I don't like the way I am feeling - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 17 Old 02-14-2003, 01:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
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dd is 16 months and her nursing is wearing on me. She'll ask to nurse and I just think, God, again already? I enjoy only one or two nursings a day. It doesn't help that she is nursing 3-5 times a night and currently she is in a streak of nights where she won't let me roll away. I don't really sleep when she is attached.

She's got a crummy latch and I've been trying for over a month to get her to take more of my nipple in the mouth, but I haven't seen any improvement. She likes to fiddle with my eyebrows when she nurses and the skin there is sore and sometimes I react very strongly when she just reaches her hand toward my face.

The only time she doesn't want to nurse is when I am sitting and ready to nurse. She'll nurse for a minute or two, then go do something else. If I get up she's all over me, nurse nurse nurse. If I sit and wait for her to come back, she doesn't (and I always leave my book in the wrong place in anticipation of this!). I go along with this up down thing 5 or 6 times before I finally say, no more we are all done. I am trying to respect her need to check in, but ..... I have tried having her say she is all done and saying goodbye; she goes along with it, but it doesn't make a difference.

I've tried reflecting on the beauty and intimacy associated with nursing, but usually those are the times that just as I make my own peace with whatever is bugging me, she does something new and different that really pushes my buttons.

Sigh, I very much want to nurse at least until she's 3 and hopefully follow her lead regarding weaning.

Any words of advice or encouragement?
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#2 of 17 Old 02-14-2003, 01:22 AM
 
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Well, I hope you find this at least encouraging.

My DD will be 7 mos old this Sunday and I look forward to a long nursing relationship ahead of us. But just today DD was very fussy and wouldn't go to anyone but me. She would nurse, then push away as if it was yucky, then two seconds later want to nurse again. She desperately needed a nap and wouldn't go to sleep for it. Eventually DH got her to sleep after much effort (very unusual for her, btw) and after only a few blissful moments of peace, she woke up and DH says "I think she wants you". Before I could even help myself I let out this big sigh, rolled my eyes, and said "okay!!".

Of course I felt horribly guilty as soon as I'd done it, after all it was my decision not to use bottles, and I am always saying I love nursing her. And turns out the poor dear is teething and was just really miserable.

So you see, we all have days like this and it's okay to feel this way. Btw, at your daughter's age perhaps it would be okay to limit her. In other words, if she won't nurse properly when you are sitting down for her, then when she tries after you are up tell her no and go about your business and then later sit down and offer again. I don't mean this in a discipline sort of way, just giving yourself a break. Sometimes when DD is nursing in a fussy way (off, on, off, on) it helps to wait a bit and try again later.

HTH!

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#3 of 17 Old 02-14-2003, 03:59 AM
 
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All I can say is I am RIGHT there with you. This too shall pass.
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#4 of 17 Old 02-14-2003, 06:28 AM
 
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Grumo, you are not alone! This is exactly what I have been feeling about dd, 17 months. She has been so emotional the last couple of days that I just want her to go to sleep so I can have some time peace and quiet time, and a lot of it.

I think that it is really tempting to think that it would all be so much easier if we weren’t nursing but the temper tantrums dd had today make me doubt that. She was in full screaming and back arching mode and dh tried to calm her, but she would have none of it. I got her and fought with her to hold still long enough to latch on. As soon as she did, it was as if the power went out. Dd relaxed and everything was much better. The point of this story: I really don’t think that I would have had the patience to deal 10-minutes of screaming toddler without resorting to yelling or other unpleasantness. So just take to heart that in the near future, nursing might be the only thing that saves mama and babies sanity.

Other than that, I’m right with ya!
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#5 of 17 Old 02-14-2003, 12:22 PM
 
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This seems to be a natural part of nursing a toddler. I too have felt (and still do on occasion) the same things. My dd will be two soon and while I'm still glad I'm nursing, I do look forward to not nursing (on some days). As someone above said, this too shall pass. The feelings come and go.

I find mine negative feelings are most strong when I want to do something else or have a lot on my plate. Not necessarily dd's problem but frequent nursing doesn't help me accomplish these tasks. That said, last week dd was ill with the rotavirus and the only thing she could keep down was small quantities of breastmilk. So we sat around for a week and cuddled and she nursed for a few minutes here and there. She probably would have dehydrated if not for nursing so I'm very glad I stuck with it. Plus it's a great comfort and I try to think on these things when it's most irritating. I'm paying for it now though because she hasn't quite reverted back to a regular schedule and wishes to nurse alot.

I think taking it day by day is very helpful. When your baby understands better you could try setting a limit or two and see how it works. That's what we're working on now. Good luck and hang in there!
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#6 of 17 Old 02-14-2003, 01:37 PM
 
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My dd is 2. I also nurse ds, 3 mo.
My advice: get out with her and do stuff she likes--constantly.
Dd is in such a better mood, less bored and looking to nurse, if we've done something just for her that day. Find a playgroup, go to the park, whatever. If she's doing things she likes to do, she won't feel the need to nurse so many times.
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#7 of 17 Old 02-14-2003, 05:17 PM
 
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Hey grumo, don't feel bad. I went through the same thing with DS when he was about 17 months old, and I think it was about a month of off and on grumpiness about nursing him. It's really hard when they aren't sleeping, even just a few hours of solid rest make all the difference. It can be HARD nursing a teething, fussy toddler, there's just no getting around it. Some moms don't have that experience, but it seems like most of us go through times when we are burnt out. Try to be easy on yourself, and if you can get away for a few moments alone, a hot bath or a nice walk, go for it.
Peach is right on, if you can get out of the house and do some fun things that take the focus off the nursing, you will both feel better.
Take care,
Steph
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#8 of 17 Old 02-14-2003, 07:38 PM
 
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Yes, I agree. It is probably teeth, which would explain the problem with latching on properly.

Try: giving her a very cold wet washcloth to chew on instead, before, or after a failed attempt to nurse

One of my dd's discovered a pacifier at a friend's house at this age, and she would chew away on it for her emerging molars' comfort

or

Chamomilla homeopathic remedy. That is indicated for, "I want this (up, nurse, book)!" followed by, "No! (get down, throw book, push off breast)."
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#9 of 17 Old 02-14-2003, 11:24 PM
 
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Hi there-
I've been where you are! I understand and totally support your choice to follow child-led weaning. However, it's still okay to set limits within that framework, kwim? Setting some limits (simple rules, like the 4th pop-off=all done or no pinching mommy's face) can really improve your experience of nursing and help you not feel so frustrated....which could actually HELP your nursing relationship to continue for a long time.

Regarding the fiddling with your face, you could try a nursing necklace (not sure where to buy them, but Konur's Mom over at breastfeeding.com makes and sells them) to give her something to pinch and twiddle other than you. I used a small stuffed animal to keep my dd's other hands busy. Whatever works!

You've gotten some good ideas from the other mamas, too. Hang in there and good luck. Keep us posted!
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#10 of 17 Old 02-15-2003, 06:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for all of your encouraging responses. I was sifting through a lot of the posts in this forum, and I was feeling like nobody got fed up until their nursers were three or so!
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#11 of 17 Old 02-16-2003, 06:43 PM
 
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I felt as you do with my dd was 18 months. I wanted to continue but no one seemed to aknowledge my feelings of being "fed up." It is a very hard age. I did work through it and things got better. My dd weaned just before she turned three. Hang in there- your feelings are natural and part of the whole deal of extended nursing.

Being right is not always fair, but being fair is always right
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#12 of 17 Old 02-17-2003, 03:49 PM
 
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I wonder if some time for yourself might help you cope? Can you manage to get a few hours where maybe you could meditate, do some yoga, get a massage - do something nice for your worn out body? Maybe you would feel more patient with Dd's demands on your body if you got a little time and pampering.
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#13 of 17 Old 02-18-2003, 05:04 PM
 
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Christie - hope things are going better for you and dd.

I think my son has new teeth coming in - he won't let me look, but my nipples are SORE. And he wants to nurse every 30 minutes or so.

I don't have any advice for you, just tons of sympathy! That lack of sleep thing is rough!!

My frustrating time comes at nap time. He's sleepy and too wound up to relax. So he pokes my face, pulls my hair, and PINCHES my lips. I try to get my face as far away as I can, and not react at all. If I give any kind of reaction, he laughs and tries it all again.
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#14 of 17 Old 02-18-2003, 07:09 PM
 
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i hear you - - but a feeling is just a feeling - and its totally ok not to feel great 100% of the time...shoot sometimes i feel stupid - -but i am not stupid - -know what i mean??! - i am nursing a 2+1/2 yr old and he is mostly a night nurser who nurses allllllll night long - -and keeps switching / crawling over my body from one side of me to the other thoughout the night - refusing to stay on one breast- and doestn like to let go at all - -he starts crying and kicking if i try to slip a pinky in to breack his suck -that wakes up older brother and daddy - he doestn let go after hours of nursing - -it is truly a trying time in my life but i am still convicted about nursing - sleepless but happy and hoping he doesnt wean soon breast is best amen
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#15 of 17 Old 02-19-2003, 12:12 AM
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I can relate! My daughter is almost 21 mos. and is nursing more than ever it seems. I've been trying to stay busy and active to make sure it's not just a boredom thing but even in our playgroup today (with a bunch of moms who by the way i think are amazed that i'm still nursing) she wanted to nurse 2 or 3 times. i always offer a snack or just some cuddling to see if maybe she might take that instead but no go. sometimes i think by doing that, i'm making her even more headstrong about it. she calls out for it with such a demanding tone sometimes...i need more nee nees!i'm really finding myself frustrated alot ...which doesn't feel great...and i've also been starting to worry about the fact that i'd like to have another baby when she's 3 but really don't want to tandem nurse. maybe she's teething right now??i don't think i'm a bad mom for wanting to just nurse a few times a day now. i guess i just didn't expect extended bfeeding would still mean such frequent bfeeding. ideas? suggestions?
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#16 of 17 Old 03-02-2003, 05:57 AM
 
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eyebrows--that's a tough one. My daughter attached to my earlobe then switched to a mole on my belly around 13 mos. Now I'm nursing her (she's 3.5) and her bro (he's 18 mos) and she FLIPS OUT if she can't find the mole--kind of embarrassing when it's buried in a fat roll and we're around other people--"mommy i can't find the mole!" . That mole is as important to her as boobie itself! especially when she's tired. Luckily I have two moles (big mole and little mole) for my tandem mole-feelers, but they aren't always gentle and have even made me bleed--we had to put a band-aid on little mole for a while, which was a big lesson on the importance of being gentle...

We're Tiffani , Mark , Lucy (9/99) , Dexter (8/01) ,and Zachary Marvin (3/07) and Naomi Rose (6/09), home 11/10, by way of Ugandan adoption.

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#17 of 17 Old 03-02-2003, 11:19 PM
 
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I know how it is to have a toddler that want to nurse all the time.Littlebit will be 3 in 4 days and he nurses as much now as he did when he was a newborn.He still wakes at least 2-6 times everynight.When we nurse at night I know that is our time and no one will enterupt us.He thinks he has to be playing with the other breast while he is nursing.So this sometimes makes it hard to NIP.I can usually tell him that he can't have both at the same time when we are out.This usually works unless he is really tired.He wants me to hold him all day even when DH and other kids are home.When I am cooking he is in a chair in the kitchen.I can't get out of his sight.
I know all this will pass.And some day I will look back and just wish I had one more day of nursing him and holding him close.I use to be a real neat freak(my DD says I still am),but now I feel somethings can just wait.I love that feeling of holding LIttlebit close and nursing him.That wonderful feeling that I wish could last forever.(It will it will last forever in my heart)
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