What's your BFing age limit? - Page 6 - Mothering Forums
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Breastfeeding > What's your BFing age limit?
foreverinbluejeans's Avatar foreverinbluejeans 06:51 PM 06-21-2004
I was recently at a LLL conference in a room of about 100 women, mostly LLL Leaders and LCs. I nursed the longest - until my son's 6th birthday.

MamaMonica's Avatar MamaMonica 08:12 PM 06-21-2004
Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaAllNatural
Setting limits is still part of Child Led Weaning since it's a nursing relationship between two people. I don't nurse my 3 yo in public, that's a limit I've set. Some CLWers nightwean. Limits are ok. The Child Led part is meaning actual weaning - so they are the ones who initiate when they will be done nursing completely.
That is intersting. I had thought CLW meant you nurse on demand as long as the child wants. I guess I did CLW with my first- I did set limits and she did eventually (at around three) take her last nursing on her own.

Nursing an over-2yo on demand is too hard for me- gettign twiddled, kicked and gnawed on makes me feel used and depressed. If I can set some limits on that behavior I can survive.
Max's Mami's Avatar Max's Mami 08:41 PM 06-21-2004
Quote:
Originally Posted by kama'aina mama
I just honestly don't know. Never thought I would still be nursing as her 4th birthday approaches. I'm just sticking at "never say never" now.

That is kinda how I feel -- never thought I would get past two years but now that Maxi is 19 months, 24 months doesnt seem that far off. So I guess I dont have an age limit.
Ms.Doula's Avatar Ms.Doula 03:18 AM 06-22-2004
Quote:
Originally Posted by monnie
Nursing an over-2yo on demand is too hard for me- gettign twiddled, kicked and gnawed on makes me feel used and depressed.
I'm soooo glad I'm not the only mum that ever felt this way!!!
simonee's Avatar simonee 06:54 AM 06-22-2004
Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaAllNatural
If they're young enough to ask for it, then they're young enough to still need it.
mamaallnatural, may I please use this quote in my siggy?
MamaAllNatural's Avatar MamaAllNatural 02:43 PM 06-22-2004
Quote:
Originally Posted by simonee
mamaallnatural, may I please use this quote in my siggy?
Yes, of course!....but don't give me the credit...I got it from someone else here. I just can't remember who.

I would love to see that in your siggy!
elyice's Avatar elyice 02:58 AM 06-23-2004
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaryLLL
Child-respectful weaning, yes. Ater a child hits 18 mos or so, nursing becomes negotiable (where we nurse, for how long,twiddling, Mom's shirt stays down over unused breast, etc etc). This is natural. All mammals who nurse long-term do this. It is a relationship. Nursing a toddler does not mean the child runs all over you and your feelings of discomfort.
that's the wisest thing I've read all day.
slightly crunchy's Avatar slightly crunchy 02:54 AM 06-29-2004
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaryLLL
Not a believer in child-led weaning per se. Child-respectful weaning, yes. Ater a child hits 18 mos or so, nursing becomes negotiable (where we nurse, for how long,twiddling, Mom's shirt stays down over unused breast, etc etc). This is natural. All mammals who nurse long-term do this. It is a relationship. Nursing a toddler does not mean the child runs all over you and your feelings of discomfort.

A nursing toddler must learning nursing manners. How Weaning Happens and Mothering your Nursing Toddler go into great detail about the nurisng relationship as your child grows.
Thank you for answering my question! And thanks to MamaallNatural for addressing my post, too. It is nice to see this stated so matter-of-factly, as reading around here sometimes I feel like an oddball for not loving nursing all the time anymore.

I have read through both of those books, but I will have to give them a read through again.

I realized this week I needed to do something when I am online and this smilie in my sig that I thought was so cute is now irritating me and reminding me I feel so...cow-like and used lately! My new goal (assuming ds doesn't wean before then) is 3. From there, we'll see...
momma2mingbu's Avatar momma2mingbu 05:50 PM 06-29-2004
my son self-weaned at 41 mos
oldest daughter self-weaned during PG at about 22 mos
youngest daughter is still going strong at almost 17 mos

3.5 years was about right for me. (I'm supportive of however long anyone else wants to go.) We were at a good balance where he was having his needs met and the relationship was still comfortable for me. I can't imagine myself going much past 4 years, but you never know.

I felt that my DD1 weaned herself too early due to my pregnancy. (she didn't like the colostrum) I'm hoping for at least 3 years again this time around with DD2.
huntersmommy's Avatar huntersmommy 07:52 PM 07-04-2004
I will nurse till my dd is ready to stop. I am following her lead completely.
I remember when I was pregnant thinking I'll nurse till about 9-12 mths caue that is when babies stop nursing right?
It almost didn't even enter my mind that you would stop your baby from nursing if they wanted to.
One of dd friends who is 4 just loves to watch her nurse and has asked her mother on many occasions why she doesn't nurse. It is almost like she misses it even though, thru no lack of trying, just lack of proper support and information she stopped nursing at a very young age. Which I might add broke her mothers heart.
I love that dd friends think it is soo cool that she nurses.
bunny's mama's Avatar bunny's mama 01:19 AM 07-05-2004
when our first was born and we made a committment not to vax, i made a commitment to nurse a minimum of 2 years, then re-assess at that point. well, when dd reached 20 months, i got pg, she started to bite A LOT and so i began to wean her, which was an easy, natural process (i now look back and i can see that for my dd, the biting was her way of saying she was done nursing, she just didn't know how to end the relationship). in the end, it was dd who chose her last nursing session (at 23 months). i knew tandem nursing was not gonna be for me, so i knew i wanted her totally weaned months before baby arrived. in the end she said she was giving her milky to baby. so sweet. weaning turned out to be such a positive thing for dd, especially regarding her willingness to receive comfort from people other than me. her relationship with dh literally blossomed the day after she stopped nursing. in hindsight, continuing to nurse her longer than 2 yrs. would not have been healthy for her (edited to add: what i mean is it would not have been psychologically-socially-emotionally healthy for her to continue nursing. i wanted to make sure it didn't sound like i thought continuing to nurse would not have continued to be physically healthy indefinitely).

now i'm nursing ds and he is 15 months. i am really feeling done with nursing at this point (been pg and/or nursing since feb. 2000, and i'd like my body back, plus i'd like to reclaim my breasts as sexual objects and as MINE, which dh wouldn't mind either! ) so since my minimum commitment to myself and my babies is 24 months, i will continue another 9 months (or so), but i would not be willing to go past 2 yrs. we aren't having any more children, but i believe i'd not go past 2 years for future children, as well.
bunny's mama's Avatar bunny's mama 01:22 AM 07-05-2004
i forgot to add that my absolute cut-off for night nursing is 1 year old. both of my kids woke about every 1-2 hours for the first year of theri lives. that is about all i can take. we do the dr. jay gordon nightweaning, and i get my sanity back, plus it helps me not get totally burned out on nursing altogether.
Gab'sfamily2004's Avatar Gab'sfamily2004 02:00 AM 07-08-2004
I say 1.5 years. Seriously. My baby is 15 months and I am READY to wean
him, he might not be ready, but I think it'd be better for him to have a sane mom around.
amyandelle's Avatar amyandelle 02:15 AM 07-08-2004
Before Elle was born I said 1 year but now that she is here and we are not vaxing I will bf at least until she is 2.
Amy
sntm's Avatar sntm 03:59 PM 07-08-2004
I think I would be uncomfortable after 3, but I didn't see myself nursing until 2, which is my current goal, so who knows?

My comfort level for other people is higher, and while some of the long-long term EBFing makes me a little uncomfortable, I recognize that it is my issues and not theirs -- I don't think it is wrong, just weird for me , KWIM?

Too long for me to read all the responses!
Gab'sfamily2004's Avatar Gab'sfamily2004 03:07 AM 07-09-2004
Oh, my God, I saw the picture of your adorable son in your website and he looked so much like my Adam, our angel is 15 months. I couldn't help loving seeing your baby's picture, he is very beautiful
DaryLLL's Avatar DaryLLL 11:51 AM 07-09-2004
Quote:
Originally Posted by bunny's mama
when our first was born and we made a committment not to vax, i made a commitment to nurse a minimum of 2 years, then re-assess at that point. well, when dd reached 20 months, i got pg, she started to bite A LOT and so i began to wean her, which was an easy, natural process (i now look back and i can see that for my dd, the biting was her way of saying she was done nursing, she just didn't know how to end the relationship). in the end, it was dd who chose her last nursing session (at 23 months). i knew tandem nursing was not gonna be for me, so i knew i wanted her totally weaned months before baby arrived. in the end she said she was giving her milky to baby. so sweet. weaning turned out to be such a positive thing for dd, especially regarding her willingness to receive comfort from people other than me. her relationship with dh literally blossomed the day after she stopped nursing. in hindsight, continuing to nurse her longer than 2 yrs. would not have been healthy for her =.
Just wanted to comment here. Your dd may have nursed happily for much longer had you not been pg and your milk dried up to a trickle. She may have been objecting to the slow flow, not to bfing per se. I did wean 2 of mine while pg (sore nipples), but my third and last child nursed much longer b/c I had a full supply until it gradually lessened as he really needed it less.

So her emotional response and habit of biting may have been out of frustration, not b/c toddler nursing is emotionally unhealthy. See the difference?

I am not saying you were wrong to discourage nursing (many people understandably wean while pg), just pointing out the pregnancy/lactation connection.
DaryLLL's Avatar DaryLLL 11:54 AM 07-09-2004
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gab'sfamily2004
I say 1.5 years. Seriously. My baby is 15 months and I am READY to wean
him, he might not be ready, but I think it'd be better for him to have a sane mom around.
GF, why are you so ready to wean? What is making you "insane?"

Sometimes partial weaning helps moms get their sanity back. It might not be neccessary to fully wean. Toddlers receive so many benefits from nursing til 2 yrs old.

FYI:

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html
bunny's mama's Avatar bunny's mama 02:03 PM 07-09-2004
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaryLLL
Just wanted to comment here. Your dd may have nursed happily for much longer had you not been pg and your milk dried up to a trickle. She may have been objecting to the slow flow, not to bfing per se. I did wean 2 of mine while pg (sore nipples), but my third and last child nursed much longer b/c I had a full supply until it gradually lessened as he really needed it less.

So her emotional response and habit of biting may have been out of frustration, not b/c toddler nursing is emotionally unhealthy. See the difference?

I am not saying you were wrong to discourage nursing (many people understandably wean while pg), just pointing out the pregnancy/lactation connection.
oh, i think i was misunderstood. i didn't mean that i believe toddler nursing, in general, is emotionally unhealthy. what i meant was that in retrospect, my dd just seemed to blossom socially and emotionally literally the day after she stopped nursing. while she was nursing, she absolutely refused comfort from anyone other than me (even her father), and also could not stand to be away from me for even the shortest time (i used to cook dinne revery night with her in the kelty backpack, because she had to be physcially on my person or would stand screaming at my feet). lots of other things, too. but all this really changed when she weaned. now, you might say that maybe this was all just a developmental phase and maybe her weaning happened to coincide with a time when she was naturally ready to be more independent, but as we all know our own children, i know instinctively as her mother, that it our nursing relationship, as lovely and beneficial as it was for the first 2 years of her life, would not have benefited her (except physically, of course) had we continued longer.

the biting part, yes, my lack of milk due to pg may have defnintely played a part, but again, it is my intuition as her mother, and also with the benefit of retrospect, that tells me that her biting was her way of telling me she wanted to stop nursing.

again, i'm speaking for my specific situation. i'm not saying that all toddlers who bite are signalling a desire to wean, or that all toddlers who nurse are not open to more independence or comfort from others...i'm just saying that this was the choice that was best for our particular situation. my dd is nearly 4 years old now, and i just could not imagine nursing her now. seems so foreign to me. but i'm not saying that there is anything wrong with another mama making the choice to continue nursing a child of the same age (one interesting thing is that suseyblue and i were pg and posting here on these boards back in the summer of 2000 with our first children. now her ds is continuing to nurse, and mine is long weaned. it is really neat to see how different mamas meet the needs of our very different children).
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