Leslie: this is a frustrating problem for lots of moms, and you sound really worried...have you tried contacting LLL? Or your pump rental person? they would be able to help you or your caregiver through this.(www.lalecheleague.org
There are lots of techniques you can use to help her take the milk; sounds like you have tried some of them. I have some more suggestions from a LLL conference I attended last fall:
1. Wrap the baby in one of your nighties (one you've worn) when you offer the bottle so she can smell you.
2. Don't put the bottle nipple in the baby's mouth; lay it alongsdie her mouth and let her pull it in herself, or tickle her mouth with the nipple to get her to open wide.
3. Try different bottle niplples; you know the Avent doens't work. Keep trying til you find one that she can handle. It's probably the difference of flow that upsets her as much as your absence.
4. I thought this one was interesting: for many babies, it works best to imitate the breastfeeding posture as much as possible; for others, the opposite is true. They prefer to face OUT from the caregiver, with their back against his or her chest, to take the bottle
5. Sometimes moving around while you offer the bottle can be calmingto the baby.
6. Put the nipple in her mouth when she is sleeping.
7. Offer her breast milk by spoon, cup, or eyedropper, as you have done...