Were you breastfed or formula fed? - Mothering Forums

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Old 08-08-2013, 09:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I was formula fed, and my mom has very negative feelings about breastfeeding. This has made it hard to spend time with her when I had a baby or young toddler who had to nurse frequently.

How were you fed and has it made a difference in any way?
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Old 08-08-2013, 09:26 AM
 
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I was the typical formula fed full-time daycare child. It was a sad existence really... I wasn't close with my mom until I was around 4 years old. Anyways, when she is around me and my sisters (we all breastfeed our children), she doesn't say a word. She knows that it is the most natural thing and doesn't seem uncomfortable. She just didn't want to bother with breastfeeding us. Out of us 4 sisters, she breastfed the first child and that was is it. She claimed it hurt and didn't like it.


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Old 08-08-2013, 09:32 AM
 
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I was BF for about 9 months, sister for about 3 months.... mom didn't have alot of support, so when it got tough, she stopped.  My moms mom formula fed from the beginning and she gives us all a hard time if we nurse past about 3-6 months.  I get the feeling she feels guilty about not nursing.  My mom and MIL all support nursing up to about 18 months, then make little comments about needing to wean.... DD1 nursed to 39 months, DD2 is almost 3 and still going strong and of course, DS is 6 months and is breastfed exclusively.  

 

Sorry you have a hard time with your mom.  Hope you can work it out.


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Old 08-08-2013, 09:46 AM
 
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I was formula fed. My mom says she tried in the hospital but that it hurt. Funny thing about twenty years later a dentist asked me if my mother had a hard time nursing me. Apparently I have a pretty posterior tounge tie so I'm sure I hurt her a lot! She didnt even try with my younger brother. Luckily she has been very supportive of my nursing experience. She always smiles and tells me shes proud of me when she sees me nursing. She is one of the only family members who hasn't asked me when I'm going to wean my 18 month old.
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Old 08-08-2013, 10:00 AM
 
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I have five siblings, I'm number three.  Kids 1-4 were all breastfed a year.  My little sister, number 5, was born at 28 weeks.  My mom pumped for her the first four months but wasn't able to get her to latch.  She switched to formula after that.  My little brother, number 6, was breastfed the first week or so, but had to be readmitted to the hospital for jaundice.  The hospital told my mother that she couldn't nurse him during that time and it messed up their nursing relationship, so he was formula fed.


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Old 08-08-2013, 10:44 AM
 
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I was a formula baby and my parents did CIO in my own room from the beginning. My mom is clearly uncomfortable with my still nursing DS, but she was kind of weird about it when he was a newborn too. I've never used a cover and when he was a newborn she would try to cover me up so that I would be "more comfortable".

I'm hoping she'll lighten up for my second baby, but I'm guessing tandem nursing will throw her for a loop.


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Old 08-08-2013, 12:27 PM
 
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I was BF as were my 3 bros.  It made me adamant about breastfeeding and a bit shocked to find so many people (e.g., sisters-in-law) who don't do it (though we're not close enough that I ever discussed it with them, so have no idea why they went the formula route).

 

My mom is deceased and my Dad seems to feel a bit awkward when BFing comes up in conversation (we're in different cities, so the in-person stuff doesn't really apply).  He said the other day: Of course you'll wean by the time he's two.  I told my Dad I probably will, since my 11 month old seems to be headed in that direction anyway, but No, there's really no reason I'd 'of course' do so.

 

I, personally, would feel awkward BFing in public, so I always try to find a private place for it.  The only time I've done it publicly (other than in front of hubby, of course) was on an airplane and I covered up with a blanket.

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Old 08-08-2013, 01:06 PM
 
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I was formula and glucose water (apparently because I was under a certain weight at birth) fed. My mother had to work full time from the beginning and the hand pump she was given at the hospital didn't really cut it. She is very pro-bf now, and doesn't mind that my 3 year old nurses, but we had a significant falling out over AP. I was raised to have immediate first time obedience through the "withdrawal of love" technique, and I do not apply that approach in my own family. We disagree over whether fear is an essential life skill and whether parents need to emotionally manipulate to be in charge. So it is a little tricky.

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Old 08-08-2013, 03:09 PM
 
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None of us were breastfed more than a week or two I don't think.


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Old 08-08-2013, 03:12 PM
 
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I was formula and glucose water (apparently because I was under a certain weight at birth) fed. My mother had to work full time from the beginning and the hand pump she was given at the hospital didn't really cut it. She is very pro-bf now, and doesn't mind that my 3 year old nurses, but we had a significant falling out over AP. I was raised to have immediate first time obedience through the "withdrawal of love" technique, and I do not apply that approach in my own family. We disagree over whether fear is an essential life skill and whether parents need to emotionally manipulate to be in charge. So it is a little tricky.

This is how my parents and I are. They took it as a personal offense that we chose wildly different methods than they did. Most of my siblings did too, and they all have great kids. The one that didn't took my parents' methods to a new extreme and well, that's why she doesn't have her kids any more. We (my siblings and myself) were TERRIBLE kids and teenagers so I'm not sure why they're still insistent that that approach works, but pride is a big thing I guess.


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Old 08-08-2013, 03:51 PM
 
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I was formula fed. My mom nursed my older brother foe a couple of weeks, got mastitis and was told she had to wean and that was it. She's supportive of me BFing and tells me how proud she is of me all the time. I think if she had better support she probably would have nursed us both to 6-12 months at least. Regardless of BFing, we were raised in an AP friendly way. Yes we slept in cribs but no we weren't left to cry. We were raised with pretty gentle discipline too and have a pretty healthy family dynamic.
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Old 08-08-2013, 04:31 PM
 
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Breastfed, and so was my mom, and grandmother too.They had a family practice doctor who thought formula was stupid and anti-Christian. The only baby in my extended family who had any formula was adopted and everyone tells horror stories of what it did to his digestive system. My mom worked full time from 4 months and apparently I reverse cycled when she was home and was fed bits of solids and water while she was gone. Lots of positive support.

 

My MIL used to say that DH was breastfed "but I always carried a bottle of formula with me" and "I stopped as soon as I was pregnant again" and "we always had a night nurse" so realistically it was about half-time, six months. Now that DH is a huge bf-supporter and we have kids who CLW, she never, ever mentions the details and just said he was breastfed of course. She is of course still obsessed when they wean and hates co-sleeping and anything AP.

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Old 08-08-2013, 07:26 PM
 
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I was breastfed for a few months. My mom had to go back to work and then switched to bottles.


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Old 08-08-2013, 08:45 PM
 
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I was breastfed till age 3, then my brother was born and my mom desperately tried to wean me but wound up reluctantly tandem nursing for a while. In retrospect, I wonder if I felt some jealousy at the time and if that contributed to the awful rivalry between my brother and me.

My parents are very pro bf, and it was just sort of expected that I would bf my kids, but we never talked about it much. I'd call them passively supportive.

My MIL did not bf DP, and she really regrets it. Her mother came to stay with her after his birth, and commented on her struggles with trying to breastfeed, saying all the women in their family have "sour milk" and that she shouldn't bother trying. Very discouraging.

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Old 08-08-2013, 09:27 PM
 
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I was my mother's first.  She tried to nurse in the hospital after a twilight birth and when she had trouble the nurses told her her nipples were all wrong and she gave up.  My sister came along a few years later after an unmedicated Lamaze birth and she never even tried.  Many moons later she had her last baby in an unplanned UC.  Again, no attempt to put her baby to the breast.  I know this, bc I was there.  We were all bottle-propped and CIO'ed by 3 months. 

 

I nursed my kids in terms of years, as did my next younger sister.  The baby (the UC one) of the family nursed her first for at least a year, maybe a bit longer.  I know she initiated with her second, but then she stopped speaking to me so I can only hope she kept it up a good long while and also is currently nursing her third who is not quite a year old yet.  None of the three of us bottle-propped (sister #2 and I never used bottles) or ever did CIO. 


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Old 08-08-2013, 09:52 PM
 
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My Mom nursed me, not sure for how long though & she doesn't remember. I know from my baby book that she started solids really early ('70's so it was the 'norm' to start at 8 wks or earlier. She's very supportive. I'm sure she privately wonders why I don't wean 'till kindergarten wink1.gif but she'd never say it.

DH was but I'm pretty sure he got bottles too; she left all her kids with her parents a lot. I know for awhile she donated her milk when she worked in the maternity ward, so I guess she could have kept supply up that way. I have a pic of her nursing DH while driving in the dark ages before carseats.
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Old 08-09-2013, 03:54 AM
 
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I was breastfed for about 6 weeks. I had terrible colic and my mom was only 17. I am proud of her for doing it at all! They tried formula, goats milk and finally Nutramigen which she said was a miracle. I was a different baby! I probably was reacting to the milk proteins in her milk, but they didn't really advise about that back then...

 

My sis was BF for 8 months. She didn't have colic. I think our health has been similar. We both have IBS. I have allergies, she has asthma, I was a skinny kid and she was a chubby kid but that kind of switched as adults, lol. Honestly I am in the camp that most of that stuff if genetic anyway. 

 

Subsequent bro and sis were breastfed around a month, then put on formula for fussiness. 

 

As for me and my sister, we both have breastfed our kids around 1-2yrs, all but my last DS anyway. So it didn't impact our view of nursing. We were raising our kids in a different time and responded differently to the challenges is all. 


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Old 08-09-2013, 07:53 AM
 
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I was FF, but by a mother who was very pro-BF and had planned to BF. My mother comes from a large family (11 kids) and her mother always BF! Most of my aunts have as well, and many of my cousins. But when I was born in 1980 she got bad advice about how she could not BF due to my jaundice and was pretty much heartbroken to be told that she would need to FF. I was also one of those very early solids baby, getting rice cereal under 2 weeks old when I seemed unsatisfied with formula. She BFed both of my brothers for a considerable time (I cannot recall specifics, but as they are only around 19 months apart and the oldest always refused a bottle even though my mother had an oversupply that required her to at least "catch leaks" of over 4 ounces, if not pump to relieve pressure, I think they may have even tandem nursed for a while - I know my mom at least nursed during pregnancy).

 

My parents have been super supportive of my own BFing.

 

My MIL also BFed with all three, and has been super-supportive of all of my decisions. DH and his twin brother were a planned natural birth, but she found out around 6 months that she was having twins and they were delivered only a few weeks later, so she had to have a hospital birth for the extra support. Luckily she still insisted on pumping or BFing as it was best for them! Their younger brother was a UC homebirth after seeing the midwife through pregnancy because homebirth was illegal at the time where she was living. So she was a huge advocate and a support when I wanted to birth naturally in a freestanding birth center and was there with me for delivery even though the birth center was almost two hours away. My parents had wanted to be there, but in the end it didn't really work with their schedules. =( I feel like she's been so proud of me because none of my SILs stuck with BFing for more than a few weeks or ever had interest in a natural childbirth (although I understand that at least one, with her pre-eclampsia, had some extenuating circumstances). I think MILs support and experience helped ease my father's concerns about natural childbirth (my mother was always open and supportive, and I think she probably would have been interested in having us naturally except my father's concerns always kept her from it).

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Old 08-09-2013, 08:44 AM
 
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I was breastfed, my brother was breastfed and formula fed.  My mom was concerned about me feeling overwhelmed, but she also thought it was nice that I was breastfeeding.  She also thought I was nuts for doing it for 3 years and kept offering me bitter herbs so I could wean my daughter, lol.

 

DP's mom breastfed and formula fed all four kids and told me that side-lying was a really comfortable position, and not to feel bad about crying because all babies do it.  

 

DP's dad was such a weirdo about me breastfeeding my daughter.  Like, he'd walk into the room and be all, "OH....... she's doing that."  Just say it!  Say nursing!  Or breastfeeding!  :lol:I was like, "Dude, your wife breastfed four kids were you this much of a weirdo then?"  But he's weird about women in general so it wasn't a surprise.


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Old 08-09-2013, 08:53 AM
 
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My mom isn't really the type to talk much about, well anything unless you push her, but I know that I was breastfed (don't know how long). I also know that my younger brother was breastfed until my grandmother sabotaged the nursing relationship. She was apparently not at all supportive of breastfeeding, and when my mom got sick, instead of bringing her the baby to feed, grandma just gave him bottles. I don't know how old he was. I don't know if my youngest brother was breastfed at all, but since he and my mom were really sick when he was born, and since we lived with my grandmother, I doubt it.

I have no idea how my mom feels about me breastfeeding, but I guess that's a good thing, because I suppose I'd only hear about it if she disapproved. I did nurse my 1 year old in public while at the beach with her, and she didn't say anything about it. My grandma (same one) expressed horror that I was going to nurse my first baby (who was a newborn at the time) in front of my grandfather (gasp!), but he didn't care, and frankly neither did I. She's never said anything about it since then.

My MIL breastfed all of her kids, AFAIK, and she was a LLL leader in the 70s, so obviously she's very supportive. She also fought to have natural births in the 70s, and was a pioneer homeschooler in the 80s. My FIL recently posted on Facebook, in a thread about NIP, "if it bothers you, look away." He also told me recently that he's proud of me for not caring what other people (ie, my family) think about me having so many kids. smile.gif

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Old 08-09-2013, 09:22 AM
 
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I was formula fed.  My mom was going back to work, and I guess I was the typical, formula-fed, full-time daycare baby, but my mom is great and this has never been an issue.  She was super supportive of me breast feeding, because that was what I wanted, but would have been in favor of any feeding method that worked for us.

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Old 08-09-2013, 02:13 PM
 
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I was breastfed 6 weeks until mom went back to work and claims she had "issues" nursing, and never even attempted with my sister.  I used to joke that she loved me more so I got the boob lol.  I was a SUPER colicky/fussy baby, and cried non-stop.  There are pictures of my parents holding me passed out bc I would cry and they had no idea how to soothe me and would fall asleep to me crying.  I've recently learned I have dairy issues, go figure.  DH was breastfed 2 weeks, started on cereal at the 2nd week "because he was hungry" and MIL got mastitis and stopped.  I'm told she wasn't able to care for him and her mother took over for several weeks.  He's got major gluten/wheat and in general digestive issues no doubt from the early cereal.   My mother was, and still is somewhat awkward about me nursing and always insists I cover up, and will occasionally ask when I'm stopping, or worse, when DD asks for "booby time" my mother will tell her no and try and distract her.  I've had words with her a few times about that and just to prove a point I take DD and have her chanting "booby TIME" as I walk away to nurse.  MIL has asked but def was more interested in me breastfeeding, I think she felt bad that she didn't stick with it. 

 

At this point, supportive or not, I don't need their approval to know I'm sticking out until DD decides to wean herself.

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Old 08-09-2013, 03:51 PM
 
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I've seen the breast pump my mom used thirty mumble years ago, and I have to say, if I were going back to the office, getting enough milk for my baby with that thing would be a gigantic issue!

I feel like this thread is really hard on poster's moms.
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Old 08-09-2013, 04:56 PM
 
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I've seen the breast pump my mom used thirty mumble years ago, and I have to say, if I were going back to the office, getting enough milk for my baby with that thing would be a gigantic issue!

I feel like this thread is really hard on poster's moms.

 

Yes.  I suspect that, at the root, this may have more to do with the big picture of the relationship than it does anything to do with breastfeeding/not breastfeeding. 


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Old 08-09-2013, 05:28 PM
 
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Yes.  I suspect that, at the root, this may have more to do with the big picture of the relationship than it does anything to do with breastfeeding/not breastfeeding.

Well, I can only speak for myself, but the difficulties I have with my mother and grandmother have nothing to do with whether I was breastfed.

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Old 08-09-2013, 05:44 PM
 
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Homemade goat's milk formula... She tried to bf but was told she didn't make enough milk and I could not tolerate canned formula. She went on to bf my little sister for a year.

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Old 08-09-2013, 05:49 PM
 
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Well, I can only speak for myself, but the difficulties I have with my mother and grandmother have nothing to do with whether I was breastfed.

 

Oh, me too.

 

I am not sure if I phrased what I meant correctly.  You know how sometimes if two people have a difficult relationship but one person doesn't have the vocabulary to say, "This person disrespects me," they might focus on something like, "He never picks his socks up"?  So there is a long discussion about the socks never being picked up, but the problem is really that he doesn't listen, or yells when you ask him to pick his socks up or whatever.   I was responding to Meepycat's statement that there was some harshness directed toward poster's moms.  I think if overall you have a positive relationship with you mom, you probably aren't going to resent her for not breastfeeding you.  But if your mom has mistreated you in other ways, suddenly the fact that she didn't breastfeed you is just more grist for the mill.  Or you might not resent her for not breastfeeding but still resent her for something else.  Etc.

 

edit - resent is a harsh word.  Maybe feel sad is what I mean?


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Old 08-09-2013, 05:57 PM
 
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I always assumed I was breastfed for a long time, but then recently I was talking to my mom and she said I was only breastfed for a month tops. It caught me by surprise and I shouted, "WHAT??!!" My poor mother started getting really defensive, saying what a different time it was. It was a very different time. I hate that I reacted like that!

I think, though, that my reaction had more to do with the feelings I have over my mom letting my dad care for me as a baby and small child while she worked. I love my dad (he has passed) but I don't for the life of me understand how a mother could leave their child with someone like him. He handled things by trying to control, and as we all know, babies cannot be controlled. He could be violent at times. So, I think that reaction came from the general abandonment I feel all these years later.

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Old 08-09-2013, 06:01 PM
 
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Dalia - I'm sorry, that sounds like it must have been hard on you.


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Old 08-09-2013, 06:14 PM
 
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Dalia - I'm sorry, that sounds like it must have been hard on you.

Thanks. :-) I am really close with my mom and we both have changed A LOT. I'm all about redemption.

What is tough for me is sometimes she's just telling me something and I take it as a criticism and get really aggravated. Thank goodness she is a tolerant person. But in my mind I am screaming, "You think I should do such and such differently but you left me with HIM???? AND you didn't breastfeed me long enough????"

Yeah, I got issues. :-/

Wife to one amazing husband superhero.gif, SAHM to DS bouncy.gif 10/09, DS babyboy.gif 10/19,  one furbaby dog2.gif, and lots of chicken3.gif!

 
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