Other breastfeeding mama's who give up. - Mothering Forums

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Old 09-09-2005, 01:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I run across this a lot. Does it make anyone else angry when a mama is wanting to give solids at 4 months or sooner just because they are tired of breast feeding? I feel bad for them but then I think, it was hard for me and I did it. Is that a bad attitude or what? :

I know I shouldn't expect what I do out of other people but for me breast feeding has always been THE way you feed a baby not an option you can give up if you get sick of it. I just don't understand this way of thinking.

I want to tell these other mama's to hang in there and how it is good for the baby and what problems solids too soon or formula can cause but I would probably just come off as rude to them. They can tell me all the day long how hard and awful breast feeding is but if I say how awful I think formula is I get bashed.

I truly care about these babies and hate to see them not get what they need. It is good for mom too, why can't they sit back and enjoy it? I know the first few months can be hard, mine were. My baby got a bottle from a nurse before I ever woke up from surgery and it was hard to get going after that but I made it. I know mama's can make it through much more difficult things that what I had. I had it easy really when I think about it.

I just don't get it. Not at all. What is the rush for solid food all about? My husband's bosses wife has her baby on a prescription formula because he is so sensitive and can't have bm or regular formula so she goes and puts oatmeal in it! He is only a month old and she puts oatmeal in his formula when the poor dear apparently couldn't even have bm?! What the hell? I bit my tounge when I hear about that....I couldn't believe it. Didn't make any sense.

Sigh, will things ever change?

Stay at home wife to Jason for 7 years Mama to Larissa Mae 2 years old :, Gavin Clay 7 months :, and Neveah Ann April 24, 2005 to July 13, 2007 ED for my food allergic babe. :::
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Old 09-09-2005, 04:04 PM
 
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I hear you. I feel the same way.

-Angela
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Old 09-09-2005, 04:17 PM
 
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I do agree for the most part that bf'ing is too often viewed as a choice rather than the absolute best way to feed a baby.

I will say though, that a mother who truly resents/ hates breastfeeding is not going to be the best mama, and other options might be better.
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Old 09-09-2005, 04:25 PM
 
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What I want to say sometimes is that it's *OK* to not like breastfeeding. It's ok to even hate it.

BUT -- it's a year (minimum ) out of your life. Yes, it's hard. There are so many things in life you just have to suck up (no pun intended) and DO for the length of time it takes, because that's what will give you the best results.

I feel for mamas who've had it rough for 9+ months before giving birth, and then face another year or so of doing something they hate, but it's not about them anymore.

mama to Joey (1/04) and Teddy (4/08) :
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Old 09-09-2005, 05:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Good way of putting it.

Stay at home wife to Jason for 7 years Mama to Larissa Mae 2 years old :, Gavin Clay 7 months :, and Neveah Ann April 24, 2005 to July 13, 2007 ED for my food allergic babe. :::
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Old 09-09-2005, 06:26 PM
 
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I can't agree more. I don't understand either what the big rush is. I think it's our culture in general, we are hell bent on making our babies independent as soon as possible. In other parts of the world, this doesn't happen. But it does here.

I agree that it's ok to not like breastfeeding! It is admirable to the women who stick it out because they realize it's not all about them and it's about doing what is best for the baby.

I have a friend who had all the help in the world available and refused to take it and stopped BF her son. He never latched on and I doubt that she tried any of the suggestions we gave her... I think it is so important to do a lot of skin to skin contact if that happens and I am quite sure she didn't even bother to try that. Anyway it was heartbreaking when she could not pump enough with her crappy evenflo pump and quit at 7 weeks. Now her baby has had more solids by 4 months than my son had at 7 months! Because she said formula was not enough and he was always hungry. I am sure she did not want to give more formula because it's expensive (she can afford it too) and for her, there is nothing wrong with giving a 3 month old all the solids a 7-8 month old would eat.

So I understand the frustration. It is hard for me to be a friend to my above mentioned friend these days, it seems like we are operating on two totally different tracks right now.
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Old 09-09-2005, 07:52 PM
 
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I think alot of mamas move to solids faster because formula is inferior to breastmilk and the babies need more nutrients.It is sad when a breastfeeding mama thinks that she needs to do the same becuase her DR says thats what she is supposed to do.

joy.gifme, herding 5 critters a cat and a dog. DS 11/01, DS 10/04, DD 2/06, DS 5/07 and DD 9/10

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Old 09-09-2005, 08:02 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marisa724
but it's not about them anymore.
:


crittersmom - my sister's ped told to start giving her 4mo dd solids now. thankfully sis has heard me rant & rave and has researched that it is not a good idea. but those poor babies of mamas who don't know any better ... (I was one of them... same ped told me that.)

Wifey to Hubby, Mama to Boy (2004) and Girl (2009). 
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Old 09-09-2005, 09:04 PM
 
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I don't get it either.

I try not to judge, because maybe someone else's description of pumping after every feed and frequent feeding isn't the same as what I experienced.

But I get REALLY bent out of shape when they choose not to continue, and then say they COULDN'T breastfeed. I'm sorry, but "couldn't" means your baby was starving, you were falling apart, you were pumping and using an SNS and asking every professional you met for advice, and using galctogogues, and in pain, dreading feedings. THAT is "couldn't", not "oh, washing those pump parts was a drag".

[/vent]
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Old 09-09-2005, 09:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The thing is, I don't know anyone who had problems breastfeeding. The people saying this sound like they have/had a normal breastfeeding relationship and a healthy baby. The reasons always seem to be that they didn't like feeding every 3 hours or they didn't want to mess with nursing in public they just went out too often for that,

Stay at home wife to Jason for 7 years Mama to Larissa Mae 2 years old :, Gavin Clay 7 months :, and Neveah Ann April 24, 2005 to July 13, 2007 ED for my food allergic babe. :::
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Old 09-09-2005, 09:44 PM
 
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A lot of mamas who introduce solids at 4 months are really getting this info from somewhere and unfortunately it tends to be from old school doctors and the old school thought when so many babies were formula fed. It is unfortunate that this info is still out there and so pervasive because solids at 4 months is way to young.

I think the issue with mamas who don't necessarily like breastfeeding comes from unrealistic expectations of how much work babies are. We are so out of tune that when we see little babies being held all of the time we think of them as needy babies. Also I think this comes from our cultures issues with breasts. Seriously, if we were really a breastfeeding culture and you saw most mamas nursing all the time, would these women have issues with it? I doubt it because they would think nursing babies all the time is normal, which it is, but we just don't see enough of it.


I have talked to women who thought that once they introduced the bottle they would just pump and feed ebm through a bottle, when I said, oh you can just nurse, you won't be giving the bottle, only the daycare will(or dh,etc.), they can't belive it's true(and they appreciate that they won't have to fuss around with the bottles).

Unfortunately we are a bottlefeeding, car seat toting, baby swinging culture.
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Old 09-10-2005, 12:42 AM
 
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Originally Posted by wannabe



But I get REALLY bent out of shape when they choose not to continue, and then say they COULDN'T breastfeed. I'm sorry, but "couldn't" means your baby was starving, you were falling apart, you were pumping and using an SNS and asking every professional you met for advice, and using galctogogues, and in pain, dreading feedings. THAT is "couldn't", not "oh, washing those pump parts was a drag".

[/vent]
YES YES YES!!!!! I'm sorry but if you have LLL leaders willing to help, LC's from TWO counties willing to help, and friends willing to DRIVE you there and watch your other kids... there is no excuse!! I don't understand why women will not accept the help that is there. :
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Old 09-10-2005, 04:15 AM
 
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I agree. Yes, it bothers me personally to hear of women quitting BFing for what I believe to be trivial reasons compared with the benefits to be gained by continuing. (And I did not have an easy time of it by any stretch so while I know that everyone's situation is different and I DO empathize with them, I have BTDT and I know that if you really want to, you can usually make it happen). I wish every mother felt compelled to nourish her baby in the way nature obviously intended, but I know some of them do not. And I wish that whole problem could be corrected, starting with some of the very fundamental societal structures that are in place.

However,the thing that gets my goat more than anything else is women who say they "couldn't" BF when they just didn't. Or they did for awhile and then they stopped, but say they "couldn't" because they don't want to sound like weenies. It spreads this misconception that a lot of people "can't" BF which isn't really true. I just wish people would be honest with themselves.
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Old 09-10-2005, 02:24 PM
 
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Does it make anyone else angry when a mama is wanting to give solids at 4 months or sooner just because they are tired of breast feeding?
I wouldn't say it makes me angry. But it does make me kind of slap my forehead and say "What are you thinking?" We attempted solids (rice cereal) at 5ish months, mainly because I was a keen first time momma who was anxious to try out everything with my DD. It didn't take me long to realize "Wow, this is a lot of extra work, an extra expense, makes a big mess, and DD doesn't even like it." So we stopped, and started solids again when she was actually ready. It boggles my mind when someone switches to formula and/or solids because they think it will be less work. Honestly, there's nothing easier than lifting up your shirt and latching a child on.

Starting solids early means 1) More groceries to buy 2) More dishes to do 3) A messy highchair to clean 4) A messy baby to bathe 5) More gunk to scrape out of a cloth diaper 6) More laundry as you dirty bibs, baby clothes, and your own clothes as the food is spit back at you. I'm sorry, but I'm personally holding off on solids as long as DS will let me, because I like to avoid extra work.
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Old 09-10-2005, 06:33 PM
 
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I don't get it either. It's like the pregnancy analogy to me. You might hate being pregnant but you don't "give it up" and go have an abortion, you deal with it and keep going because it is for the life of your child. Same with .bf IMO. in most cases it shouldn't even come down to a choice, you simply do it because it is in the best interest of your child. of course there are exceptions, but in general you ought just do it. it isn't best, it, like pregnancy, is the way nature made for us to have and raise offspring. There isn't much choice element in it to me.

I hate seeing people who have it good give up when after my breast reduction I have gone through so much emotionally and physically to get a good supply for DS. It breaks my heart.

Quote:
But I get REALLY bent out of shape when they choose not to continue, and then say they COULDN'T breastfeed. I'm sorry, but "couldn't" means your baby was starving, you were falling apart, you were pumping and using an SNS and asking every professional you met for advice, and using galctogogues, and in pain, dreading feedings. THAT is "couldn't", not "oh, washing those pump parts was a drag".
yeah this, i struggled so much with my sns and domperidone and herbs and a screaming hungry baby.

It is stupid how most moms say they couldn't nurse, didn't make enough, etc. when in reality we all know that like 95% of women can bf just fine and do make enough. if most of our breasts really didn't function would we really all be here right now? come on! i wish the moms who say this would just be honest. because every time they say they didn't make enough it perpetuates that myth on to other new moms who then go on to think that they too don't make enough. before you know it most moms in the US can't make enough milk. crazy.
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Old 09-10-2005, 08:22 PM
 
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Originally Posted by studentmama
I think the issue with mamas who don't necessarily like breastfeeding comes from unrealistic expectations of how much work babies are. We are so out of tune that when we see little babies being held all of the time we think of them as needy babies. Also I think this comes from our cultures issues with breasts. Seriously, if we were really a breastfeeding culture and you saw most mamas nursing all the time, would these women have issues with it? I doubt it because they would think nursing babies all the time is normal, which it is, but we just don't see enough of it.
Really good point, studentmama. I was at the thrift store the other day, with my baby nursing and sleeping peacefully in the sling. I was next to two ladies who were speaking to each other in Spanish, commenting on a pretty blouse. I smiled at them, and one of them said sweetly to me "You look so uncommon, carrying your baby that way." I laughed and said "I know. I'm trying to start a trend!" She laughed too and said "It's true, a tradition can start with just one person."

I hope it because so normal that people just don't even think twice about it.

~*Kristi*~
Tallulah Dare 8-01,  Marcos Gael 12-04, Cormac Mateo 9-09, Leonidas Ronan 11-11

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Old 09-11-2005, 12:06 AM
 
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I don't get it either. It's like the pregnancy analogy to me. You might hate being pregnant but you don't "give it up" and go have an abortion, you deal with it and keep going because it is for the life of your child. Same with .bf IMO. in most cases it shouldn't even come down to a choice, you simply do it because it is in the best interest of your child. of course there are exceptions, but in general you ought just do it. it isn't best, it, like pregnancy, is the way nature made for us to have and raise offspring. There isn't much choice element in it to me.
You know, I was thinking, that many women would probably grow their baby in a fish tank if they could get away with it, instead of dealing with the "inconvenience" of being pregnant. Now how sad would that be. I can't stand to even think about it.
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Old 09-11-2005, 10:47 AM
 
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no, it doesn't bother me at all. I know firsthand how hard it can be to make breastfeeding work. You never know their situation or how hard work nursing might be for them, or if they just have absolutely no support from their partner, family, and friends. Some babies really are ready for solids at four months. All babies are different.


Does bashing others' parenting decisions make you feel like a better parent?
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Old 09-11-2005, 01:41 PM
 
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I agree that it's ok to not like breastfeeding! It is admirable to the women who stick it out because they realize it's not all about them and it's about doing what is best for the baby.
To a point I agree. But there does come a point depending on one woman's life and what she does every day where breastfeeding is not the right choice for her. If mom is miserable then how can she be the best mom she can be?
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Old 09-11-2005, 02:47 PM
 
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Lots of parenting isn't easy. If your child is a difficult baby and you're miserable every day because they have colic, do you get rid of them? No. Breastfeeding is just what needs to be done. So you suck it up and do it.

-Angela
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Old 09-11-2005, 03:32 PM
 
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I do have some sympathy with women who really, really hate breastfeeding. I can't relate at all (dd was weaned at 21 months, and there was never a time that nursing her didn't hurt at least a bit), but I do feel badly for them.

The thing that really gets me is women who don't even try, because they "know" they'll hate it or because it's "weird" or "gross" or...whatever. I can't even imagine why someone wouldn't even attempt something that's in the best interests of their baby and saves them money! Although...even that...I know one woman who I'm almost certain was sexually abused, and I don't think she's ever acknowledged it. I'd guess that's where her weird attitude about her breasts comes from.

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