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Toddler wants to nurse in public

1K views 12 replies 13 participants last post by  PONOKELAMAMA 
#1 ·
What do you do when your toddler wants to nurse in public, like at a play group. I've always been very discreet with nursing dd, who is almost 15 months old. I'm not big into public nursing for a toddler....that's just my personal preference. I just get too embarrased and think about what other people are thinking,which, to me, defeats the pleasant experience of nursing my dd. It was easier for me to nurse in public when she was smaller, but now that she is older and wants to stand while she nurses, I find it is not a very do-able thing in public, unless I were to flash everyone around me (dd insists that both boobs are out at the same time) But, I digress....

My question is, what do you do when your toddler wants to nurse when it is not a very convenient time to do so? I have found that my dd wants to nurse sometimes when she gets stressed or is in an unfamiliar situation. Sometimes, this occurs during the middle of a play group. Sometiems, it happens when she is in a new situation. Lately, when she sees that I am getting ready for work, she starts pulling my shirt. I indulge her, but she keeps doing it and eventually, I have to go. I want to comfort her, but it's not always possible to do this via nursing.

I don't like to deprive her of nursing and we nurse on demand...in the car, at home, etc. But, when we are around other people, I don't like to just whip up my shirt and let her nurse, so I try to tell her "not now" or "meh-meh is sleeping." But, she doesn't understand that concept yet, so she gets upset and pulls my shirt up. It's quite embarrasing sometimes. Any thoughts or suggestiosn?

Maybe she is going through a developmental stage or is teething, because lately, she has been attached to the boob like crazy. Last night, I just wanted her to fall asleep because my boobs were beginning to hurt from her nursing so much.

Libby
mama to a little bobka---"I love mama's boobies."
 
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#2 ·
I think it a stage or teething, because I remember feeling the same thing at night a few months ago (dd is now 17 months)

as far as nursing during the day, I know how you feel. It was SO much easier with a smaller baby. Now she tells me when she wants it (but she's happy with one side at a time
) then she tells me she wants to switch, then she loses interest, then she wants it again, etc, etc.

It's been getting easier. There are times when I tell her "not right now.. You can nurse when we go sit down" or whatever.. or if we're in a car, I'll keep saying "you can nurse when we get home.. we're almost there" this usually works for the first few minutes. But i think lately she is beginning to understand the concept of "not now.. when we..." it helps her if she understands that she will be nursing soon. I've also gotten more brave about just plopping down and letting her nurse if she needs it. I think as our children get older, they will grasp the concept of "waiting a few"


and it's so great to have the nursing when we really need it - be a tantrum of being hurt..like last night, dd got her finger jammed in a chair. I scooped her up and sat down to nurse. she was crying and nursing and crying
I couldn't have cared less about who was there or who could see me. the nursing really helped her.

sorry this is rambly,
s up to you, you're doing a great job!!
 
#3 ·
This is of course a personal issue, but I can tell you how I've felt about it.

Up until DD1 was 2, I felt like nursing her in public was almost always easier and less disruptive than refusing or stalling her. Also, I did feel some kind of "right" to be nursing that long, knowing that it is normal. I guess I felt like I'm tough, I know someone might comment, but I can take it if it might make life easier for nurslings of the future.

When I got pregnant with DD2 (showing when DD1 was about 2.5) I stopped feeling so comfortable about it, I guess I felt like I didn't feel up for answering questions most of the time. However, I certainly nursed her in public when it was clear that waiting would cause a *big* scene.

Now I am of course quite comfortable nursing DD2 (8 months) but with DD1 (3.5) she doesn't nurse in public except if she gets a fairly serious boo-boo (there has to be blood or very serious pain, though I'd never put it that way to her).

And public was not all the same even when I nursed her more - I'd work quite hard to keep DD1 from nursing in a work-related public situation, but in a park, well, if the person knows me they know I'm nursing her anyway, and if they don't I don't care.

So anyway, I think it is about your comfort level. The one thing I'd say is that the concept of time at 15 months is pretty shaky still so I wouldn't think delaying would work well, but different kids are different. Some are quite distractable about nursing, and in that case, I'd have stopped NIP sooner. But my DD1 was not that way at all, so I kept doing it.

Nancy
 
#4 ·
I am tandem nursing my almost two yr old dd and 7 mo old son. I usually let my dd nip but we have ground rules, like she has to leave my shirt down and she has to let me hold her. If she doesn'twant to do it that way she waits until we are in a more private place. As long as she isn't being really obvious and showing me off to the world, I don't really care what people think...Of course the actual act of tandem nursing is reserved for the home..... I can just see the shocked looks now
:
 
#5 ·
Oooh. 15 months is a tough age. They're right on the cusp of understanding the "wait until we sit down" thing. One thing that you might try doing is helping her learn behaviors that help you feel more comfortable about nursing in public at home. Start talking to her about leaving your shirt down so the other one doesn't get "cold" or something
. If she asks to nurse at home practice things like..."first we'll sit on the couch, then we'll nurse" or "first let mommy wash her hands, then we'll nurse" just so she can begin understaning that first this will happen then that will happen. In a few months she may be able to understand when you tell her "first we'll go find a chair (get in the car, go in the house, etc) and then we will nurse."

You know its so funny though, most people will not notice if you quietly nurse your little one-however, they will look if they hear a kiddo yelling about nu-nu's and a lovely mom unwillingly flashing the whole crowd!
My daughter is about 2 and we were recently out at a restaurant with a large group of people, well she wasn't feeling well and wanted to nurse, so I had my husband scooch up close to us, I laid her across my lap with her feet on the high chair next to me and sort of "tucked" us uder the table...(KWIM?)..anyway-no one noticed, My mom actually asked me about 5 minutes into it "Is she nursing???" I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes you just have to...and in reality, more than likely no will notice except for you and other nursing moms-and they will just look and smile!
 
#6 ·
At that age I always just nursed her, either arranging her in the sling or finding a place to sit down. I figured that was less disruptive of other people than having her crying because she couldn't yet understand "please wait" or "when we get home".

I had some pleasant conversations that way, met another AP type mom in Sam's Club as we both "tested" the chairs.


Even now, when it's extremely rare for her to ask when we're out, I figure if she's asking she's tired/hungry/whatever and if I can I sit down and take 3 minutes. I do insist on shirt staying down though; she can tuck her arm inside, but the shirt stays Down.

But that's my way of doing, others' mileage may vary of course.
 
#7 ·
I nurse my 16 month old in public pretty much whenever he needs it and it is actually convenient. Last week I nursed him in a shoe store and the clerk stopped and started chatting, I was kind of worried but then she told me she had nursed her first until age 3 :).

I think we need to see more nursing of toddlers in public. I personally don't think that the idea of EBF will be accepted until we do; right now, it is a closetted thing and that is a shame. I mean, how can we expect people to see it as a normal thing when we are ashamed to do it in public?

He is a little acrobat now, though, and there are little "rules" of a sort that we have, like he can't pull up my shirt or nurse standing (he does that at home sometimes). But usually if he is distressed enough to want to nurse while we are out, he'll be too into nursing to get all acrobatic. Most of the time, somebody just passing couldn't tell we are nursing even though I don't wear nursing shirts or nursing bras anymore.

Now, if it is not convenient for me, I will usually tell him "not now" and try to distract him. Since he is preverbal he doesn't really understand, but it is a start. Usually if it is at the point where he won't be distracted, we need to leave anyway because he's had enough.
 
#8 ·
I've used nip for discussions about private parts. DD knows that she can pretty much always nip, but that my boobs are private and that they will have to stay partially covered when we're between people I don't have a high comfort level with (so it depends on the people, not on the setting. After all, when I"m in the park with my mdc friends, we all nip, but when there's certain people, we try to avoid it).

But dd is going on 4, she really looks funny with her 41" stretched all over the bench
At 15 months, you may be able to be very discreet in a sling still?
 
#10 ·
I rarely nurse my children in public at that age because I just wasn't comfortable with it. When I did I would insist that they snuggle up (we have a general no standing rule that applies all the time) and every thing stays coverd. if they don't want to nurse like that they don't have to nurse. My children have always adjusted to this rpretty well and ithink the shift has been gradual enough for them to just accept it (and the shift usually happens between 14-16 months old for us) I guess I view nursing like everything else in thier lives. no means no and you can't have it just because you want it. Does that make sense. It isn't some special thing that I can't say no to just because it is nursing.
 
#12 ·
I have always nursed in public with no problems. My son will be 3 in July and still is going strong on the "hi milk" thing. I make him lay in my lap (no standing) and try to keep the "other side" switching to a minimum. I really don't care what anyone else thinks. If I was hung up on other people's opinions, I wouldn't be a chiropractor, home birthing, no vaccination, no candy/junk, etc. kind of mommy!

The only time that I even gave it a second thought was at my grandmother's 80th birthday party. I was the host and ds was "sick" (we call it expressing health). I knew it might bother some of my grandma's old friends, especially the men, so I was very discreet. Normally, I'm not quite as concerned.

When he was really little, I used to sit at the front counter in my office and greet patients while nursing! Hey, we have a family practice.


One more thing...I found that when ds goes thru a nursing burst, Lansinoh can help with the sore nipples.

My advice...don't sweat it! Good luck!
Dawn
 
#13 ·
i have to agrre with dukewalker!

fifteen months is a very interesting age and they really do start to understand the idea of, this happens and then we nurse. we started it with our ds at about 16 months and by the time he was eighteen months old, he got it! if you do plan on EB, this will really help your babe understand, we are going to pay for the groceries-put them in the car- and then nurse. it is also just a great thing for them to learn, which when given time and patience they WILL get it. it has helped us in many ways and no more of the flashing people in public!

most importantly when you find what you are comfortable with, your babe will be comfortable!

sounds like youre doing a great job! good luck!
 
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