BF'ing in front of family members - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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Breastfeeding > BF'ing in front of family members
SoCaliMommy's Avatar SoCaliMommy 05:44 PM 12-29-2009

I would try and be discrete* ie minimal skin showing if i could help it, no blanket covering up baby totally though.* while around family and in public, but at home no reason to.

I would not pump or use formula when you leave the house just because dh's opinion of NIP.


I'm still nursing my 3 yr old.




Pirogi's Avatar Pirogi 06:20 PM 12-29-2009
When my inlaws came to visit a week after DD was born, I told my DH beforehand to warn them that I would be nursing whenever, wherever, however I needed to. They came anyway, and my poor FIL had to sit in our living room in our tiny apartment, resolutely looking the other way, while I had my shirt hiked up to my neck and tucked under my chin, both boobs out, leaking and spraying everywhere, baby on and then off and then on, trying to get a good latch, holding her in one arm and my breast with the other hand, for the whole 30 minutes, until she finished. Lather, rinse, repeat every hour or two. Poor man.

Today, I nurse wherever we need to, although we usually do also try to find a quietish corner when possible.
bubbamummy's Avatar bubbamummy 06:29 PM 12-29-2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pirogi View Post
When my inlaws came to visit a week after DD was born, I told my DH beforehand to warn them that I would be nursing whenever, wherever, however I needed to. They came anyway, and my poor FIL had to sit in our living room in our tiny apartment, resolutely looking the other way, while I had my shirt hiked up to my neck and tucked under my chin, both boobs out, leaking and spraying everywhere, baby on and then off and then on, trying to get a good latch, holding her in one arm and my breast with the other hand, for the whole 30 minutes, until she finished. Lather, rinse, repeat every hour or two. Poor man.

Today, I nurse wherever we need to, although we usually do also try to find a quietish corner when possible.
that sounds like me, I remember the shirt-tucked-under-the-chin days trying to get DS to latch, milk spraying all over .... I have all that to look forward to again.
Katrinaquerida's Avatar Katrinaquerida 07:00 PM 12-29-2009
Later he looked at the baby and said something like "He's just sacked out, isn't it?" Ha! He had no idea I was nursing.


This sort of thing happens to me alot. I usually say "no, she's eating" - but most people dont even register it... they just go about their business!
HappyFox05's Avatar HappyFox05 07:03 PM 12-29-2009
I try to be discreet for my Dad's sake - I don't want him accidentally catching a glimpse of nipple & I'm pretty sure he doesn't want that either. I don't cover or anything - I just make sure as much skin is covered as my shirt will allow. I don't think he totally understands why DD 1 (24 months) is still nursing, but he's respectful enough not to say anything about it.
nudhistbudhist's Avatar nudhistbudhist 07:55 PM 12-29-2009
I nurse out the top of my my shirt or I unbutton, and as a last resort, from under my shirt. I feel totally comfortable nursing anywhere, anyhow I feel, because thats what breasts are for. I'm so tired of seeing breasts plastered up everywhere as sexual objects, but being expected to "nurse descreetly." They are just boobs, people! Could you imagine someone expecting a dog or horse to wear some sort blanket so that we aren't exposed to the vulgarity of its babies suckling? Or how ridiculous is would seem to see a cow wearing a bra that pushed its udder up so that it is more visible to passing bulls. lol. I think its time we reclaim our right to nurse the way WE feel most comfortable, not the way we feel most comfortable around person XYZ based on that persons opinions on what we are doing. Be strong, we are giving ourselves to our children and we should be proud!

Here's my nursing wedding pics lol...
http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v3...tina_00072.jpg


http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v3...ina_000852.jpg
mambera's Avatar mambera 08:14 PM 12-29-2009
I leave the room. It's quieter for the baby, less anxiety-inducing for me, and (least important but also a plus) avoids making others uncomfortable.

Honestly I think that is just normal. My DH is from a developing nation where EVERYONE breastfeeds and his friends and relations always offer me a quiet room to nurse when it is obvious the baby is hungry. They assume we are nursing and assume we would like a little quiet personal space since it is available.

My mom and MIL both BF all their kids (I grew up in the US) and I think both of them would be pretty surprised if I started nursing in the living room in front of lots of relatives.

I think that militant NIP is a sort of extremist backlash to the destruction of the BF tradition in the modern West. I NIP discreetly when necessary but I don't make a point of it just to make a point.
AnnR33's Avatar AnnR33 09:15 PM 12-29-2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by mambera View Post

I think that militant NIP is a sort of extremist backlash to the destruction of the BF tradition in the modern West. I NIP discreetly when necessary but I don't make a point of it just to make a point.
Sadly, I think many think that "normal" NIP is "extreme" which is why we have so many issues in the west!

What the hell is "militant NIP" anyway? Walking around topless? That is the only extreme NIP I might not engage in but any other NIP is just taking care of a baby's need IMO-no extreme about it.
boobs4milk's Avatar boobs4milk 09:26 PM 12-29-2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnR33 View Post
Sadly, I think many think that "normal" NIP is "extreme" which is why we have so many issues in the west!

What the hell is "militant NIP" anyway? Walking around topless? That is the only extreme NIP I might not engage in but any other NIP is just taking care of a baby's need IMO-no extreme about it.
ita! there is this perception out there that bf'ers go out in public, boobs a swayin in the breeze just waiting to jump out on unsuspecting innocents and make them witness a nasty baby sucking on it's mother's sex toys.

i've seen more boobs at a baseball game than you'd ever see at a breastfeeding convention!

lol@ cow's wearing push up bras!
nudhistbudhist's Avatar nudhistbudhist 10:41 PM 12-29-2009
I was going to say I don't think I've ever seen anyone breastfeed "militantly" before! I've also never witnessed "extreme breastfeeding" but it sounds like it would make a good show lol... The pic I posted of my wedding kiss no one in our family even knew I was nursing. DS was about to lose it during the ceremony (we made him wear pants) and was asking for Boo's boos boos boos boos boos... he couldnt wait another second... luckily, I predicted that when I bought my dress! so he was nursing during the "you may now kiss the bride" part... I think its sweet He was still nursing when we signed the papers... I was so happy that the photographer didnt hesitate just because I was breastfeeding. Turned out he had a 6 mo baby himself...
Sharon, RN's Avatar Sharon, RN 12:05 AM 12-30-2009
Nudhist- I love love love your wedding pics!

As far as the original topic-

In December alone, these are all the "family members" I've nursed in front of:
DH and DS#1, of course!
My mom while she was staying with us to help out. Though, to be honest, my mom often got the "Full Monty." lol
Ex-MIL and ex-FIL, ex-husband and his girlfriend. (I used to live w/my ex-in-laws, and they saw me nursing DS#1 many times. And, I'm happy to say that my ex-husband's gf is breastfeeding right now, although she needs to supplement part-time, and she called me to ask me a ? about breastfeeding the other day! )
My BIL and SIL, they were staying at our house over Christmas. (SIL is 18 weeks pregnant! )
My current MIL and FIL. They seemed a little skittish at first, and THEY went into the kitchen, lol, but I invited them back in to the living room so we could talk.

I usually lift up my shirt, latch on, and cover my boob with my shirt. I don't cover the baby or anything else, really. I don't like missing out on stuff, so I'll usually nurse whenever I need to. And, I've got big boobs. Like DDD boobs. (Like y'all needed to know that! lol I just meant it can be done.)

I usually "retire" to another room to "nurse" if I just want to avoid someone.
bubbamummy's Avatar bubbamummy 12:56 AM 12-30-2009
Maybe growing up in Europe has clouded my view. It's TOTALLY normal to walk along a Spanish beach topless-ive done it when DH and I were vacationing...even totally naked on a few beaches ive been to, so breastfeeding in public/around family doesnt seem like a big deal at all...not one bit.
HoosierDiaperinMama's Avatar HoosierDiaperinMama 05:00 PM 12-30-2009
My take on it is that if I am eating somewhere (or just there) then my baby has a right to eat too. However, out of respect, I cover. Nobody in my family (and especially DH's family where bf'ing is unheard of) has said a word to me. In fact, DH's grandma wanted to know why I was hiding him on Christmas Eve. I let her know that he was eating.
haurelia's Avatar haurelia 05:25 PM 12-30-2009
I haven't read all the posts, so forgive me if I repeat someone's sentiments.

I have an 11 month old, and he's our first. My parents and DH's parents both had breastfed kids (to some degree...no extended BF'ing).

When he was a newborn and on the breast at all times, I'd wear a lightweight pashmina almost all the time to use both as a blanket for him and to throw an end over most of my breast or the "side breast" depending on how we were nursing...mostly because I was chilly! As he's gotten older, and we've figured out what works best, I usually wear deep v-neck or scoop necks and nurse out of the top, wherever we are. Sometimes I put something over the top of my breast, sometimes not. Usually I do if we're out in a public place. Not usually at a relative's home or if folks are at my house. I have never tried to cover the baby's head or use a blanket or hooter hider (except once when I had to pump while my aunt's boyfriend was here). Nobody has had a negative reaction...if they're not comfortable, they are welcome to look away!
That being said, I occasionally go to a private or quiet room/area nowadays, because he's very distracted and my nipples aren't fond of the off/on with teeth.

As far as nursing before you leave and bringing a bottle for when out in public...that sounds like a whole lot of extra work FOR YOU, when you could just put your babe to breast wherever/whenever you needed to. Why fuss with filling, warming, washing, pumping, etc unless you absolutely have to?
JMO.
Ldavis24 08:41 PM 12-30-2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by pumpkin View Post
I nurse the same way we do when out and about. I wear a nursing tank because I like my belly covered. Then I just lift my shirt. That way there is a bit of fabric on top of my breast and I have something to pull down when DD pops off. FIL gets really interested in the tv when we nurse, but that is about it.

Our real issue is that DD gets distracted by all the people. She can be starving and crying because she is hungry, but she just can't focus and eat so sometimes I have to go elsewhere so she can calm down.
I will second the second part of this. DD gets incredibly distracted by anything now when she nurses. At my in-laws big christmas party I just had to go upstairs to their bedroom because DD was exhausted and needed a quiet break to nurse. Usually I could care less when I am at my mom's house, I accidently walked out of the living room with my boob hanging out one time (I was tired). It is weird, I find myself not generally having an issue with it at any family member's house but then again I am more concerned about my flabby stretch marked tummy showing than my boob these days!
KristinaMarie's Avatar KristinaMarie 06:58 AM 12-31-2009
I have always fed him whenever and where ever he is hungry . I that means on the couch at the IL's so be it. I don't use a blanket or anything to cover up..I love watching my LO nurse. If we are at friends house depending on where I am seated I can used DH (who was anti NIP before we had a baby-he has since changed his mind ) as a block from everyone seeing until he latches or I just turn away quickly to get him latched, then turn and join the crowd.

With my immediate family..I think everyone has seen my boobs..Heck my dad even leans in and kisses Jackson on the forehead if I am nursing and they are arriving or leaving.
HollyBaby's Avatar HollyBaby 02:25 PM 12-31-2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by busymama77 View Post
DH is not a fan of NIP - thinks that I should nurse before hand and bring a bottle for while we're out, etc., etc.,
This is the attitude behind women feeling embarrassed about NIP. There is nothing wrong with NIP. The way to re-normalize nursing is to do it and not hide in a bathroom.

I used a blanket over my shoulder and my baby's upper body when not in a quiet setting at home, partly to prevent a bunch of visual stimulation from distracting her, and partly to prevent too much boob from showing since I wear a lot of tops that pull down from the neckline. I nurse while shopping and at checkouts, while in restaurants, etc.. If anyone were to say they have a problem with it, they can shove their issues up their butts, and I would have no problem telling them that. Nursing is very natural. It's formula that's not. If you want to nurse your baby with family around or in public, then don't go hiding because you're embarrassed. The more normal you treat it, the more normal others will too. And anyone who doesn't like it doesn't have to look.
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