I have no sex drive :( - Mothering Forums

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Old 03-12-2010, 08:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have always been sexually attracted to my husband and we've always been pretty regular in the sack. But now that I've had our second DS I have NO sex drive. It's like I just look at it as some kind of chore. I know there are certain things that just get me out of the mood. For example, doing it during the day where he can see my body, waiting too late at night, kids are awake and making noise in the other room (not to mention being on guard for when our oldest bursts into the room - how can you be in the mood with that??) I can go all day, practically bursting at the seams while waiting for him to get home but by the time he shows up and dinner has been ate I am SO over it. I know that it's not him because sometimes he can make me blush like I'm a teenager and his sex drive is probably the best it's ever been because he HATES "pregnant sex".
After all of that, my question is this: Are there any herbs that can help?

*I'm also nursing our 2 month old so I know this is a factor of not being in the mood.

Thanks ladies. I hope you can help me.
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Old 03-13-2010, 02:23 AM
 
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sorry no advice, but it is very common. I've heard it's the hormones from bf, but have never heard a study.

Are you really tired too? If you are, I suggest getting thyroid, b12 and vit d levels checked. Easy blood tests. That might help. Hang in there. It's natural child spacing!
After my third was born, the doctor asked me if I had questions about birth control. I said, "Separate bedrooms". It's what happens.
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Old 03-13-2010, 02:45 AM
 
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i'm in the same club as you.

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Old 03-13-2010, 11:51 AM
 
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Same here, i posted this same question a few weeks back. The BF is making me like non sexual being. (aside from all the other distractions/tired ect you mentioned)
One person suggested Fennel, but i don't think it is working thus far.

It really really sucks, if you find anything that works please please let me know! It really hard on a marriage.

SAHM to 4 cats, DS 5/09, DD 3/12 and 3# due 4/15. Home birthing, non vax, anti circ, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, real food eating pretty darn crunchy mama.
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Old 03-15-2010, 03:20 PM
 
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I think it is just a natural thing that happens. I often felt 'touched out' by the end of the day also. I love nursing my LO but at the end of the day after a shower I just wanted to not be touched. I also noticed you seem to have many of the same turn offs that I do. I cannot be interested in sex if my other children are up or if the baby is in the room. I just go into mommy mode. The times we have tried this.. it hadn't ended so well. It might just take some time for you to get used to things or figure out when you are intersted, if it isnt for a month or so, then hopefully your partner is okay with that. Mine was very understanding about it.

My LO is now 8 mo old and things are so much better now. I would just give your body time to be intersted again.

Angie - mom to Allie 12/01, Ephram 07/09  and Asher 3/1/11
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Old 03-15-2010, 03:35 PM
 
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I've got a six month old, and am in the same boat. It's hard because I really WANT to be interested, but it's not something enjoyable these days. :/
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Old 03-15-2010, 03:52 PM
 
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i hear you! during the day, i cannot WAIT for my dh to come home, i have the best daydreams ever of what i want to do to him, and then the second that we are able to do it, i just want to go to sleep. he either has to completely coax me into it, to the point where the first ten minutes or so are complete torture! (its amazing how annoying romantic kisses can get when youre tired) or i have to fake being totally into it, and then eventually once everything starts feeling good, i am back in the mood. those two things are what help me.... (i know they dont sound very appealing haha)

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Old 03-15-2010, 06:55 PM
 
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Cut yourself some slack! You have a 2 month old. It's hard to want to be around someone else (an adult) when you've been taking care of an itty bitty human all day. I think you should use any extra time that you can squeeze in on yourself, and the you and DH stuff will follow.

Of course you should take that with a grain of salt because Huz and I have been, umm, "intimate" maybe 10 times in DD's 13 months of life.

I blame the breastfeeding, but I don't think any of us would have it any other way.

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Old 03-15-2010, 06:57 PM
 
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Originally Posted by CherryBombMama View Post
i hear you! during the day, i cannot WAIT for my dh to come home, i have the best daydreams ever of what i want to do to him, and then the second that we are able to do it, i just want to go to sleep. he either has to completely coax me into it, to the point where the first ten minutes or so are complete torture! (its amazing how annoying romantic kisses can get when youre tired) or i have to fake being totally into it, and then eventually once everything starts feeling good, i am back in the mood. those two things are what help me.... (i know they dont sound very appealing haha)
This was me for the first year after each kid. I'm normally pretty easy (well, for my DH, anyway), but when I have an infant I find sex actually a bit distasteful. As soon as I start ovulating, though, (about 1 year) I go right back to my usual oversexed self.

It should come back after a few months.
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Old 03-15-2010, 08:30 PM
 
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I'm with audmommy about feeling "touched out"! I think it's common with people who ap... You spend all day and night with your lo, and when it's time for so's to get some love, you'd rather just sprawl out on the couch by yourself!

My DS is 6 months old, and I've yet to have any desire to dtd. I want to want to, but it's just not there.
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Old 04-09-2010, 02:56 AM
 
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I'm with audmommy about feeling "touched out"! I think it's common with people who ap... You spend all day and night with your lo, and when it's time for so's to get some love, you'd rather just sprawl out on the couch by yourself!
I'm there with you but I think it's only gotten worse for me. I'm not saying this to scare folks. It picked up around when I got my period (almost a full year and half later!) but it's dipped again. I just checked and it's been almost a month since DH and I had any intimacy.

The sad part is, I know that I should make a better effort but I'm so darn tired and touched out.

DH has been super patient but our daughter is now 21 months old. Shouldn't I be getting some 'pep' back? I'm not even having any 'sexy' dreams. Arrgh!

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Old 04-09-2010, 12:06 PM
 
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For me, the longer we go without, the more blase I am about sex. We only dtd maybe a dozen times while pregnant, and DS is 4.5 months old and I think we have dtd a total of 3 or 4 times. I think three. It isn't that I don't want to, exactly, it is just kinda hard to care if we dtd or not.

I am not touched out at all! I'd loved to be touched by someone that doesn't drool uncontrollaby, or wants to grab all my facial features. I am hoping it picks up though. I miss missing sex!

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Old 04-09-2010, 07:59 PM
 
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I am not touched out at all! I'd loved to be touched by someone that doesn't drool uncontrollaby, or wants to grab all my facial features.
Oh my gosh that is SO funny. I feel the same way...a back rub, some carressing, fingers through my hair - just DON'T grab my nose or jab my eyeballs and we're good!
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Old 04-14-2010, 08:38 AM
 
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My friend's husband actually forbid her to breastfeed because he was told the breastfeeding hormones would affect her libido too much. . Can you IMAGINE!?!?! FORBID her!?!?! ugh. He's a jerk.

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Old 04-14-2010, 04:01 PM
 
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I'm with you guys. I love my hubby of course and I really love it when he rubs my shoulders or gives me long hugs. But sex, just. not. into. it. I assume its just the BFing and I'll be back to my normal self eventually. I know its sad for my DH, but I would never (and he would never ask me to) trade my BFing relationship for my libido. I mean, BFing is a very short (in the big picture) and very special thing I get to do for my child. IMO any good DH would be on board with this even if its means less (or almost no) sex for him. My DH and I have talked and agree that right now is just hard on our intimacy, but that we're committed to looking at the big picture. We have years and years of sex ahead of us! (Granted we did have to have several long and emotional conversations to get to this point.)

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Old 04-14-2010, 04:55 PM
 
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With dd3 I lost all libido. .. If I thought, "hmm... it's been a long time since we dtd.. I guess I could try to aim for once per month" ... and we actually *did* do it, it wouldn't end up being so bad.. I just had NO desire to initiate anything. And yeah, trying to meet a 'quota' did kind of skeeve me out because it's kind of lame... but it at least kept dh somewhat at bay (no, he didn't impose the quota! It was all me! Because I was feeling badly!).

For me, once AF returned (which was at 17 months pp), it was like I was a raging sex maniac, lol. It was great to finally remember what libido was!!

This time around I'm only 5.5 weeks pp. No sex yet, but I can't say I feel *quite* as asexual this time around. .. I think hormones can fluxuate greatly not only from person to person but even between different pregnancies/births!

Judy, wife to my Catholic deacon husband ... homeschooling mother to my four girls, a boy, and someone new in May '15! Forever remembering our loss (8/11) .
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Old 04-15-2010, 01:39 PM
 
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I totally understand what you are saying, but it does get better. I usually don't get any libido back until af returns. I just fake it so dh doesn't feel bad. He's not one to talk about much of anything, so he won't understand if I try to tell him how I'm feeling. It's easier just to do it when he wants to.
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