Has BFing ruined *ahem* "fondling" for anyone else? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 17 Old 04-20-2011, 11:42 PM - Thread Starter
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Ok, maybe I just want to vent, and also feel like I'm not alone, but breastfeeding has completely ruined "breast intimacy" with DH for me.  When we DTD, I really don't even want him near my breasts because DDs fondling is so irritating for me sometimes that I feel like this carries over with DH.  duh.gif (PS DD is almost 3y/o)


Am I the only one?? If anyone else is in the same boat, any advice? Any hands near my breasts REALLY bug me now!

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#2 of 17 Old 04-21-2011, 07:09 AM
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The only real suggestion I have is cute bras with an addition of some kind of oil or lotion (perhaps with heating abilities). I went through a similar time and DH likes boobs (a lot), so used oil in order for me to have a completely different feeling than I did when DD was nursing. After that, I flat out refused to let her play with my nipples.


I will say that sometimes I have a really hard time wanting to DTD if I have just nursed DD down to sleep. It just feels weird to have someone touch my boobs right after nursing a baby.

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#3 of 17 Old 04-21-2011, 10:43 AM
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Nope, I feel the same way. No real advice because after 8 something years of nursing I've made them essentially off limits to anyone else but the nurslings. Sometimes I will do the cute bra thing but I still really don't want anyone near them. My children don't fondle, it is a big pet peeve of mine so I have never allowed it but just the constant use of them makes me just want them to be left alone. 

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#4 of 17 Old 04-21-2011, 11:41 AM
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Mine were off limits until DD was nearly 4. Once she only nursed to sleep at night, I started to be okay with DH getting some time. LOL  Now that she's completely weaned, it's okay.  But while she was nursing....nope. Hands off. LOL

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#5 of 17 Old 04-21-2011, 12:03 PM
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Yeah. eyesroll.gif Me, too. I'm in this camp. And I haven't nursed anybody in more than two years, and it's still a problem for me. For me, it's not so much about irritation-- it's more that whenever anybody touches my breasts, it feels like a mother thing, to me-- and mixing that with sex bothers me in a way I can't even find words to explain. It's the same reason I always needed a LONG break between nursing a baby and DTDing. I need to get my head out of one way of being, and into another, and if I can't, I get all squeamish and turned off.

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#6 of 17 Old 04-21-2011, 12:18 PM
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I'm with you.  Dh knows that he sort of has to ask "permission" before touching.

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#7 of 17 Old 04-21-2011, 12:28 PM
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While nursing..absolutely (till 4 years and a bit) took a year or so but now..well..blushes..lets say I got back to REALLY liking it again :)

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#8 of 17 Old 04-21-2011, 12:45 PM
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For me, it has never been that they are off limits (unless they were engorged and painful.) Its just that when I have a nursling my brain seems to turn off the button in my brain that makes the playing feel good or arousing. I just don't feel anything.  So I'll let him play at will (again unless they are hurting) but it isn't doing a thing for me in the "fun" department! That pretty quickly leads him to find other avenues.

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#9 of 17 Old 04-21-2011, 01:03 PM
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It definitely changed things while I was nursing - so for about 5.5 years! But now that I've weaned, it's a whole new phase and they are more important than ever - so take heart.

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#10 of 17 Old 04-21-2011, 02:03 PM
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once DD was about 12 months and she was only nursing twice a day (plus 2 pumping sessions), I was okay with DF touching them, and a couple of times early in my second pregnancy I actually enjoyed it, then my nipples got super sensitive and were always a little sore from DD nursing. 

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#11 of 17 Old 04-21-2011, 02:09 PM
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Not for me but my DP isn't interested in even touching my breasts while we have a nursing baby. He's not grossed out, he just sees them as for the baby. 

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#12 of 17 Old 04-21-2011, 05:35 PM
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yeah, breastfeeding has made me feel less sexy and more maternal about my breasts. I think part of it is just the roles- I'm the mommy, I'm the sexy woman, both of us plan to use these breasts. I think it also has to do with oxytocin- pre-baby, that hormone makes you feel a sexy kind of love. But as a nursing mother, the levels of oxytocin skyrocket, and the feelings they produce are maternal. 

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#13 of 17 Old 04-21-2011, 06:05 PM
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It gives me the creaps to have DH touching them when I have a nursling.  Maybe its because I'm "touched out" but I can't stand it.  I weaned DS1 in my 1st trimester with DS2 and by the time DS2 came along I was getting to be okay with touching ... but then back in the same boat now with DS2 here.



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#14 of 17 Old 04-22-2011, 01:55 PM
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I'm right there with everyone else who doesn't want their breasts touched by their partners, and glad to know I'm not alone. My DH knows that for now, my breasts are off limits. I really just feel over-touched in that area right now, and don't want any additional stimulation there. I was kind of wondering when I would be ready to "go there" again, but am realizing its probably dependent on how long and how often DS breastfeeds. As of now DS (13mos) really prefers breastfeeding to all other kinds of food, so he is on me a lot!

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#15 of 17 Old 05-02-2011, 08:51 PM
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yeah ive been struggling with this, and even worse in the first few months of nursing (i'm only on month 4 now) i struggled with nursing feeling too sexual and that grossed me out sooo bad it was horrifying! so i banned dh from the nipples big time, i had to build a separation in my mind and body between these two acts. dh loves my breasts so its hard and he's feeling a bit like he has lost me in intimate ways already so its hard.  i'm sure in time it will get better

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#16 of 17 Old 05-02-2011, 09:02 PM
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It took about a year after my youngest weaned before they felt sexual again. I'm glad that feeling came back, let me tell you lol.gif. But between pregnancy and breastfeeding, that was about 10 years that they weren't much fun in the bedroom. During pregnancy, they hurt too much to have anyone touching them (I managed to nurse all the way through one pregnancy and through 2/3 of another, but it wasn't pain-free for me.) and while breastfeeding it was alternately a huge turn off to have them touched sexually or just didn't feel like much of anything.
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#17 of 17 Old 05-03-2011, 08:01 AM
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Me too. They used to be the first place my husband went during foreplay now I have to be completely out of baby mode and completely in moment to not be annoyed by my breasts being touched. Once I'm really ready it still doesn't have the same impact for me as it used to but it feels like part of experience rather then being a total turn off like it does if I'm not there yet.

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