help me give my family some good reasons... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 21 Old 11-20-2008, 10:45 AM - Thread Starter
 
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... why my son DOESN'T NEED A PACI!!:

I have always been sort of on the fence about paci's.. Never really liked them, or the idea of shoving something in your babe's mouth just to quiet them, they always spit them out and you gotta put them back in, then the thought of weaning them from the paci.... (those of you who do like them, not trying to offend you in any way, this is just a personal opinion, and I know some babies have really high sucking needs and there ARE ways to use them correctly.. just hate to see the paci in babe's mouth ALL the time.) My son doesn't have a huge sucking need, he nurses (on demand) every 2 or so hours, for maybe 15 minutes, and sometimes sucks on his fingers and seems to be very content with that!

Anyway, I got TONS of paci's at my shower, and have been told on several occasions "use a paci, IT WORKS!" "i couldn't live without his/her paci!" etc. etc.....

I have sort of lied to my fam, told them that I 'tried' (this consisted of me putting the paci in his mouth, he spit it right back out, so 'ok, he doesn't like it') to give him one and he wouldn't take it, but that it was ok because I wasn't crazy about them anyway.... well my grandma went out and bought me a few different kinds last week 'to see if he likes those better.' and told my sister that I NEEDED to give him a paci, cuz sometimes you just have to 'shut them up!!' : (now keep in mind my grandma, who is very pro-BF'ing now, did not BF her own kids)

With thanksgiving around the corner, I know i'm going to hear it from several family members that I need to give him a paci, and I need some other reasons other than "I DON'T LIKE THEM" to give my family so they will shut up and stop trying to force this on me!!! (My family is VERY mainstream/oldschool and have given me crap about natural childbirth/not circing/cosleeping... so you'd think they would get it through their heads I'm NOT doing things the way they do!)

Anybody have anything? (I have heard they can be bad for BF'ing relationship)

Thanks mamas!

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#2 of 21 Old 11-20-2008, 11:42 AM
 
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Cons:
The arguments against the pacifier are that it can lead to malformation in the mouth and of the teeth.
That it creates dependence for the infant that is hard to break as they get older.
There are also arguments that the pacifier can serve as a deterrent to breast-feeding babies because the shape of the nipple is so different.

Pros:
It is easier to wean kids off of a pacifier than their thumb.
There is new research that shows a decreased SIDS risk to infants who use a pacifier. The pacifier is a great substitute for the nipple when the baby is seeking comfort sucking rather than sustenance sucking.
The pacifier can help avoid overeating even at such a young age.

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#3 of 21 Old 11-20-2008, 11:44 AM
 
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There arelots of good reasons not to use a pacifier- ESPECIALLY if your lo doesn't need one!

-interferes with breastfeeding/latch/supply/weight gain
-have to wean from it later
-LO doesn't need it
-gives him pimples
-can interfere with speech development

and some more hotly contested ones like

-causes overbite
-prevents proper jaw development
-whatever you can make up!


Be creative. . . or pretend you don't hear them when they suggest it!


My lo's have wanted/needed paci, and I did not need to wean from it with ds1. We lost it at about 10 mos and never thought about it again. I'm glad for you your LO doesn't need one!

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#4 of 21 Old 11-20-2008, 12:22 PM
 
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Just keep saying "he doesn't like it" or "he doesn't need it." That's what I do, b/c it's true--dd has zero interest. I find that people don't try to convince me when I frame it as her preference, b/c most people think it's great when a baby doesn't need a paci, even pro-paci people.

When you make it about you, then people get defensive about their choices & that's just not helpful to anyone, IMO. No reason to get into a big debate over it with people who don't understand or even really care. Best save your energy to educate your pregnant/new mom friends that a paci isn't a necessity.

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#5 of 21 Old 11-20-2008, 12:56 PM
 
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I assume your looking for something more the "Cause I'm the mama and I said so!"

Seriously, my MIL keeps wanting my to give dd a bottle. I usually just say, "well we haven't needed one yet, but we have that option if we need it." Then quickly go on to tell her something cute dd has done recently.

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#6 of 21 Old 11-20-2008, 01:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by superfastreader View Post
Just keep saying "he doesn't like it" or "he doesn't need it." That's what I do, b/c it's true--dd has zero interest. I find that people don't try to convince me when I frame it as her preference, b/c most people think it's great when a baby doesn't need a paci, even pro-paci people.
This is what I have tried in the past-- "DS won't take one, and that is ok with me because I'm not crazy about them" is my usual line but it doesn't seem to cut it. (I also say that he chokes on them, just spits them out, etc.) In response to that I get "well, maybe you should keep trying?" "when he spits it out you just have to keep working with him!" "which kinds have you tried? different babies like different kinds! You should try the nuk, soothie, etc. etc."

Maybe I could change my phrase to "DS doesn't like it, and a few mamas I know have had them interfere with BF'ing".... how does that sound?

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#7 of 21 Old 11-20-2008, 01:29 PM
 
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I would just say something like, "Thanks, I'll think about that," just to shut them up. Otherwise, stick with saying that he doesn't like them, that should work over time. Or throw those facts at them like overbite and whatnot, b/c that's something that's real and that people can't just brush off.

Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
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#8 of 21 Old 11-20-2008, 01:38 PM
 
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I like pacis, think they are cute, and I myself sucked my fingers until I was 10. :

That said, I've pushed them with both of my children, and they just.don't.like.them. What can you do? You can't make a baby take a pacifier. You just can't.

So, I'd keep telling your relatives that. "He doesn't like it." Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

The one thing all our pacis are good for? At around 8-10 months, I could put my first son in the high chair with a huge pile of them, he'd take them, put it in his mouth for about a second, the pull it out, and he'd toss it on the floor and laugh hysterically. It was a great game that enabled me to get supper cooked many a night. So, they were good for something.
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#9 of 21 Old 11-20-2008, 04:08 PM
 
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I agree that you should just keep telling your family that he doesn't like them. I want to add, though, that pacis only really help prevent overeating in bottle fed babies...a breastfed child that wants to nurse all the time probably needs the calories.

The exception, of course, would be if mama has an oversupply and the baby wants to suck for comfort but keeps getting reflux due to mama's oversupply. That was totally the situation with my firstborn and he took a paci.
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#10 of 21 Old 11-20-2008, 05:34 PM
 
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I would just keep telling them he doesn't like them. Make stuff up if you have to. I know I've tried to give ds2 a paci because there are times when he has a very high sucking need that has nothing to do with eating. Every attempt at using the paci ends with ds2 gagging and crying more. I would tell them that you had tried different kinds all to the same result, certainly they wouldn't want you gagging your baby on purpose? Good luck!

Elizabeth wife to Matt , mom to Logan (2/21/01) , and little man Desmond (9/23/08)

Mourning the loss of her father: Robert Edward Dillon 5/31/52 - 01/03/2011

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#11 of 21 Old 11-20-2008, 06:18 PM
 
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You don't need scientific evidence or anything to justify your parenting decisions to your extended family -- just choose a short, simple, vague phrase such as, "Thanks, but we're fine" and repeat it over and over until they get tired of trying to engage you in a debate. Works every time.

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#12 of 21 Old 11-20-2008, 06:31 PM
 
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Originally Posted by limabean View Post
You don't need scientific evidence or anything to justify your parenting decisions to your extended family -- just choose a short, simple, vague phrase such as, "Thanks, but we're fine" and repeat it over and over until they get tired of trying to engage you in a debate. Works every time.
Exactly Then ask them to pass the bean dip...
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#13 of 21 Old 11-20-2008, 06:35 PM
 
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I wouldn't give them any reason beyond "he doesn't like them, and neither do I." And change the subject. Repeat if necessary.

Wife to a wonderful dh and mom to four beautiful kiddos, dd (3/04):, ds1 (1/06), ds2 (10/08), and ds3 (7/10)
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#14 of 21 Old 11-20-2008, 06:41 PM
 
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Yep, any of the previous answers will work great.

Some kids just don't like them. My DS is one of them!
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#15 of 21 Old 11-21-2008, 01:37 PM
 
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Because Mama doesn't want to

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#16 of 21 Old 11-21-2008, 01:47 PM
 
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Say

"He doesn't seem to need them. He's happy just nursing. Besides, my friend gave her baby one and she had lots of trouble with it changing her latch! Her baby was really struggling. So I'd rather be safe than sorry."

Totally true. I'm your friend, right? People like that LOVE anecdotes (prefer them to real evidence, actually, IME).

If they ask about your friend you have my permission to say "Oh my friend Rue and her baby Emmy ... yeah ... they live near New Orleans. I never told you about her? She's really cool."
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#17 of 21 Old 11-21-2008, 01:47 PM
 
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With my family that was gung ho on pacis I just let them try to give it to him. I hadn't trained him to it, so it was just too much trouble, so they gave up. He thinks they are teething chew toys, which is at once hilarious and confusing because he isn't teething yet.

They also thought I was overfeeding him by nursing him so frequently, and that he needed a paci because he was using the boob for it (like that's the worst thing in the world). But hey, my baby at 8 months is big for his age but under average weight for his length. He was never being overfed, he needed milk to grow and thrive.
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#18 of 21 Old 11-21-2008, 02:09 PM
 
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Is it even possible to overfeed an EBF baby? I thought they only eat when they're hungry, and if they're hungry a lot, well...that's because they need the calories.

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#19 of 21 Old 11-21-2008, 03:06 PM
 
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I just used the "he doesn't need it." My son could never figure out that whole pacifier thing - he kept batting at it with his hands & chomping on it. He thought they were chew toys & never realized that you could suck on them. My Grandmother was obsessed with trying to get my son to take a pacifier - any little squeek & she was trying to plug him. One time he was sitting there smiling, but you could barely tell because she had a pacifier in his mouth! She stopped doing it once she realized she was suppressing smiles! He does suck his thumb about half the time as he drifts off to sleep. He just doesn't have a strong need to suck.
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#20 of 21 Old 11-22-2008, 06:36 PM
 
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my little one is only 7 weeks but i've already dealt with this a few times and i think i put an end to it pretty quickly. I also was on the fense deciding to use it or not, but I finally decided for sure when spending time around my friend's 7 month old who screams any time he doesnt have it in his mouth. I decided it looks stupid and therefore am gonna skip it alltogether.

When people offer it i just say "I think it looks really stupid and would be laziness on my part. In europe they even call them "dummies" And besides, I don't want to deal with weaning her off" sometimes I add in something about speech development for good measure. nobody has continued the conversation yet.
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#21 of 21 Old 11-22-2008, 06:57 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Kim919 View Post

When people offer it i just say "I think it looks really stupid and would be laziness on my part. In europe they even call them "dummies" And besides, I don't want to deal with weaning her off" sometimes I add in something about speech development for good measure. nobody has continued the conversation yet.
That cracked me up. I can't quite imagine the person continuing after you said that, so it certainly is effective!


Quote:
and have been told on several occasions "use a paci, IT WORKS!"
I would just say "it works for what?" And then whatever they say, tell them that that situation hasn't come up, that problem hasn't happened, so he just doesn't need them.

Kids are different!


I was and am just ridiculously against them, but in the early days there were many times that hubby needed to take care of DS without much of my help (other than nursing). He begged me to let me use them, so we bought some. Hubby was very very helpful and if he really really needed this help, when DS seemed to want *something* but didn't want to nurse, I was basically OK with it. DS used it for a minute then would be "over" it, and hubby would be OK with that. He'd try again another time, same thing would happen, etc.

The cutest thing, actually, that happened with them is that we kept them as a "toy" for DS. We have some cuuuuute pictures of him crawling around, with the handle thing in his mouth, nipple part out. He really liked using it in THAT way, but never much liked the actual nipple!
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