Mothers who skip the paci - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 62 Old 09-20-2012, 10:21 AM
 
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My daughter was introduced to the binky at around 2 weeks because I couldn't handle being the "human paci". Probably going to get flamed for admitting that, but it is what it is. She was never crazy about it, and she gave it up, voluntarily, before she was a year old. My son had a paci from birth, adored it, and gave it up, also voluntarily, just after he turned three. I wore both of my kids, they were great nursers, all the paci did was make it possible for me to put them down or hand them off when I needed a few minutes to myself, to eat or pee or just to breathe. If you don't feel that the pacifier is right for your child, then that's great, but you also don't need to feel bad if you decide that it's a necessary tool for helping you retain your sanity. Because that's just what it is, a tool, nothing more, nothing less.
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#32 of 62 Old 09-20-2012, 11:21 AM
 
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I have my third baby now and she is 11 months old. It is very normal to hangout with mom under the shirt most always in early stage of infancy.  I have invested in different baby carriers so I have a free hand for my other 2yrs old and 6 yrs old.  However I always make sure she gets time for play and or observing the world around her.  Now that she is busy discovering and walking everywhere she only comes to soothe in my breast when she is hurt or need to wind down for sleeping, but ofcourse she is still breastfed when she is hungry.  Now the pacifier has never been abused in our house. I do have it.  When I have the luxury to sleep with my baby then I just let her drink me to fall asleep. She usually just let go to find her comfy spot but if I have to get up and do other things she awakens, so the pacifier becomes her comfort .  She falls asleep with it, then few minutes I would find that it is out of her mouth or if not I just remove it from her. Now I remember in the early stage of her infancy there were a lot of crying and no I do not use the paci to quiet her down. I breast fed or if I really can't that moment such us walking my daughter to school while she is being pushed by the stroller or in the car I just let her cry.  She would calm down after a few minutes because the surrounding is stimulating . In the car I would play a classical music to calm her down. Pacifier is a standby just in case other things fail but other wise I use other methods and absolute patience before the most tempting pacifier. 

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#33 of 62 Old 09-20-2012, 11:27 AM
 
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Originally Posted by ESR76 View Post

My daughter was introduced to the binky at around 2 weeks because I couldn't handle being the "human paci". Probably going to get flamed for admitting that, but it is what it is.... all the paci did was make it possible for me to put them down or hand them off when I needed a few minutes to myself, to eat or pee or just to breathe. 

Although I never used a paci, I don't think there is anything wrong with this! Nobody's family, or baby, is the same so different things work for different people! orngbiggrin.gif


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#34 of 62 Old 09-20-2012, 12:00 PM
 
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Some kids just won't take paci's - regardless if you BF or formula feed and regardless of when you try to introduce it.  

 

For some views on comfort sucking:

 

http://forums.llli.org/showthread.php?112069-Think-your-baby-is-nursing-too-much-Read-this!

 

http://kellymom.com/bf/normal/comfortnursing/

 
 

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#35 of 62 Old 09-20-2012, 01:20 PM
 
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One BIG advantage of never introducing a pacifier is never having to wean your LO off it! Same for bottles.

 

My DS is almost 2 yo and never took a binky or bottle, just went straight to cups, and still nurses several times a day. That said, it does get a little trying at times, especially when I'm touched out and all he wants is "p'ease, milk!"


  

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#36 of 62 Old 09-20-2012, 02:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks a lot ladies!  I don't know why but being questioned makes me doubt myself  confused.gif  Something I will definitely need to work on since I'm sure it never quite stops being a parent. But I do enjoy the cuddle time so much and knowing that its not going to last forever makes all those dirty dishes worth it :P And yes MichelleZB housework does suck, so this really shouldn't be a downer for me :D  Thanks Sol_y_Paz for those links.  And thanks again everyone!

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#37 of 62 Old 09-20-2012, 08:33 PM
 
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I never used a pacifier with my DD (now almost 13 months old).  She had a lot of dietary sensitivities that made her super colicky and clingy when she was little, and yeah, there were days when I was a human pacifier.  But I did stuff when she was napping, and I wore her some (it's kind of hard to do a whole lot wearing a baby, but you can at least do the essentials).  I'm glad I didn't give her a paci!

 

My advice would be to get a ring sling--wish I'd had one when she was tiny (got it when she was 4 months old and boy was it a huge help.  She wouldn't sit in the Ergo around the house, only on walks, and I hated the Moby wrap).  And give yourself time.  My DD nursed like crazy for a long time, but after about 2-3 months it was a reasonable amount of crazy, and after she hit maybe 8-9 months she was down to 8ish times a day (unless she had a clingy day), plus a few times at night.  And everyone in my family agrees that DD is super intense and much more interested in nursing than your average baby (and didn't eat solids much till she was 11 months old).  So you will probably stop being quite so much of a pacifier very soon!
 


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#38 of 62 Old 09-21-2012, 05:34 AM
 
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Hi all! Having 4 kids, 11,9,6,4, the 2 oldest used a binkie until around 2ish, the 3rd  for 1 year and I took her off. I wish I would have let her decide when she didn't want it, :( She was really difficult in may ways after that, it is soothing after all and sucking is natural--- my 3rd, a boy (only boy) was introduced to it, but never wanted it. I think it is a good thing for calming and sleeping. Experience ;)

 

BTW I look forward to reading more and getting to know everyone.

 

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#39 of 62 Old 09-21-2012, 05:36 AM
 
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One more comment---I breast fed my 2 oldest--- bottle fed my 2 youngest--- not sure a bink is a replacing a breast--- Isn't that a bottle? lol

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#40 of 62 Old 09-21-2012, 08:41 AM
 
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We have five kids. No pacifiers and no bottles have been given to any of them with the exception of one who was eight weeks early and needed bottles of expressed milk while I was away at night or home with our older one. It just seems weird and unnatural for a baby to have a piece of plastic in their mouth. 

 

I'm not comfortable being a 'human pacifier' past the first few weeks. I find it both uncomfortable as well as mentally draining. I also am not comfortable walking around doing chores while nursing (I can't easily with a large chest anyway). Nursing is my time to sit still and bond with the baby, I don't think a baby older than a month or so old needs to be nursing constantly anyway. When they're little I sometimes hold them while doing chores, put them in a swing (some of our kids liked swings, some didn't), let the older kids hold or play with the baby, wait until someone else is home, put the baby in a carrier but not nurse, have a teenager come in to play with the baby and keep track of the older kids while I get things done, or hire a maid when my husband is away. When they're older they can play on the floor or sit in a little baby sized rocking chair seat we have or one of the above options applies.

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#41 of 62 Old 09-21-2012, 11:32 AM
 
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I also never used a pacifier with my son, and don't plan to on my next baby as well (hes almost 2 1/2 now).  I personally think they are dumb, an artificial nipple?  

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#42 of 62 Old 09-21-2012, 11:43 AM
 
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I never used a paci with either of my kids and it never seemed to be an issue. I did have the dilemma of other people's advice conflicted with my instincts, the dilemma being is their experience worth more than my maternal instincts. I did take up advice on other issues that conflicted with what felt right and I regretted it. So I'd say just do what you feel is right. I'd also add that a paci may not be the answer to every mum's problems. Not all babies accept them, and even with a paci, they still want pcking up and holding etc. Solutions look easy for the outsider looking in.

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#43 of 62 Old 09-21-2012, 12:56 PM
 
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Originally Posted by fruitfulmomma View Post

 

Can I just add how sick I am of the idea that babies use momma as a paci? Breasts are the default, the thing babies were designed to suck on. They know nothing about pacifiers unless we introduce them.

 

With you on this!! My DD is 14 month, no paci. My mom (well intentioned of course) advised that I give her a paci at least for naps so that she'd sleep better. I tend to just stick to the natural ways, so I didn't try that. And yeah, it's hard to get anything done! But, I'm a big believer in babies coming to the breast for emotional needs, not just nutritional. So, breast it is, and damp towels in the laundry bin, in desperate need of a wash, can just wait.

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#44 of 62 Old 09-21-2012, 02:00 PM
 
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This sort of a amuses me! Apparently, according to your aunts, the only thing between you and untold hours of free time is a little plastic sucker. Ha... no.

 

Also, by "get anything done" they mean chores, right? Laundry, dishes. That's what everyone means when they say "getting things done." WHY ON EARTH would you want to find a replacement for nursing your child only to have the pleasure of doing the dishes? Doing the dishes sucks.

 

I get lots of things done while nursing, including but not limited to: bonding with my child, feeding him, reading a book, napping, drinking tea, and surfing the internet one-handed. I make other people do my dishes because I'm nursing. What? Your aunts didn't have a husband who did the dishes? How did they get anything DONE?

 

^^This!  Too funny and too true!

 

I am currently nursing my 4-month-old little girl while typing this response.  I get lots done while nursing; I am just not always able to be productive with housework.  And I agree that a pacifier isn't the answer for that anyway.  That being said, I do offer a pacifier to my daughter when she is in the carseat for comfort since she hates it and can't nurse while she is in there.  Sometimes she takes it, other times not.  She also just started taking it for other people but that is a result of my sisters-in-law and mother-in-law being insistent with it so they could try to hold her even if she wants Mommy...but they are swiftly learning that if she really wants Mommy...nothing works but Mommy and I am fine with that.  :)  I do sometimes wish she would take the pacifier more when she needs to nurse for comfort as I am a sexual abuse survivor who has nursing struggles, but I am committed to meeting her nutritional and comfort needs and I am just making it work without the pacifier. 

 

Good luck, Katie Ester!  Keep following your mama instincts.  I am SURE it won't stop the self-doubt permanently, but that's OK.  I think it is a part of motherhood. 

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#45 of 62 Old 09-21-2012, 03:16 PM
 
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I never used a pacifier with either my daughter who nursed, or my son who was bottle fed.  It wasn't a conscious decision, it was just a non-issue.  We never got one and that was that.  Don't even really know what difference it would have made; it just wasn't on our radar.

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#46 of 62 Old 09-22-2012, 12:44 PM
 
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I used the paci for one thing and one thing only... when it was just the two of us in the car and I couldn't pull over. And both of us were better off for it. He used it for a few weeks and then when he discovered his fingers he literally threw it out of the carseat and it was lost in some crevice or another. Other than that, he nursed at will and I babywore to get things done. It doesn't last forever, and honestly I kind of miss it now... enjoy it while it lasts and don't let anyone allow you to doubt your own motherly instincts by telling you you're doing it wrong. :)


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#47 of 62 Old 09-22-2012, 12:51 PM
 
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I didn't skip it so much as she did. I bought every style I could find and she had no interest in any of them except for the mam, which she took literally only once or twice.

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#48 of 62 Old 09-22-2012, 01:31 PM
 
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i actually learned bfing while babycarring with this one. 

 

and i admit, i wanted her to take the pacifier, she just would not take one after a couple of weeks. Especially at night I would have loved for her to take one to stay asleep. And I personally think there are quite cute ones ;) She did not take them, anyway. I learned how to cook dinner with a breastfeeding baby in the sling. Which was kind of hard sometimes, but I guess it was just me, she was quite happy breastfeeding "on cue" ;) 


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#49 of 62 Old 09-22-2012, 03:06 PM
 
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I agree with the idea that chores can sometimes wait because of nursing but I'm surprised at all the comments indicating those who give their kids pacifiers aren't enjoying their children and they need to "make someone else do their dishes". That's great if you have someone to do your work for you but not all moms have that luxury. I've gotten by without pacifiers but I can see where a mom would feel they are needed. Letting some towels sit around before washing is one thing but when you and five kids are out of clean clothes while your husband is deployed sometimes sitting around nursing all day isn't an option - things just have to get done. Not all moms are able to nurse while baby wearing, nor does everyone find it comfortable. 

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#50 of 62 Old 09-22-2012, 05:04 PM
 
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I'm currently in my sixth pregnancy. With my older five I never even thought about buying a pacifier. My oldest took one for about a month and then just gave it up. The rest wouldn't even keep one in their mouths in the hospital. I didn't breastfeed with any of them except for the first couple weeks, because I was under a lot of stress and didn't have the patience, but my kids were just fine regardless. Another thing to keep in mind though, when you're worried about not getting anything else done, and if the whole babywearing thing doesn't seem to be an option, babies do have their fingers and some prefer them over a pacifier anyway.

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#51 of 62 Old 09-22-2012, 06:16 PM
 
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well.. we did not use it like EVER :) I was raised without one in the fear that my teeth will be crooked,

so I figured my mom could do it I can do it.. and then I thought deeper.. how old do you think

the invention of the paci is? since plastic is about 50 years old? okay.. give it 100 for the sake of

discussion. .. so what do you think the moms before a century ago used?

 

also for me big thing was the fact that peci is made of plastic..

 

It did not bothered me before but if you ask me today after watching PlasticPlanet  on You Tube

I was like.. no way... I would never  want anything like that in my baby mouth..

 

give the movie five minutes and you won't be able to stop watching till the end

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RiJxFhI3u7w

 

I think that after watching it you will have very clear opinion weather you want to use peci or not.

I know many moms that had similar dillema and that movie solved it for them once for all.

I learned many things, some I knew as all of us but there are some very curious facts.

 

oh btw.. If I ever needed to use one and totally had to I probabaly would research more on how different cultures in the past solved the issue of peci as some countries had very creative ideas.. as a piece of cloth soaked in sugar or milk or even piece of sugar or honey wrapped in the cloth? I am not sure when I would use it but I woudl rather do this then the peci per se..

 

For keeping baby busy I was always keeping baby close, when little it was usually

a car seat while I cooked or washed, so she could see everything and not to protest that I am away and baby wearing washard for me due to back problems.

 

then different kind of swings did the trick although we did not swing per se as not great fun of that kind of shaking but good for placing a baby close by.

 

later on I did not hesitate to pop a baby in front of baby einstein so she could learn about animals of the world or music or things like that.. nog guilty feeling

and I could cook in peace. I am nto huge fun of TV in general but there is a good

educational tv that is very peaceful and calming for babies and let you do your job,

just as  a good nanny. .. that I never had... so telletubies anyone hahahah

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#52 of 62 Old 09-23-2012, 09:52 AM
 
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I read through most of the posts, and felt like I should add my experience. :) I used to be very ANTI-paci, until DS2 came along. :) I am glad so many of you have not needed them with your babes, but maybe you have never had a colicy, refluxy baby who refuses to comfort nurse at the breast. I guess I could have still NOT given DS2 a paci, but he needed to suck and would.NOT.nurse once he was full and I think it would have been kind of cruel to withhold that from him, jsut because I don't like pacis.

 

DS1 was a very high-needs baby, and nursed a LOT. He would go on for hours at a time in the early months. I never gave him a paci, a few times I tried but he was NOT interested which was fine. He was happy to nurse, and I had no other children to take care of. My house didn't need much cleaning, it was me, DH, and baby.. no one running around making huge messes. ;)

 

Then came DS2. Colicky, refluxy, and high-needs like his brother. Only difference was-- he was NOT happy to comfort nurse. I had oversupply which made his reflux worse, and if I tried to nurse him when he was not hungry he would SCREAM. So I tried the binky and lo and behold he took it... it didn't stop his colic or make him an easy baby or help him calm down in the car or make it ok for someone else to rock him to sleep (he still only wants Mommy at bedtime), but it did HELP as long as I was holding/wearing him and he was done nursing. He NEVER nursed to sleep. When he was done with milk, he wanted his binky. I still couldn't put him down AT ALL the first 5 months of his life, but I learned to babywear (I also had a very demanding 2 year old to take care of, and our house did get destroyed several times a day!) ;) to "get things done".... a binky definitely saved us in this situation. Also, at 19 months my milk dried up from my 3rd pregnancy and DS2 was ANGRY with there not being milk. I am SO thankful he had his binky to help calm him when he needed it, and he weaned shortly after the milk was gone. He is 22 months now and still uses it, but only for sleeping or when he is upset and needs to calm down.

 

I also have to agree that just giving your baby a paci will not suddenly give you a ton of free time.. and already being 2 months old, she likely wouldn't take one anyway. If not having one is working for you, then great!

 

Now I am 20 weeks along with baby3, and I plan on keeping paci's around if we need one.. I think every baby is different, and every family is different. If baby doesn't seem to need one, he won't get one. If he does, I am absolutely fine with him having it. I have 2 other children who will need me, and who make big messes often, and we will be starting homeschool next fall, etc etc.. :)

 

Our job is to meet our baby's needs the best we can, sometimes that involves a pacifier, and sometimes it doesn't.


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#53 of 62 Old 09-23-2012, 09:55 AM
 
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well.. we did not use it like EVER :) I was raised without one in the fear that my teeth will be crooked,

so I figured my mom could do it I can do it.. and then I thought deeper.. how old do you think

the invention of the paci is? since plastic is about 50 years old? okay.. give it 100 for the sake of

discussion. .. so what do you think the moms before a century ago used?

 

 

before there was plastic/silicone they used rubber and all sorts of other things. There have been artifacts dug up from centuries ago with pacifier-like objects made out of all kinds of different things. My MW told me that back in the day they'd give babies pieces of raw hide to suck on. (gross! lol)

 

they also make natural rubber pacifiers now that you can get, they aren't all made of plastic.


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#54 of 62 Old 09-23-2012, 05:40 PM
 
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I used a paci for my first 2 girls.  I found it to be very helpful...I did nurse on demand, but sometimes, baby didn't seem to want to be literally attached to me (an example of this was when she would suck on her fingers or thumb).  I felt that a pacifier would probably not hurt and provide that extra sucking that baby desired while allowing me to get a little break.  It worked for us.

 

Now baby #3 has never cared for paci's.  She was always a really calm, happy, low-needs baby.  She did tend to suck on her fingers for some non-nutritive sucking, but the paci was not her preference.  


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#55 of 62 Old 09-24-2012, 02:19 PM
 
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I nursed my 5 without using pacifiers. I did "want" to use them at different times (mama burnout!), but none of the babies "took" to them. I desired to use Ecological Breastfeeding to delay conceiving again---and one of the tenets of EC is no pacis! Also, keeping the baby with you as often as possible, and night nursing. So, it all worked out. I just had to lower my standards on what else would get done each day. Having a helpful, understanding hubby helped. You are giving your baby a gift by being available to her. These days will soon be a memory---so don't give it up just because other people discourage you!

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#56 of 62 Old 09-25-2012, 02:13 PM
 
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We never used one either... would expound, but I have to go nurse DS (2.5 yo). winky.gif

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#57 of 62 Old 09-25-2012, 03:03 PM
 
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We haven't used them for either of our babies.  Sure there are times when one might've been helpful, but I'd rather not start with something that I'm going to want them to stop shortly.  

I'm hugely opinionated about them.  And yes, I did have a very 'sucky' baby.  I was good with being her pacifier.  I figured that was part of the job.  She weaned at three years.  I know that a lot of moms wouldn't be okay with their boobs needing to be that available, but in my case I was okay with it.  

Why I don't like them:

I don't like that you 'have' to have one around when your baby is accustomed to it.  God forbid you should leave home without one or aren't able to find one!

Many babies get used to sleeping with them, and wake when they fall out.

I don't like seeing toddlers 'talking' around them.

I don't like that you have to wean them off, for the most part.  Sure, some kids give them up easily, but I've heard of way more kids who really struggle with giving them up.

I believe that pacifiers can impede a healthy and robust nursing relationship.  

I don't like that you have to purchase them.  Yet *another* thing to buy.

I think that babies should nurse as often as they'd like in the early months.

I think that once babies figure it out, they can suck on their fingers when they need to, and that they will stop doing that in good time (usually).

I think that most babies appear to 'need' a paci in the first few months.  I'm not convinced that they 'need' one at all.  Life is messy and confusing in those early months.  It all works itself out soon enough!  

 

All that said, do what works for your family and the heck with everybody else! winky.gif

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#58 of 62 Old 09-25-2012, 07:24 PM
 
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Did you all notice this article here at mdc?

http://www.news.wisc.edu/21065


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#59 of 62 Old 09-25-2012, 09:06 PM
 
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I hear two questions here: 'How do I take care of my home now?' and 'Should I give my baby a pacifier instead of letting him nurse as much as he wants?'

You are always on safe ground offering the breast over a pacifier. There is no drawback. My first baby never had a pacifier, was in the 90th percentile, and I eventually kept the house tidy.

With my second, I recognized that it is a tool. If I would give a finger to suck, a pacifier served the same function. So I bought one for the harrowing moments when he was hungry in the car, and we used it about five times. It is now in his toy bin. Every pacifier moment is missed calories; as a first time mom, I would skip this complicating factor.

As for the housework...on a purely practical note, identify the twenty minutes tomorrow that your baby isn't in your arms. Write down tonight one thing you will do - 'Load dishwasher' - so hormone brain doesn't derail you, and tomorrow be looking for your window to do it. To get your twenty minutes, learn nursing laying down on your side. Then you can unlatch a sleeping baby and inch away, leaving her in place.

In four months, your baby will be too busy to bother nursing. Be a human pacifier knowing it is brief; let your baby get calories while you get trained in her nuances. You are always safe offering milk and a nursing nap in your arms. A pacifier is just a tool you don't seem to need.
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#60 of 62 Old 10-01-2012, 11:12 AM
 
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I completely understand your decision!  It is the same thing I did, as I felt pretty strongly about not using a pacifier.  My daughter was exclusively breastfed, and I basically allowed her to nurse as much as she wanted, pretty much any time she wanted.  And as you know, it wasn't always easy, but it did forge an incredibly solid bond between us that has resulted in a wonderful relationship.  (She's now 3). 

 

Also, as a breastfeeding mom, I can assure you that it is a wonderful thing that your baby is "just using you as a pacifier."  Nursing (and especially comfort sucking) meets SO many important needs, from warmth from your body, to reassurance that you are close, to stimulating your milk supply to make more for your growing baby, to pain management for tummy troubles and teething, etc.  One thing I've gotten really clear on is that I'm always rewarded when I trust my baby.  There have been many times when she seemed to be inexplicably sucking forever, but the next day I'd see a new tooth, or a slightly runny nose, and realize she was just taking care of herself in the best way nature intended.  Now that my girl is a toddler and can talk about nursing, it is obvious to me that it is about so much more than the milk!  If she falls down, she often reaches for me asking for "milkas," and is quickly comforted.  Talk to experienced nursing moms and you'll hear countless stories like that.  I think it is a wonderful thing to teach them to reach for someone they love if they are feeling hurt. 

 

I was (and still am) rather anti-pacifier.  (Did you see the latest research about how boys who use pacis a lot have stunted emotional growth because they miss out on modeling emotions?)  They are just ugly, and I think too often are used as a plug.  It breaks my heart to see a fussing baby who clearly has a need of some kind, and they just get the paci stuck in their mouth.  It's a poor subsitute for what they really want, which is probably the closeness and security of mom, and maybe a sip of milk too.  I hate the idea of using the paci because it creates the possibility of forming a bad parenting habit -- ignoring your child's needs.

 

All this being said, I wonder if they might be used appropriately in the car where you can't nurse.  We didn't have to deal with that because we weren't often in the car, but the few times we were, it was pretty challenging.  That might be the only time I'd consider using one, and I'm not sure it would work because I understand breastfed babies will often reject them.  (Smart babies!)


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