in tears over tandem nursing - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Did you feel irritated nursing the older child when tandem nursing?
yes 0 0%
no 1 16.67%
sometimes 4 66.67%
other: I felt unwanted emotions but not irritated or annoyed 1 16.67%
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Old 09-28-2011, 11:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am feeling like a totally horrible mother. I have a 3.5 yr old who I've weaned as much as I could during pregnancy because it hurt so much. But, I actually believe in child-led weaning and my child was defintely NOT ready for mom to drastically cut down nursing. I had thought, "well when my breasts have milk after the baby I'll resume nursing DD on demand if she wants."

 

So now I have a 2 week old and my 3.5yr old wants to nurse frequently and I usually allow her to, but I can barely stand it! It used to feel so loving and enjoyable, and now it feels like nails on a chalkboard. Even having her ask me feels annoying to me! I hate the way I feel and it is totally unexpected. I don't want to feel annoyed w/ my DD especially over something we had both enjoyed for so long and used to be one of the few things I was proud of about my parenting (listening to my child that she wasn't ready to wean).

 

Anyone else felt like that?

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Old 09-28-2011, 04:09 PM
 
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We made a deal that the older child could nurse only if the baby was nursing. That way I was nursing already and didn't feel like I was nursing all the time. I figured out ways to hold both of them. Of course the older one didn't nurse every time the baby did. My 3.5 year old had a very bad first asthma attack while I was pregnant and was in the ICU of a children's hospital. He hadn't been nursing much but he nursed a lot in the hospital and my supply picked up. His allergist encouraged me to nurse him since his first asthma attack came when he was weaning. The doctor thought that he needed breastmilk as long as possible.

 

I knew a couple of other mothers that were tandem nursing at the same time and they had more negative feelings about it than I did. It could have been that I saw nursing as something I had to do (could do) for my oldest child.

 

You don't have to do child-let weaning to be a good mother. Nursing if you hate it isn't good for either of you. How many children in the US actually get to experience true child-led weaning? Only one of my three did. My oldest we set a date (6th birthday). My middle was child-led. The youngest I encouraged him to wean because I was having migraines every day and I was miserable. He weaned easily so you could say he was ready. I feel a little bad about the youngest because he nursed the shortest. They are all adults now and he doesn't care that his brothers got to breastfeed longer. He got to benefit from me being a more experienced mother.  


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Old 09-28-2011, 09:46 PM
 
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I dont have any experience in this, but i wanted to offer some support. You are totally justified in your feelings. Breastfeeding is supposed to be enjoyable for everyone involved, and if that is no longer the case, it does not make u a bad mom! Maybe setting some boundaries like the PP did would help. Maybe your significant other can help by having one on one time sometimes when u r nursing the baby..take dd outside to play, or go off in another room and read stories or something. Does dd go to preschool or anything that keeps her busy and off the boob for a chunk of time out of the day?
Hope u r able to get some good advice and find the balance that works for u!
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Old 09-28-2011, 10:04 PM
 
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I found the first month or so to be the hardest.  So many changes  for everyone.  I made  it one year, and weaned my DD at just over 3 years.

 

I had to put rules in place  to save my sanity.  

 

Sorry mama.


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Old 09-28-2011, 10:57 PM
 
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I had very strong mixed feelings for a month or so post partum. I set some limits as design one breast for my oldest, nurse after the baby, have some mommy time. I had discomfort by my oldest latch that was way different compare with the newborn. I think with the time i manage the feeling and focus more in the bonding. She CLWed 3 years later.


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Old 09-28-2011, 11:08 PM
 
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yes i felt that way too. but i pushed through and i'm glad i did. she is now 5, and i still allow her to nurse "to sleep" at night. although it is pretty severely limited. she gets about 1-2 minutes on each side, once a day, and that's IT. it still allows her to feel that she is getting nursed. and it is so limited that i can bear it.

 

i have rarely rarely allowed my two to nurse at the exact same time. it feels pretty odd to me, and i just cannot take it for long. in the rare case that i allow this, i give the big one a limit, like to the count of 10 and then she must come off.

 

i do strongly feel that allowing her to continue nursing (albeit in limited capacity) helped her be the very non-jealous sibling. she is such an awesome big sister. having her psychological needs met surely has something to do with it.

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Old 09-29-2011, 11:35 AM
 
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I, too, think that nursing my two oldest sons together helped them have a close relationship that they have maintained. They are now 32 and 29 and still close. They work for the same company.

 

I wrote about how I felt bad about nursing my youngest son the least amount of time but he benefited from me being a more experienced mother. I have been thinking about you and your daughter and how you have felt proud of your mothering. That is something she will always have. She had that first 3.5 years alone with you. 


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