Rant: My poor friend - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 23 Old 01-29-2003, 12:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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o.k., I'm not usually much of a ranter, and as a nurse practitioner in family practice, it often makes me sad to read all the bad experiences folks on these boards have with health care providers. I've even thought of posting a thread about the positive experiences I know some of us have had with MDs, NPs, CNMs, etc. That said, I am so mad about what a friend of mine went through at her daughter's 1 year well-child visit yesterday. Her daughter had gained 3 lbs since her 9 month visit, which according to the NP ( ) she saw was not enough. This dropped her down several percentiles (although later the NP admitted she was looking at the chart for BOYS!) She told my friend that she obviously needed to stop nursing, because her daughter was clearly getting only enough to "take the edge off" her hunger, and that it was interfering with her intake of solid foods. WHAT?????? This is a kiddo with a strong gag reflex AND a family history of food allergies. She has been slow to start solids, but overall is a good eater. The NP also chastised my friend for giving her daughter water! She said that the baby is clearly filling up on water. She should only have milk or formula with meals according to this woman. I should add this child is right on track developmentally, and that her parents are both small framed people. My poor friend is beating herself up about not feeding her daughter enough. This just makes me so mad! I had to rant!!!

Trying to get my bearings...
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#2 of 23 Old 01-29-2003, 01:22 PM
 
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*** it often makes me sad to read all the bad experiences folks on these boards have with health care providers.***

here, here elliesmom! i am an ER nurse, in school with the goal of becoming a family NP. thread after thread bashes doctors, nurses, hospitals, etc. i rarely respond. But, I find that alot of people hate the medical community, until they need us, like when a mother passes me her purple and breathless 2 yr old, screaming for me to save my baby!

that being said my now almost 5 yr old was not gaining a whole lot at his 3 yr check up, at the bottom of the charts and i was still giving him formula in a sippy cup to boost calorie intake. i thought that a better choice than say kool aid or juice ( he had long since weaned). my NP gave me a hard time telling me to stop, as it was "taking the edge off" his hunger, and making him less likely to eat the sloid food i gave him. i felt awful, then got mad. i did what she said for about 2 weeks, then went back to it, and he was none worse for it. my child was also on track developementally, and was quite tall....as his dad and I are.
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#3 of 23 Old 01-29-2003, 03:06 PM
 
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well gee whiz, what a horrible experience. and how totally ignorant of the NP. Everything she said was wrong. I think I'd write a letter to that place.

it's also a well-known fact that growth slows in the second half of the first year as babies become mobile and burn more calories. I don't think my dd gained hardly a pound from 9 - 12 months and she's been just fine.

I hope your friend is feeling better after the great support you're giving. It's too bad she has to go through this though. Mother's have enough guilt on their minds all by themselves without throwing unsolicitied opinions into the mix.
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#4 of 23 Old 01-29-2003, 03:07 PM
 
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well gee whiz, what a horrible experience. and how totally ignorant of the NP. Everything she said was wrong. I think I'd write a letter to that place.

it's also a well-known fact that growth slows in the second half of the first year as babies become mobile and burn more calories. I don't think my dd gained hardly a pound from 9 - 12 months and she's been just fine.

I hope your friend is feeling better after the great support you're giving. It's too bad she has to go through this though. Mother's have enough guilt on their minds all by themselves without throwing unsolicitied opinions into the mix.
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#5 of 23 Old 01-29-2003, 03:07 PM
 
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well gee whiz, what a horrible experience. and how totally ignorant of the NP. Everything she said was wrong. I think I'd write a letter to that place.

it's also a well-known fact that growth slows in the second half of the first year as babies become mobile and burn more calories. I don't think my dd gained hardly a pound from 9 - 12 months and she's been just fine.

I hope your friend is feeling better after the great support you're giving. It's too bad she has to go through this though. Mother's have enough guilt on their minds all by themselves without throwing unsolicitied opinions into the mix.
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#6 of 23 Old 01-29-2003, 03:09 PM
 
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well gee whiz, what a horrible experience. and how totally ignorant of the NP. Everything she said was wrong. I think I'd write a letter to that place.

it's also a well-known fact that growth slows in the second half of the first year as babies become mobile and burn more calories. I don't think my dd gained hardly a pound from 9 - 12 months and she's been just fine.

I hope your friend is feeling better after the great support you're giving. It's too bad she has to go through this though. Mother's have enough guilt on their minds all by themselves without throwing unsolicitied opinions into the mix.
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#7 of 23 Old 01-29-2003, 03:10 PM
 
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well gee whiz, what a horrible experience. and how totally ignorant of the NP. Everything she said was wrong. I think I'd write a letter to that place.

it's also a well-known fact that growth slows in the second half of the first year as babies become mobile and burn more calories. I don't think my dd gained hardly a pound from 9 - 12 months and she's been just fine.

I hope your friend is feeling better after the great support you're giving. It's too bad she has to go through this though. Mother's have enough guilt on their minds all by themselves without throwing unsolicitied opinions into the mix.
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#8 of 23 Old 01-29-2003, 03:10 PM
 
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well gee whiz, what a horrible experience. and how totally ignorant of the NP. Everything she said was wrong. I think I'd write a letter to that place.

it's also a well-known fact that growth slows in the second half of the first year as babies become mobile and burn more calories. I don't think my dd gained hardly a pound from 9 - 12 months and she's been just fine.

I hope your friend is feeling better after the great support you're giving. It's too bad she has to go through this though. Mother's have enough guilt on their minds all by themselves without throwing unsolicitied opinions into the mix.
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#9 of 23 Old 01-29-2003, 03:10 PM
 
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well gee whiz, what a horrible experience. and how totally ignorant of the NP. Everything she said was wrong. I think I'd write a letter to that place.

it's also a well-known fact that growth slows in the second half of the first year as babies become mobile and burn more calories. I don't think my dd gained hardly a pound from 9 - 12 months and she's been just fine.

I hope your friend is feeling better after the great support you're giving. It's too bad she has to go through this though. Mother's have enough guilt on their minds all by themselves without throwing unsolicitied opinions into the mix.
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#10 of 23 Old 01-29-2003, 03:12 PM
 
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well gee whiz, what a horrible experience. and how totally ignorant of the NP. Everything she said was wrong. I think I'd write a letter to that place.

it's also a well-known fact that growth slows in the second half of the first year as babies become mobile and burn more calories. I don't think my dd gained hardly a pound from 9 - 12 months and she's been just fine.

I hope your friend is feeling better after the great support you're giving. It's too bad she has to go through this though. Mother's have enough guilt on their minds all by themselves without throwing unsolicitied opinions into the mix.
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#11 of 23 Old 01-29-2003, 03:12 PM
 
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well gee whiz, what a horrible experience. and how totally ignorant of the NP. Everything she said was wrong. I think I'd write a letter to that place.

it's also a well-known fact that growth slows in the second half of the first year as babies become mobile and burn more calories. I don't think my dd gained hardly a pound from 9 - 12 months and she's been just fine.

I hope your friend is feeling better after the great support you're giving. It's too bad she has to go through this though. Mother's have enough guilt on their minds all by themselves without throwing unsolicitied opinions into the mix.
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#12 of 23 Old 01-29-2003, 03:13 PM
 
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well gee whiz, what a horrible experience. and how totally ignorant of the NP. Everything she said was wrong. I think I'd write a letter to that place.

it's also a well-known fact that growth slows in the second half of the first year as babies become mobile and burn more calories. I don't think my dd gained hardly a pound from 9 - 12 months and she's been just fine.

I hope your friend is feeling better after the great support you're giving. It's too bad she has to go through this though. Mother's have enough guilt on their minds all by themselves without throwing unsolicitied opinions into the mix.
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#13 of 23 Old 01-30-2003, 11:39 AM
 
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About the doctor-bashing: I've started some of these threads lately. I'm not a doctor-hater. I go to one, I take my child to one, and we've gotten some excellent, loving care. But we've also gotten some frighteningly bad advice when it comes to nursing, and the US medical system employs some terrible and harmful practices for normal birth. I feel pretty justified in complaining when their ignorance could cause harm to my family. It doesn't mean I hate everything about medicine-- just that I don't trust that doctors are taught the importance of bf & noninterventive birth, and I'm discouraged by having to struggle to do what's clearly healthiest and safest.
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#14 of 23 Old 01-30-2003, 12:28 PM
 
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here, here elliesmom! i am an ER nurse, in school with the goal of becoming a family NP. thread after thread bashes doctors, nurses, hospitals, etc. i rarely respond. But, I find that alot of people hate the medical community, until they need us, like when a mother passes me her purple and breathless 2 yr old, screaming for me to save my baby!
SweetBaby3, I think you should start speaking up, instead of quietly simmering (and thinking the worst of people who have legitimate complaints.) Both sides (you, representing the medical community and others, representing the paying consumer) may learn something.

Like Rachel, I do not consider myself a doctor hater either. Of course they provide an important service when needed, but I completely agree that

Quote:
we've also gotten some frighteningly bad advice when it comes to nursing, and the US medical system employs some terrible and harmful practices for normal birth. I feel pretty justified in complaining when their ignorance could cause harm to my family. It doesn't mean I hate everything about medicine-- just that I don't trust that doctors are taught the importance of bf & noninterventive birth, and I'm discouraged by having to struggle to do what's clearly healthiest and safest.

10 - boy
5.5 - girl
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#15 of 23 Old 01-30-2003, 12:40 PM
 
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There is a statistic oft quoted in customer service circles, something like a person who has a positive experience might tell one person. A negative experience will be shared, on average, with 20 people. I would add to that my personal observation that the complaints are usually far more detailed and (when unlikely to result in lawsuit) more likely to include names. (Funny how people will say they had 'a nice dinner at a little French place downtown' or 'were treated like crap and served bad food at Pepe lePew's on 4th street near Maple', ya know?
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#16 of 23 Old 01-30-2003, 02:07 PM
 
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Tani...You are right, i should probably start speaking up! but a big reason i dont, is because people should be able to vent, and if i put my 2 cents in, they might feel compelled to say "well, of course not all nurses are that way, and i dont mean to offend" bleh, bleh, bleh. people should be able to speak their minds. another big reason i dont speak up...is because i feel i dont have to justify anything. i am a good nurse, love my job and do it well.

like i said in my post, alot of people hate the medical community, nurses, doctors, etc. they also hate lawyers, contractors, car salesmen, pharmaceutical companies. unless of course, they need a lawyer, need that new extension on the house, they want a new car, or they are diagnosed with advanced breast cancer and then the pharmaceutical company is their best friend.

If i had another child, i would most likely try a homebirth. because i know and trust my body...and because i know there is a hospital right up the street who can help if things go wrong. i have also been on the wrong side of medical care. my dad died 3 yrs ago because of bad, very bad care in a hospital. he was 54, and never sick a day in his life.

as far as nursing goes...i agree. alot of the medical community gives lip service to bf'd, then cringe if your doing it past 1 yr. gag me. it seems like no matter what you do you cant win.

i work tomorrow and the weekend. 75% of the patients and families that come in will be somewhat hostile. until i help save the life of someone they love.
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#17 of 23 Old 01-30-2003, 02:57 PM
 
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Ellie's Mom, that is just horrible what your friend went through! I'd consider that a scare tactic.. Why must a child be compared to others especially when they are healthy & thriving? The curve can be decieving & often times causes unnecessary panic & worry in parents. I'd say 3lbs is a hefty ammount of weight for a little one.
And really the physician should focus on the positive aspect of the weight gain..

I remember when our now 9yr old dd went for a check up at 6 mths & the dr said her head was larger than normal. I never noticed it & her head didn't seem bigger than other children's. But, it did cause me to worry for quite some time over nothing. Also when I was in labor w/ our youngest dd my midwife alarmed me that our child seemed to be too small!!!! While I was contracting she said this!!!! I broke down in tears & thought something was wrong w/ dd. When she was born, she came out at 8lbs 4 oz. & my midwife was shamed w/ embarrasement & said, I guess I was wrong. All that worry for nothing probably added some time &pain to our delivery.

It's very important to find a physician you can trust.. There's something to be said for that old saying "Mother knows best". I have learned through trial & error to trust my instincts & always second guess a doctor's advice..

I have SIL that is also an RN. She bottlefeeds Carnation good start, Gerber baby food , bottle of juice at bedtime, antiobiotics constantly.. Her dd, my niece is extremely overweight &has a hard time getting around. She'd never think of giving her dd herbal medicine & frowns on it. And when her dd is sick, takes her to the ER every time! She just started in the labor & delivery ward & mentioned an overdue mom that she thought needed a CS because of it.. I worry about her influencing new mothers.. It's scarey to think about the experiences of physicians & how that reflects on the way they practice medicine.

This is not a generalization of all physicians.. There are many prominent & trustworthy drs & rn's out there. It just takes some searching to find a good one.Unfortunately insurance co's dominate our choices & often times won't cover homeopathic care.

Sweet baby3 it's good to know there are RN's out there who are aware of alternatives.. The wonderful physicians/midwives I have found also carry many of the same beliefs in parenting & medicine & because of that I can trust them..
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#18 of 23 Old 01-30-2003, 03:11 PM
 
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All these reasons and more are exactly why my daughter hasn't been to see any doctor in over 2 years for any reason. But I know that we both need to have a doctor in case we really need one, and I lucked out. Just 2 miles from me is a board certified family MD who practices Acupuncture, Bodywork Therapies, homeopathic remedies, all that type of stuff. I went to talk to him a few weeks ago, and he didn't blink an eye when I told him that dd (2.5 years old) is still nursing and we co-sleep and we don't vax. So I'm very happy that I've found a doc who belives and practices natural medicine, but at the same time is a conventional doctor should we ever need conventional medicine.
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#19 of 23 Old 01-30-2003, 03:34 PM
 
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I just want to put my positive experience in here, since everyone is talking about that we should put them in.

Ds and I went to his 18 month well-baby check not too long back. Speaking of curves, he's dropped a bit under weight, but the pediatrician (who I really like) reassured me that it was fine, they normally slow down around this time, and developmentally he's fine. He also noted that his head was big for his age, but again, said this was great, it just meant his brain was growing. He was very positive, supported that I was still breast-feeding, didn't ask about weaning.

All this, and at an Indian Hospital. There are plenty of positive experiences out there, and they don't even have to be from natural practitioners.
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#20 of 23 Old 01-30-2003, 05:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I really appreciate everyone's input. Though I didn't really intend for this to be a thread about finding a good medical provider, I thought I'd put in my two cents since it has come up. If you are looking for a traditional western medical practitioner who is supportive of extended breastfeeding, and who takes a more hands off, non-interventionist approach, family practice docs and nps are often the way to go. Though they may not know much about breast-feeding (in my nurse practitioner program, the benefits of nursing past a year were never discussed, though it was also not discussed in a negative light) the training we receive does tend to be more holistic. There are exceptions to this rule of course (as my friend in my first post can tell you!) Internists and pediatricians spend more time around really sick people during their training, so they are more focused on finding pathology. At the risk of offending anyone on these boards who is in one of these professions, I add that these are BROAD generalizations. My dd actually goes to 2 pediatricians who I generally really like. Even though her weight gain has always been slow (she hovers around the 5th/3rd percentile), they never suggested I wean or even supplement. They have even spent some time with a lactation consultant, and worked a bit to learn things from the midwives at the birth center where I had dd. I don't know where they stand on extended breastfeeding, but her 1 year visit is coming up in a few weeks, so I guess I'll find out!

Sorry to be so longwinded!

Trying to get my bearings...
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#21 of 23 Old 01-30-2003, 05:51 PM
 
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Sorry to hear of such a negative experience at the docs. I hope your friend does what many of us would do when presented with advice from a doc that we didn't agree with - get another opinion! Perhaps ask around at a LLL meeting (someplace BF friendly!) for the name of another ped.

Sweetbaby3 - Like you, I do often read these threads that rant against the medical profession, often with seemingly good reason, and simmer quietly. I rarely speak out, for fear that I will forever be lumped into the "one of them" category here on MDC . . . . .I also do not feel the need to jump to the defense of docs/nurses/NP's . . . I am a good doc, and try to be respectful of the decisions others make. After all, as moms we make decisions based on the information we have available to us, believing we are doing what is best for our children and families. I take care of mainstream families as well as many who have more alternative parenting styles. I hear through the grapevine I have become the ped people in our community come to when they decide not to vax their little ones. I am glad folks feel they have a place to go to receive medical care and not feel they are being looked down upon for the choices they have made.

Sorry, this has gotten a bit off topic!

Andrea
mommy to Greta 3/14/02
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#22 of 23 Old 01-30-2003, 05:57 PM
 
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I rarely speak out, for fear that I will forever be lumped into the "one of them"
LOL! i pretty much say what i want, i really dont care what anyone else thinks! But really, people do have a right to rant, rave, vent. besides, like i said before, i dont have to defend nor justify anything or anyone.

most of the time, ok, all of the time, i just shrug it off. in my type of job, they need me more than i need them.
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#23 of 23 Old 01-30-2003, 06:44 PM
 
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I guess I just need to develop a tougher "skin", and let things just roll of a bit more.

I really do learn a great deal from these discussions, both about myself and others! I think it is great that we can have this board to take our frustrations to. I agree that we sometimes need a place to vent when we are upset . . . thanks for reminding me.

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