grace based parenting, help me be an influence - Mothering Forums

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Old 08-22-2014, 06:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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grace based parenting, help me be an influence

The paragraph below was posted on the facebook page for a mom's bible study I'm in. All but one of these moms parent on a punishment/rewards system and many spank. I'm excited to have this opportunity to talk about grace-based parenting and I want to do a good job. What do you think of my proposed reply? How should it be improved?

"I have been pondering the following....

Many of us moms have read about, or listened to discussions on, grace-based parenting. This model has been adopted from biblical teachings on the character and parenting practices of God. That in mind.....

Does grace-based parenting incorporate consequences? Or does it just consistently give the child another chance without correction? Does God's model incorporate or negate consequences?

Based on this grace-based model.....

Are we effectively teaching our children how to deal with the harshness of the world outside of our homes and our churches? The real world is cruel and rarely supports christian ideals. Are we training our children to work with, work for, or work against reality?"

And here's my proposed reply: "Grace-based parenting incorporates natural consequences -- those that occur without a parent putting them into place. They're things like feeling the weather when not dressed appropriately, receiving a bad grade, running out of spending money... Sometimes, logical consequences might be used. A logical consequence shouldn't be punitive, but aim to fix the mistake or avoid a natural consequence that is too harsh. Consequences as a euphemism for punishment are avoided. Correction does occur, but it's more about exploring how actions could play out both for the child and for other people. It's about restoring instead of paying. Mistakes are an opportunity to learn.

Natural consequences are the real world. Punishment (and rewards) are manipulated by others and may keep a child thinking about what's in it for him rather than what is right and how his actions could affect others. Character and integrity help us to get through the harshness of reality.
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Old 08-22-2014, 09:31 AM
 
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You explain it beautifully!! I have a similar issue with many people in my family & at our church who parent so differently than we do (gentle discipline-- which I think is 100% in line with the teachings of Jesus--but that is simply my opinion).
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Old 08-24-2014, 07:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks! I'm wondering if I should add some resources. I'm kind of concerned that if someone just googles "grace-based parenting" they'll come up with Tim Kimmel's book, which I think does promote spanking.


I was thinking maybe Crystal Lutton's works. She's very scriptural and very AP.
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Old 08-26-2014, 11:28 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, I posted without a source. The reason being that after some research Tim Kimmel's book just has a blurb about spanking, and that it's a good "bridge" book so to speak. And while I think Crystal Lutton is great, her Biblical Parenting book is apparently out of print because it's just expensive used copies on amazon, and she's really just too radical for someone who hasn't already started the shift.


As it is the comment to mine says something like, yeah, our study supports what you said (umm, we're doing Boundaries for Kids, and I don't see that at all), and it says there are exceptions for natural consequences like we don't want our kids to get hit by a car, don't you agree? I don't expect our study to support my personal philosophy, I just saw a place to comment on something I know and care about, so I did.


And one of those MOPS videos of them all holding up the signs saying "I chose formula" and "I breastfed" was put up.


So hopefully I didn't open up a can of worms. I thought about it and tried hard to sum up the philosophy, answer the questions that were asked, and be diplomatic.


If anyone has had success in this kind of area, I'd love to hear about it.
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