MIL gave DD a bottle to "feed the baby" - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 08-04-2010, 06:29 PM - Thread Starter
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Keeping in mind DD is only 14 months and not really all that verbal yet, but she is a little sponge. I wasn't thrilled with the whole idea and told MIL I didn't want her playing with a bottle to "feed" a baby because that isn't how a baby is fed (unless it is necessary). I don't mind that babies are fed bottles and DD has had more than once of my pumped milk but in my head I have this idea of teaching DD that all mammal babies are fed from their mama, except in special circumstances.

MIL was horribly offeneded and couldn't believe I could think like that because what about a preemi (we have a relatively who had a very premature little girl). I didn't even get into the debate about bottle vs. breast for preemies with her.

I don't hate bottles, like I said DD has had more than once of my milk in her life, I do however have the right to say no to a toy I don't want her playing with. Or am I overreacting, DH certainly thinks I am because I took the bottle away.
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#2 of 12 Old 08-05-2010, 12:42 AM
 
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i don't think you are i would have a problem with it too

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#3 of 12 Old 08-05-2010, 12:47 AM
 
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well I come from a different place because my daughter figured out at the same age that bottles can be used to feed babies. I'm not even sure how... she's never seen a bottle within her memory at the time or anything. A friend of ours though had a toy doll that came with a bottle and my daughter happily sat right down and made drinking noises. Maybe its because bottles look like cups... with nipples. She just assumed it was in fact a cup with nipples.. both things she gets drinks from haha.

Although she was confused for awhile about nursing.. she thought only I could nurse.... she'd bring me her toys to nurse them. It took a couple days to get her to understand she can pretend to nurse them too hahaha.

I'd be a bit annoyed if someone taught my kiddo to feed babies with a bottle, but I also don't have bottles in the house for her to play with. If she wants to feed her toys at home, its either with her sippy cup or pretending to nurse them herself. She is only exposed to bottles out of the home.
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#4 of 12 Old 08-05-2010, 12:59 AM
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We don't do bottles with our dolls. There are OVERWHELMING messages out there about bottlefeeding, DD will be exposed enough. My job is to normalize breastfeeding as much as possible for her. If someone gave DD a toy bottle at that age, it would disapear, altho I might even talk to her about it a tiny bit... now at 3 we would talk about it and get rid of it. If she takes some other bottle from her play kitchen or whatever and plays that she's feeding an adopted baby or what have you, fine, but I'm not going to supply her with the toys. Yeah some preemies need bottles, plenty of babies really do, but we're talking normalizing/imitative play here... dolls are not special cases most of the time (I've yet to see one on the shelf with a wheelchair, or eyepatch, or anything like that, whereas there are nothing but bottles-- not that bottles are the same as special needs but it's the idea of this "typical" baby). If it was MIL or someone like that, I might do it after the fact, when they were gone, and only talk to them about it if it became a recurring issue. But yeah if they were trying to get DD to play with it right then, I'd probably gently speak up.
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#5 of 12 Old 08-05-2010, 01:32 AM
 
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I agree with your feelings but handled it differently. My DD got a couple of bottles from my MIL for Christmas when she was about 1 1/2yo and I just let them be. DD usually nursed her babies, but she does use the bottles sometimes. I might have tucked them into the "out of rotation" box of toys for a while there, but they are back in with the food most of the time and I don't worry about it. She uses them to fill cups with drinks (hey- I didn't even think about it but one of the bottles is a bottle of JUICE even!).

I guess I figure that DD has seen me nursing DS so many hours that it is pretty clear in her head how we feed babies in our family. And, well, I was 100% bottle fed (and DD was 99.9% at the breast fed) and it is a part of our culture that those bottles give us a talking point about.

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#6 of 12 Old 08-05-2010, 08:14 AM
 
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I don't know that I would have a big problem with it. I would explain that is how babies get fed by people other than a mama (which would be true in DS's case; he gets bottles only from DH and the grandmas)

I mean, you could always get that bebe gluton toy, which is like fake boobs for a kid to pretend bf'ing a baby (why they can't just hold dolly to their chest, IDK)

Since I have a boy (right now, I hope there is a girl in my future!) hopefully this question won't come up! though, if he fed any baby, it would be with a bottle.

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#7 of 12 Old 08-05-2010, 08:23 AM
 
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I think you are way overreacting. Maybe you can just let your DD use it for feeding her dolls?

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#8 of 12 Old 08-05-2010, 08:39 AM
 
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Maybe she's trying to help your DD feel "involved" with the baby? Like that's something she can do? Definitely not the right choice as to what though!

I don't think you're overreacting. I only have a few rules about toys. No guns, no sexy dolls, no bottles. Maybe that's our community more though ... I might be more laid-back about bottles if we lived in some crunchy city where she would see SAHDs carry around bottles of BM. As it is, she gets enough pressure with her cousins making faces when I nurse DD2, the neighbor girl telling her "You can't make milk, only cows do that!" when they were playing with dolls and she pretended to nurse hers (and the other girl said "WTH are you doing!?"), etc. There is so much ignorance (and just downright meanness too) here, that I want her to think bottles are for special circumstances as long as possible, before she gets used to seeing bottles everywhere.

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#9 of 12 Old 08-05-2010, 08:43 AM
 
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I would just gently take MIL aside and say "We don't play to use bottles and DD isn't allowed to play with them at this point". I would then make them disappear asap. My DS pretends to nurse his toys still at 3.5 and also says that he will grow up to have "nay-nays" to feed his baby. I think it is adorable, and figure he will sort it all out eventually. I also hope it will help him to support his future partner in breast feeding (if he has children) when he remembers his nursing years and the lack of bottles in our home when he was little.

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#10 of 12 Old 08-06-2010, 10:22 AM
 
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I was raised in a non-breastfeeding family, given babies with bottles, etc...I only ran into a bfing woman once in my childhood, I didn't even know women did that until then-I had a vague idea that was what breasts were for, but didn't really know. When I got pregnant, I never even thought once about feeding my baby formula, it was breastfeeding all the way. She is ten months now and has never once had a bottle, not even with breastmilk in it.So, I understand that you don't want to send the wrong message, but I think if you raise an intelligent, open-minded, unselfconscious daughter who wants the best for her children, that is half the battle. Playing with a bottle doesn't necessarily mean she will grow up to bottle feed her children. But if you don't want her to have it, then that is your prerogative as a mother, and your MIL should respect that.

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#11 of 12 Old 08-06-2010, 10:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bebe's Mom View Post
I understand that you don't want to send the wrong message, but I think if you raise an intelligent, open-minded, unselfconscious daughter who wants the best for her children, that is half the battle. Playing with a bottle doesn't necessarily mean she will grow up to bottle feed her children.
Exactly. You know, my kids used to slam their Matchbox cars together and against walls. DS1 is a really good driver. They also used to pretend to be Power Rangers. Neither of them has ever been in a physical fight with anyone.

I was mostly bottle fed. I bottle fed my dolls, because they came with bottles. I never saw anyone nurse a baby when I was a child. I never pretended to nurse a doll. Both of my babies were breastfed.
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#12 of 12 Old 08-07-2010, 02:32 AM
 
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I wold be very annoyed but probably wouldn't confront the issue. The bottle would just disappear and when it was time to feed baby I would show dd how to nurse her.
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