nursing all the time bad? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 09-03-2014, 01:04 PM - Thread Starter
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Unhappy nursing all the time bad?

I met my wife when she had a 5mo, we soon got married and had our own baby, they are now 3mo and 21mo old. they both nurse a lot of the time and some days the toddler will nurse more. It has become difficult for me to do my work, help enough with the baby, work on the chores and pay for her 4 kids. she has 2 with her ex husband, 1 (the toddler) then mine. she lays in bed about 18 hours a day to nurse and i cant get her to even go outside with either one for a walk; she leaves the house occasionally, usually to shop. At times she can lay in bed until noon, get up to cook and eat for an hour then go back to bed and nurse for 2 more hours. It seems to affect our relationship in a bad way, because when she nurses all of the time, we don't have much of a relationship from getting addicted to (18 hours a day) Facebook nursing. The toddler will some days cry every hour to nurse and I find myself holding the baby so he can, at the times she isn't in the bed. say a toddler nurse schedule is like (nurse from 10pm to 11am excluding 3 hours a night if she sneaks off, 12 to 12:30, 1 to 1:15, 3 to 4:15 will get away occasionally from naps, 6 to 6:30, 7 to 7:15 then bath and bed rest nursing off and on until asleep at 9 or so.
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#2 of 3 Old 09-03-2014, 05:12 PM
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I only nurse one, so a completely different game. He is four year old, and yes, I recall constant nursing at 20 months. Normally, in a healthy normal society, a woman could nurse her 20 month old while out in public. The problem lies in western society and nursing any age child. It is possible that the problem is two fold, one; she is needed immensely by both children, as both are of prime nursing age. Two; life while nursing in western society is really a challenge.
I would recommend she connect, with real life mothers, Le Leche league, or any nursing support group that is local. She is connecting with mothers on FB as she needs the support. It is understandable. Yet having someone, just like her, with two young children nursing, a real friend, would really likely help her.

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#3 of 3 Old 09-04-2014, 10:36 AM
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I have never had two nurslings at once, but I have a 4-month-old baby now, and my older child nursed until past 2 years old...and I have NEVER spent 18 hours a day lying in bed nursing unless I was very sick with flu or something. It sounds to me like your wife is ill either physically or mentally. Is it possible she could have postpartum depression? Has she had bloodwork to check for nutritional deficiencies? I have been doing well postpartum, but while pregnant I was anemic and deficient in Vitamin B12, and I felt very very weak and tired until I started taking the necessary supplements. Is your wife drinking plenty of water and eating lots of healthy food in at least 3 meals a day?

When I am feeling well, I do a lot of the same things I'd do if I didn't have a baby, both inside and outside the home, either pausing briefly to nurse or nursing while I'm doing things. I don't take the baby to bed to nurse unless I think it's likely she will sleep for a while afterward. Does your wife have a Boppy or other pillow to make her comfortable nursing while sitting on the couch or chair? Maybe you could help her set up a "nursing station" with a comfortable place to sit and a spillproof cup/bottle of water, reading material, and burp cloth within reach.

Asiago assumed your wife is using Facebook to connect with other nursing mothers. Is that the case? If she isn't, but is simply on Facebook reading random things to kill time, it's completely appropriate for you to ask her to put it aside when you're in the room so you can talk with her. Heck, even if she is using it to discuss nursing, she doesn't need to do that 18 hours a day while your relationship suffers!

The suggestion of connecting with La Leche League or other moms' groups is a good one. It will get her out of bed, increase her social life, and help her learn how to work nursing into her everyday life instead of putting everything else on hold.

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