The Dr. Jay Gordon method of night weaning - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 46 Old 12-26-2001, 05:53 PM
 
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Hi everyone! My question is for those of you who have done Dr. Jay's night weaning technique (or are familiar with a similar method); who is responsible for comforting the child? DH or the Mommy? I have heard that it works best for mom to be out of the room during the night weaning process... on the other hand, it would be pretty hard for most men to miss sleep for many nights! What are people's thoughts? Also, what about naps? DS won't nap unless my nipple is in his mouth!
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#2 of 46 Old 12-27-2001, 12:17 AM
 
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I'm not familiary w/his method of night weaning. Can you guys help me out here, where I could find more info. on it? Thanks.

Warmly~

Lisa

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#3 of 46 Old 12-27-2001, 02:05 PM
 
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Sure! Go to www.drjaygordon.com I don't think there is a period after dr, but try it w/ one if this url doesn't work.
~~ Brigitte
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#4 of 46 Old 12-27-2001, 03:00 PM
 
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We did it with me offering the comfort. It went pretty easily for us, only a couple of minutes of crying. Ds is actually in a phase where he cries more if I'm not there. We are going to have to do it again bc a cold and 6 teeth coming in led me to nurse again so he wouldn't stay up for 2 hours in the middle of the night.
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#5 of 46 Old 01-02-2002, 09:05 AM
 
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we're planning to try this method of nightweaning in the next few weeks. Initially we planned for dh to comfort ds, but now that I've been thinking about it, the whole nightweaning thing involves altering the relationship between mother and child and I'm not sure abandonment is the way to work through this in a healthy way. So, I think I will be the comforter. Any advice or insights?
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#6 of 46 Old 01-02-2002, 10:24 AM
 
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I handled the comforting because dh is/was useless at night. He's great during the day, but no good for night time parenting.
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#7 of 46 Old 01-02-2002, 01:14 PM
 
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I had the same feeling that for my ds having dh take over was too much of a change.
Anne
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#8 of 46 Old 01-02-2002, 09:45 PM
 
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I'm getting ready to start night weaning my 18 month old. He has two cavities in his front teeth and I want to night wean to decrease his chances at getting more (you can see my post over in the dental thread).

Anyway, I liked Dr. Gordon's approach, it seems very gentle. I'm going to start on Friday I'll let you know how it goes!




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#9 of 46 Old 01-03-2002, 12:00 AM
 
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I used the Dr. Jay method when dd was 12 mos. I think she cried more the first couple of nights when I would stop bf just before she fell back asleep. Boy did that get her angry! But all in all the crying was usually only a few minutes. I think I did most of the comforting. I just said over and over "Mommy sleeps Baby Sleeps" and rubbed her back, kissed her a lot, sang "hush little baby". If it was really bad I may have picked her up and walked around or rocked her in the rocking chair. DD is now 16 mos and almost weaned (she bfs once or twice a week) but she still cosleeps and occassionally wakes up at night. Sometimes DH will just lay her on his fuzzy chest and she's off to dreamland again.
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#10 of 46 Old 01-03-2002, 04:19 PM
 
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We did a sort of modified Dr. Gordon thing. I slept on the couch and there wasn't much crying. She still nurses to sleep but we are trying to end that. My husband always comforted at night because it was eiser for her to accept that daddy wasn't going to nurse her to sleep. His don't work. She has tried. She usually fussed for only a few moments befor drifting back to sleep. Not so with me. Now I can rub her back or whatnot to get her back to sleep in a very short time (4 or 5 rubs is all I can muster in the middle of the night). It was kinda brutal the first few days but it has really saved my sanity and our nursing relationship.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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#11 of 46 Old 01-03-2002, 04:48 PM
 
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Do you find that now that you are not nursing at night that your child sleeps through the night? Just curious. In my case I'm not doing it to get a better nights sleep, but I have to say I wouldn't be sad if it had that unintended side effect.
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#12 of 46 Old 01-03-2002, 08:03 PM
 
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WOW!!! You guys are so awesome for being such great mommies- I think that this whole buisiness of nusing at night/ not nursing at night is the hardest thing! Thanks so much for all of your words of wisdom I think that dh and I will have to share the night weaning chore.. you know, spread the joy around, so to speak! Dotcomma, I am anxious to hear how it goes for you!

Peace,
Brigitte
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#13 of 46 Old 01-03-2002, 09:47 PM
 
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Brigitte&Eitan - Thanks for the interest. I wasn't going to start until Friday, but last night when ds woke up he nursed for a bit and I though he was asleep so tried to lay him back down and he started to cry and I figured - well I might as well just jump right in. I hugged and patted him and just kept saying, "No more milk. Drew go night-night, Mommy go night-night, milk go night-night." I think it went okay. He only whimpered for a few minutes. The "mommy mommy milk!" plea was very very hard to ignore especially at 1 in the morning, but I managed. He woke up two other times and we went through the same deal - nurse for a minute or two lay him back down - talk, pat, snuggle while he whimpered a bit then went back to sleep. I've been letting him nurse as much as he wants during the day today so he knows that he's not getting cut off all together. He seemed a little tired today, but other than that no worse for the wear. Keep your fingers crossed for me tonight.
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#14 of 46 Old 01-03-2002, 11:27 PM
 
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Great dotcommama--that's how it was for us! Such a relief. Really the most he cried was for 3 minutes--maybe that much and usually it was a short protest. It helped me to feel that he was really ready to nightwean. We have just gone through 4 weeks of nightwaking again with 6 teeth coming in and a cold and a crazy holiday schedule so we are nightweaning again and it's even easier the second time!!!!!! Yay for a sane and gentle way.
Anne
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#15 of 46 Old 01-04-2002, 08:44 PM
 
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Dotcommama YEAH! I bet you are exhausted, but I have heard that once kids are nightweaned, they do sleep much better, so hang in there. Keep us posted... you're my hero!
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#16 of 46 Old 01-04-2002, 09:20 PM
 
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I don't think I ever been someone hero before! :LOL

It went fairly well again. He woke up twice. This time he protested a bit more. He actually sat up in bed next to me and beat my chest with his fist. So sad! He only did it for a minute and then I started singing to him and hugging and he calmed down. I don't think either time it took more than five minutes to get him back to sleep.

Of course I stayed awake each time for at least an hour feeling guilty for depriving my child of his favorite comfort at night - yes I'm just that foolish. So he's not too tired, but I am!

So one more night like this and than I move to the big guns - no mama milk at all from 10:00pm-7:00am. Oh boy I think it's going to get a lot tougher!
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#17 of 46 Old 01-05-2002, 12:01 AM
 
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We did the Gordon nightweaning too. It was a lifesaver. I did the comforting, and there was minimal crying. The best part was being able to keep the family bed intact while we nightweaned and afterwards.
Good luck!!!!
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#18 of 46 Old 01-05-2002, 02:49 PM
 
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Dotcommama,
What are you going to do about ds's naps? Does he nurse to sleep during the day? Also- how often did he wake to nurse at night before you started the weaning process?? Hang in there!

Brigitte
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#19 of 46 Old 01-05-2002, 03:56 PM
 
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We are still planning to nurse to sleep (at least for now), but we're trying to stop the nursing in the middle of the night. The dentist really doesn't won't us to nurse him to sleep at all, but I just can't even imagine that working. I figure I'm going to night wean first and see how that goes and then maybe work on getting him to fall asleep without the boob.

On average he would wake up about 4-5 times - some nights he would wake up every hour I found it really depended on how much he ate at dinner time. If he was hungry he woke up a lot more than when he had a full tummy.

Last night didn't go so well. He did okay until he woke up at 5 and I couldn't get him back to sleep until 6:30. He wasn't really crying, just not sleeping wiggling around asking for milk every so often. At least he finally did go back to sleep and then slept until 10:00 this morning - so I guess I can't complain too much. Other than that he only woke two other times and cried for maybe 30 seconds and then fell back to sleep easily - all he needed was me to cuddle him.

So I'm nervous about tonight - which is to refuse him nursing entirely - no even for a minute. I'm just going to cross my fingers.

Thank you for being my little cheering squad - it helps so much to know I have people to come and discuss this with, share ideas and vent went needed!
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#20 of 46 Old 01-05-2002, 06:04 PM
 
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I used Dr. Gordon's method on my now 21 month old when he was about 17-18 months and let me tell you it was the best thing I ever did. For 18 months he was up at least every 2 hours nursing, and now he totally sleeps through the night 95% of the time! I'm 7 months pregnant and really need my sleep, and am thrilled it worked so well. It was hard but not as hard as I thought it would be, I think we were both ready. He still sleeps with us and on the occasion that he does wake up and want to nurse, I give him the "it's dark outside, daddy's sleeping, mommy's sleeping, kitty's sleeping, you're sleeping, boos are sleeping" routine and it seems to make sense to him. I do my share of singing hush little baby but I don't mind! He still nurses to sleep initally but even that seems to be changing, he nurses and sometimes doesn't fall right asleep, then I sing to him and that does it. Hang in there- it is worth it!
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#21 of 46 Old 01-05-2002, 06:10 PM
 
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Dotcommama-
DD sleeps A LOT better now that she's night weaned. Actually, she's almost totally weaned, and DH gets mad if I bf her before bed. If I do, she actually wakes up a lot during the night. He thinks I should just stop cold turkey now that she's almost weaned. But I can't refuse her if she asks for it (which is almost never now) or really seems to "need" it. It's a very emotional time for me. DD is doing great though. She sleeps like a LOG most nights. Right now she is napping and I heard her on the baby monitor. I just had to go in there to rub her back to get her back to sleep. I used to always have to bf to get her to fall back to sleep during a nap. (Naps are another story -- that can be a whole other thread I'm sure.) The other thing I wanted to mention was that when I night weaned her, I had trouble falling back alseep too. I felt so guilty. Plus there's probably a prolactin withdrawl, the bf hormone that helps you relax. You have to get used to the new arrangement as well.
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#22 of 46 Old 01-06-2002, 09:21 PM
 
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Ok well to continue my saga . . .

Last night ds woke up only two times and didn't even cry when I told him he couldn't nurse. (That's the good news).

The unfortunate thing is he had a really difficult time getting back to sleep. The first time it took over an hour and a half for him to fall back to sleep. He was wiggling and trying to get off the bed. He tried to lick my boobs through my shirt - which actually made me laugh hysterically. Of cousre after that we spent 20 minutes trying to get the fuzz from my pj's out of his mouth Anyway, he finally did manage to cuddle with me and fall asleep.

I think he's just learning how to fall asleep without a breast in his mouth which is basically the way he's fallen asleep since an hour after his birth until now. So I'm still hopeful. I'm glad he wasn't crying or upset, because I don't know that I would have been able to not give in. I'm just hoping it will go even better tonight. Wish me luck!
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#23 of 46 Old 01-07-2002, 12:12 AM
 
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Best of Luck to you tonight dotcomama!

Warmly~

Lisa

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#24 of 46 Old 01-08-2002, 07:33 PM
 
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Dotcommama, How is it going with the nightweaning? Keep us posted !
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#25 of 46 Old 01-08-2002, 08:55 PM
 
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I'm jealous of how well nightweaning is going for all of you.
We started Friday night (ds is 23months), and fri and sat were rough but okay. However, on Sunday ds refused to nurse at all, he just kept saying, "no suck". All of this led to massive engorgement, a breast infection, and now the flu. Now that I'm feeling my absolute lowest, ds suddendly wants to nurse again and all the time!
sorry about my griping, just looking for support
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#26 of 46 Old 01-08-2002, 09:03 PM
 
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(((smiley))) I'm sorry it isn't go very well for you. Hang in there. Maybe your son just isn't ready yet. Give him a little while then try again in a few weeks or months if you can wait.

I am lucky, my ds is very calm by nature so this is going smoothly. I remember night weaning my first and it was a nightmare. When I would refuse to nurse he would scream for over an hour, fists clenched, completely angry. The only thing I could do was get out of bed and dance and sing to him. I had to do this every hour the first night and almost every hour the second. That's why I was so glad to read of a better method - because mine way kind of sucked!

Thanks for thinking of me Brigitte - it's going well. Ds is still waking 2-3 times a night, but last night he didn't even ask for milk he just hugged me and snuggled and fell right back to sleep.

Though I wasn't doing this to get him to sleep through the night I have to admit I'm kind of hoping he might, but either way I'm still getting more sleep now that he isn't glued to my boob most of the night and I'm just going to cross my fingers that he's teeth will not get any worse now that we've stopped night nursing. We'll see at his next dentist visit in 6 weeks.

So Brigitte are you going to give it a whirl?

LMK
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#27 of 46 Old 01-09-2002, 06:30 PM
 
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Hey There Sisters! So sorry to hear about your difficuties, Smiley. I really empathize with the mastitis, I've had it myself 3 times . Hang in there, though, it's bound to get better!
Dotcommama, yes, I am going to do the nightweaning, but not until my family is able to move out of my mother's house. We are waiting for our new house to get finnished, then we'll move in, give DS a week or two to get used to his new surroundings, and then.....: NO MORE BOOBY AT NIGHT!!!!!! I can only hope and pray that it goes as well for us as it is for you, Dotcommama; my little guy is very high needs/demanding
Keep us posted, nightweaning supermommies!
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#28 of 46 Old 01-09-2002, 06:31 PM
 
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Hey There Sisters! So sorry to hear about your difficuties, Smiley. I really empathize with the mastitis, I've had it myself 3 times . Hang in there, though, it's bound to get better!
Dotcommama, yes, I am going to do the nightweaning, but not until my family is able to move out of my mother's house. We are waiting for our new house to get finnished, then we'll move in, give DS a week or two to get used to his new surroundings, and then.....: NO MORE BOOBY AT NIGHT!!!!!! I can only hope and pray that it goes as well for us as it is for you, Dotcommama; my little guy is very high needs/demanding
Keep us posted, nightweaning supermommies!

Peace,
Brigitte
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#29 of 46 Old 02-07-2002, 04:26 AM
 
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Dr. Jay is our son's pediatrician and was mine as a teen. Just want to be clear that he is not a proponent of night weaning unless the parents feel totally comfortable and compelled to do it. This has been made clear to us and is clearly stated at his website. This is not to say there is anything wrong with it. My two year old son shows no sign of slowing down on the nursing and I don't plan on intervening unless I get pregnant or just can't take it physically. The truly remarkable thing is that just when I think I've had it everything changes. This has occured with most issues. Every couple of weeks things change dramatically. Not that he doesn't wake up, but the duration between wakings and the quality of sleep improves. The point- If you're not ready to deal with a totally awake and miserable kid for a period of time don't bother. Dr. Jay doesn't share his method to promote night-weaning but to those who've just had it. I'm torn cause sometimes I think I have had it and that's precisely the times I'm not going to have the energy to endure truly sleepless nights and so many tears! I don't think I could sleep through even if my husband did the consoling. So, does anyone know how you refuse without all hell breaking loose. The only time I tried it our son decided 3am was a good time to get up and start the day! If not I prefer to have the peace and the precious moments even through the night-wakings.
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#30 of 46 Old 02-08-2002, 12:07 AM
 
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Hi milesmom,
I can totally relate to what you said about whenever you think you've had enough, things change and get better. I've been stressing about thinking about whether it's time to nightwean DS, because he is 25 months and still wakes every few hours at night and won't go to sleep or back to sleep without nursing. I kind of just want it to happen naturally without me having to do anything or refuse to let him nurse, but I also want to get pregnant soon and I still haven't gotten my period, and I'm afraid I won't ovulate if he keeps nursing all night long.

I guess I don't feel resolved enough to put up with all hell breaking loose yet, as you say, because I don't feel like I have enough sleep banked up in reserves to deal with sleepness crying nights. I'm afraid it will be really hard because the few times I have tried to get him back to sleep without nursing, he says "Mommy I need the milketers, I want booby, BOOBY,BOOOOOBY!!!" and he cries and gets really upset.

I think I will continue to try here and there and see if he seems okay with trying to go back to sleep without the boob, and if not I'll keep nursing him and enjoying the late night cuddly closeness which I'm sure I'll miss when he's 12 and doesn't want to have anything to do with me!
Last night he actually slept from 10:30 till 4:30, so maybe things are getting better! I also kind of feel like if he's not ready to give up the boob at night, he's not ready to have a younger sibling, so maybe it's for the best, who knows.

More power to you brave mommies forging ahead with nightweaning! I love the story about licking the pajamas and trying to get the fuzz out of the mouth.
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