Seriously struggling.... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 09-27-2011, 09:55 AM - Thread Starter
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I always said that I would never be one of those breastfeeding moms who was judgmental towards those who bottle feed.... WELL, somthing has changed & now that I hear of someone just outright bottlefeeding, or quitting because it's too hard, it makes me SO mad! The more I learn about breastfeeding & breastmilk benefits, the stronger my feelings become! Do you think that people are just uneducated about all of the benefits of bfing, or what??


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#2 of 8 Old 09-27-2011, 10:34 AM
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I think they are just ignorant.


But seriously, if you dont wanna be judgmental...just remember that:


1)Many bottlefed kids are healty&smart&attached to their mamas anyway.


2)I was never breastfed. 

My bestfriend was breastfed for 3  years, and her mom is verbally abusive  to her and used to be physically abusive aswell.


Not breastfeeding doesnt make you a bad mother. Breastfeeding (Alone) doesnt make you a good mother.


There are some terrific ff moms out there and some horrible, abusive, BFing moms aswell.

IWould you rather be the daughter of a loving, gentle FFing mom or the daughter of an abusive BFing mom?



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#3 of 8 Old 09-27-2011, 11:18 AM
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This is a struggle of mine as well. As much as I am a champion for breastfeeding and breast milk, I know that infant feeding choice is not the end-all tell-all parenting decision.  I think being judgmental comes naturally to all of us, for me i need spiritual help to not be all judgey.  I also think if a mother is doing her best then I have no place to question her choices, and it hurts when people question and judge my own choices. That said, i do my best to be supportive if women are trying to breastfeed, and I let the outcome go.  If I help a friend to breastfeed and she ends up formula feeding I don't let it bother me.  Formula fed babies are healthy, happy, and cute.

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#4 of 8 Old 09-27-2011, 07:53 PM
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I think this is a touchy subject..and that it is hard to jump to accurate conclusions about other people's situations. For example, i am totally committed to bf, have stuck it out through a low milk supply, breastfeeding literally non stop in hopes of providing enough, recurrent thrush, milk blisters, lip ties, poor latching babies..pretty much whatever it takes, i am doing, and i still have to supplement. So i have to feed my baby a bottle in front of others and i HATE it. But at the end of the day my baby shouldn't have to be hungry..underfeeding is far worse for them than formula(and don't get me wrong, i HATE formula and totally agree with u bm is best)
Sorry, this is getting long, but i just think that u don't know what the full story is for other people. If u saw me out somewhere u would think, there's another young mom who is just can't be bothered to bf, or who is uneducated about bf. However that would be completely inaccurate. Not to mention that it could be expressed milk in that bottle..
So i guess ultimately all u can do is the best for your baby, support and educate others when the opportunity arises, do your best not to make assumptions about others.
However i do think ignorance, musinformation and formula companies who advertise too well r a problem also.
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#5 of 8 Old 09-28-2011, 06:13 PM
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No, I don't think they're just ignorant. I think many new moms - who've never even SEEN someone breastfeed - have too little hands-on help, encouragement or time off to spend with their babes. I'm lucky enough to live in Canada were (most) women who work outside the home get a year of maternity leave at partial pay. In my neighbourhood, every single mom I know at least gave breastfeeding a shot. Given the extreme challenges I faced breastfeeding DS1 (chronic low supply despite prescription drugs and pumping after every feed for five months, supplementing at the breast), I couldn't blame anyone for throwing in the towel if they had to return to work at six weeks. I pumped twice a day when I returned to work at a demanding job and don't know how moms of younger babes manage to fit in five pumps a day. Kudos to them!
Not to mention, I spent hundreds of dollars on lactation consultants, Lact-Aid units and renting pumps and scales - not everyone can afford that.

Megan, loving her sweet rainbow1284.gif boys, born Aug. 2008 and Feb. 2011, and their sister, born still March 2007 candle.gif
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#6 of 8 Old 09-29-2011, 10:13 AM
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Not long ago (maybe some people still do) people would say "he smoked a pack of cigarettes a day and lived to be 95, there is nothing wrong with smoking." That is called a attribution error. "I was fed formula and my IQ is 130, there is nothing wrong with formula." If we say these kinds of things we are contributing to the problem of how people think about formula and human milk. Until people start correcting attribution errors we aren't going to see the kinds of changes we would like to see in breastfeedfeeding behavior.


People make poor decisions. My grandmother, mother, and sister think breastfeeding is gross and never considered it. Women almost always have their minds made up about breastfeeding before they get pregnant, before they get any information about breastfeeding. If a woman doesn't breastfeed or weans early she usually makes excuses for her behavior. If her child gets sick from a disease that may have been prevented by breastfeeding she doesn't take responsibility.


Making the decision to not breastfeed or to wean early is complex. Women aren't ignorant, they know breastfeeding is best. Some women will let their man tell them not to breastfeed. There are sexual issues, modesty issues, poor birth practices. Women have to work outside the home and still take care of the home and family. Books and experts tell mothers that they must let the father feed bottles, they must get out and let others feed bottles, they need a break. Half the babies in the US are born to single mothers, visitation and custody would be involved. Over half the babies in the US are unplanned. One forth to one fith of the babies in the US are born by C-section, a major surgery. Babies are born early and some go to the NICU. Moms get sick.

: Grandmother , 3 Adult Sons

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#7 of 8 Old 10-04-2011, 09:26 AM
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I don't think women get nearly enough nonbiased education or support about feeding choices.... or about parenting in general. I could say a lot more but that really pretty much covers it.

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#8 of 8 Old 10-04-2011, 12:10 PM
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I used to feel the same way you do, OP... Then I had horrific (I mean HORRIFIC) struggles with my DD... and a totally different set of struggles after the rough time I had with my DS. 


Honestly, it's been so awful, I have a hard time being pro-BFing anymore. It has been (still, at 7 mos) THAT awful that it has totally transformed my view.


I can totally see how someone watching my experience would chose to not even try. Not that I advocate that, it is worth trying. But parts of me wish I never did try, or was a lot less stubborn & walked away sooner. Would have saved so much misery.

Originally Posted by foreverinbluejeans View Post

 One forth to one fith of the babies in the US are born by C-section, a major surgery.


It's one-third born by CS in the US, and has been that way for a few years (to be precise, I think 2009 was 32.8% and 2010 was 34% - something like that. & yes, it's true that BFing post-CS is even harder.

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