Breasts as sexual objects just doesn't make sense anymore. - Mothering Forums

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Old 05-30-2009, 02:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I hope this post doesn't offend anyone. I just needed a place to talk about this.

First, I should say that I've never been hugely into incorporating my breasts into sexual play.

When I started breastfeeding, the idea of my breasts being sexual at first seemed silly. I mean, my breasts exist for the purpose of feeding my baby. Why would they be sex objects? It just made no sense to me... That feeling has sort of evolved, though, and now the idea of my breast being sexual seems very very wrong. I don't want my breast to be sexual - AT ALL. It feels disturbing to me to think of them in that way. They are for my infant son. I don't want to have any sexual association with them at all. It just feels wrong.

Sort of along the same lines... I don't see why women can't go topless if men are allowed to do so. Not that I'm running around topless, but I guess I am just saying I don't understand why breasts have to be covered all the time. I know it's because they are viewed as sex objects... which, again, I just do NOT get. At all.

Fortunately, my DH isn't overly into breasts either... so this isn't causing any drama in the bedroom. More just internal drama. I don't mind being sexually indifferent to my breasts... but I don't like the feeling of horror that breasts could possibly be sexual.

I'm probably not making much sense. Am I the only one that feels this way? Can anyone relate or am I just stranded on Crazy Island all by myself?

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Old 05-30-2009, 12:10 PM
 
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I feel like mine are not sexual either, and feel weird when DH tries to touch them, etc. I am sure some of it is hormones from BF'ing and no sex drive, but yeah, I totally feel you on breasts not being sexual thing.

My DH likes breasts though, so it has been tough for him to see these much bigger boobs that he is not allowed to touch at all.

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Old 05-30-2009, 01:27 PM
 
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Actually there was a court case in Saskatchewan where I woman was ticketed for driving her jeep topless. She said it was unfair b/c men were allowed to do so. She won! Not sure how many women are utilizing that ruling - but I bet it would really help in a NIP confrontation!

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Old 05-30-2009, 01:49 PM
 
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That is sooooo funny - I was just trying to figure out this train of thought myself yesterday.

I wonder if this is why nursing toddlers is so frowned upon? I think that if we could stop looking at breasts as a sexual object it would really help........alot of people seriously view it as something close to child molestation (I mean, not that bad, but still)

I was just thinking about women in villages or tribes (not sure where they are) that just walk around topless because their breasts are nothing to them except a way to feed their babies/young.

Soooo, I don't know - but I think that is at the core of the nursing problem.

And luckily my husband isn't a boob person - but I still have libido problems due to nursing ANYWAY!!!

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Old 05-30-2009, 02:13 PM
 
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nak

i guess i am one of the people that can multi task my boobies! i love my milky boobs! dh does too as long as they don't milk on him.

i don't have a problem with breasts being sexual, but they are more then just for play! they have a job to do too. i find hands sexy but i don't think everyone should wear gloves to protect my delicate sensibilities.

all work and no play makes the milk trucks cranky

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Old 05-30-2009, 02:21 PM
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Yes, breasts are for feeding babies. A woman's wider hips are for birthing babies. Just because those things are functional, doesn't mean they aren't sexually attractive to a man. I think our body parts have multiple purposes....if they weren't appealing to the opposite sex, then there wouldn't be babies to birth and nurse.

A man's broader shoulders aren't for the sole purpose of turning us on....but they do.
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Old 05-30-2009, 02:26 PM
 
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nak

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Originally Posted by syd'smom View Post
Actually there was a court case in Saskatchewan where I woman was ticketed for driving her jeep topless. She said it wa unfair b/c men were allowed to do so. She won! Not sure how many women are utilizing that ruling - but I bet it would really help in a NIP confrontation!
i love this


i feel the same way. a male friend recently told me i grossed him out because boobs aren't for feeding: i informed him that he was a huge pig

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Old 05-30-2009, 02:47 PM
 
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nak

i guess i am one of the people that can multi task my boobies! i love my milky boobs! dh does too as long as they don't milk on him.

i don't have a problem with breasts being sexual, but they are more then just for play! they have a job to do too. i find hands sexy but i don't think everyone should wear gloves to protect my delicate sensibilities.

all work and no play makes the milk trucks cranky
I love this! I know this isn't the OP question/comment, but I think we should be able to love everything about our bodies for their different purposes.
We get so many mixed messages coming in about womens sexuality. It is difficult to feel comfortable and normal that our bodies are amazing, both for sustaining life and looking amazing and feeling lovely. It is tricky.

It is hard to deny sexuality behind breastfeeding (oxytocin release during orgasm and breastfeeding). I think they are interconnected and I hope to one day be in the place of kriket.

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Old 05-30-2009, 05:53 PM
 
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Yes, breasts are for feeding babies. A woman's wider hips are for birthing babies. Just because those things are functional, doesn't mean they aren't sexually attractive to a man. I think our body parts have multiple purposes....if they weren't appealing to the opposite sex, then there wouldn't be babies to birth and nurse.

A man's broader shoulders aren't for the sole purpose of turning us on....but they do.
I guess when you think back to early history, where survival was harder, etc. it does make sense. A man was attracted to a woman's breasts and hips BECAUSE they were a sign of fertility, etc. So the reason they are sexualy attractive to men is because they are for feeding.

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Old 05-30-2009, 08:40 PM
 
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I guess I'm a little different-I think it's silly that women's breasts (especially OMG NIPPLE) are such "dirty" things and must be covered.
However, I do enjoy my husband still playing with my breasts even though I'm breastfeeding-they are 2 totally different sensations.
However, I did have a dream a couple of weeks ago where my husband was sucking on my breasts, trying to get milk and I yelled at him because he was doing it wrong lol. I woke up to my son nursing. Very strange, but funny!

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Old 05-30-2009, 09:25 PM
 
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Well I read an article that said that breastfeeding is a sexual experience. It was making sense at first, but then as I read on it kind of freaked me out and made my stomach turn because it really said some things that I NEVER heard of in my life.

But many things are multi purposes so I don't understand why it's so hard to accept that breasts may be one of them. They can be sexual, they can be for feeding. That doesn't mean that (all) people think they are dirty just because it's generally seen as something you should cover.
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Old 05-30-2009, 11:28 PM
 
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i have never thought of bfing as sexual. i didnt find my breasts sexual while bfing either. neither did DH. i weaned DD awhile ago. DH still doesnt think they are too sexual. but we are making progress!

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Old 05-30-2009, 11:39 PM
 
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Yeah. I don't see mine as sexual at all.

Attractive, maybe, as part of what a PP mentioned was designed to draw a mate, as a sign of my fertility...

But spank material H*LL no!

Maybe once I'm past the exclusive nursing 12 times a day I'll be more receptive to it.

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Old 05-30-2009, 11:48 PM
 
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Originally Posted by kriket View Post
nak

i guess i am one of the people that can multi task my boobies! i love my milky boobs! dh does too as long as they don't milk on him.

i don't have a problem with breasts being sexual, but they are more then just for play! they have a job to do too. i find hands sexy but i don't think everyone should wear gloves to protect my delicate sensibilities.

all work and no play makes the milk trucks cranky
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Old 05-31-2009, 12:12 AM
 
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nak

i guess i am one of the people that can multi task my boobies! i love my milky boobs! dh does too as long as they don't milk on him.

i don't have a problem with breasts being sexual, but they are more then just for play! they have a job to do too. i find hands sexy but i don't think everyone should wear gloves to protect my delicate sensibilities.

all work and no play makes the milk trucks cranky
:

I enjoy my breasts as sexual, too.

But of course their sexuality is secondary to their primary purpose of feeding and nurturing children. And I believe in babies and small children getting the breast whenever and wherever they happen to want it. Which means I'm all for women feeling comfortable nursing in public.

My girls never liked having their heads draped, either -- so I do find it annoying and stupid when people complain about mothers nursing in public "without a cover-up." I think if you're the sort to be disturbed by that, you should carry a cover-up at all times so you can drape YOURSELF.

So ... I'm cool with breasts being sexual so long as this doesn't interfere with women's freedom to whip-em-out freely in response to their children's wants and needs. And I LOVE that story about the woman driving her pickup topless. I'm going to try to find it now!

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Old 05-31-2009, 12:44 AM
 
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nak

i guess i am one of the people that can multi task my boobies! i love my milky boobs! dh does too as long as they don't milk on him.

i don't have a problem with breasts being sexual, but they are more then just for play! they have a job to do too.
:

nak also


It's like someone saying that mouths should be covered in public just because people *can* do sexual things with them.

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Old 05-31-2009, 11:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I understand what you are saying with the broad shoulders analogy, but I don't think it entirely works. I mean, men don't have to cover their broad shoulders in public, but we have to cover our breasts. There aren't dirty magazines featuring men's broad shoulders, but there are plenty of dirty magazines (like "Jugs") featuring women's breasts. And the broad shoulder's may be briefly explored in the bedroom, but breasts are often focused on quite heavily. There are a lot of physical features that may be attractive in getting a mate and have other purposes as well... but I don't think any of them are as highly sexualized by our culture the way breasts are.

Breasts are almost a sexual obsession in the U.S. culture. I don't think there is a body part that is exactly parallel to the breasts for drawing such an analogy. The boobs stand alone.

Maybe I'm a prude, but the idea of breastfeeding being a "sexual experience" is really disturbing to me. Like, stomach churning kind of disturbing. This is the same horrible feeling I get when considering my breasts as sex objects. It just feels beyond wrong.

I never thought about it, but I think whoever said this may be why some people have trouble nursing toddlers is right. If we didn't make breasts such "highly important" sex objects, I don't think breastfeeding well into the toddler years and beyond would matter to anyone! I think there would be so much more support for breastfeeding beyond infancy if our culture wasn't placing such strong sexual emphasis on breasts.

These are great posts and an interesting discussion. I hope I haven't offended anyone. I'm not judging anyone that has been able to balance the duel roles of their breasts. I think that's great. I just can't do it. This is my own hang-up and my own problem. I don't know how to get past it - and I don't know if I have a desire to get past it. Talking it out has been great, though. Thank you!!

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Old 05-31-2009, 12:12 PM
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I understand what you are saying with the broad shoulders analogy, but I don't think it entirely works. I mean, men don't have to cover their broad shoulders in public, but we have to cover our breasts.
I wasn't really referring to the covering aspect when I wrote what I did.

All I was saying is that a functional body part can still be sexually attractive/responsive outside of its primary function.

As for covering.....yeah, Americans (and some other Westerners) are boob obsessed. In other countries, hair has to be covered. Or entire bodies (think burka). In some African countries, the neck is erotic. The Chinese had fetishes for women's tiny, misshapen, crippled feet for hundreds of years. Every culture has its thing.
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Old 05-31-2009, 12:17 PM
 
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Maybe I'm a prude, but the idea of breastfeeding being a "sexual experience" is really disturbing to me. Like, stomach churning kind of disturbing. This is the same horrible feeling I get when considering my breasts as sex objects. It just feels beyond wrong.
No, I agree. I was reading the "What to expect" and she was talking about how BFing mamas may not be interested in sex because they are having their sexual needs met by breastfeeding uh-huh. whatev. Maybe she isn't interested in sex because she's had a screaming lovie on her boob all day?

anyways, I think that BFing being sexual gets to close to child molestation. Deriving sexual gratification from your child is creepy.

I can't speak to men and their perversion over boobs. I feel like they've taken out toy and made it dirty. We can't have anything nice.

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Old 05-31-2009, 12:35 PM
 
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I guess when you think back to early history, where survival was harder, etc. it does make sense. A man was attracted to a woman's breasts and hips BECAUSE they were a sign of fertility, etc. So the reason they are sexualy attractive to men is because they are for feeding.
I agree here. I don't think that breasts are inherently sexual (and many cultures are appalled at what we allow men to do to our breasts) but they are a sign of sexual maturity. Generally, a man is not supposed to be attracted to someone so young that they do not have breasts or widened hips.

I can totally see where OP is coming from, though. I never had huge breasts before children, probably on the smaller side of normal. I didn't think of them as sexual objects really. But especially when I had DD2 and was also nursing DD1, my cup size went up to a DDD and men started staring at me and stopping their cars to talk to me, and making comments that were all so very gross. I though it was so nasty. I wanted to yell "my breasts look like this because I'm breastfeeding, you pervs!" Even women started making comments that I must have had breast augmentation and so forth. Ick. I was so skeeved out by it that I was so so so happy when they went back down to normal size a couple years later.

I guess my point is that are breasts are ours, but we have little to no control over their sexualization (I mean short-term control. Yes, we can work to change society, but I'm talking about now) or how others perceive them. That just seems wrong.

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Old 05-31-2009, 12:50 PM
 
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anyways, I think that BFing being sexual gets to close to child molestation. Deriving sexual gratification from your child is creepy.
I don't have any experiences other than what I've read but if a woman can't control how she feels when BF then why is she to blame if she feels horrible about it?

The thought is odd, but this is a real thing that some women deal with and it's not like they are doing it on purpose. It's a sensation, it feels good, they feel guilty and try to get help but their kids end up getting taking away because people think they are pervs.

It's not like they are sitting around trying to be sexual. It just happens I guess.

So what should they do? Stop breastfeeding? Then will they be judged for that?

The whole reason I even looked into this topic is because of some things that people say that I don't understand and they sound sexual to me. I'm not saying that it is, but some things sound like the kid isn't the only one benefiting so that is why I looked into it to see if there was any truth to it.

I still don't have the answer but all I know is that article creeped me out, and I've read things about women trying to get help and people aren't willing to help them, they'd rather turn them in. But now I am starting to question, do they really need help or is what they are feeling natural? And I also wonder if some women are "open" about it, but no one looks down on them because they use different terms and don't quite spell it out using the words sexual pleasure. IDK.
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Old 05-31-2009, 12:59 PM
 
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No, I agree. I was reading the "What to expect" and she was talking about how BFing mamas may not be interested in sex because they are having their sexual needs met by breastfeeding uh-huh. whatev. Maybe she isn't interested in sex because she's had a screaming lovie on her boob all day?

anyways, I think that BFing being sexual gets to close to child molestation. Deriving sexual gratification from your child is creepy.

I can't speak to men and their perversion over boobs. I feel like they've taken out toy and made it dirty. We can't have anything nice.
What to Expect really says that!? Wow.

I don't know of anyone who has ever felt that breastfeeding is a sexual experience at all. It's just not the same at all as......well.....sexual stuff. At least to me it's not. When I have a non-stop nursling.....I don't want anyone or anything else touching them 'cause I am all touched out. It kind of makes me mad really. When I am not nursing all the time....it's different. I don't even know how to explain the difference, but there's a huge one. It's just no where near the same.
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Old 05-31-2009, 01:22 PM
 
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The more I think about this the more I wonder how much of this stuff with shaming women for anyone seeing their breasts is rooted from the same place that many come from with believing that if a married man strays it's the other woman's fault for tempting him. Society still likes to act as though everything that man does is because he has a primal need to do so and it's the dirty tramps in society that make him do that. I think they do have a certain amount of primal instinct, but so do women. Shaming women for breastfeeing in public is just absurd. People aren't as evolved and in control as they like to think.

I don't know a soul who feels that breastfeeding should be in private who isn't religiously conservative. Could some of those teachings be part of this? Don't you dare show your breast, you may tempt my man to stray?
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Old 05-31-2009, 01:28 PM
 
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i think it feels good but not in a sexual way. in an intimate way though. yk, intimate between me and baby. it is special and enjoyable but not something i equate with the intimacy i have with DH. i think they say sexual b/c the hormones and brain chemistry response is the same. i get satisfaction out of it, but the satisfaction isnt the same as a good time with DH kwim? but both acts give me the loving good feeling. it is just different. and maybe all those loving hormones make it less likely we will go looking to DH/DP for the same chemical rush. b/c we are filled up. i just wish that the articles and stuff could show this difference. it would go a long way to help people feel better about NIP. esp ext NIP.

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Old 05-31-2009, 01:37 PM
 
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Maybe once I'm past the exclusive nursing 12 times a day I'll be more receptive to it.
Now that I'm not breastfeeding anymore, I'm much more open to my breast being a part of my sex life.
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Old 05-31-2009, 01:58 PM
 
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I don't know a soul who feels that breastfeeding should be in private who isn't religiously conservative. Could some of those teachings be part of this? Don't you dare show your breast, you may tempt my man to stray?
In some cases, not all. And even if religion is a part of it, it has a lot more to do with modesty than it does to do with temptation. Personally, I have no desire to have my (what I consider to be private) body parts out in the open; it doesn't matter the reason, I am not comfortable with that.

Also, everyone I know IRL has either covered up, or nursed privately no problems. That was just them and what they felt comfortable with; no big deal. And for the people I am thinking of, religion is the last thing on their minds.

And some feel it's a special bonding time between momma and baby. They'd rather that special time be private.

So as another side to your point, I don't know anyone IRL who doesn't nurse discreetly and religion has nothing to do with it.
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Old 05-31-2009, 01:58 PM
 
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I read a book over a year ago ("The Descent of Woman") that touched a bit on this subject.
I'm paraphrasing this from memory and this is just the author's theory, but there is a section of the book where she talks about how women lost the ability to orgasm easily from intercourse after we began to walk upright. Men, then needed a way to entice women to have sex with them. So they began to emulate the most intimate, loving relationship a woman has...one with her nursing child. Face to face intercourse became the norm (so men could look in women's eyes as a baby does), breast play became more prevalent, and everything became a bit softer and gentler ("love" if you will).
I don't know how much solid evidence there is for this, but I do find it to be a very interesting hypothesis. And now, whenever I hear someone say that breastfeeding is sexual, I think it could be possible the sex is actually very breastfeeding-like!
I don't know if that will help any of the women who feel a bit conflicted by their breasts being considered sexual objects. I am fairly positive that breastfeeding came before ANY kind of foreplay.
It is also true that breasts are a sign of sexual maturity, it's really all tied together. Sex and bodies and babies...they all depend on one another, it's very hard to take out one thing and leave the rest.
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Old 05-31-2009, 02:04 PM
 
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Originally Posted by HisBeautifulWife View Post
In some cases, not all. And even if religion is a part of it, it has a lot more to do with modesty than it does to do with temptation. Personally, I have no desire to have my (what I consider to be private) body parts out in the open; it doesn't matter the reason, I am not comfortable with that.

Also, everyone I know IRL has either covered up, or nursed privately no problems. That was just them and what they felt comfortable with; no big deal. And for the people I am thinking of, religion is the last thing on their minds.

And some feel it's a special bonding time between momma and baby. They'd rather that special time be private.

So as another side to your point, I don't know anyone IRL who doesn't nurse discreetly and religion has nothing to do with it.
I am afraid you may have misunderstood my post. I don't mean that nursing mothers all feel this way. I don't know anyone who doesn't nurse discreetly either. I have never seen or heard of a woman who stripped in public to feed her child.

I am curious if religious beliefs may be a conscious or unconscious reason behind vocal opponents to seeing anyone breastfeed. I couldn't care less what a mother chooses to do while breastfeeding. I do care what others feel they can tell her she should do though. It's her body and her child to make those decisions with.
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Old 05-31-2009, 02:08 PM
 
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Originally Posted by kriket View Post

anyways, I think that BFing being sexual gets to close to child molestation. Deriving sexual gratification from your child is creepy.
I don't think anyone is suggesting that women purposely "get off" on breastfeeding but as a PP pointed out both milk let down and orgasm release the same hormones. So as a breastfeeding Mom perhaps my nursing sessions have fulfilled my daily requirement of feel-good hormone so I am not as interested in having sex. There still isn't anything overtly sexual about breastfeeding but in a round about way it fills that need.

For what it's worth I woke up this morning, looked down at my very full breasts (DD only nurses once at night right now) and thought, "Damn! Those are some nice looking boobs!". I find my nursing body incredibly sexy.
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Old 05-31-2009, 02:13 PM
 
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Interesting. I wonder if anyone would ever argue that the clitoris or the vagina are not sexual?

Whoever the pp who said that these things have a dual purpose was bang on. Vaginas birth babies, but they also serve as a piece of essential equipment in making babies. The clitoris/G-spot may help to stimulate contractions in labour and/or lessen the pain of childbirth, but they also serve as a means by which women achieve sexual pleasure. Breasts aren't really that different for many of us.

My nipples are extremely sexual whether I am lactating or not. To be clear, nothing about nursing my baby is even remotely sexual to me. The feelings are alike in some ways though. When I am extremely engorged and the baby latches on and the letdown starts, that feeling of relief is almost euphoric. Not sexual, but still a good feeling.

Nursing my child feels good to me...well, when there's actually milk there. (I'm not a fan of the sensation of a child sucking on a dry breast.) I think it is meant to feel good for most people. We are designed for it to feel good. Not sexual, but good.

Mama to Thing 1 and Thing 2.
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