Would you breast feed someone elses child? - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Would you bf someone else's child?
Yes 407 54.12%
No 68 9.04%
Depends on who .... ie family, close friends 277 36.84%
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#1 of 235 Old 06-13-2002, 02:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Would you ever consider breastfeeding someone's child? The reason I ask is my SIL leaves her baby with me every once and awhile, he is breastfed, and she leaves me a bottle and some pumped milk. I am also breast feeding my 8 month old, we use no formula, I have often wondered what I would do if I ran out of his milk. He has been drinking more lately and when my BIL comes to get him we are out!
I dn't think it would bother me so much, but I am not sure how she would feel, and I don't know if i would want someone doing it to my kid??? :
Have you done it? or has someone done it to your kid??

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#2 of 235 Old 06-13-2002, 02:33 AM
 
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I haven't done itand my kids haven't either. But I would much rather leave my child with a nursing momto feed them from their own breast rather than a bottle. Of course I would like it to be someone we know well because b/m can carry some diseases sometimes... but to me boob isboob. We drinkmilk from a farm animal that stands in poop all day.. why not let my baby nurse from a clean breast? I also would nurse soemone else's baby if they wanted me to. my milk.. your milk.. all breastmilk is best for the child.. and bottlescan lead to so many nursing problems.. and notall babies like to be cup/syringe/eyedropper fed
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#3 of 235 Old 06-13-2002, 05:26 AM
 
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I would and I have. Not just anyone, but someone I trusted and knew. I nursed a friend's baby at playgroup once as I was the only one lactating at the time, his mom had gone and he was inconsoluble. He didn't mind, but he was pretty young.

My sister and her good friend nursed each other's kids when they were watching each other's kids. But as the kids got older they wanted nothing to do with that other, foreign nipple.

I think it's a great idea as long as everyone is comfortable with it.

Alison
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#4 of 235 Old 06-13-2002, 10:20 AM
 
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I've done this with a friend's child that is the same age as mine and she did so with my kiddo. We have a regular trade that started when the girls were both around 4-6 months.

I have to admit that it didn't go well. Neither child really wanted to nurse anyone but mom and the latches were so different that my friend and I both commented on it to each other. In the end I think I tried only a few times as did she without much luck.

I had mixed feelings about the experience. In theory I believe that it is an absolutely great way for a caregiver to bond and help a child. In practice it kind of weirded me out to have a different baby staring up into my eyes.

So glad the topic was brought up as we both felt like we were a little out there when we decided to try it.

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#5 of 235 Old 06-13-2002, 12:05 PM
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Didn't this same thread appear awhile back? Re: troll?
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#6 of 235 Old 06-13-2002, 01:22 PM
 
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i babysat my friend's newborn (6 weeks) for an hour while her mama got a haircut and she left a bottle of EBM but said i could nurse her if i wanted. well, between trying to watch the bunny and taking care of the little, there was no way i could've put a bottle together for her.

i had her in my sling and she started to cry, so i just nursed her. she latched right on, nursed happily and promptly fell asleep. i don't really think she was hungry anyway, just missing her mama and needing a little comfort. so it was perfect.
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#7 of 235 Old 06-13-2002, 02:16 PM
 
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Kama's thread "The Accidental Wet Nurse" a short a while ago got me thinking about this a lot.
Sure, I'd nurse another baby, but only if the child's mother and I were close enough so that I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that it was a comfortable solution for everyone involved. Even though I'd much perfer a wetnurse situation to formula were an unforeseeable emergancy to arise, it would be hard for me, emotionally, to have someone else nurse my DD. I'm fairly sure that I'd feel no small amount of hurt and betryal, no matter how much my cognitive mind knows that this doesn't make sense. And I think I'd have mixed emotions bfing another babe. Mamawasophie, I have often considered how strange it would be to look down and see a different set of eyes looking back at you, and to feel a totally different latch, so it's interesting to hear you describe it. But I'd be willing to give it a try, were everything to feel right (for both the Bearers of Nipples and the Hungry Hippos.) The feelings of hesitation I have stem from the fact that I view bfing as so much more than the act of putting food in a baby's stomach; to me it serves far more than its nutriative function. The emotional function it serves in my relationship w/DD is so sweet, so tender, so loving, and so personal between her and I. This is a real touchy issue for a lot of folks. I think that many of us would have to be in the situation to know exactly how we'd respond.
How's that for an all over the place answer?
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#8 of 235 Old 06-13-2002, 09:51 PM
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After dd#2 was born, I was hospitalized with a strep infection and could not nurse. DD had nursed well for the first 5 days and with the help of many friends and family, including a very good friend who is an LC, she was finger fed using a supplementer and donated breast milk for the entire time. My sister was lactating at the time and she offered to nurse dd, but I have to say I felt very uncomfortable about it. Another mom from my LLL group who had had a baby just a couple of weeks before also offered, but I just couldn't agree to it. We were worried that she might not go back to my breast, and that was the reasoning behind the offers, but it just didn't feel right to me. I agree with what has been said above, that it's just so personal a bond between mom and babe...... I really was afraid of her making a bond with someone else that I felt should be just with me.
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#9 of 235 Old 06-13-2002, 11:42 PM
 
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I too think breastfeeding is way to personal a bond between mommy and baby. If I ever came home to find some one else had bf'd my baby I think I would feel very betrayed by that person. I would not and could not bf someone elses baby for the same reasons. Way to personal..
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#10 of 235 Old 06-14-2002, 12:24 AM
 
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I did it on the sly, and felt awfully guilty about it. The mother didn't know whether or not I had some kind of disease or was on drugs or something. I knew I was clean, but I wouldn't want anyone b/fing my baby w/out a medical chart in front of me.

But this formula-fed baby was suffering from horrible excema and I believed if he just got some b-milk his skin would clear up. It did get a little better but didn't go away completely until he was switched from formula to straight cow's milk.
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#11 of 235 Old 06-16-2002, 02:01 AM
 
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I have BF'd my friend's baby and I would do it again in a heartbeat. Also I desperately want to BF this baby (16mos) b/c her mama left her and the dad. She was BF'd and still remembers four months after being weaned. I am her full time caregiver now and it is very sad to see her ask me for my "milkys" I am apprehensive to ask the dad, I am not sure what he would say.
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#12 of 235 Old 06-16-2002, 12:29 PM
 
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I would bf my sister's little one or one of my best friends (we met in a bf class while pg!), but I would talk w/them about it first. It is such an intimate experience and I would also want them talking w/me about nursing my babe before they tried. But.....when you see a crying baby, say at the mall or in church, and the mom does nothing to console it.....don't you just have the urge to put that dear baby to your breast and nourish them emotionally and physically?

Warmly~

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#13 of 235 Old 06-16-2002, 05:28 PM
 
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I have not, but would bf someone I knew if the mom was ok w/ it.
Earthmama - maybe the father would be open to it?! It could help fill in a void this poor child is missing from its mama. Just tell him about how she asks and you are ok w/ it. Or maybe he would be worried it is too motherly for your roll? It seems it would be beneficial for the child. How sad.
Sorry if this is a little off the topic...
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#14 of 235 Old 06-16-2002, 06:45 PM
 
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I know smeta, I should just ask. Maybe I will next time he brings her over. It is the saddest thing!
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#15 of 235 Old 06-16-2002, 09:45 PM
 
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Oh earthmama, how sad! You should try to discuss it with him. Does he even know that she asks you for it?
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#16 of 235 Old 06-17-2002, 05:45 AM
 
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Yeah kama'ainamama , I said something about it and he kind of laughed about it then he said that a couple of nights previously she went to sleep sucking on his finger and he wondered if she had been nursing. I kind of changed the subject b/c I didn't want him to think I had been doing it Although looking back maybe I should have just said "would you let someone else nurse her?" I don't know maybe I will have a chance to ask later.
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#17 of 235 Old 06-18-2002, 04:15 PM
 
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I had posted a thread along this vein sometime ago when my babysitter had a baby and I was wondering if my avid breast baby would want to nurse when she saw my babysitter with her babe...it never happened which is good because we never did make a decision on what she would do if it did come up and I think that understanding btw each other would have been v. important because I did feel the sensitivity of the issue, it was a tough one to chew over.
But just to add something cultural to the pot, I have been reading The Red Tent which I believe is historically correct for the most part and it lends a new light on the subject matter when you consider how these ancient cultures would "suck", as they put it, each others babies and really cooperatively help rear each others children. It made me think a lot about the philosophy of how it takes a village to raise a child etc.
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#18 of 235 Old 06-18-2002, 09:55 PM
 
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Earthmama...ask!!! Keep us posted if you do! I wanna know what her papa thinks!

I would BF another baby if and only if I had permission and I would let my DD (if she was a baby still) bf from another mama if and only if I was asked first. Last year when Kaya was sick some of you amazing mamas offered to sent EBM, I woulve given it to her had my milk not decided to come back in after months of weaning.:
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#19 of 235 Old 06-20-2002, 12:00 AM
 
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A friend and I (we met in birthing class) were just discussing this. She needed someone to watch her DS one morning and asked if I would. I couldn't that day but said I would any other time. I asked what she wanted to do about feeding him and volunteered that I would BF him if she were confortable. SHe laughed and said she was going to ask. Only problem -- her ds and my dd are the same age but he weighs twice what she does? I don't know if I have enought milk!! Actually, I nursed twins, so I know I do. Also, my best friend (pg now) and I have always agreed we would do this.
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#20 of 235 Old 06-20-2002, 12:04 AM
 
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YEs!!!
as long as it was ok with the mother. As a daycare provider I have to tell you, anyone that feeds your baby regularly bonds with him/her even if using a bottle. As long as the person actually holds that baby anyway. They still look up at you with those trusting eyes. That's why I don't understand moms that'll let just about anybody give their baby a bottle.

-Heather

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#21 of 235 Old 06-20-2002, 09:10 AM
 
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Yes! Dh has a friend I see occasionally whose baby (AIM fed, long sad story) has reflux~ IMO could have been prevented by bf. Anyway...every time I hold this baby I have the urge to whip out a boob! And would love to nurse this child but Mom would never allow....
Also a good friend is moving back to my town and we've already decided that for watching each other's babies pumping would be a waste of time since we are both bfing.
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#22 of 235 Old 06-20-2002, 09:54 AM
 
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Stormborn-
what is AIM FED?
I would also like to add that ds2 was bf and had a reflux problem for a while.
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#23 of 235 Old 06-20-2002, 10:29 AM
 
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WickidaWitch~ AIM=Artificial infant milk.
Sorry if I inadvertantly linked reflux w/ form. feeding, but that particular situation hit a sore spot with me...guess I should give a bit more info. I'm convinced that this baby's prob was caused by a formula intolerence because Mom quit bf after 3 wks because-in a nutshell- she 'didn't want to be tied down with it'. Started the cheapest formula she could find without consulting her Dr., LC, etc. And then switched brand several times in a few weeks.
She then called me several times wanting to know why he was all of a sudden spitting up and fussing all the time. I expressed a few times-tactfully I hope- my opinion that she needed to either continue bfing before her milk dried up or at least consult a Ped about her formula choice...but no, she waited until the problem was severe enough for the ped to recommend surgical intervention..

Ahhh, this is getting way off subject...just wanted to explain a little before I gave the wrong impression.
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#24 of 235 Old 06-20-2002, 10:51 AM
 
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Thank you for explaining that to me. sorry if I seemed nosey. I can be a real air-head sometimes.
Hope the baby is doing better.
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#25 of 235 Old 06-20-2002, 05:15 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by lisamarie
But.....when you see a crying baby, say at the mall or in church, and the mom does nothing to console it.....don't you just have the urge to put that dear baby to your breast and nourish them emotionally and physically?

Warmly~

Lisa
I nearly did nurse a girl I work with baby once. I was holding him and he got fussy. She had mentioned that when he woke up from his nap he would probably want to eat. Well he woke up and I said "oh I bet you are hungry aren't you big guy?" And lifted up my shirt (in the lobby of our very professional, corporate building none the less) the father of the child noticed what I was doing and kind of cleared his throat and I was like "oh yeah, here ya go" This baby is strictly formula fed and I'm not quite sure what I was thinking. Except I'm holding a baby he is hungry, I should feed him.
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#26 of 235 Old 06-20-2002, 11:33 PM
 
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It is such an intimate thing. It would have to be a baby I already had close bond with and would probably know for the rest or its life.

I certainly don't think there is anything wrong with nursing someone elses child though. unless of course the child objects.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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#27 of 235 Old 06-21-2002, 11:01 AM
 
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oh, Wickidawitch~ I didn't think you were being nosey!...just reread my post & thought it sounded kinda bit*#%y and might have offended so i'd better explain a little more.

And you are not an airhead! I love your posts!


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#28 of 235 Old 06-21-2002, 11:17 AM
 
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It would have to be a very close friend, and I would want permission prior, but that's about it!
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#29 of 235 Old 06-21-2002, 09:17 PM
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glh what do you mean by troll?
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#30 of 235 Old 06-22-2002, 12:17 PM
 
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Mamapie~

I think, glh is referring to a troll that came strolling by EBF last winter. Am I right glh?

Warmly~

Lisa

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