MAJOR parenting difference. - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Where should a woman be allowed to breastfeed in public?
Out in the open: it's something to celebrate! 200 85.84%
In the open but discreetly covered up. 33 14.16%
In a public bathroom or somewhere out of the way. 0 0%
They shouldn't be allowed to breastfeed in public at all. 0 0%
Voters: 233. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 02-20-2010, 06:58 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife View Post


oh, no, he didn't!

I have no words. I'd probably kick him in his *ahem*.


I've nursed in public more times than I can count. I don't go out much, but I nursed H at the county building when we had to apply for his BC. Nursed out in the open at Six Flags, SeaWorld, the mall, restaurants, etc., and I don't recall getting dirty looks.

I wonder if it's just due to his lack of exposure. Is your area "crunchy"?

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Old 02-20-2010, 07:06 PM
 
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Up here in Canadaland, our right to breastfeed anywhere and anytime is protected by law. In Ontario (I don't live there though), women can walk around topless in any place a man can do the same, regardless of whether or not she is breastfeeding.

Not only do I believe in my right to breastfeed where/whenever I want, I am personally rather put off when I see women nursing in public bathrooms- that's doing us all a disservice by illustrating to those around you that it SHOULD be a private matter. Not only that, but I sure woudln't want to take my burger to the can to eat it, KWIM?

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Old 02-21-2010, 07:54 PM
 
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Well, I guess he's welcome to his opinion... but as the person who has to feed the baby, I think the decision on where to nurse comes down to where YOU feel comfortable.

Prior to having my son, I was pretty nervous about nursing in public and wasn't sure I'd do it. (Among other things, I have huge boobs, and there's really nothing discreet about my NIP!) But the moment I heard him crying for food in public, all of my personal anxieties and self-consciousness went right out the window.

We nurse on the bus, at the grocery store, at restaurants, at bake sales, in book stores, on park benches... basically wherever we need to. I'm not going to keep my kid (who is too young to understand the concept of "waiting"!) from his food because other people feel uncomfortable with my boobs. (I also always wonder-- wouldn't they feel more uncomfortable with the screaming baby? You can avert your eyes from breastfeeding, but you can't do the same thing with your ears.)

The idea that breastfeeding is somehow offensive or obscene to the American public always boggles me. The average American sees more bare flesh on TV every day. But naked boobs in a non-sexual context are offensive? Uh yeah no, I don't get it!

Mother of two great little guys, G (9/28/09) and W (1/20/12)

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Old 02-22-2010, 03:50 AM
 
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Originally Posted by JayJay View Post
It's not as though I am going to remove my top in the middle of WalMart and do an Irish jig while simultaneously flapping my boobs to and fro... So he overreacted.
Whenever my mom makes a comment about how "women should be discreet" I tell her "Well, better stay far away from me when I have kids. I plan on stripping my shirt off, sticking out my chest, shimmying it around for a good twenty seconds, then latching the baby on." She always laughs

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Old 02-23-2010, 01:16 PM
 
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My DH was pretty uncomfortable with NIP before we had children. He was like "you aren't going to be one of *those* women, are you, and do *that* in public?!!" I just said, "well, would you rather hear our child scream while he/she waits for a bottle, or would you rather me just nurse before it gets to the screaming stage? Which would draw more attention?" The first time I NIP, DS1 was 6 weeks old, we were in the middle of a packed restaurant, DH had NO idea that DS was even nursing. He later asked me the last time DS had eaten, and when I told him, he was like "No way!! I didn't even notice!" I said, "and you were right next to me. How many other people do you think noticed?" That was the end of that, and it's never been an issue since (almost 12 years later!). I think when they don't grow up with it, it is a foreign concept, and they just don't know what to expect. Once they see that it is a normal and discreet part of life, there is usually no problem, IME. Once you've NIP a few times, I bet your DH will be fine with NIP, and will probably even become your biggest supporter.
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Old 02-23-2010, 03:44 PM
 
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I'm glad that he's calmer about it this morning.

However, if it comes up again (especially when you're out somewhere), send him to the bathroom for 20 minutes whenever the baby needs to eat. And then feed the baby wherever you are. Let him see what kind of burden he's placing on you.

Semi-crunchy Mama to three happy, healthy girls - T(6/08), A (12/10) and B (12/10)
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Old 02-23-2010, 06:43 PM
 
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So thought I would add to this conversation by sharing my experience yesterday...


I was looking for a gardening magazine at Target and standing in the magazine aisle. I was actually standing next to the wingstack of sports illustrated. This month's cover, as every person could easily see by walking past the aisle, was a scantily clad lady barely covering her bare breasts with her arms/elbows crossed.

Ironically, DD decides she needs to nurse. So there I am standing NEXT TO sports illustrated, nursing DD. And although I fully support NIP of any kind, it did happen to be completely discreet b/c I was wearing my fave nursing shirt.

What do I get but, "You can't do that here! That's disgusting!"

I pointed to the magazine and said, "If that magazine can be here, I can be here."

%&#(^&#*

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Old 02-23-2010, 06:56 PM
 
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I have nursed my (now 14 m.o.) DD all over creation and "gotten away with it." I prefer to wear a nursing tank top underneath a bigger shirt and that way no one can ever see my stomach. DD's head hides my breast, so it's not a peep show in the least. While she's latching on, someone might have caught a glimpse, but most people are polite and don't stare that much anyway.

Anyway, tell your husband that no one has EVER even given me a "bad" look. People have either ignored me or said nice things! To me, this is about family values -- support and acceptance of breastfeeding = support for the health and nurture of our children. It is a wonderful thing and something that many in our culture strongly encourage!
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Old 02-24-2010, 12:22 PM
 
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Jay, it is so hard when something crops up that you never thought would be an issue! I have to say though that my blood pressure went up as I read this and I'm ready to call your other half and give him an earful!

My hubby had a crunchy mom who nursed him til 2.5 years old, so he is wonderfully supportive of NIP. I NIP ds1 and felt more awkward about it at first, just cuz he's my first, but never covered up after the first month when my whole breast had to be out to get him latched (he was tongue-tied). Now, with DS2, I will tell you this: I could give a flying fig about who sees me NIP. I now know that I'm able to nurse without flashing, and if I do it's so brief that it would be VERY rare for anyone to see it. DH loves that I NIP, he loves breasts in general and always tries to get a look when I'm latching DS on. He is always (jokingly) disappointed that despite his best efforts he never can. Your man needs to get over himself; keep on keeping on and I know he'll change his mind.

love ya!

'curly girl' regina married to my man since 7/99 , SAHM to my DS (2/06) (12/08) a new to love! (11/09)
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Old 02-24-2010, 12:36 PM
 
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Nursing in a public bathroom, THATS obscene.
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Old 02-24-2010, 03:28 PM
 
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I'm not American, and like a PP said, the Canadian social environment is more supportive of breastfeeding in general. However, my DH used to object to NIP and when I argued the point with him, he said it was "okay as long as the woman is discreet." His cousin's wife used to leave the room to BF when we were visiting, which he seemed to feel was appropriate. However, since I have had DS, I have not left the room to BF when we have company and I have BF several times in several restaurants without covering up. I asked him if it bothered him, and he said no. Apparently I am sufficiently discreet enough for him despite not covering up.

His best friend's mother insisted that we take the baby to visit her her this weekend. When DS needed to eat, she asked if I wanted to go to a more private room to feed him. I said, "No, I'll stay here if you don't mind." She said she didn't, and DH's best friend jumped up and said to DH, "I have something to show you in the basement." So they went downstairs together and I stayed upstairs nursing the baby and talking to the friend's mom. Afterwards, DH laughed that his friend was so uncomfortable with me breastfeeding in front of him that he had to leave. Good times!

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Old 02-26-2010, 08:41 PM
 
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I nurse in public, anytime, anywhere, period! And I live in a very conservative state, the majority of which are members of a very modest religion with restrictions on the clothing they wear in public. So far, I've never had any kind of a bad reaction to NIP.

My DH grew up in Japan, and while he has some issues with women wearing skimpy clothing, he is absolutely supportive and almost vehement about my right to nurse our DS in public. I feel very sorry for anyone who ever says anything about it in front of him!

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Old 02-27-2010, 04:16 AM
 
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I nursed my daughter anywhere and everywhere in California when she was 0-12 months. I had one negative experience and many, many positive ones. A man came up to me in an airport while I was nursing and congratulated me on breastfeeding my daughter and said that his wife was too I've nursed her fairly frequently in Michigan as a toddler and received no comment. We've also nursed in public in Nevada, Utah, Wyoming, Iowa, Illinois, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Wisconsin, Minnesota, and Michigan with no problems.

CA has some of the most progressive breastfeeding laws in the US. Fortunately for you, Minnesota does as well! (I live 2 hours away from MN in Michigan where we have zero laws protecting it.) Breastfeeding is not illegal, however, in any state and the vast majority of people will not say a word to you (even if they are uncomfortable). Your partner is right to a certain extent that a lot of people in the US (especially the midwest and south) have a negative perception of breastfeeding and nursing in public... which will never change if women hide the fact that they breastfeed.

My friend's husband had a similar attitude to your partner's, albeit not quite as extreme. She helped him to get over it by insisting that she was going to stay at home with the baby and not go out in public with him if he was going to have issues with her breastfeeding. Another thing that seemed to help was taking him to events with our attachment parenting group so that he could see other women nursing in public and realize that it wasn't at all sexual or obscene.

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Old 02-28-2010, 01:44 AM
 
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I hope this is something your partner comes to terms with, and I have a feeling he will, as your baby grows and thrives thanks to your milk, plus the savings and convenience of being able to feed the baby anywhere.

I voted out in the open, though I personally cover myself up, I'm not a big fan of exposing my breast, well, the nipple and areola area. I'm not offended if others nurse totally open though. It should be celebrated!

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Old 02-28-2010, 02:28 AM
 
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You didn't have quite what I would answer. I never covered up but I did try to be discreet. It was common to ask for a corner booth at a restaurant, find someplace a little out of the way, where clothing that was easy to breastfeed discreetly in. But those were all personal decisions for my own comfort level. I did have one child who was easily distracted and so I usually choose to nurse her in private. But once again that was personal choose not anything else.

Honestly, most people didn't seem to notice when I nursed in public. The few times it made someone uncomfortable they usually excused themselves and returned to me and whatever we were doing when I was done (my father being the only person I can think of who excused himself while I nursed). We were at the zoo one afternoon and my MIL didn't even notice I was nursing until my LO was done.

I'm rather mainstream.

Mom to DS 4/24/03 and DD 4/17/06
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Old 02-28-2010, 03:01 AM
 
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I nursed my DS anywhere and everywhere with no cover. He was such a warm-blooded baby (and now a warm-blooded big kid) that he would sweat and pull the cover off anyway. I once even nursed him while I got an eye exam. The optometrist was very nice about it and said it was the first time anyone had ever done that during one of her eye exams.

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Old 02-28-2010, 05:33 AM
 
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I'm in Iowa and I've found that people here are far more open to breastfeeding in public than other parts of the country. I've breastfed all over Iowa, Illinois and Minnesota without anyone batting an eye. I've only ever had problems in Arizona and Colorado.

That being said, a woman should breastfeed whenever and wherever she feels comfortable. He'll get used to it after he's seen it once or twice and realizes that it's just not that big a deal and that people really just don't care that much on the whole.
Wow really? When I NIP in CO I have no real issues- a couple of looks in 3+ years, but that was it. But holy cow- the looks I got in Iowa- they looked like they wanted to burn me at the stake- maybe it was just the town/community that I was in though.

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