Headcovering mamas with girls - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 14 Old 11-30-2007, 03:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Do your girls headcover? Is there a certain age when you start? While I only have DS right now, I'm pretty sure I have 2 girls coming in the future and I'm trying to figure out how I will handle this. Thanks!

Momma to DS1 4/5/06 nursed with IGT to self-weaning at 27 months, DS2 1/20/09 still nursing, DS3 due late November - planning to tandem with IGT and SNS
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#2 of 14 Old 11-30-2007, 04:21 PM
 
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Mine mostly started with wanting to be like momma. They cover for services and devotions. Eventually, I hope they will cover as a norm, but given their ages, it's not the most practical.

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#3 of 14 Old 11-30-2007, 07:50 PM
 
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Our church has a lot of variance. Since it is up to each individuals some people wait for their dd to decide to cover on their own. On the other hand some women begin covering their babies as soon as they are baptized (which happens smoetime in the first year). I htink most people at my church only cover for church too which kinda makes a difference in weather or not this is something you would want to impose no a young child though.

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#4 of 14 Old 11-30-2007, 08:55 PM
 
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I am a muslim mama, and I have two girls, aged 9 and almost 3 yrs old. My 9 yrs old cover for prayer, special times, and such, but we are focusing mainly on proper clothing for now, leaving headcover to come naturally by time. Its mandatory on her, religion vise, from puberty.

My almost-eight-years-old-son cover his head at all times with the little knitted headcap, similar to the kippah.

Mother of three little muslims!
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#5 of 14 Old 11-30-2007, 11:51 PM
 
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My girls are 6 and 2. When my 6 year old receives her First Communion and is of the age of reason, I'll explain in more detail why I cover during the Mass and give her the option of covering at Mass as well.
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#6 of 14 Old 12-02-2007, 05:59 PM
 
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I have a daughter who is under one... but in general, Muslim girls cover when they are praying and then once they reach puberty. If they go to a Muslim school, some have them wear hijab as part of their uniform... and others keep it for only the older girls.

Among my friends, most of their daughters started wearing hijab around 10 or 11 to imitate their Moms or big Sisters... some never wore hijab... and still others decided to wear it when they were older (15, 16, 17).

I have two boys (4 and 2) and they play with my hijabs... so I expect my daughter will to. Think of them is always available play silks.

Oh... some girls will start wearing it when they are eleven or twelve at the beginning of the school year, because they don't want everybody to know when they got their first period. (Girl isn't wearing hijab one day... shows up the next day in hijab. ) That's one of the reasons that some Muslim schools just make it mandatory for girls in 5th or 6th grade.

Mom to DS(8), DS(6), DD(4), and DS(1).  "Kids do as well as they can."

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#7 of 14 Old 12-02-2007, 06:06 PM
 
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Jewish women only cover hair after marriage. There are varied customs regarding women who are no longer married- most widows continue to cover, some divorced women do, others don't. I cover my hair now but I didn't for a while after I got divorced, but I never stopped wearing hats for prayers or entering a synagogue.

I don't always cover my hair at home but I will put on a hat if I'm going to pray at home, or to listen to kiddush, etc.

Sure, my kids (DS included) have borrowed my hats and snoods for "playing dress up" and "pretending to be Mommy" when they were small, but my daughters don't cover their hair now.

DD2 has a Muslima friend who wears the traditional Muslim clothing and hair covering since she's started puberty. Her little sister doesn't cover her hair yet, at least not when they're all out at homeschool events. I have no clue what they wear for prayer as I'm not with them at those times.

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#8 of 14 Old 12-05-2007, 12:02 AM
 
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Yes, since Jewish women don't cover until marriage, we just talk about it as something they will do when they marry. They do play with scarves and such and ask me to put them on their heads so they can "be a Mommy", but that's about it.
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#9 of 14 Old 12-09-2007, 12:44 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all for your responses. I was originally thinking at baptism (since that's when I'll be taking my official oath), but in our church we baptise at 8 and I was thinking that's really still too young. Maybe the puberty thing is good, but I agree that it might be an embarassing way of announcing to everyone that you've started, kwim? Oh well. I have at least 10 or more years to think about it I guess. lol

Momma to DS1 4/5/06 nursed with IGT to self-weaning at 27 months, DS2 1/20/09 still nursing, DS3 due late November - planning to tandem with IGT and SNS
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#10 of 14 Old 12-09-2007, 11:17 AM
 
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The "puberty thing" is basically the beginning of breast growth, which is fairly obvious on its own. DD's friend is already covering her hair and has not yet (as of the last time I spoke to her mom anyway) menstruating yet- in any case, hair covering preceded menstruation for that particular family. I don't know if different Muslimas interpret "the start of puberty" differently.

Most girls around that age are getting naturally modest anyway. I can certainly see differences even between my 2 daughters- my older one is more religious, more concerned about having her elbows covered, not wanting to wear pajama pants at a sleepover where the friend's dad might be there, etc. My younger one is more about "ok, this is good enough, can I go now?" But still, in general, neither one is comfortable being "half naked in public" which was simply not a concern at preschool age.

Since your religion doesn't give clear guidelines about when hair covering needs to start, I would leave it up to your daughter(s). Have the headcoverings available to her and let her decide when she wants to wear it all the time. By age 8 (or 10 or 12) she may very well decide for herself that she feels "half naked" without her hair covered.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18, and Jack, 12
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#11 of 14 Old 01-28-2008, 08:25 PM
 
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interesting about the puberty muslim covering thing. I could TOTALLY see how that might present a problem for a young woman (not wanting to "advertize" that she's got her first period). For Jewish woman, it comes with marriage and since that is a pretty non-embarassing public kind of thing it seems okay. The only issue is WHEN to start covering. Some say right there at the wedding you must begin to cover. Some say that it can wait until the following day. And some say that you can "half cover" like by keeping a veil on or something...

It's a process and a very personal decision.

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#12 of 14 Old 01-29-2008, 06:31 AM
 
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Originally Posted by jul511riv View Post
interesting about the puberty muslim covering thing. I could TOTALLY see how that might present a problem for a young woman (not wanting to "advertize" that she's got her first period). For Jewish woman, it comes with marriage and since that is a pretty non-embarassing public kind of thing it seems okay. The only issue is WHEN to start covering. Some say right there at the wedding you must begin to cover. Some say that it can wait until the following day. And some say that you can "half cover" like by keeping a veil on or something...

It's a process and a very personal decision.
I beleive that the difference of opinion amongst Jewish legal authorities regarding whether or not it is incumbent on a bride to cover her hair stems from the fact that a Jewish couple are not married really, untill they have sex. A Jewish marriage requires three things, the marriage contract, the sex and i think the third is the ring. It is in the first Mishnah in Kiddushin called "Ha Eisha Niknet." So after the wedding night, everyone agrees. But if you only have done 2 out of 3 requirements it is not clear what is required, some interpret more strictlyothers more leniently.
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#13 of 14 Old 01-30-2008, 07:20 PM
 
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Originally Posted by gilamama View Post
I beleive that the difference of opinion amongst Jewish legal authorities regarding whether or not it is incumbent on a bride to cover her hair stems from the fact that a Jewish couple are not married really, untill they have sex. A Jewish marriage requires three things, the marriage contract, the sex and i think the third is the ring. It is in the first Mishnah in Kiddushin called "Ha Eisha Niknet." So after the wedding night, everyone agrees. But if you only have done 2 out of 3 requirements it is not clear what is required, some interpret more strictlyothers more leniently.
thank you Gila.

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#14 of 14 Old 02-01-2008, 02:58 AM
 
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you're welcom. Happy to ablige.
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