Matron of honor -- no time to bf - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 13 Old 04-19-2005, 01:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Help. I'm matron of honor for my sister's wedding next month. I told her and my mom months ago that I needed to breastfeed dd between the ceremony and the reception. My mom even promised to find me a room in the hotel to use. Now, they tell me there's no time between the photos after the ceremony and the presentation of the party before dinner. We'll have to go from 2:30 to 7:30 pm w/o nursing, missing her dinnertime. She'll survive, but she'll be upset. I can't just pop into the bathroom for a few nips because they've got me strapped into a dress with a laced up top - no easy access. DD is 10 mths and eats some finger food but hates baby food, has never had a bottle, and hasn't figured out a cup yet. My mom knows this but said I have four weeks to come up with something -- I think she's stressed over the wedding in general. Dh says I should just skip the presentation of the party and cake-cutting ceremony and be late for the dinner.
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#2 of 13 Old 04-19-2005, 01:43 PM
 
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It seems to me that if you told them months ago, you will be covering your end of the bargain if you step out to bf your dc. Could you go for the photos, be there for the presentation of the wedding party, then step out during dinner? IME, it's usually more relaxed during dinner and nobody might even notice your absence if you're only gone for a bit. You said you can't just pop into the bathroom for a few quick bites... were you planing on leaving to nurse? Even if you're in a lace up dress, could you unlace and pull it down or no? I would try to make it at the best time as far as the wedding is concerned, but I would still feed your daughter. You warned them in advance.
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#3 of 13 Old 04-19-2005, 01:50 PM
 
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Besides, you'll get engorged, perhaps leak and possibly risk a plugged duct. It's a health issue.
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#4 of 13 Old 04-19-2005, 02:13 PM
 
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I would imagine that there would be time for you to nurse when they are doing pictures. Picture taking takes forever and there are pics of the brides side, the grooms side, the parents and on and on. I'm sure that there would be an opportunity where you could excuse yourself and nurse your dd. Even if you have to go sit in a car and take the top of your dress down there should be some point in the day when you can nurse.
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#5 of 13 Old 04-19-2005, 02:30 PM
 
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I would definitely point out the possibility of you leaking all over your dress. That might make your sister realize that it's also in her best interest to help you find time and space to nurse. I doubt her mental image of her wedding album includes shots of you dancing with big wet spots on your chest. Plus, is your dd going to be at the reception? Would your sister really find it less disruptive to have a hungry, upset baby than to have you step out for a little while?

In any case, I know at my wedding, I would have been totally clueless if my moh disappeared for a while. There was a lot of stuff to distract me. Good luck!

Lisa , mom to Isaac (9/1/03), Violet (6/19/06), Simon (10/9/09); wife to Eric ; handservant to Grace :
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#6 of 13 Old 04-19-2005, 02:42 PM
 
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I’ve seen this happen with many a bridesmaid. You or your mother needs to talk to the photographer. The photographer can order the pictures so that all of your shots are at the start of the photos. Then you can go nurse. Not glamorous, but I’ve known a few bridesmaids who found a relatively quiet corner and just pulled off the dress. Full breasts are a big motivator and bridesmaids dresses have a tendancy to be completely incompatible with nursing.

You can also be completely ready but not in your dress right before the ceremony. Nurse your DC and then throw the dress on and walk down the aisle.

Once the reception is in full swing - no one will notice when you take a little break.

Mom to Kira March 2009
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#7 of 13 Old 04-19-2005, 02:43 PM
 
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I would definately make it a point to find time to nurse your daughter between the ceremony and the reception. It is not fair to you or your daughter to make her postpone dinner. Let's face it she is a baby. She won't understand why mommy isn't feeding her, but your sister and mom are adults and should be reasonable. I would put it in their court, and tell them that they have 4 weeks to come up with someway for you to feed your baby and not miss anything that they want you to be there for. You are a daughter and a sister, but foremost a mother and they ought to respect that.

 
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#8 of 13 Old 04-19-2005, 03:00 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DaryLLL
Besides, you'll get engorged, perhaps leak and possibly risk a plugged duct. It's a health issue.
Ditto. You value your child and both of your health over your mother/sisters' preference. You won't be in every picture, your sister will! Have your DH come to the pictures with you and strap/unstrap you so you can nurse and not bother anyone. If it were me, I'd nurse right there where everyone was, even if it meant doing it in my underwear, but I'm just crazy like that.
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#9 of 13 Old 04-20-2005, 11:51 AM
 
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Your sister & mother are probably so wrapped up in wedding plans that I would just make a plan with your husband that you are comfortable with and stick with it. I wouldn't involve my mom or sister - during the wedding so much will be going on that I am sure you will find 10-15 minutes to sneak off.

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#10 of 13 Old 04-20-2005, 03:40 PM
 
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I would definately make it a point to find time to nurse your daughter between the ceremony and the reception. It is not fair to you or your daughter to make her postpone dinner. Let's face it she is a baby. She won't understand why mommy isn't feeding her, but your sister and mom are adults and should be reasonable. I would put it in their court, and tell them that they have 4 weeks to come up with someway for you to feed your baby and not miss anything that they want you to be there for. You are a daughter and a sister, but foremost a mother and they ought to respect that.
Ditto that!
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#11 of 13 Old 04-20-2005, 03:43 PM
 
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don't they know every wedding runs late- At the last wedding I was in the wedding party was 45min late for dinner.
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#12 of 13 Old 04-20-2005, 04:12 PM
 
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People planning events are notioriously self absorbed & rude - even if that's not their "true" personality. I would just smile & nod, and when your daughter gets hungry, go somewhere and feed her. Weddingish places usually have a bathroom with a lobby/sitting area... not the ideal, but you could feed her there & ask some random nice woman to help you lace back up. No point in stressing out your daughter & hurting yourself. Most would prefer the small "inconvenience" that your nursing her will cause over a fussy unhappy babe at a wedding. Good luck.
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#13 of 13 Old 04-20-2005, 11:48 PM
 
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Good answers all--

Your baby will want to be fed

You will want to empty your breasts

You gave your sister and mother many months notice; they could have planned events in a way that allowed time for you to nurse

If you know a good seamstress or tailor you might see about having your dress converted into a nursing dress...but four weeks might be tight to do that

Sarah
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