Whose breast milk is it, anyway? (kinda venty.) - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 07-20-2010, 02:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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DH used my stash last night while I was asleep! It takes me days to pump enough to save up one feeding for DD (8 weeks). I am not friends with the pump yet, but keep trying in case I need some sleep or unexpected time away so there will be an emergency feeding in the fridge or freezer. Anyway, last Friday DD had surgery on her foot, and her sleep and nursings have been really really wacky. We expected that as it's the second time she's had a foot worked on. Pain and codeine are not great for keeping to routines. Last night she was up, down, wanted to nurse, didn't want to latch, howling, sucking a finger, waving hands and legs all over etc. I fell asleep while DH was walking her in the living room, and he gave her a bottle without talking to me, without waking me, and my poor engorged boobs just waiting for my babe! Maybe I am just pissed from lack of sleep, but who gets to decide when to use the bottle? DH is very hands on, gets up to change DD _every_ night, still hasn't gone back to work full time because he wants to be with DD... but who should make that decision? Maybe I'm upset over nothing, but I worked hard for that bottle and ready to go boobs were in the next room...
he knows they have been painful from engorgement.
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#2 of 10 Old 07-20-2010, 02:39 PM
 
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I can totally understand that feeling!! I remember literally crying over spilled milk. Breast milk is like Gold, or something even more valuable, in those early months.

I think you have to let this one go, and just be glad you got to sleep and your hubby is so hands on. (I know you know that already! I know it is just so tough to use those stupid pumps! And then washing all the stupid parts! argh!!)

Keep on pumping and nursing, it gets lots easier. You can build up that stash (and more!) pretty quickly.

Good luck mama!!!
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#3 of 10 Old 07-20-2010, 02:43 PM
 
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I'd probably be frustrated in your situation. BUT, I still think it was a very sweet thing for your DH to do. He wanted to let you get sleep, it sounds like. And I think it's really really difficult for husbands to understand what a balancing act breastfeeding, and especially breastfeeding & pumping, can be. He probably didn't even think about your boobs at all. So, I'd go easy on him, but maybe nicely tell him that you don't mind if he brings her to you to nurse.

Hippie sympathizer and mom to L, 4.8.10.
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#4 of 10 Old 07-20-2010, 02:46 PM
 
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As a mama who had to do ALLLLLLLLL nighttime parenting by herself, and that includes with a very high needs baby who didnt give me more then 2 hours straight for a YEAR, try to take it in stride. It could be alot worse. You could be up all night with that babe and empty boobs listening to him snore peacefully next to you, and you just want to smother him with a pillow. Looking back, I would have KILLED someone, and almost did, for a husband that took the bull by the horns like that.

Keep up with the pumping and nursing. I promise it should get easier as the days/weeks wear on.
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#5 of 10 Old 07-20-2010, 02:57 PM
 
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I think your husband was trying to do something sweet and loving. He sounds like a great partner and daddy.

That said, I totally relate to your feelings! I would get VERY PROTECTIVE of my pumped milk in the early days. I worked hard for that milk, nobody else in our house could make it, let's not just casually use it up, people! (I remember once getting upset that someone gave him a bit of milk when I had only been out of the house for 20 minutes.)

Also, in the early days, I was basically insane with hormones and worry and lack of sleep.

Be gentle to yourself. Be gentle to your husband. You will all get through this!

Science-loving mama to one little guy (11/09).
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#6 of 10 Old 07-20-2010, 03:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks mamas, as usual you are level headed and kind! I emailed DH and thanked him for trying to get me some sleep last night... it's hard to see things clearly at times when I'm this tired, and I do know he is a fantastic dad.
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#7 of 10 Old 07-20-2010, 03:58 PM
 
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I know it's frustrating.... But, how sweet was that????? I like your husband!
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#8 of 10 Old 07-21-2010, 06:48 AM
 
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My husband did the same thing at 6w, and I'm afraid I was not appropriately greatful for his really very kind gesture of trying to let me sleep. Anyway, make sure he knows you think he's wonderful and then gently insist that he wake you (to at least ask you) in the future.

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#9 of 10 Old 07-21-2010, 07:02 AM
 
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What a sweet guy. I agree, when they do things like that they're just trying to be considerate and not thinking of the balancing act of breastfeeding. DH keeps offering to take the night shift so I get an uninterrupted night of sleep but I keep refusing. I already pump 2x a day when I'm at work, when I'm home I do not want to be hooked up to that machine! I love my pump and hate it at the same time. All he hears is that I'm tired and he wants to "fix" it.

Wife to an awesome stay at home dad and mama to a crazy 2 year old, expecting #2 Jan 3

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#10 of 10 Old 07-21-2010, 07:10 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Barbie64g View Post
As a mama who had to do ALLLLLLLLL nighttime parenting by herself, and that includes with a very high needs baby who didnt give me more then 2 hours straight for a YEAR, try to take it in stride. It could be alot worse. You could be up all night with that babe and empty boobs listening to him snore peacefully next to you, and you just want to smother him with a pillow. Looking back, I would have KILLED someone, and almost did, for a husband that took the bull by the horns like that.

Keep up with the pumping and nursing. I promise it should get easier as the days/weeks wear on.

Ditto. I did all the night waking for both DDs (1 year for dd2) even if I had to work the next day and he was off. I do feel your pain about the milk. My DH got his head chewed off more than once for spilling, thawing more than he needed, etc. I can't believe how hard it is to get them to understand how much you have to work just to get 1 ounce of it!!!!!

treehugger.gif Wife of over 10 years to hard working DH and Mom to DS (25)violin.gif,DD1 (10)joy.gif and : DD2 (6)joy.gif 
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