Did - your - mom breastfeed you? CIO? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 91 Old 03-19-2011, 07:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My mom never did - lots of health problems plus difficult pregnancy and postpartum recovery etc.  So, my mom did formula all the way with me.  And CIO too.  

 

Breastfeeding for my kiddos as long as possible - no CIO either.  My mom's decisions have not really affected mine (not consciously anyway ... orngbiggrin.gif).  She's clueless about

these stuff - that's about it.

 

Does your mom's decision affect yours, if at all? 


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#2 of 91 Old 03-19-2011, 08:05 PM
 
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My mom did formula with me and my younger brother from day one. She did bfed my older brother for 9 months but had major health issues doing so. She did CIO with all of us. Neither of those affected my decisions with my own kids.

 
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#3 of 91 Old 03-20-2011, 11:15 AM
 
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My mom breastfed my oldest sister, and then had major eye problems and was told she wasn't strong enough to breastfeed her children. So the rest of us were formula fed. They did CIO with all of us (I know they did with me because there are stories about it.)

 

My mom's experience breastfeeding didn't really affect my decisions. I will say that I probably let my older child cry by himself at bedtime more than I should have when he was 2 because I didn't know any better. But since it felt so intensely wrong to me, it was short lived.


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#4 of 91 Old 03-20-2011, 11:31 AM
 
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My mom bf my two older brothers and myself. When my brother was born in 1975, apparently bfing wasn't particularly common and the nurse helping my mom really had no clue what she was doing. She did wean us all about 8 months though. My mom had a rough patch with me because she picked up a staph infection (probably from the hospital) and was put on abx and told she couldn't nurse. So I had to get formula from a bottle for that week or so while my mom pumped and dumped. She said I was miserable and went happily back to the breast when she was done with the medication.

 

I believe she did CIO with us although it was the check in on them in slightly longer increments version.

 

Yes, I was influenced by my mom's decisions. I grew up believing natural birth, breastfeeding and parenting with love was the best way to go. I just took things further than she did. orngbiggrin.gif But I contribute that to the fact that the internet has allowed me to connect with and learn from moms who do things a tad different from the mainstream/traditional way. (No, I don't believe in CIO but I am fortunate to come here and learn it's not the only way but if everyone around me was saying it was the only way to go, going another way would be awfully difficult.)


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#5 of 91 Old 03-20-2011, 11:42 AM
 
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My mom breastfed all four of her children and I'm pretty sure she didn't use CIO. I'm almost positive she bed shared with us for at least a year and then we moved to a crib- still in her room.

I think my largest influence parenting wise is MDC and my older sister. I didn't see my mom do any breastfeeding or co sleeping whereas I saw my sister doing it while I was in college. And, MDC let me see that it was normal and natural and that I should follow my instincts.

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#6 of 91 Old 03-20-2011, 02:10 PM
 
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My mum didn't breastfeed, and that didn't affect my decision to breastfeed - in fact she has been very supportive. She didn't CIO with me, and again is supportive of my non-CIO nightime parenting.

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#7 of 91 Old 03-20-2011, 04:18 PM
 
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My  mom BF'd all seven of us including a set of twins.   I think she did push solids early on though and had us eating 'meals' so that she could nurse less.  I know this b/c she did have to work yet she says she never needed to pump?  But she never went back to working until the baby was about 6 months old.  She says she would just nurse when home so she didnt need to do bottles??? and she just gave meals when away and water???.. not quite sure how that worked but oh well....we are all healthy LOL  She was very BF supportive  ie) she never says oh the baby is hungry AGAIN???  She also helped us out so I could stay home longer with my twins b/c she said 'i know you could pump enough with your older dd but with twins being away for work - no way"   so she did give us some money so i could stay home longer.   So I am very lucky in that regard. 

 

I don't ever remember her doing CIO.   I was the oldest and I never remember a baby crying alone in a crib.   She didn't cosleep but I think she was overall a nurturing mom.  

 

I think she helped normalize BF'ing.  I came to the decisions I've made on my own but it did help having a mom who got it.  

 

As far as natural childbirth since it was mentioned -- she did have all of us naturally however it sounds like all of her experiences were awful...or at least she did not have good support.  It sounds like she had to fight so much to have a natural birth and didn't have a midwife or someone to help normalize/support her.   She has a lot of fear of birth also which always seemed odd to me since she had so many babies... I know she needed forceps twice she said???   (I think she was natural up til then and then they did some sort of block)   and I know her twins she needed an internal version and was pretty traumatized from that...

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#8 of 91 Old 03-20-2011, 06:41 PM
 
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My mum breastfed both of us, although not extended breastfeeding. I'm not sure exactly when she stopped. I don't think they did CIO but I'm not 100% sure. Their parenting practices haven't influenced ours. We do things a bit differently in some ways but I think they were good parents and made good choices for their circumstances.


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#9 of 91 Old 03-20-2011, 07:05 PM
 
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My mom breastfed me and CIO. Said the nightwaking was making her crazy and it totally worked, though difficult to do.
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#10 of 91 Old 03-20-2011, 07:45 PM
 
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my mom breastfed me for about a month... the time she was home on maternity leave.  She was unable to nurse past that because she was a single mom who had to work and she didn't have the time or space to pump adequately during the day.  I think she might have said pumping didn't work well for her either I think?  At any rate, she supports me fully for nursing and HER mom nursed all her kids for a long time as a stay at home mom so her using formula with me wasn't her preference.  didn't affect my choice but her support is great.

 

As for CIO, I'm sure she did it.  Probably not as much as others though since as a single mom who HAD to get up in the morning and who shared a room with her baby (only a one room home hehe) she probably just held me more and bedshared so she could at lease doze getting SOME sleep for work the next day, but I can't imagine she was against CIO.  I'm sure she used it more when I was older and had my own room.. 2-3 years old.  She might have used it more with my brother?  I don't recall and have never asked.  I just don't do it and she knows it and won't when babysitting although I doubt she'd want to anyway.. she likes to cuddle with kiddo and sleep with her hehe.

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#11 of 91 Old 03-21-2011, 12:35 AM
 
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my mom breastfed my three sisters and I 2-3 years, coslept, and never used CIO to my knowlege. she was one of the earlier Dr. Sears followers. did mostly baby-led solids and somewhat CLW (though kind of weaned in pregnancy a couple of times I think, so I don't know if my sister or I would have nursed longer otherwise). also did natural births and babywearing. and it did influence my decision to do all that stuff myself because for me that was what was normal from a very early age. I never considered not breastfeeding etc, and then as I grew up I learned more and that just supported the decisions that I had already made. 


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#12 of 91 Old 03-21-2011, 07:37 AM
 
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My mom didn't breastfeed me very long, just a few days or couple weeks (She "had a breast infection and the doctor gave her a shot to dry her milk up", she says) and breastfed my sister for a few months. She definitely did CIO and strict scheduling. Now that I have my first (not even 3 months old!), she has not been supportive of continuing breastfeeding as I'm back to work- She thinks pumping is "too much of a hardship". She also gives me a hard time about other AP parenting things- "You hold him too much" "He needs to learn to cry/fall asleep by himself/etc"

 

Needless to say, my mom and I don't get along very well. My MIL, on the other hand, was very AP before there was a term for it! I'm glad to have her support.


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#13 of 91 Old 03-21-2011, 07:47 AM
 
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My mom did not breastfeed me.  She breastfed my younger brother and sister for a short time and used CIO on all of us.  It did affect the way I parent because I was old enough to be horrified by listening to my siblings scream their brains out.

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#14 of 91 Old 03-21-2011, 07:58 AM
 
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My mother breastfed me for about a week. I don't know what made her decide to stop. She had told me all my life she had breastfed me, and I always figured that meant 6 months, and I felt pretty shocked/betrayed when I was a brand new mom and finally thought to ask how long she had breastfed me. I showed my shock and feel bad about it; I think it hurt my mom. But I think she misunderstood it. I wasn't horrified that she only breastfed me a week, but I felt lied to/misled. My mother has been, on the surface, supportive of breastfeeding, but I think it was a conscious effort and she did not really understand it.

 

I don't know if she did CIO, but I really don't think she did. And she never suggested I should either. However, I don't think I ever coslept in any way. To this day I can't sleep with someone touching me. Unfortunately that made it difficult for ME to cosleep. I did it for 3 years until my sleep deprivation was too severe to ignore. Now DH does the cosleeping and I sleep alone. I wish I could snuggle with my DH while sleeping, but I just can't. I like the idea that DD will grow up to be able to snuggle peacefully with her partner and children.

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#15 of 91 Old 03-21-2011, 09:30 AM
 
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my mother is a wellspring of bad parenting advice.  among many other jewels, she said that the doctor told her that she had 'milk fever' with her first child and that she would 'always' get it so she formula fed me from day one, and i'm sure i spent lots of time cio in my own room in my crib.  so.. i know if i do the opposite of what she did/advises, then i'm on the right track, pretty much.


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#16 of 91 Old 03-21-2011, 10:06 AM
 
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I wasn't breastfed.  My mom would have liked to but I was premature and she'd had a c-section and they told her it wouldn't be possible.  The concept of CIO is utterly foreign to my family.  They would all be totally appalled if I left a baby in a room to cry.  My parents are big influences on my parenting in that they were very "natural" parents - they didn't over think things and were just inherently very good at parenting.  If I'm at a loss for what to do, I can always think, "what would mam/dad do?" and it's usually pretty helpful.

 

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#17 of 91 Old 03-21-2011, 10:07 AM
 
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I was formula fed and there was some cry it out, though my mom says I "Learned" to sleep on my own quickly. I was adopted, so I really don't give the formula a second thought. The CIO on the other hand.... Not cool. Oh well. 

 

 

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#18 of 91 Old 03-21-2011, 04:32 PM
 
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My mom was another who had a c-section and was told breastfeeding was impossible after a section. I don't think she particularly wanted to breastfeed-- it was something all her "hippie" friends did (this was in the early 70s) , and she felt pressured into it, and was glad to have an "out." I have no hard feelings towards her about it at all-- my mom loved me with her whole heart, however I was fed. I do harbor a considerable grudge against the pediatrician who put me on soy formula because I was a high-needs baby, and recommended beginning me on solids at TWO WEEKS OLD. I have a chronic, serious digestive illness now, and I am certain the way I was fed as an infant contributed.

No CIO in mom's house. She would be shocked at the idea. No bottle propping, either. My mom did crib-sleep us, because she was afraid to roll onto us. We started cosleeping as toddlers, and coslept on and off throughout early childhood. But she didn't cosleep with us as babies. But we were never left alone to cry-- she held us and rocked us and patted our backs and sang to us, and whatever else we needed. I can remember how my baby brother was treated as an infant, so I know for sure. And I've seen her in action with my own kids.

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#19 of 91 Old 03-21-2011, 05:23 PM
 
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My mother breastfed me for 9 months, which was the maximum amount of time she thought was acceptable to breastfeed at the time (although my baby book says I self-weaned). When I was a year old we moved to a new area where she met other breastfeeding mothers and realized that she didn't have to wean me so early. She breastfed each of my younger brothers for 1-2 years. Seeing her breastfeed (as well as hearing her horror stories about her own mother preparing bottles in the night while her younger siblings screamed) definitely normalized it for me and I never considered not breastfeeding.

 

I asked her after my son was born whether or not she let us CIO and she was unfamiliar with the term, so I said "did you ever leave us to cry ourselves to sleep" and she said "No, I hate hearing babies cry. I won't tolerate it. But you never cried as a baby anyway." Then when my parents found out that my son still wasn't sleeping through the night at 6 months of age, they each told me separately that I needed to put him to bed at bedtime and close the door. When I said, "I thought you never left me to cry myself to sleep" my mother said, "Oh, you never cried." But now that I think about it, they slept on a different floor from my brothers when they were babies so they wouldn't have heard them if they did cry. And according to her, I never cried as a baby. Also according to her, my son never cries now. This has been very frustrating for me to deal with.


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#20 of 91 Old 03-21-2011, 06:43 PM
 
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I think my mom coslept for a month or two, then moved me to a crib. idk about cry it out though. I think she's said I was a high needs baby and refused to sleep anywhere but her chest for awhile. My dad was a bit short tempered and didnt put up with crying so I imagine there was some pressure to keep babies quiet at night! So, there might have been some cio but i highly doubt there was full on sleep training.

 

My mom bfed all 5 of us, 6 months, 2.5 years, 2.5 years, 13 months, 17 months. I'm the youngest. Some time after dd was born, something clicked and I put 2 and 2 together.. one being that I knew the lengths my mom bfed all us kids, and the other being that she was paralyzed from guillian-barre syndrome when her 2nd baby was born. And I realized.. how on earth did you bf that baby for 2.5 years when you were PARALYZED in the 70s where support was minimal and bf was so uncommon?! So I asked! :D and this is, seriously, my favorite quote of my mom: "Breastfeeding? psh, that was EASY. I *had* to breastfeed, I couldn't hold a bottle!" Then demonstrated how her wrist was limp and she couldnt grasp anything, but she could move her whole arm from her shoulder. 


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#21 of 91 Old 03-21-2011, 07:05 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hildare View Post

my mother is a wellspring of bad parenting advice.  among many other jewels, she said that the doctor told her that she had 'milk fever' with her first child and that she would 'always' get it so she formula fed me from day one, and i'm sure i spent lots of time cio in my own room in my crib.  so.. i know if i do the opposite of what she did/advises, then i'm on the right track, pretty much.



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#22 of 91 Old 03-22-2011, 12:02 PM
 
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I have no way of knowing who I would be without my mother.

 

She breastfed 4 babies for 1-3 years each.  No CIO.  Home birthed all but her first.  Became a home birth midwife herself.  Practiced all kinds of wonderful gentle discipline kind of parenting -- although there were a few spankings in there over the years.  She has had a huge influence over me and my parenting, and has been a wonderful support through my pregnancies, births, and child-raising.  I am very blessed.

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#23 of 91 Old 03-23-2011, 05:04 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Llyra View Post
No CIO in mom's house. She would be shocked at the idea. No bottle propping, either. My mom did crib-sleep us, because she was afraid to roll onto us. We started cosleeping as toddlers, and coslept on and off throughout early childhood. But she didn't cosleep with us as babies. But we were never left alone to cry-- she held us and rocked us and patted our backs and sang to us, and whatever else we needed. I can remember how my baby brother was treated as an infant, so I know for sure. And I've seen her in action with my own kids.


My parents are like this.  I was explaining the concept of CIO to them and they were horrified.  To them it's just a given that you sit and pat backs or walk around or hum.  My mom was terrified of rolling on me also.  I cosleep with my daughter (who is now 4) when I visit and she was fine with it once dd was around a year.  DS is just a baby so she puts a bassinet beside the bed for him - I don't want to worry her so we mostly used it (he was fine with it).

 

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#24 of 91 Old 03-23-2011, 08:17 PM
 
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I am the oldest of 4.  All of us were formula fed, my mom had no interest in attempting to bf at all ever.  Simply not her cup of tea.  And while she still says she prefers bottles so that she knows how much the baby is eating, that's the extent of her support of bottles or formula.  The reality is that she doesn't care how a baby is fed as long as baby is fed.

 

CIO, I am pretty sure she did some version of CIO.  However, like most real life parents, her version of CIO is not the set baby in a room, close the door and never go back even if baby screams for hours and hours for weeks on end, like so many posts here discribe.  Its just that when rocking or patting or driving or diaper changing or feeding or more rocking or whatever whatever whatever doesn't work, try setting the baby down for 10 to 20 minutes to see if baby can figure it out for herself. 

 

She also didn't bedshare, but all of us slept in a crib/bassinette in their room for the first few months.  How long usually just depending on the housing situation at the time-we moved like every 18 to 24 months from the time I was born until I was 11 years old, so number of bedrooms and number of kids seemed to always be changing there for a while.

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#25 of 91 Old 03-23-2011, 08:48 PM
 
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My mom breastfed all three of us, for six months each. (My brother was born in 1963, and she was the only mom on the entire ward who was breastfeeding, despite a traumatic labour, c-section, hospital-imposed separation from her baby, and pressure from the nurses to use formula - I'm amazingly proud of her...she also kept my brother intact, which was almost unheard of at the time.) She did not practice CIO.

 

I have no idea how much those facts affected my parenting. I never grew up thinking there was any other way to do things, so I'd say the impact was profound. OTOH, I have no idea how my grandmother parented her babies, and mom didn't consider any other route, either, so maybe mom's choices weren't that big a factor.


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#26 of 91 Old 03-23-2011, 10:29 PM
 
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My mom was an attached parent even though she didn't know it. She breastfed me and my brother (failed to BF the oldest after a very mismanaged birth - spent a week in a hospital with the baby only brought to her for feeding at scheduled intervals), coslept, and never let us CIO. My parents were great at teaching all of us that they had our back (they still do). love.gif

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#27 of 91 Old 03-24-2011, 12:34 AM
 
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My mom nursed me for 12 weeks before returning to work - it was impossible for her to continue nursing and working. So I went on formula. I think if she had been able to, she would have maybe nursed for 6-9 months, but not an extended period of time.

 

My mom was not about the CIO with babies at all - she completely disagrees with the idea that crying = sleep. She never would put an infant in a room and let them cry. She's so rational - there's a reason why the sound of babies crying is horrible - it's so you pick them up!!!

 

But I would NOT categorize her as AP at all. She also puts WAY too much maturity onto children, and expects unreasonable behavior out of 18mo/3yo/5yo etc. Expectations for behavior were always so high, and I always felt like I was in trouble growing up. Like I couldn't do anything right. She's a super logical, concrete thinker, and has a hard time understanding where children are coming from developmentally. Regardless of how many books she reads. 

 

But she loves me, and I love her. I take her advice with a grain of salt.

 

ETA: has this influenced my parenting - absolutely! I work really hard to understand where my son is developmentally, and have appropriate expectations. Also she's really supportive of breastfeeding (upto 1 yr, possible 18 mo). And she's a GREAT resource on being a working mother, managing the guilt, making the most of time, etc.

 

Also, come to think of it - I needed her to sleep with me a lot when I was school aged. She never co-slept at all - culturally against it I suppose. But as I aged, I needed her next to me to sleep, a lot - like 3-4x per week. And she always came and slept in my little twin bed with me when I needed her. Definitely not co-sleeping, but I think that's a product of culture vs her own instincts. 


K: high school teacher and mama to DS1 (7/07), loss (10/10) and DS2 (7/12). Married to my best friend and soon to be elementary school teacher!
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#28 of 91 Old 03-24-2011, 01:48 AM
 
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My mom didn't breastfeed me, my sister or brother.  She has bad epilepsy and the medicines she was on at the time, the doctors told her she could not breastfeed while on them.  This was back in the 80's, so there was little information about perscription medicines and breastfeeding, unlike today.

I am on an anti-seizure medicine (Tegretol), and have been told that its not a problem to breastfeed while on this medicine.  The doctor told me that a baby would just be a bit more sleepy than normal. I plan on breastfeeding when I have a baby, for as long as the child wants to.

 

Unfortunately, she followed my grandma's advice and never co-slept, started us on solids way too early (I was only 1 month old at the time), and used only disposable diapers on us.  She also did "baby training" by having us in a seperate room to learn to sleep through the night and stuff like that. 

 

Jessie

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#29 of 91 Old 03-24-2011, 02:48 PM
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technically wasn't bfed, but i received donor milk for a time before switching to goat milk (cow's milk allergy). my stepmom bfed her 2 kids. neither really had any bearing on whether i'd bf, because i always knew i would, plain and simple. it was kind of a no-brainer.

 

no idea if my mother did CIO but it wouldn't surprise me. stepmom did. i tried it once out of desperation but it felt so cruel, and it didn't work, so i completely regret trying.


January 2011
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#30 of 91 Old 03-25-2011, 09:59 AM
 
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Yes, my mom BFed me for a little over a year. She was totally AP -- no CIO, no spanking, GD, and just in general a completely awesome mom who I strive to emulate in my own parenting. 


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