Suggestions and support for a tough decision please! - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-04-2003, 10:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My 2 1/2 yr old dd is nursing only first thing in the morning now. On occasion, she has skipped a day of nursing altogether, always when she just forgot to ask. She sleeps in her own bed now.

Ok, here's the problem. Dh has some kind of a tumor behind his eye. He had it about three years ago and they did a biopsy and it was benign and they used medications to get it to shrink. But we were told that it could come back and that his risk for cancer is quite real in the old location or somewhere else.

So it is back now, he had a cat scan today and he is having a biopsy on Tuesday. The hospital is 30-60 minutes away and he will be having the surgery near his eye and will be staying in the hospital overnight.

My MIL said she'll stay with the kids overnight. I really want to be with dh for the surgery, overnight, and to take him home when he is discharged.

I have never been away from dd overnight before. She has never woken up and had me not be there before. She does adore MIL and is quite comfortable with her so maybe it will be okay...I'll probably be home by the afternoon...

I am so torn about what to do! I am really freaking out about what dh is going through and what we might find out. I also don't want to traumatize my dd.

Please mamas, has anyone had to deal with this kind of decision?

Thanks,
Miriam

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Old 04-04-2003, 10:41 PM
 
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I was desterately worried about leaving dd - then 22 months - when I was in labour overnight. Apparently she woke up, said she wanted to nurse, Grandma said "Mummy's not here so would you like a yoghurt?" She jumped out of bed and ran into the kitchen.

At that time she was still nursing 8-10 times a day too. Didn't even ask about nursing or me until they came to visit the next afternoon.
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Old 04-04-2003, 10:45 PM
 
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oh honey.
i know you're probably driving yourself nuts with what-ifs right now.
my advice: go and be with your husband, and try not to worry too much about your daughter being away from you overnight. your MIL will be able to comfort her in other ways, and most likely all will be fine when you arrive home. i know it's really scary to leave her for the first time, but i think you'd probably go nuts knowing your husband is having surgery and staying in the hospital alone.
i certainly hope everything will turn out all right for your hubby.
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Old 04-04-2003, 10:59 PM
 
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Go stand by your husband. he needs you right now. this is not about a weekend away in the bahamas (that wiuld be nice too!), this is about your husband health.

your daughter will be fine.
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Old 04-04-2003, 11:20 PM
 
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I also think that children are really able to understand what has to be done. I think she will understand that for that night dad really needs you. I know when I was in labour with #2 one time ds#1 walked into the room I was I and I was like "nooo take him away" and he left very easily with my friend. I can't imagine the scene that might have caused on a normal day, but I really think he understood that I couldn't help him then.

I am sure she and grandma can think of something fun to do!
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Old 04-04-2003, 11:32 PM
 
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Oh Miriam, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your dh right now. I am sure your dd will be fine. Your MIL obviously knows how important it is for you to be with you dh right now. I know with my parents, that always makes a difference (necessity vs pleasure). She will be willing to do whatever it takes to make dd happy. If that means sleeping on the couch and watching Barney while eating popcorn and suckers all night, so be it. It will not hurt her for 1 night.

You need to do what is best for you which sounds like being with your dh. Good luck to you and please keep us informed.
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Old 04-05-2003, 12:00 AM
 
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Go with your husband, he needs you most right now.
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Old 04-05-2003, 08:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I can't tell you what it means to have this support right now! Thank you! I got the same advice IRL but from people who would have told me to leave her if she was 6 weeks old and I wanted to go on a week long cruise! I wasn't comfortable with their reasoning, which was basically the old "parents should do what they want and need and kids' needs are irrelevant."

I really needed to hear that it would be ok from moms who understand EBF. Dh and I talked to dd and she seemed to understand that Nana (grandma)would be here when she woke up, not mommy & daddy and that she could have nummy later when mommy came home.

My MIL will be overjoyed to have the green light to give the kids treats all day!

Thank you again for your support and prayers. I'll keep you posted.
Miriam

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Old 04-05-2003, 10:01 AM
 
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First of all, to you and yours as you face this difficult time. I'll remember your DH in my prayers...
anyway, I did this, at about the same age with a girl nursing about as much as yours does, for a much more frivolous reason--to go outlet shopping overnight with some friends. I left her with DH, and it was an adventure for her...
and in no way slowed down her nursing...she was still going strong 3 yrs later!
trust in her and trust in love. It will work out.
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