I think I'm just having a tough morning. I'm going back to my OB today for some mysterious and very severe pelvic pain that's been making life difficult,
including inhibiting my letdown. But, seriously, I feel like giving up. And things are better than I could have imagined two months ago.
Two months ago I was in SEVERE pain from thrush and DD's bad latch, and I had almost no supply left. I was lucky to pump a 1/2 oz total. This morning I pumped almost 6oz. Right now I'm making about 50-60% of her needs and am pain-free in the nursing department. My first goal was to make it to 6 weeks, then 3 months. DD is 3 months, 2 weeks and we're going strong! My supply has improved, her latch has improved, life in general has improved. I should be happy! I thought, if I can make it to 3 months, I can make it to a year. Instead I feel overwhelmed and inadequate and am thinking of quitting all over again.
It seems like my life revolves around increasing my supply. Pumping, drugs, herbs, tincture, massage, compressions... did I mention pumping? Where does nurturing my baby fit in?
This morning I was engorged again, which should have been encouraging, but it was just depressing because it meant I couldn't nurse Helen without her seriously hurting me (yes, even with reverse pressure softening).
She was SO hungry... so I had to take my tiny babe and bottle-prop her while I pumped. Never in a million years did I think I would bottle-prop, and yet here I am.
What am I doing? Is this really what's best for her, or is it just my stubbornness?
So, low supply mamas, can you tell me - where do we draw the line? When does it all get to be too much?
Thanks for reading, and sorry to be such a downer!