Tandem nursing support thread? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 36 Old 03-21-2014, 11:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Bohemian mama, that sounds like a lot to deal with! Do you have a good support person now? It is intense, and I felt like I was losing my mind for a good 2 months.

We're now 5 months in and it is a LOT better! My toddler is now down to nursing only at nap/bedtime, and I've just this week gotten him to sleep better at night. He nurses to sleep and not again until 5 am. Before that, it was 4-6 times a night!

I feel like tandem nursing helped to ease the transition for my toddler. I've never really sensed any jealousy from him towards the baby. I hope to continue on a path of gentle mama--led weaning with him, though. I am ready to be done!

I hope your recovery goes well!
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#32 of 36 Old 05-08-2014, 01:07 AM
 
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Just reading this at 3:57AM makes me feel so much better- my 27 month old has been nursing for at least 2 hours- I am feeling so bad about wanting to push her away and run away from her. My 12 day old is sleeping so soundly and just squeaking every couple of hours for milk, but my toddler is yelling grabbing kicking for it- I spent the first hour counting her off- 1,2,3, done- that worked this pregnancy when I was dry and it hurt. So she just asked over and over and over for literally an hour- then my husband took her downstairs for food because she said she was hungry- I don't know if she actually ate anything because he is on my s---- list right now and I didn't want to talk to him. So in the meantime the newborn woke up- fed her- now I am attempting to just let the toddler nurse as much as she wants- but even typing "the toddler" in my head could have been a curse. I feel so bad - what happened to my little baby girl - it's like she' gone and was replaced by a needy, annoying, parasite, and I'm a monster for feeling this way- I just want to hug her and love her but I just can't right now- I know she is cutting molars- I really hope that's what this is all about- I just can't take much more of this marathon nursing.

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#33 of 36 Old 05-08-2014, 06:10 AM
 
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Oh wow, I could have written that. My newborn is 9 weeks old today and my toddler is 31 months. My toddler is in nursing over drive. " Me nurse, me nurse, me nurse...." has become her mantra. I know it's hard on her having a new baby sister but there are times when having two people on me makes me feel smothered. We have only been nursing at nap and bedtime but she's almost desperate at those times.Im hoping things settle down soon and we are back to nursing to sleep and sleeping through the night rather than nursing all night.
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#34 of 36 Old 05-08-2014, 07:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
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themomadance...I would send hugs your way, but I'm sure you're touched out! I felt like a monster, too. It's such an awful, complicated mix of emotions. It will get better, though. Your toddler will adjust and the marathon nursings will pass. Is there a way you could get some one on one time with your toddler? Maybe she needs that connection. I used to tell myself, over and over while nursing DS1 (actually I still do) "you're still my baby, you still need this, you're still a baby..." It helps (a little). So does setting limits, for my own sanity. A big part of it for me is feeling guilty. I feel like I chose this path of extended/tandem feeding, thinking that it would be wonderful and beautiful and natural...and it turns out I just don't like nursing a toddler. And that's ok. I'm still doing it, because I think stopping cold turkey would be hellish (for a few days, anyway) but I want to be done by his 3rd bday.

Sorry...that was all about me. I guess I just want you to know you're not alone, you're not a monster, you're doing the best you can in an intense, crazy situation, and it WILL get better one day!

bohemian momma...I know what you mean about feeling smothered. I feel like a barnyard animal when I nurse both at the same time...I don't like it at all!! How has your recovery been? Have you tried setting some limits with your toddler?
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#35 of 36 Old 05-09-2014, 06:35 AM
 
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Wow, this is bring ginger back memories!!! I highly suggest making sure you get *some* one on one time with your toddlers as well as a few minutes to yourself. I needed me time a lot more with two babies than I ever did with just one. It does feel overwhelming at tbe beginning....because it is! I can rate to the toder resentment too, they seem so big compared to a newborn...but they are still new to this world and need that connection. At the same time having some concrete boundaries helped my toddler immensely. He had a hard time when he didnt know when he could nurse, so he asked all.the. time. Once he knew he could expect "num" in the morning, after breakfast, after lunch. And at bedtime, he took to the limits really well. We also sang a song so that he could mentally prepare to be done (and ironically he loves the song). I kept nursing to after meals because he would ratber nurse than eat.
it really does get better. But there are going to be better times and harder times as everyone adjusts to the new normal. We are still going strong at three and a half and 11 months....I didnt think I would last this long. And I still have the "cow" feeling time to time, but it really is awesome to see tbe way they bond along the nursing journey.
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#36 of 36 Old 05-26-2014, 05:07 PM
 
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I just figured I would follow up- I night weaned my Toddler last week- it was 3 hard nights, and she still wakes once or twice and whines a bit but rolls over relatively easily and I whisper a story to her or rub her back. I still have aversion, but it's easier to deal with during the day. She is also cutting 2 of her two year molars, so I keep reminding myself that once those are in things will get much easier / poor girl has her hands in her mouth and drooling and everything greensad.gif. Her latch is crappy- it never bothered me before, but her teeth grate on me and that sets off the heebiejeebies. I try to correct it but it's almost impossible. She also pinches me non stop. I keep telling her to stop and she is really trying, I can tell its a habit and she doesn't even realize she's doing it. Nursing them both at the same time is very hard because of her latch, so I really avoid it. I am hoping that if I can stick it out beyond the molars, that I will have happy nursing moments with DD1 once again. It really does help her, absolutely 100% makes her day, and I would love for her to stop when she is ready. On the happy cute side she LOVES her sister and is so so cute with her always wanting to kiss her and calling her cute and "my little baby sister" - she has never (yet) gotten mad because I am nursing her (although I try to be relatively discreet about it). Anyway, I hope that reading my story helps some other mom someday- even if it's years from now! (All the old posts made a big difference to me!!!).

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