I'm having trouble leaping today....
I've only been at BFing since DD was born Jan 1 but I already (so far?) see it as one heck of a blind leap of faith--faith in my body, faith in my baby's ability to know what she needs, faith in all the good advice available here and elsewhere, faith that nature's way *is* best, and so on and so on.
When all is going well (most of the time), that leap of faith is easy to make... and empowering. And awe-inspiring. And beautiful.
But when a "tough day" crops up, like today, it is just soo hard to stay confident.
DD has been wanting to eat every 45mins to an hr all day... litterally attacking the breast when offered and then fussing and crying after what seems like only one or two swallows (five mins. tops!). Repeat on other side. My breasts have felt limp and "empty" all day and never feel any "less limp". Haven't seen the "drunk sailor" look on her face even once today. "Output" is good... but her poop is spinach colored and not golden/mustardy curds...
Leap of faith: the breast is never empty -- really hard to make in these conditions. Leap of faith: my body *can* do it -- ditto. Leap of faith: my baby knows what she wants and needs -- ditto. Leap of faith: adequate "output" is a good indicator of adequate "intake" -- ditto.
While she's fussing, the "bad thoughts" creep in despite myself--such as: should I send DH to the store to buy a bottle and formula
because she's obviously hungry and not getting enough? (No, I haven't done that... but I really *hate* the fact that I even thought it!!)
She did this once before for a day and the next day she hardly ate anything--but I was sooo sore and engorged... so I do know in my mind that this will pass, that tomorrow things should be better, that it could be any number of things that will solve themselves if I stick to it... that it is too early to worry about her "failing to thrive" -- she's already doubled her birth weight and is bright, active, and interested in the world, one day of poor eating won't change that (leap of faith, there too, and a tough one when I want soo much for her to thrive, be happy, grow, get the best, etc. and when she seems soo tiny, fragile, and still somewhat like a miraculous present that couldn't have possibly be meant for me)....
I *know* all that... but am having trouble *believing* it, if you know what I mean.
Can someone please send me some good "leap of faith" vibes to get me through the night? (A hug would be welcome too!)