2009, 04:01 PM
 
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When I was married in a ROCOR parish/convent, I spoke with our younger guests and my groom's family personally (we kept it relatively small - <100 total) ahead of time to make sure that people knew what to expect. BUT... that was over 20 years ago.

Having said that, I have been to numerous religious ceremonies including weddings, baptisms, bris, bar/bat mitzvahs and been completely shocked at the attire. What amused me, though, is that the last bat mitzvah I attended, the mother made a point of (repeatedly) telling me how to dress. (Yes, it annoyed me a bit, as I told her repeatedly that our "dress code" was the same, so I knew how to dress appropriately.) The only ones who dressed inappropriately were members of HER family (and they were the ones who insisted that she had to serve kosher) - who showed up in shorts and tank tops. And then proceeded to get tanked at the after-party.

I have, however, been at services where people have been requested to leave due to their attire. Mostly women wearing slacks in the winter. They were asked to return when dressed appropriately, while the women with form-fitting skirts (*nothing* left to the imagination) were welcomed to stay.
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#12 of 114 Old 06-21-2009, 04:05 PM
 
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ime - most the women I know dress for the party afterwards & really don't think at all about what would be appropriate for the church part. I don't dress provocatively but I have attended a lot of weddings with bare shoulders. I agree that if a parish is particularly strict about dress code it should be indicated in the invitations.

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#13 of 114 Old 06-21-2009, 08:43 PM
 
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One thing that strikes me about those who show up in ratty clothes - it used to be well known that the formality of the wedding was determined by the formality of the wedding party. So if they are in tuxes and gowns, it's black tie for the guests too. (Think Four Weddings and a Funeral - I hated the movie but the dress etiquette was correct.)

I think this has been forgotten because brides want fancy clothes, and the guests in most situations don't have a lot of black or white tie outfits, or morning suits, in their closets. They wouldn't come if they had to all dress up that much. And the wedding industry likes it because they make more money.

But it's too the point now that there is no connection to the formality of the event and dress for some wedding guests.

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#14 of 114 Old 06-21-2009, 08:54 PM
 
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I've always covered my hair, arms and legs for the ultra-Orthodox Jewish events I've attended, out of respect. That's really not a very great sacrifice, I think.

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#15 of 114 Old 06-21-2009, 10:41 PM
 
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As a guest I'd appreciate being given a head's up about dress regulations in a place of worship I didn't attend.

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#16 of 114 Old 06-21-2009, 10:51 PM
 
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My mom's wedding invitation included a note to those invited that the church has a dress code and all guests were asked to avoid short skirts, low neck lines and speghetti straps. No one seemed to mind in the least.

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#17 of 114 Old 06-21-2009, 11:39 PM
 
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In some traditions weddings take place in church buildings but they are not church services. So people don't think about it as dressing for a church service they think about dressing for a party. Also, it is really difficult to find cute stylish dresses for young women that are not revealing. I bought a new dress for a wedding recently and I must have tried on at least 30 dresses before I found one that my cleavage fit into without showing too much. Then I had to buy a cropped short sleeve jacket to cover the spaghetti straps. It was a lot of trouble. And of course many at the wedding were dressed in more revealing things. I always appreciate it when the invitation gives me an idea of how to dress, but it shouldn't be rudely worded or overly detailed. And I'd keep some extra shawls on hand and someone who has the tact to distribute them without making the guests feel bad.

I do not personally like turning anyone away from the house of God because they did not know how they were expected to dress. In most cases the guest will realize that their dress is out of place and come more appropriately attired in the future. The place for dealing with inappropriate dress, in my opinion, is after a relationship has been formed with the community which is certainly not during the first visit. The idea of a church having the dress code posted on the door seems antithetical to being welcoming to the outcast in the way that Christ was welcoming to prostitutes, tax collectors, and other outcasts of society.
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#18 of 114 Old 06-22-2009, 12:32 PM
 
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I would hope if it were my wedding that the focus would be on *ME* rather than on what other guests are wearing. Everyone's version of what is "provocative" or "immodest" is different. YMMV
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#19 of 114 Old 06-22-2009, 02:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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In some traditions weddings take place in church buildings but they are not church services. So people don't think about it as dressing for a church service they think about dressing for a party. Also, it is really difficult to find cute stylish dresses for young women that are not revealing. I bought a new dress for a wedding recently and I must have tried on at least 30 dresses before I found one that my cleavage fit into without showing too much. Then I had to buy a cropped short sleeve jacket to cover the spaghetti straps. It was a lot of trouble. And of course many at the wedding were dressed in more revealing things. I always appreciate it when the invitation gives me an idea of how to dress, but it shouldn't be rudely worded or overly detailed. And I'd keep some extra shawls on hand and someone who has the tact to distribute them without making the guests feel bad.

I do not personally like turning anyone away from the house of God because they did not know how they were expected to dress. In most cases the guest will realize that their dress is out of place and come more appropriately attired in the future. The place for dealing with inappropriate dress, in my opinion, is after a relationship has been formed with the community which is certainly not during the first visit. The idea of a church having the dress code posted on the door seems antithetical to being welcoming to the outcast in the way that Christ was welcoming to prostitutes, tax collectors, and other outcasts of society.
Indie, there is rather a large difference in someone attending a church wedding by invitation/at the request of a family member or a friend and someone who is searching for a spiritual home. If someone who is attending a wedding, as an INVITED guest, can't be bothered to put out the bit of extra effort to dress appropriately for the ceremony, then perhaps they ought to skip the ceremony and go straight to the reception. Or perhaps just stay at home.

If a woman has a revealing dress, she can buy/borrow a shawl (many people I know have one they don't wear much). It's surely going to be cheaper than the jacket you ended up purchasing. I have a thin dressy shawl I bought at Target for $13 last fall. She can keep that over the revealing top of the dress during the ceremony. Upon leaving the church, she can take it off and show all to the world.

A man, instead of showing up in a ratty t-shirt, jeans, and dirty sneakers, surely has one basic button front shirt, non-jeans pants, and clean shoes. Heck, even a polo shirt and khakis are much better.

It's a matter of showing respect and consideration for both the event, as well as the couple who are getting married. If someone can't do this, it begs the question of if they show up dressed appropriately for a job interview or work.

And as for the "too many details on how not to dress" in the invite, well, given what people ARE wearing, they obviously need specific instructions on what NOT to wear. I even see that in the dress code in my office. Some women are frankly almost totally clueless about what's appropriate for an office and have to be told specifically, "You can't wear this, but you can wear that."

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#20 of 114 Old 06-22-2009, 10:20 PM
 
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In houses of worship with specific requirements for dress, it needs to be included in invitations if there's a possibility of offending people. I think Liquesce makes a great point, too, that people typically feel comfortable with other Christian churches if they're Christian. They probably didn't think about asking. I know that for me, while I know what to wear to a mosque, I'd have to ask if I were planning to attend a Jewish ceremony because I don't know as much about requirements for women at a synagogue. If I were invited to a Christian service, I'd be much less likely to ask. I wouldn't show up in a miniskirt because I don't wear them, but I'd never think a thing of wearing a sleeveless dress to a service.

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#21 of 114 Old 06-23-2009, 09:27 AM
 
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In houses of worship with specific requirements for dress, it needs to be included in invitations if there's a possibility of offending people. I think Liquesce makes a great point, too, that people typically feel comfortable with other Christian churches if they're Christian. They probably didn't think about asking. I know that for me, while I know what to wear to a mosque, I'd have to ask if I were planning to attend a Jewish ceremony because I don't know as much about requirements for women at a synagogue. If I were invited to a Christian service, I'd be much less likely to ask. I wouldn't show up in a miniskirt because I don't wear them, but I'd never think a thing of wearing a sleeveless dress to a service.
It's interesting, because while I would never think to wear a "sexy" dress to a church service, I would very likely not think about a sleeveless dress being inappropriate (unless it was obviously sexy, with spaghetti straps or something.) Sleeveless dresses just don't register as sexy to me, though I know some denominations feel that way. I guess shoulders are not my thing.

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#22 of 114 Old 06-30-2009, 06:25 AM
 
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Indie, there is rather a large difference in someone attending a church wedding by invitation/at the request of a family member or a friend and someone who is searching for a spiritual home. If someone who is attending a wedding, as an INVITED guest, can't be bothered to put out the bit of extra effort to dress appropriately for the ceremony, then perhaps they ought to skip the ceremony and go straight to the reception. Or perhaps just stay at home.
I was referring to the poster who mentioned churches that have the dress code posted at the door. I see that I did not make it clear. It was a bit of a side tangent, but I think that is a completely inappropriate thing for a church to do. It is antithetical to the welcoming gospel of Christ. I would never go to a church that would turn a person away because they did not (yet) know how to dress appropriately.

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If a woman has a revealing dress, she can buy/borrow a shawl (many people I know have one they don't wear much). It's surely going to be cheaper than the jacket you ended up purchasing. I have a thin dressy shawl I bought at Target for $13 last fall. She can keep that over the revealing top of the dress during the ceremony. Upon leaving the church, she can take it off and show all to the world.
The price of the jacket was roughly equivalent to the price of a shawl but much cuter. And something that I will actually wear again. I'm not a fan of dresses with spaghetti straps, but it was literally the only thing I could find that fit. It is cute with the jacket and too revealing for my personal taste without.

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A man, instead of showing up in a ratty t-shirt, jeans, and dirty sneakers, surely has one basic button front shirt, non-jeans pants, and clean shoes. Heck, even a polo shirt and khakis are much better.
I'm not advocating dressing like that and have personally never seen that at a wedding.

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It's a matter of showing respect and consideration for both the event, as well as the couple who are getting married. If someone can't do this, it begs the question of if they show up dressed appropriately for a job interview or work.
They may or may not. But I think it is more of a gray area because expectations are not the same at each church. I would venture to say that the overwhelming majority of cases of inappropriate dress are not disrespect by rather ignorance.

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And as for the "too many details on how not to dress" in the invite, well, given what people ARE wearing, they obviously need specific instructions on what NOT to wear. I even see that in the dress code in my office. Some women are frankly almost totally clueless about what's appropriate for an office and have to be told specifically, "You can't wear this, but you can wear that."
I'm talking about what is appropriate from an etiquette perspective. It is certainly appropriate to give your guests details as needed on your wedding site, when they RSVP, etc. But the invitation should not have a big long list of what not to wear. When the information is communicated, it needs to be done in a manner that is not rude.



After reading the other thread where someone mentioned measuring from the collar bone to the neckline of the dress I now realize that my dress may have, after all of the precautions I took, still have been considered inappropriate to certain people. That's just the thing. Modesty is so subjective. If the whole point in asking for modesty is that the wedding is a religious service, we should balance our desire for modesty with our desire for folks to come out of that religious service viewing the church as a welcoming place rather than a shaming place.
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#23 of 114 Old 06-30-2009, 01:35 PM
 
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Friends who have visited Russia and the Holy Land in the past year or two report that if a woman attempted to enter a church dressed inappropriately (no headcovering, bare shoulders/arms, shorts, short skirt, cleavage) would be given a scarf for their hair, a long wrap-around skirt (in some places) and a large scarf to cover shoulders.
Similar for men. In both the Holy Land and Russia, I made a point of carrying either a wrap-around or easily pulled on skirt in my bag, so that I could dress properly when entering a holy site. I could not get my (now ex) husband to understand that he could NOT approach the Wailing Wall or enter the Church of the Holy Sepulchre (for example) wearing shorts. He was asked to leave both, as well as other, places. He was ticked. Oh well. When in Rome, is what I say.
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#24 of 114 Old 06-30-2009, 02:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm talking about what is appropriate from an etiquette perspective. It is certainly appropriate to give your guests details as needed on your wedding site, when they RSVP, etc. But the invitation should not have a big long list of what not to wear. When the information is communicated, it needs to be done in a manner that is not rude.

If the whole point in asking for modesty is that the wedding is a religious service, we should balance our desire for modesty with our desire for folks to come out of that religious service viewing the church as a welcoming place rather than a shaming place.
Regardless of how it's worded, I suspect there would be *someone* who would be offended - either at the wording itself or the fact that they might not be able to wear what they preferred. The "you can't make everyone happy" thing.

I'd done some reading online recently and found that for both Muslim and Orthodox Jewish weddings, it's quite common for men and women to be separated at the reception, either different rooms by some sort of a divider. The dress requirements for guests were even more strict - and there is no difference in modesty requirements for ceremony and reception - heads covered for women, long sleeves, ankle length skirts, necklines have to be very close to the base of the neck, etc.

I get the vibes off some posts that pp are offended with being told how to dress for a Christian wedding, but what if you were a guest at a Muslim or Orthodox Jewish wedding with an even stricter dress code (than a Christian wedding) that's quite specific? And were told that you'd only be partying with women?

See, for these folks, it's not a "shaming" thing, modesty is a huge part of their way of life. When many average Americans think of a Muslim woman, the covered hair and long dress is the first thing that often comes to mind. Would you tell such a bride or her family that requiring their wedding guests to cover up is a shame thing and they have to be welcoming - at their event - of people who are dressed in ways that totally offend their religious sensibilities?

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#25 of 114 Old 06-30-2009, 05:53 PM
 
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I'd done some reading online recently and found that for both Muslim and Orthodox Jewish weddings, it's quite common for men and women to be separated at the reception, either different rooms by some sort of a divider. The dress requirements for guests were even more strict - and there is no difference in modesty requirements for ceremony and reception - heads covered for women, long sleeves, ankle length skirts, necklines have to be very close to the base of the neck, etc.
I'm curious where you're reading?
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#26 of 114 Old 07-01-2009, 12:50 AM
 
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I get the vibes off some posts that pp are offended with being told how to dress for a Christian wedding, but what if you were a guest at a Muslim or Orthodox Jewish wedding with an even stricter dress code (than a Christian wedding) that's quite specific? And were told that you'd only be partying with women?
I wouldn't have a problem if it were another religion. I've been thinking about why, and I think it's because I'm not a follower of those religions. I'm dressing and acting in the proscribed manner out of a respect for religious diversity. As a Christian, I'm comfortable with my spiritual walk and don't need other Christians to insist I follow *their* version of Christianity.

Of course this is all an academic exercise to me in terms of Christianity. I cannot imagine an experience in which I would be invited to an Orthodox Christian service. Though I grew up fundy, we didn't have such strict dress requirements as the examples in this thread. I have no friends who are of such strict denominations because really I can't imagine we'd have enough in common to be invited to their weddings.

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#27 of 114 Old 07-01-2009, 02:12 AM
 
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Originally Posted by BrandiRhoades View Post
I have no friends who are of such strict denominations because really I can't imagine we'd have enough in common to be invited to their weddings.
I have been surprised at how close a friendship can develop between people totally at odds religiously.
Apart from that, a lot of visitors who attend weddings, baptisms, etc. at my church are there because they are blood relatives of the people involved.
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I wouldn't have a problem if it were another religion. I've been thinking about why, and I think it's because I'm not a follower of those religions. I'm dressing and acting in the proscribed manner out of a respect for religious diversity. As a Christian, I'm comfortable with my spiritual walk and don't need other Christians to insist I follow *their* version of Christianity.
In practice, some Christian denominations have almost nothing in common except the name "Christian." It really is like attending a ceremony of an entirely different religion.

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It is antithetical to the welcoming gospel of Christ. I would never go to a church that would turn a person away because they did not (yet) know how to dress appropriately.
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If the whole point in asking for modesty is that the wedding is a religious service, we should balance our desire for modesty with our desire for folks to come out of that religious service viewing the church as a welcoming place rather than a shaming place.
This seems to fit in with BrandiRhodes comments about being asked to accept another version of Christianity. Different denominations can have radically different perspectives on these things. In some churches, like a very traditional Orthodox Christian church, being welcoming or making a good impression on visitors is very far down the list of concerns. The church is considered a sacred place, the services sacred events, and not just in a metaphorical way. Making sure these things are treated reverently overrules any other consideration. Friendly conversation and "welcoming" activities are for another time and place, not for the church interior while services are underway.
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#28 of 114 Old 07-01-2009, 02:53 AM
 
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i think that if it is mentioned on the invitation it should be respected but if there is no mention of a dress code on the invitation it is unreasonable to assume people will know how to dress...and unfair to be surprised that people were dressed inappropriately. what is provocative is very subjective and if it is that important that guests are dressed a certain way it needs to be noted on the invitation. invitations usually say what kind of attire right? formal, semi formal etc... ? this would be the appropriate place to put any other dress code requirements you might have.

i have been to a lot of weddings... most of them have been catholic but not all. both dresses i have worn to the past two weddings i have been to would be considered provocative by the standards discussed in this thread. above the knee, ones a halter, ones low cut in the back and the front..etc they were perfectly acceptable for the weddings i went to and most people were dressed similarly. it would never occur to me that it would be inappropriate to wear. i would have not meant any disrespect and i would not have worn it if it were mentioned on the invitation that certain dress codes be kept.

i also agree with the PP who said many women dress for the reception not the wedding.

i kind of understand why a pastor would say something in this kind of situation...but i have to admit i think it would be kinder to understand that people mean no respect and singling them out may cause hurt feelings and embarrassment. especially if there was nothing on the invite. if there was something and a person is still dressed inappropriately i would probably assume they do not realize it (like if you said nothing without sleeves and they have thick straps.. maybe they thought nothing strapless) unless it is completely blatant.. then i would say something.

i do think it should be up to someone in the wedding party to say something to the person though.. not the pastor... how awkward.
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#29 of 114 Old 07-01-2009, 08:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by BrandiRhoades View Post
I wouldn't have a problem if it were another religion. I've been thinking about why, and I think it's because I'm not a follower of those religions. I'm dressing and acting in the proscribed manner out of a respect for religious diversity. As a Christian, I'm comfortable with my spiritual walk and don't need other Christians to insist I follow *their* version of Christianity.

Of course this is all an academic exercise to me in terms of Christianity. I cannot imagine an experience in which I would be invited to an Orthodox Christian service. Though I grew up fundy, we didn't have such strict dress requirements as the examples in this thread. I have no friends who are of such strict denominations because really I can't imagine we'd have enough in common to be invited to their weddings.
See bolded above. So, it seems that you're saying that by someone inviting you to their wedding and advising you that more modest dress is the norm in their church, you actually think they're trying to push their version of Christianity on you? For the hour (or however long) the ceremony lasts?

You don't have to be friends with someone, you could actually be the blood relative of someone. I'm a convert to Orthodoxy, and I believe Mamabadger is, as well. So even if you had family who attended such a church who wanted you to share their special day, you wouldn't dress more modestly out of respect for them, because you thought they were trying to push their brand of Christianity on you?

To think about this in a slightly different way: if a friend had gotten you a job interview in her office, but warned you to dress more conservatively than you normally would for the interview (because of the office culture), would you think she was trying to push her view of the workplace on you?

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#30 of 114 Old 07-01-2009, 09:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Liquesce View Post
I'm curious where you're reading?
I just googled Muslim wedding and came up with a bunch of sites. I don't remember which ones I read. There were a bunch. Guess I should have added a disclaimer that different ethnic groups probably have different ways. But I went to talk to the Muslim woman in my office yesterday, too. She was married in the States rather than her home country (in the Middle East) due to events there. She said her wedding was in a hotel ballroom. Men and women were in the same room for the ceremony portion (although on separate sides of the room), but once the reception began, men and women were separated by one of those sliding/folding room dividers. I asked her about dress code, and she said it was as I'd posted - women's head covered, long sleeves, ankle length skirts, etc.

I had a conservative Jewish roommate in college, who became Orthodox as she decided to become more observant, and she told me her reception had the men and women separate, as well.

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