Need some encouragement and advice - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 08-12-2004, 07:09 PM - Thread Starter
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I have a 2 month old girl that I am nursing, and want to continue nursing her as long as I possibly can. I keep getting pressured by my mother to put her on formula b/c she feels like nursing is too time consuming and keeps me from going places and not to mention.....the baby visiting with her, alone. I guess you can say I'm new to nursing although I have a 4 year old that I nursed for only 2 1/2 months.(I was feeling pressured with him too, along with my doctor putting me on bc pills which ultimately affected my milk supply)
I need some advice on how to get my mother off of my back without hurting her feelings.(she never nursed my brother or myself)I tried explaining the reasons I chose to nurse my daughter, as well as the benefits. Also, I am determined not to be stuck at home while nursing this time around.I just need to get over feeling uncomfortable nursing in public, and figure out how to prepare for away visits with grandma. Any suggestions or advice is appreciated. Thanks.
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#2 of 10 Old 08-12-2004, 07:47 PM
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You need to be firm with your mom. Honestly, don't worry so much about hurting her feelings -- she's an adult, she'll get over it. You don't have to be rude or mean about it -- just say "Mom, this is what I've decided is best for my family and I'm not changing my mind, so I wish you would support it." If she won't support it, that's her problem, not yours.

I also have a (almost) two month old, and nursing hasn't been easy for me. But "time consuming" and "can't stay with grandma" are the least of my worries. I nurse everywhere and I don't think anyone has seen anything they didn't want to. And pumping a bottle every once in a while so DH can watch Ian while I shop or something isn't too hard.

Good luck.
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#3 of 10 Old 08-12-2004, 08:02 PM
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Someone told me something once and while it hurt my feelings at the time, it really did make me think.

Your child depends on you to set healthy boundaries for her. So that means you have to set an example of *how* to set healthy boundaries. If you don't, she will never learn that from you.

Your mother really doesn't have any need to be involved in your breastfeeding relationship. It's up to YOU to set that boundary. Set it firmly and clearly. "Mom, I understand you want to see my daughter on a regular basis. However, at this point in time, I am committed to breastfeeding for my daughter's health. She will be able to stay with you when she is older. Please do not bring it up again. I am not interested in weaning her now, and I do not want to be pressured about it anymore."

Cause if she's pressuring you at 2 months..... wow, if you want to nurse beyond a year, she might REALLY go crazy on you.

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#4 of 10 Old 08-12-2004, 08:07 PM
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One of the things I love best about nursing is that I can go anywhere and have everything my daughter needs without having to carry a big bag full of stuff. No bottle warmer plugged into the car, no running around to find hot water, just me, the boob and the babe. If anything, I think it makes us MORE mobile.

Maybe your Mom can help you shop for a couple of nice nursing tops so that you can get out and about and feel comfortable nursing in public?

Good luck.
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#5 of 10 Old 08-12-2004, 08:09 PM
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I agree, don't be afraid to say, 'mom, you mothered us the way you thought was best, now it's my turn.' I got firm with my mom recently, actually we had quite a discussion. I did let her know the benefits of continuing, and while there was no resolution during that conversation, she has been better since and even told me yesterday "thank goodness he's nursing!" when I told her he has had a cold sore and has refused solids for 2 days.

For nursing in public, here are a couple hints: sit with your back to the crowd, that way even if your shirt flew off no one would see anything. And, put a hat with a full brim on the baby. It will cover you and no one will even know your'e nursing. Practice in front of a mirror and you'll see that someone would have to really look hard to get a glimpse of anything, once you have done it a few times and get the hang of it.
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#6 of 10 Old 08-12-2004, 09:52 PM
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Sorry but that's really selfish reasoning from your mother. I wouldn't be too concerned about hurting HER feelings. She doesn't seem to considering you or your babies feelings and needs very well.

Be firm. You are the mother, they're your decisions to make. If your mother gets defensive or hurt, that's really her issue, not yours.

I wasn't really comfortable NIP until I could get my dd to nurse in the cradle hold. She wouldn't latch well so it was hard enough nursing in private that alone in public. But once I could latch her on easily, NIP was a breeze. I also like nursing shirts with the lift up flaps. Those ones with the vertical slits didn't work so well for me. Experiment with a few different types of nursing openings to find one that is comfortable and works for you.

Oh and you don't need to allow grandma away visits until YOU and your baby are ready to. Do it on your timetable, not your mothers.
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#7 of 10 Old 08-12-2004, 09:54 PM
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Those NIP ideas from Velcromom are excelent, and nobody ever mentions the um, "hat trick."

Per your mom, I don't know what will work with your mom, but I never really confronted mine. I just let her blather away, knowing it's my kid, my breasts, my decision, and what she thinks doesn't matter very much. She has become much more supportive over time, FWIW, as she has observed my commitment to my son and his love of breastfeeding, how well it works, his health, etc. So I never said, globally, "Forget sleepovers until he's like five, Mom," but she knows he can't before he's weaning and he sure ain't weaned (almost a year and a half!), so she can do the math.

I know a lot of people believe strongly in setting firm boundaries, and I am not disagreeing with the theory (or with their successful experience, or reasons for doing it, or anything else), but in my experience being very direct can sometimes make for a sore subject. A more indirect way can let the other person save face. I guess to figure out which way to go you have to figure out which of those transactions is what you want to happen between you & your mom.
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#8 of 10 Old 08-16-2004, 07:24 PM
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I had to pump for the first 2 weeks w/ DS and it was a total PITA, so I understand the hassle of FF.

If your mom insists that formula is easier, ask her what's easier about having to go to the store, buy the formula crap, mix it up, make bottles, wash bottles, & heat bottles at 2 am? Is it easier to listen to a screaming baby while you heat up a bottle? If you forget to grab a bottle before going out, what do you do? Not to mention the additional expense for formula and dr. visits b/c of the reduced immunity for FF kids?

BM is always there, ready to feed your child the perfect food. Don't let your mom's prejudice influence your decision. Remind her it is YOUR decision.

I'm going through the same sort of thing w/ my mom-she insisted she's his mom, too and asked me "why are called g'mas if we aren't their mothers, too" I replied b/c "bossy assed b#$%#" is too much for a little kid to remember!!! Maybe that's why she's not speaking to me right now!! Not necessarily a bad thing-no daily long distance nagging!!!
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#9 of 10 Old 08-16-2004, 10:42 PM
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I don't have any advice to add to the great advice the OP has already gotten, but....

Originally Posted by christiab
I'm going through the same sort of thing w/ my mom-she insisted she's his mom, too and asked me "why are called g'mas if we aren't their mothers, too" I replied b/c "bossy assed b#$%#" is too much for a little kid to remember!!! Maybe that's why she's not speaking to me right now!! Not necessarily a bad thing-no daily long distance nagging!!!

I just about peed myself laughing over this one!

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#10 of 10 Old 08-16-2004, 11:37 PM
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I'd focus on the fact that there is NO WAY bottle feeding is less time consuming than breastfeeding! Washing bottles, mixing the formula, and carrying the stuff around with you was a major pain for me and my daughter only had 1-2 bottles a day when she turned 10 months.

My son (9 months) won't drink from a bottle, even if it's breastmilk. So you could always tell her you tried the bottle, but she just won't take it - and maybe it will even be true.

If her point is that she wants to take the baby alone (I'd DIE for this from my mom, by the way, but she hasn't offered) how about pumping breastmilk that she can give in a bottle?

The final call is yours - only you know what is best for your baby - good luck!
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