sad story involving premature weaning - Mothering Forums

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Old 03-10-2011, 10:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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i was at a children's museum today and talked briefly with a mom of a baby boy -- he was crawling and looked somewhere between 6-9 months old. he had actually just turned 12 months old, she told me. the mom, who appeared to be fairly young, but not a teenager or anything... she told me that she wanted to quit nursing at 9 months and the doctor told her that was fine, but didn't tell her to give the baby formula or milk instead once he was weaned. SHE GAVE HIM ONLY WATER for the next three months, from 9 mo to 12 mo, until she took him in for his 1 year appointment and found out he had not grown at all during the three months, and i guess got clued in that he should have been having some milk.

 

she said she did it b/c she wanted to take diet pills. "selfish i know, and so stupid," she stated.

 

so sad.


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Old 03-11-2011, 10:07 AM
 
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Actually i have several anthroposoph friends who only nurse 9 months and don't use cows milk or formula.  Their kids usually take a bit of a dip on the chart between 9 months and a year, but they aren't terribly stunted or anything.

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Old 03-11-2011, 12:11 PM
 
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Wasn't he hungry and grumpy.  That's strange.  I mean, if he wasn't getting enough calories you think he would protest it.  Was he eating solids?

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Old 03-13-2011, 12:04 AM
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so she starved her baby for three months?

 

That story made me mad, not sad.

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Old 03-13-2011, 04:46 AM
 
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I think it's really strange also that he wasn't irritable or crying a lot from hunger if he was deprived of enough calories to have stunted his growth completely for that long. That's really sad and it makes me feel very sorry for that baby.


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Originally Posted by GoBecGo View Post

Actually i have several anthroposoph friends who only nurse 9 months and don't use cows milk or formula.  Their kids usually take a bit of a dip on the chart between 9 months and a year, but they aren't terribly stunted or anything.


Just curious, I hope this isn't hi jacking to much! What about anthroposophy causes them to take away milk/formula/breastmilk at 9 months?

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Old 03-14-2011, 03:26 AM
 
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Dunno, apparently Steiner said 9 months in the womb and 9 at the breast and they are against formula and not big fans of dairy.  But i know 5 women and...11 kids who were weaned this way, and none of them seemed to suffer massively (or at all).  One didn't gain weight for several months, but she wasn't stunted, she just had a dip on the chart.  They all went up and down curves and by age 2 were on a similar curve to their parents (some were tall and thin, some were short and solid).

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Old 03-14-2011, 02:18 PM
 
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Weird. Just weird.  I know I self weaned at 9 months, but I was eating solids, and I think milk as well.


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Old 03-14-2011, 02:43 PM
 
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I'm guessing she means the baby was eating solids and water...like, spoonfed babyfood. Which is def. not enough nutrition for a baby minus some kind of formula or breastmilk, but isn't NOTHING.

 

It's sad how much misinformation there is out there.


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Old 03-14-2011, 02:56 PM
 
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Oh yes, my friends babies were all eating a lot of solids at 9months, they weren't literally only having water (even the overweight would die on water-only after a 6 weeks or so).

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Old 03-14-2011, 04:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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right -- she said he ate baby food and is now into table food. what was missing for three months, however, was MILK. she weaned him to water only in terms of liquids.

 

i have been quietly annoyed every time i have a WBV that they always want me to quantify how much milk my baby drinks. i say that he's breastfed, and they want to know how many times a day. then they want to know if he gets any cow's milk, and exactly how much. i nurse on demand and take measures to make sure he doesn't wean prematurely. so it's annoying to try to guess at how much volume he's taking in.

 

however, after talking to this -- i guess you could say "clueless" -- other mom, i guess that's why they ask the questions. at least my doctor's office asks. she said her's didn't tell her that he still needed milk after he was weaned from the breast.


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Old 03-15-2011, 11:24 AM
 
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Oh my, this makes me mad too!  She blames her Dr.?????

 

This woman is the reason they have warning lables on hair dryers to not use them in the bathtub.

 

This makes me worry about other decisions she is making in regards to her children. Oy.

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Old 03-15-2011, 11:39 AM
 
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Quote:
It's sad how much misinformation there is out there

Agreed.

 

I would consider this misunderstanding and mixed messages in our society. A lack of experience. Not a lack of intelligence. 

What is important is that she figured out he needed more. 

 

poorlittlefish, that was a blatantly rude remark. It is these comments that make mamas like her (and myself for that matter) not feel enough confidence to ask questions. 


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Old 03-15-2011, 11:58 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by poorlittlefish View Post

Oh my, this makes me mad too!  She blames her Dr.?????

 

This woman is the reason they have warning lables on hair dryers to not use them in the bathtub.

 

This makes me worry about other decisions she is making in regards to her children. Oy.


Um...i think the doctor was responsible for finding out a proper history, including diet, of HIS PATIENT when giving nutritional advice.

 

I wonder, as an aside, if the dr is SO unfamiliar with BFing that he didn't believe the baby could possibly be ONLY on breastmilk (i.e. assumed some FF "because everyone supplements") and thus thought "cutting out breastmilk" didn't actually mean cutting out ALL milk.  Not that it makes it any better, but it might be a mindset problem WRT breastfeeding.

 

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Old 03-15-2011, 03:22 PM
 
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View Post

 

 

I wonder, as an aside, if the dr is SO unfamiliar with BFing that he didn't believe the baby could possibly be ONLY on breastmilk (i.e. assumed some FF "because everyone supplements") and thus thought "cutting out breastmilk" didn't actually mean cutting out ALL milk.  Not that it makes it any better, but it might be a mindset problem WRT breastfeeding.

 


That's what I thought too. I don't know anyone, not one single person, whose baby was or is exclusively breastfed at 9 months. By exclusively I mean not taking formula....both of my kids started solids before 6 months.

 


I have to admit though, it seems pretty common sense that you give your baby some kind of milk at 9 months.  And....wouldn't someone have noticed and heard she was only giving the baby water, and said something? Her mom, sister, friend, neighbor? For all the people who think my kids are "starving" because they drink "just breastmilk" there wasn't ONE person who found it odd to see a 9 month old downing bottles of water all day long?

 


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Old 03-16-2011, 12:27 PM
 
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Sorry to offend, I ask a lot of questions on here so I don't want to discourage anyone from asking anything.

 

But, it just sounded to me like she is putting the blame on her Dr. for a very common sense thing.  Especially since this is her second child.

I mean, since when is ensuring proper nutrition and feeding your child appropriately the Dr.'s responsibility?  There is a ton of misinformation out there but there is also a ton of free information out there via the library, Internet, etc.

 

I would think that she would have at least moved the baby to cows milk. 

 

Anyways, sorry that I worded my email the way that I did but I still feel like she has no one to blame but herself for this--not her Dr.

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Old 03-16-2011, 01:19 PM
 
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thanks shy.gif


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Old 03-16-2011, 07:50 PM
 
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I suspected she kind of did it on purpose thinking the baby was too big. Some moms get crazy like that. And sure enough, she has her own issues with body image. That just confirmed my suspicions. To me, that Seems more likely than a mother who just "didn't know" she should give her infant formula or milk after weaning.
Just my opinion.

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Old 03-16-2011, 09:00 PM
 
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I dunno, I can see how this could happen.  Mixed messages like others said.  Take: Giving babies juice in sippies give them cavities.  Breast is best, formula isn't as good.  Babies can't digest cow milk that well.  

 

These are all ideas that float around, that have some truth to them - it's not misinformation.  But put all this together and add in the fact that baby knowledge is scarcely taught in our society, and so many people don't necessarily know that babies need milk or a milk sub until they are two - because if milk is so crucial to babies, then why is bfing past six month/a year seen as vaguely aberrant in many parts of society... etc...

 

... and I could see how a person could get a little confused and think they are doing the right thing - just give the baby water and solids.  I feel bad for the mom and that poor little baby.

 

 


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Old 03-16-2011, 09:08 PM
 
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I am sorry, but really?  This is her second child, and she didn't realize that babies need SOMETHING other than babyfood and water at 9 months?  Really?  I don't buy it.  Especially since she BF the first past his first year.  The majority of mammas who nurse that long read quite a bit about baby's nutritional needs.  I think she was totally making something up there.  Not sure what part, or if she made it all up, but I don't believe that.

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Old 03-16-2011, 09:18 PM
 
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There is a lot of judgement going on about this mom.  Just to throw another thought out there-- I have worked with mothers with significant cognitive disabilities and actually had one do something very very similar to this.  Several of the women I worked with could function well enough to hold a conversation similar to this one, and still miss some key information from the doctor, baby books, whatever.  Clearly, she loves and cares about this kid or she wouldn't have gone to the trouble of nursing him.  Also, it wasn't like she was giving him juice or soda, so maybe she got the message not to give a baby sugar.  Regardless, I think it is pointless for all of us to be speculating on why she did what she did.  Sad story, end of story.  Doesn't require everyone to make a judgement on it. 

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Old 03-17-2011, 07:32 AM
 
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You're right.  Didn't think about that.  Sending good thoughts to this baby and his mama though, seems like they need it.

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Old 03-17-2011, 07:51 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GoBecGo View Post

Actually i have several anthroposoph friends who only nurse 9 months and don't use cows milk or formula.  Their kids usually take a bit of a dip on the chart between 9 months and a year, but they aren't terribly stunted or anything.


That is messed up. I mean if you stop giving milk or formula or whatever and the child takes a 'dip in the chart' that means they are not getting enough calories to grow! People are ridiculous.

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Old 03-17-2011, 01:42 PM
 
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Here's more answers about anthroposophy and breastfeeding. Waldorf without Walls

Steiner wrote that he was breastfed until he was four. Just like regular doctors, you will find differing opinions in anthroposophy doctors.

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Old 03-17-2011, 08:54 PM
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Well, if the mother hears over and over again that formula is poison, is it really shocking that she thought water would be better?

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Old 03-19-2011, 08:22 PM
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Well, people are also told the soda and Doritos are bad for them, but that certainly hasn't put Pepsi or Frito-Lay out of business. lol.gif It sounds more like she was seriously under-informed, not that some nebulous "they" had been telling her formula is poison. 

 

I feel for the mom, what a rough thing to have to come to terms with, especially with the knowledge that it didn't have to be that way. greensad.gifShe's going to carry that guilt with her for a long time. 

 

I think the focus needs to be on educating and getting the info out there, any young mom could have had this happen and probably there are more stories like this than we would like to imagine.  

 

OP, I am so glad you talked to her.  She probably needed an ear. I think your recommendation of toddler formula was spot on in this case. 


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