Were you BFed? How long? Does it affect the support system you have? - Mothering Forums

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Old 05-22-2009, 05:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Just curious if your upbringing influenced your choice to BF...

I was EBF and self weaned at 14mo. My mom asked how long to BF and her doctor told her "She'll stop when she's ready." One day I just stopped asking for "nummies" before bed. She said it was really hard for her emotionally, but she was SO glad she chose to let me make that choice. So I have lots of support from her to BF until he's done.

DH's mom was different. She introduced food early (like, 3mo and he got cereal) and weaned all of the kids before a year. FIL has also been heard to say that "6 or 7mo is long enough" and last night MIL was SHOCKED when I said I was considering going for 2 years. (We're for sure on a year, after that it's up to the baby)


What about you?

Kas (24), Helpmeet to Stefan (25), Mom to Franklin Gaudelio 4/15/09, Jonathan Boswell 1/2/11
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Old 05-22-2009, 06:13 PM
 
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My mom considered herself to be pretty "crunchy" till i had a baby She breast fed me till about 6 months and was a firm believer in the "if they're old enough to ask for it they're to old to nurse". Then I had my lo and told her that my plan was to nurse till at least one (which has now changed to two) and first she was shocked. But she did a bunch of research and called me to tell me that her research agreed that extended bfing is best so now she's super supportive.

My dh also wasn't originally supportive but has come around as well.
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Old 05-22-2009, 06:17 PM
 
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I was nursed only 6 weeks...my mom claims that I had colic unless she ate plain white rice and nothing else. Not sure when she introduced solids. I have always had a lot of health problems, but I don't catch bugs/viruses much does that make sense?).

DH was nursed 6 months, no idea about starting solids, and he has lots of asthma problems, joint issues, ear infections, etc. When I tell him bf babies are healthier, he says "what about me?" and I am always reminding him that he could have MORE problems if he wasn't nursed. He rarely catches bugs/viruses...much less than me.

I think vaccines, diet, and environmental factors do have a lot to do with it, too.

Partnered mama with DD (01/04) and DD (08/09) and 8 critters, including a !
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Old 05-22-2009, 06:22 PM
 
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My mom nursed me for 8 months. Not really sure why she weaned...probably lack of support to go further. She is VERY supportive of me nursing ds for as long as we both want (he's 21 months and still going strong...loves his nuh-nuhs). In fact, I first thought I'd want to wean at 2, but now i just can't imagine it and hope he never weans! lol. Well, maybe by the time he's off for college hehe.

DH's fam, not as supportive per say, but also don't tend to make any negative comments (anymore, after a big blow out...involving many things not just bf'ing).

Oh and neither my fam or dh's fam are "crunchy". We (dh and i) are just both very liberal, and after becoming pregnant and researching more "natural" ways, we are hooked on the crunch. lol That's a fun quote "hooked on the crunch" ehehhe

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Old 05-22-2009, 06:30 PM
 
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My mom breast fed my older sister for a year and me for six months. She weaned me abruptly because of the medication she started taking for seizures she had (out of nowhere). She was both scared of the unexplained seizures and devastated by the loss of our nursing relationship. She still tears up if you ask her about it.

She has been supportive of my nursing DS for as long as he wants, but she thinks I should night wean him b/c I'm pregnant and tired. She doesn't push it or anything.

ETA: DH's mom nursed both her boys for a year. Public nursing makes her uncomfortable, I'm pretty sure, though she hasn't said anything. Other than that, she's very supportive.

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Old 05-22-2009, 07:24 PM
 
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I was adopted at birth and never BF...my parents have been great, though. My mom has said that she looked into doing whatever she would have to do to try to breastfeed, but that it wasn't really possible since they had no idea when they would be getting a baby. They asked the social workers about this, and were told that they were not set up to do advanced planning like that. I assume that my arrival was much like my younger brother's...visits from the social workers for months, then a call out of the blue to come to the office tomorrow to pick up the new kid. I was 8 weeks old.

It's sad in retrospect, really. I found my birthmother several years ago. She had understood a bit about the bonding between a newborn and its parents, and had asked the social workers on her end to ensure that I was connected with my adoptive parents as soon as possible after the birth. She said that she was assured during the last weeks of her pregnancy that my adoptive parents had already been matched to me and that they knew I was coming, yadda yadda. Had 'the system' been a bit more proactive, maybe things could have worked out in the way that both my birth mother and my adoptive parents had wanted. The bad old days of old school closed adoptions, I guess.

Anyway, my parents have been very supportive of breastfeeding. They aren't much help, per se, as they have no experience...and sometimes little things give them away, like my dad asking over and over again if I was sure that my 1 day old daughter didn't need a bottle of water now and then. But they're great, really, and I know it's saddened my mom to see my brother's wife going to formula so quickly with both of her children (minimal breastfeeding for a week or two). She hasn't said it out loud, but I think she doesn't understand why anyone would want to FF if they have the choice - that she didn't have.

Hubby was also not breastfed. His mom was told that she must drink milk in order to make milk, and she wasn't able to do that...and she was young and had some pressure from her friends to bottle feed so that she would not be 'tied to the baby'. Of course, she was also a single parent, working full time, and living a continent away from her family. No support or help at all, so its easy to understand her situation. His family has been great though, as breastfeeding is the norm in their country. I think they have been a bit surprised that we are still BF'ing at a year, but they're not at all judgemental or funny about it.

During my daughter's pregnancy, I heard a few bad stories. One mom wanted to BF her second child, but her family told her it was gross and beneath her. The grandmother was this mom's childcare, and told her that she would not touch a bottle of pumped milk if it was brought to her, that it was dirty. It breaks my heart a little to hear such things...and when I do, I'm grateful for my supportive family. They may not know much about it, but they're wonderful and open for supporting us in it anyway.
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Old 05-22-2009, 07:26 PM
 
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I was breastfed until I was over 2, I'm not exactly sure how old I was when I weaned... I kind of vaguely remember calling it "coffeemilk" and up until a short time ago, I thought that's just what I called nursing/breastmilk, but my mom recently confessed that she weaned me by putting a tiny bit of coffee on her nipples

Now, it sounds terrible and if I read something on here about someone doing that I would probably think "omg that's awful!!" but I actually think it's pretty funny, and I love how long my mom did bf me. Because she got so much hassle about it! Her mother was supportive but her MIL and pretty much everyone else said she was harming me etc by bf me that long...

When she was still in hospital after I was born, the midwives used to laugh at her for breastfeeding me (times change... I had dd in the same hospital and it's now very very pro breastfeeding).


Anyway, I don't have a trauma from being weaned or anything so it's all good although, I really don't like coffee wonder if that has something to do with it


She's supportive of me breastfeeding dd for a long time, though she's not as fanatic about it as me, somehow. But very supportive though


My MIL didn't bf any of her kids including DP, and she's been asking "are you still doing THAT" and "when are you going to give her a bottle [of formula]" and "you should give her water" etc. but I just ignore it.

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Old 05-22-2009, 07:45 PM
 
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I was breastfed for 6 months exclusive then was weaned directly to cow's milk and table food. The good old days! My sister was nursed for I believe over a year. I believe my other sister and brother were also nursed for around 6 months.

My mother tried to "wean" my baby by filling him up with pretty good sized bowls of mashed potatoes and oatmeal because she thought going beyond 6 months made no sense and that he should be on cow's milk and table food by 6 months DESPITE all pediatric nutritional advice to the contrary. I told her breastmilk or formula until 12 months on a loop, until she let up. I think she still believes that cow's milk is appropriate for 6 mo old :

It's funny how people can be so gung-ho pro-nursing, then when their personal "comfort" age is passed it's practically a travesty.
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Old 05-22-2009, 07:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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nak

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Originally Posted by missjessicajames View Post
My mom considered herself to be pretty "crunchy" till i had a baby She breast fed me till about 6 months and was a firm believer in the "if they're old enough to ask for it they're to old to nurse". Then I had my lo and told her that my plan was to nurse till at least one (which has now changed to two) and first she was shocked. But she did a bunch of research and called me to tell me that her research agreed that extended bfing is best so now she's super supportive.

My dh also wasn't originally supportive but has come around as well.
DH has said this...until recently! I said "what if it's by sign or a simple word? What if he talks early?" and it made him think


Quote:
Originally Posted by Leisha View Post
My MIL didn't bf any of her kids including DP, and she's been asking "are you still doing THAT" and "when are you going to give her a bottle [of formula]" and "you should give her water" etc. but I just ignore it.
AAHHHH the water comments! mil won't let up about this. Because we live in a hot climate and we have central air he MUST be thirsty and need water. in her defense, her mother started it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kappa View Post
My mother tried to "wean" my baby by filling him up with pretty good sized bowls of mashed potatoes and oatmeal because she thought going beyond 6 months made no sense and that he should be on cow's milk and table food by 6 months DESPITE all pediatric nutritional advice to the contrary. I told her breastmilk or formula until 12 months on a loop, until she let up. I think she still believes that cow's milk is appropriate for 6 mo old :
BIL1 was weaned because he figured out how to unhook the nursing bra...so he was too old...and got put on whole milk

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Old 05-22-2009, 07:54 PM
 
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My mom breastfed me for 14 months. My older brother and sister got formula only. Incidentally, I am much closer to my mom...she thinks that is part of it. I think she weaned me but we had just been nursing at night and in the morning for a bit before that.

DH's mom BF him 9 months (he self weaned). She BF his little brother for 4 years! I have plenty of support for breast feeding and even though I only produce about 50% of DD's needs, I plan to BF her as long as she wants...I'm sure both my moms will be supportive of this. I do plan on getting pregnant when DD is a year and a half or so and don't think I'll be able to tandem nurse bc of supply issues (I would want it all to go to the new baby)...so I guess 2.5 years is going to be DD's limit. We'll see if she even wants to go that long.

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Old 05-22-2009, 07:56 PM
 
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I was breastfed and my mother tells me I "self" weaned around 10 months (sure). I know whe gave me cow's or other milk in a sippy cup as soon as I could hold it though & they certainly didn't hold back on the solids in those days so maybe I did seem to? It's interesting though that my grandmother breastfed all her children for exactly 9 months and then force-weaned them ('cause that's the limit you know) and the age my mother gave up is so close to her own mother's (and probably her only support knowing our family history) comfort zone.

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Old 05-22-2009, 07:57 PM
 
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If I put coffee on my nipples, I think Esther would be elated. But she is the child who steals my coffee at every opportunity...

I was not nursed. My mom says she tried, but I bit her. Which is to say, she had zero help and I seriously doubt she wanted to nurse. (Her sister breast-fed all her children but one, who was sensitive to something she ate & she thought he was allergic to her milk.)

Rob wasn't nursed either. He was born back when they gave the shot to stop milk from coming in. His mother claims she had no choice (he was born prematurely), but she's said and done other things that make me think she's basically trying to cover up not wanting to nurse.

(It's not so much that they didn't nurse as that neither of them is honest about it, KWIM?)

That said, my mother is very supportive. Always has been. She was supportive when they were babies, and she is supportive with the tandem nursing a 5 year old and a 3.5 year old. I could not ask for more, really.

My xMIL is another thing altogether. Rob ran interference when we were married. Now, not so much. : But that's OK. I gave up pretending I gave a rat's rear end what she thinks years ago. (Around the same time I gave up trying to care; I'm actually pretty honest.)

Sabra: Mama to Bobbie (3/02), Linda (1/04), Esther (10/05), Marie (11/10), & Douglas (11/12)

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Old 05-22-2009, 08:06 PM
 
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I latched on once or twice, then my parents switched to bottles so they could see how much I was getting (my younger siblings were formula fed from birth as well).

I was visiting my mother once when my oldest was tiny, enjoying a bath all by myself for once (hah!), and she brought him to me because he was fussing. I just stripped him down and brought him in the tub with me to nurse, and I swear my mom almost started to cry. She thinks it's the greatest thing and is a bit devastated that she missed out on it.

Edited to add: Oh, and my father was dubious when I was pregnant with my first and said we'd be breastfeeding. Then he spent five minutes with Google and called back to say "Yeah! You should do that!!!". :
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Old 05-22-2009, 08:21 PM
 
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My mom breastfed me and my two younger siblings for about 2-4 weeks and then switched us to formula. She says we didn't "suck right" (trying to find a good English word for the German word she uses). I get the feeling that she didn't get the support she needed to work through her difficulties with breastfeeding. She used to be a nurse, so you'd think that she could have found someone to help her. I don't know how supportive the German medical establishment was of breastfeeding during the 80's and early 90's, though.

I haven't brought up my desire to ebf with her yet, but I know she thinks it's weird when babies who have several teeth still nurse, because they could bite you

Wife to Matt, Mama to DD Elliot (12/31/09). We familybed1.giffemalesling.GIFgoorganic.jpghomebirth.jpgcd.giffly-by-nursing1.gifselectivevax.gifdelayedvax.gif
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Old 05-22-2009, 08:21 PM
 
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yes, my mom nursed me untill I self weaned I think the last time I nursed for comfort I was like 5.
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Old 05-22-2009, 08:30 PM
 
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Interesting thread...

My mother nursed me for 2 months and it seems like she is supportive of my nursing relationship with my dd....although, she used to make comments like..."I always gave you guys infamil too" until I set her straight...to her credit it was the 70's and "in fashion" to give formula...I think she feels guilty esp. since I have stuck with nursing and don't have plans to stop for at least another year, she will often tell me what a bad case of mastitis she had and that she had to stop..I don't think she had much support at all, she has also told me how she slipped into a depression from the feeling of loss when she stopped nursing me....it's sad. I think that's why she is so supportive of my decision to nurse my lo past a year...the only thing remotely negative she has said was..."just don't nurse her till she's 5 "
My dh's family is another story...his mother is older than mine...64 and she nursed brad until he was 2 months and was giving him cereal at 3 weeks and claims that's what got him to sttn from that point on....right. Anyway, she is not supportive at all...in fact she has asked me about 5x how long I plan to nurse and was SHOCKED when I said longer than a year. She also doesn't understand why I nurse her on demand...she has made comments like ...."well, does she just get to nurse whenever she wants to?" ummmmm if you are asking does my baby get to eat when she is hungry...yes

J- mama to E (8/08) and C (11/10)

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Old 05-22-2009, 08:51 PM
 
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This is so interesting! My Mom nursed us for a few months, I think about 4, and then switched to bottles. She had a bad experience nursing with my oldest sister (untreated/undiagnosed reflux) and just didn't have the heart for it after that. Plus, in the 70's/80's there was a lot of hype about the "miracle" of formula. My MIL nursed all her kids "until she got pregnant again" according to her. (Her kids are 15 and 18 months apart...so not a full year with the first two, but a full year with her youngest.)

I know it influenced me. I only nursed dd for 7 months and I regret it every day. My Mom wasn't very supportive of my nursing, not disparaging or outright nasty about it, but very "try formula", "oh let me feed her, you rest", etc. Dd is almost a year now and we are expecting #2 in November...I am so excited for the opportunity to put my new knowledge into action and nurse our next lo for 1+ years (def. for 1 year and then CLW with some gentle limitations/boundary setting from mama). I hope to model this for my daughter (daughters?) so she'll love nursing her lo's someday.

As a side note: my dh was nursed longer than I was, and we're both fully vaxed, but we are also both super healthy and never get sick, no allergies, etc. So even the little nursing we got seems to have done something!

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Old 05-22-2009, 09:09 PM
 
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My mom nursed me for a little over a year. My DH's mom nursed her kids for 7-8 months. They're both extremely supportive of me BFing DD -- my MIL thrilled me by practically jumping for joy when I worked hard to avoid losing my supply during an illness. :

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Old 05-22-2009, 09:13 PM
 
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I wasn't breastfed at all since my mom decided she didn't want to nurse twins. I don't think it's impacted my support though. Although she couldn't offer me any advice on breastfeeding my Mom is 100% supportive of my parenting decisions even if she does think they're weird sometimes : My Dad is also supportive although he too thinks it's odd I intend to breastfeed past a year. He doesn't judge at all and says he thinks it's crazy that some people have a problem with women nursing in public.
DH's Mom is another matter, if I want to breastfeed at her house I have to go to a private room by myself : She didn't BF any of her 5 kids. I have 2 SILs with babies a month younger than mine and both bottlefeed and neither of them have to leave the room when their babies get hungry. But MIL is worried I'll traumatize her 6 year old.
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Old 05-22-2009, 09:31 PM
 
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I should add something. My mom is supportive of my BFing DD but when she was out at the beginning she kept getting me to supplement with formula bc she supplemented me the first month. I did end up having to supplement in the end but she really was pushing it on me before I was ready and she really upset me when I was already very emotional. DH ended up calling and yelling at her about the issue. So like a pp said, she was trying to push her own experience on me.

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Old 05-22-2009, 09:46 PM
 
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I think my mom tried with me and the doctor told her she didn't have enough milk. I ended up on a homemade formula with goats milk. She didn't try at all with my brother because she had to go back to work and apparently the doctor that time wasn't pleased with her. She went on to bf my sister for one year. She is very supportive of me and doesn't say anything negative about the extended breastfeeding, mostly just curious questions sometimes.

My MIL otoh thinks babies should be off the boob and onto solids by 4-6 months. She bf'ed her older 4 but not my hubby because he was a lot younger than the other kids and she didn't want them to see her or something. I know she regrets it though and her dad was really not pleased with her about it. We don't bring up extended bf'ing with her.

My grandfather is really cool and has clipped out newspaper articles on bf'ing and sent them to me.
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Old 05-22-2009, 10:12 PM
 
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I was BF for about 2.5 years, and most of my sibs were BF close to that long as well. Mom was a LLL leader back in the late 70's/early 80's and was pretty crunchy. She fully supported me nursing my kids until at least 2, but once DS1 got over 2.5 she became a little less supportive - nothing blatant but subtle things. She also has a head full of really outdated info and is often surprised about things I've told her about BFing.

Unfortunately Mom has never wanted to "push her agenda" on her kids (her mom died before she had kids and her MIL was VERY overbearing and discouraging of Mom's parenting) and as a result she tends to really downplay breastfeeding. For example when DS1 was tongue-tied and I was having a lot of trouble nursing and he was not gaining weight well, she kept telling me that it was ok to give him formula. She didn't majorly push it, but I didn't want to jeopardize my bf relationship so instead of giving him formula I researched and fought to nurse him and eventually got his frenulum clipped. My sisters didn't have the same drive to bf that I did and do and so their kids weren't nursed very long at all.

Out of her 6 kids and 19 living grandchildren my kids and one nephew are the only ones who have nursed past a year (one sis made it to 10 months, the rest stopped well before 6 months.) All of her bio grandkids were at least BF'd a little bit though.

Don't even get me started on MIL. She never nursed, doesn't understand it at all, loves to pass on weird stories from other people as facts, and really disapproves of my nursing past about 3 months.

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Old 05-22-2009, 10:30 PM
 
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I was BF'ed for 10 months, until my mom got pregnant with my brother and her doctor told her she had to wean me. She said I went 2-3 days without eating because I was so upset and I wanted my Mama milk! :

She BF'ed the 3 oldest of us (i'm the oldest) for around a year, and only BF'ed my sister (the youngest) for about 6 weeks. She had a bad kidney infection from having a C-section and had to be hospitalized for awhile, and she had to stop BF'ing. She was devastated. My sister does get sick more than the 3 of us. It was the 80's and there wasn't any support for her, she didn't know anyone who had BF'ed, but she knew it was what was best (as she said, "it's common sense") and they didn't have money for formula.

My MIL was very crunchy for her time. She had 3 natural births and taught Lamaze classes. She BF'ed DH until he "self weaned" at 9 months. I am sure he was just distracted by his 2 older brothers to nurse, and she took it as self-weaning. He is a really laid back guy, so I could def see him not asking and not thinking about it really. But she did nurse DH's brothers until 20 months+!!

My mom and MIL&FIL are very supportive of extended BF'ing. My dad thinks it's weird, but knows I've done the research and is supportive.

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Old 05-22-2009, 10:55 PM
 
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My mom nursed each of us a little bit longer: my older sister about 6 weeks, me about 6 months, and my younger brother about 18 months! She has natural-minded tendencies in general so yes, that probably influenced my decision to breastfeed. I certainly read a lot and learned about it on my own as well. My parents have been very supportive of all my parenting decisions.

DH's mom never nursed and doesn't really understand, especially extended breastfeeding. FIL has made comments about my toddlers being "about done with that."

On the contrary, my oldest nursed just past 4 years. My second I encouraged weaning at 2.5 years because I got pregnant, didn't do well with tandem-nursing the first time around, and was struggling on her food-allergy diet. My son is still nursing strong at 2.5 and will have no younger siblings so he gets to go as long as he wants. (Er, well, I hope that's only another year or so. )

Michele, mom of DD 5/01, DD 11/03, and DS 11/06

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Old 05-22-2009, 11:49 PM
 
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I was bf for 8 weeks, and have an awesome immune system-I rarely get sick (like 1x a year tops). My husband was bf (supplemented w/formula) until 9 or so months (also was given food starting at 4 WEEKS!) and has a terrible immune and digestive system.
My kid got sick one time, had bronchiolitis but it only lasted for around 4 days (and was never that bad-and the ped said it could last 2 weeks or more). My husband has been sick at least 3 times since the baby was born, and we've never caught it. I think I'm just lucky, and passing it on to my kid!

Mama to a wild thing (10/08) and a new thing (8/5/10) and wife to the love of my
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Old 05-23-2009, 09:48 AM
 
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I was breastfed until just under 3 years and my dh was breastfed until he was 4! I feel incredibly lucky that we're able to pass along all the benefits of our extended breastfeeding to our son and that both my mom and my MIL are incredibly supportive.

Charlotte wife to B momma to Q 2/22/09
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Old 05-23-2009, 11:03 AM
 
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I wasn't breastfed at all and neither was dh. "It just wasn't done in the 80s" said my mother. They gave her the shot to dry up her milk.

However, both my mother and my MIL are super supportive. When I was pumping for my ds1, who was premature, my mother would practically cheer every time I emerged from the pumping room. My MIL is more knowlegable so I don't get funny questions from her about anything like I do my mother.

Wife to an amazing man love.gif, mommy to 3 wild dudes: ds1 (5/23/05 @ 30 weeks), ds2 (3/5/09) hbac.gif, and ds3 (9/26/10) hbac.gif. Part time librarianread.gif, full time mommysupermod.gif, occasional chef and maid.

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Old 05-23-2009, 11:15 AM
 
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I was not breastfed because it was not sexy to do so in the early 70s aparently. Mostly everyone i know who is my age were not nursed. Formula was pushed a lot. I think i would have been a lot brighter had i been breastfed. I am intelligent, but a little dim too, kwim? My mom smoked during pregnancy too, maybe that has something to do with it as well.

I nursed all of my children. My oldest, who is now 15, could only go a few weeks because the roof of her mouth is so very low, she had low muscle tone. i was only 21, she has down syndrome, and no one supported me doing it. So it did not last. I think if i had some support then, i could have gotten her to suckle well. I really regret only going a little while. My second, now 13, i went 8 months with, that was during a time when everyone was pushing me to stop at 6 months. My 3rd child, who is now a healthy 6 yr old, was nursed for 2 yrs. I knew a lot more and was far more cofident at that age. Now, i have a 14 month little boy, who i am considering letting self wean, is hungry little nurser and very attached to it. I have to say that all my children are bright, but it seems the youngest two are more so.

I hope this helps
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Old 05-23-2009, 12:07 PM
 
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My was/is pretty crunchy. I nursed until I was about one, she said I weaned. But now, she said looking back, it was probably a strike, but as a FTM with no support, she didn't know. My bro & sis nursed until at least 2. I don't remember how long they went past that. I remember my little sister always asking to "N".

My mom and dad would probably disowned me if I didn't BF! They have been great. They support co-sleeping and cd'ing. That's what they did with us, so it is pretty normal for my family. My MIL is pretty supportive too.
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Old 05-23-2009, 12:11 PM
 
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I was a bottlefed, formulafed baby. My Mother thought I was crazy when I decided to nurse my son. (HER Mother nursed all three of her babies.) But then everybody followed suit- my Aunt nursed her two children, the first born when my son was 10 months old, and my sister nursed her babies, the oldest born when my son was 5.

I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
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