Would you NIP at a wedding? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 99 Old 12-06-2006, 10:05 PM
 
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Your primary responsibility is to make sure your son is happy and well fed. Secondarily, you should be considerate of your hosts and other guests - wailing infants make everyone uncomfortable. I don't think it's particularly important to be "considerate" of other peoples' sexual hangups about women's breasts, however.
Thirdly, you might consider your role in shaping other peoples' attitudes about feeding babies by demonstrating the normalcy and ease of breastfeeding.
I disagree. I think that in rare instances, it is important to be "considerate of other people's sexual hangups about women's breasts." If you can avoid creating tension at an event like this by using a cover or finding a private place (thereby making sure your child is happy and well fed), then I think it is a reasonable compromise to make. Someone's wedding is not the time to prove a point or change the world if it will cause unpleasantness, and there is an alternative that will not cause the mother or baby any hardship.
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#32 of 99 Old 12-06-2006, 10:15 PM
 
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I disagree. I think that in rare instances, it is important to be "considerate of other people's sexual hangups about women's breasts." If you can avoid creating tension at an event like this by using a cover or finding a private place (thereby making sure your child is happy and well fed), then I think it is a reasonable compromise to make. Someone's wedding is not the time to prove a point or change the world if it will cause unpleasantness, and there is an alternative that will not cause the mother or baby any hardship.
It annoys me and ruins my pleasure at the joy of a wedding when there are foolish drunk people running around, especially when they make sexual innuendos about me or they hit on or proposition my DH in front of me. Now THAT is inconsiderate and causes unpleasantness. Breastfeeding is not inappropriate and if someone is going to be offended by a child being nourished the way they were meant to be, then don't worry, they will find a dozen other things to be offended about. Can't they just avert their eyes or go sit at another table, if it bothers them? Or they can go hang out in the bathroom while we nurse.
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#33 of 99 Old 12-06-2006, 10:21 PM
 
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Yes, I have sat in two weddings and bf my dd. I would MUCH rather do that then consider letting my baby cry during the ceremony. In fact, I put her on simply as a pre-emptive thing just because I wanted to make sure she was quite at one point. I can assure you, it would have caused more hardship to try and find a 'private' place to nurse then just sitting in the pews.

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#34 of 99 Old 12-06-2006, 10:26 PM
 
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I haven't nursed at a wedding but I did at a christening and so did the mama and we were all seated up front in the family section. I did not use any kind of cover up.

I would nurse at a wedding because I would be more comfortable and so would my baby. Otherwise I would get all engorged and that would be a whole new problem. I would be discreet and as other posters mentioned bring a shawl or a sling in case you feel that you need it. The shawl could just be part of your outfit and arranged as needed. It can also double as a blanket for your baby if the room is cold or you need a changing pad.
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#35 of 99 Old 12-06-2006, 10:30 PM
 
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Yes, I have and I would again.

I wore a skirt and a nursing top, but my DD was a babe and I was new to nursing. If I went to one now, I would wear a nice top that was easy to pull aside--I don't have patience with nursing tops anymore!! Cardigans are nice as they cover your sides/abdomen a bit while you're nursing.

I've nursed in church a lot!! When I went to the reception, I did step into the vestibule to latch her on as it took a bit of coaxing, but if I was nursing an older babe who latched on easily, I'd just keep talking and nurse w/o skipping a beat. People really don't notice as much as you think they will.

As for other people's hang-ups with breasts--well, my breasts aren't exposed when I NIP. If I had a newborn that really needed a LOT of help latching on, then I might go into another room for everyone's comfort. But, if I had a newborn, I'd probably be staying at home, anyway!
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#36 of 99 Old 12-06-2006, 10:48 PM
 
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I disagree. I think that in rare instances, it is important to be "considerate of other people's sexual hangups about women's breasts." If you can avoid creating tension at an event like this by using a cover or finding a private place (thereby making sure your child is happy and well fed), then I think it is a reasonable compromise to make. Someone's wedding is not the time to prove a point or change the world if it will cause unpleasantness, and there is an alternative that will not cause the mother or baby any hardship.
I respectfully disagree...as long as nursing moms feel like they have to "hide"..we will never move forward and increase our breastfeeding rates. Countries....with high BF rates...are very open about nursing their wee ones.

The more that our daughters and sons see nursing as normal..the more apt they too will feed their children human milk.

Mary
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#37 of 99 Old 12-06-2006, 10:49 PM
 
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It annoys me and ruins my pleasure at the joy of a wedding when there are foolish drunk people running around, especially when they make sexual innuendos about me or they hit on or proposition my DH in front of me. Now THAT is inconsiderate and causes unpleasantness. Breastfeeding is not inappropriate and if someone is going to be offended by a child being nourished the way they were meant to be, then don't worry, they will find a dozen other things to be offended about. Can't they just avert their eyes or go sit at another table, if it bothers them? Or they can go hang out in the bathroom while we nurse.

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#38 of 99 Old 12-06-2006, 11:08 PM
 
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I have before and I would again. If others were offended then they should have stopped paying attention to me and started paying attention to the wedding (which is what I was paying attention to). I've also nursed dd at a funeral, a wake, and a memorial service as well

I have found that a nice skirt and nice sweater or blouse work quite well for functions such as weddings and for church on Sunday (yep, I nurse during the service in the sanctuary too!). I just don't have the patience for nursing in dresses whether they button down or are specifically for nursing...

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#39 of 99 Old 12-06-2006, 11:10 PM
 
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i did last month, i was a bridesmaid and i had to pop out of the top of my dress to nurse. not many people there had seen a nursing toddler, but they were all supportive and a lot of the childless women there spent time talking to me about breastfeeding . i will be again next saturday.
OP, can you get a dressy sling? it is pretty easy to nurse a 2 month old in a sling without anyone knowing what you're doing.
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#40 of 99 Old 12-06-2006, 11:18 PM
 
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Originally Posted by doula mary View Post
I respectfully disagree...as long as nursing moms feel like they have to "hide"..we will never move forward and increase our breastfeeding rates. Countries....with high BF rates...are very open about nursing their wee ones.

The more that our daughters and sons see nursing as normal..the more apt they too will feed their children human milk.

Mary
I agree with this absolutely....and feel that in the vast majority of times and places, we don't need to give it a second thought. All I'm saying is that I don't feel it is too much of a compromise to use a cover to avoid causing tension if the crowd there consists of many unenlightened people who might have an issue with NIP. Let me be clear that I am not suggesting this be done in consideration of those people, but for the COUPLE who is having their wedding day in this culture the way it is TODAY. There are a million other opportunites to work toward changing that culture.

The other poster's point that finding a private place may not be so easy is well taken. So I'll go back to my original point and suggest only that it may be a time to use a cover when one might ordinarily not use one.
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#41 of 99 Old 12-06-2006, 11:38 PM
 
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In most cases I would probably try not to bring my DD to the ceremony part of a wedding, but if I did, I would nurse her in the church if that is what it took to calm her down/keep her quiet during the nuptials. It is the reception that I would try to find a quiet place at. However, if I had only two options- at the dinner table or the bathroom- I'd take the dinner table in a second.
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#42 of 99 Old 12-06-2006, 11:53 PM
 
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When my sister got married I was still nursing my 3yo. She was a flower girl, and I was up on the altar too with my parents. She wanted to nurse, so she did. We couldn't have been more visible, and no one said a word. My sister had no issue either - I raised her right.
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#43 of 99 Old 12-06-2006, 11:58 PM
 
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I would absolutely nurse my child at a wedding, or whereever I was. I would probably be too nervous to attend the ceremony because my kids aren't that quiet

DS - 5! - adopted at birth after infertility, IUI, and IVF; DD - 4! - surprise pregnancy discovered when DS was 8 months old ; Hoping for another soon (actively TTC ~ 2 years)
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#44 of 99 Old 12-07-2006, 12:03 AM
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I disagree. I think that in rare instances, it is important to be "considerate of other people's sexual hangups about women's breasts." If you can avoid creating tension at an event like this by using a cover or finding a private place (thereby making sure your child is happy and well fed), then I think it is a reasonable compromise to make. Someone's wedding is not the time to prove a point or change the world if it will cause unpleasantness, and there is an alternative that will not cause the mother or baby any hardship.
A wedding isn't a "rare instance" -- it is an event, albeit a special one, that happens with great frequency. Moreover, a wedding is the celebration of the decision of two people to unite as a _family_. I think it is entirely reasonable to expect that this celebration of FAMILY accept and expect breastfeeding as part of the normal course of life in a family.

As I said, the OP should do her utmost to keep her son happy and well-fed. If doing THAT is aided by using a cover, or retiring to a secluded location, then by all means, use that approach. But if doing so would add undue hassle and not improve her son's feeding, then fuggedaboutit.

If certain guests or even members of the wedding party were offended by, say, men who had beards or long sideburns, I think anyone would be appalled if it were suggested that the men shave in order to attend the wedding "out of consideration for the other guests". Expecting women to cover up or significantly alter their nursing practices in order to attend a wedding is just as ridiculous, in my estimation.
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#45 of 99 Old 12-07-2006, 12:28 AM
 
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Would, have, whatever. Heck, it was a black tie wedding and I was wearing a wrap front dress that the bride helped me pick out knowing that I'd need to nurse. I just slung a burp rag over my shoulder to cover my breast down to ds's face (not over his head, ew), and went at it. Noone said a word, except my own mother, who was mortified, but I take her opinion on it with a grain of salt since she never nursed longer than 2-3 wks. It may have helped that the groom and some of the guests were doctors (surgeons mostly), so seeing a woman NIP was the least graphic thing they'd seen in awhile, but there were plenty of people who weren't.

Now, the one and only time I ever "hid" to nurse was the time I was a bridesmaid. You know how those dresses are. : I had to unzip it halfway down the back and darn near remove my strapless bra. THAT was a little too much exposure for my comfort. Luckily ds was over a year old and happy to be put off with a sippy of water and some goodies from the buffet and only insisted on nursing once during the reception.

So yeah, bring a sling or put a blanket over your shoulder if you feel like it. Heck, go sit in a corner if it makes you comfortable. But if your ds isn't used to bottles, he's likely to just get fussy, which is way more disruptive to a wedding than NIP.
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#46 of 99 Old 12-07-2006, 12:51 AM
 
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Weddings are a celebration of sex, all the archaic etiquette is just a giant hooter hider for our discomfort with that fact.
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#47 of 99 Old 12-07-2006, 01:13 AM
 
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I'm the woman of honor at my sister's wedding when my DS will be a year. While I don't think he'll nurse a ton, I made sure we found a dress that was somewhat nursing friendly. Won't nurse during the wedding, but will other times.

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#48 of 99 Old 12-07-2006, 09:02 AM
 
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Yes! Nursing a child is not about making a point or political statement or whatever. It is about meeting your child's needs. I can't imagine the screaming or the mess if I tried to give DD a bottle of EBM at a wedding ceremony! I would, however, make sure I picked a nursing-friendly dress where I did not have to take the entire top off to nurse.
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#49 of 99 Old 12-07-2006, 09:18 AM
 
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In a heartbeat. Go, enjoy, and nurse that baby!

Stacy - mom to Lily 5-20-06 , Angel, stillborn @ 25 wks 12-17-07 , and Cami 4-21-09.
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#50 of 99 Old 12-07-2006, 09:22 AM
 
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I can nurse very discreetly so for sure I would. I would just make sure to pick an outfit that allows for discreet nursing.
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#51 of 99 Old 12-07-2006, 09:25 AM
 
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Yes, I would, I have.

Mom of 5 boys- 13, 10, 8, 2 : and newbie Aug. 24th, '09 . babywearing advocate . Cook, baker, homemaker, wife to a man with another woman's kidney (live altruistic, unknown donor).
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#52 of 99 Old 12-07-2006, 03:41 PM
 
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Might I point out, since ckw seems so insistant that a cover would be a good idea, that covering your baby with a blanket draws MORE attention to the fact that you're nursing, not less.
And I would nurse my baby any time, any where and have a good comeback ready for anyone who would dare to tell me not to nurse my baby.
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#53 of 99 Old 12-07-2006, 04:32 PM
 
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Just wanted to say most most bridesmaids and bridal gowns show more breast than almost anyone I've ever seen while nursing. I think you should bring an extra shawl or scarf and offer to give it to whoever complains to cover up the boobs of whoever is showing more than you are while you are nursing, if exposed breast bothers them.

Mom of 5 boys- 13, 10, 8, 2 : and newbie Aug. 24th, '09 . babywearing advocate . Cook, baker, homemaker, wife to a man with another woman's kidney (live altruistic, unknown donor).
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#54 of 99 Old 12-07-2006, 05:44 PM
 
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I would nurse....but then I don't give bottles to my babes, so that wouldn't be an option for me. My kids MUST nurse, they aren't bottlefed. ( and they wouldn't take one either)
Yup. I'm going to a wedding in January (dd will be 8 months) and she doesn't take a bottle, so...NIP it is! That said, at the reception, I will likely find a more secluded place to nurse, because, like a PP, I have a VERY distractable nurser. If I nurse in her in a room full of chatty people, music, etc...I'm just gonna end up with a whole lot of bm running down my clothes and no milk in the baby.

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The question is more like "How many times have I NIP at a wedding"? lol The other question might be, 'How many times have you nursed a flower girl at a wedding?"
You rock.

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In most cases I would probably try not to bring my DD to the ceremony part of a wedding, but if I did, I would nurse her in the church if that is what it took to calm her down/keep her quiet during the nuptials.
Not all weddings take place in a church.
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#55 of 99 Old 12-07-2006, 06:58 PM
 
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i was the last-minute matron of honor at my friend's surprise halloween pirate wedding. i nursed dd (5 months) in her mei tai while they said their vows.

i nurse when and where the baby needs to.

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#56 of 99 Old 12-07-2006, 07:09 PM
 
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I have NIP'd at a wedding. It was no big deal. Tandem NIP at a wedding was a little more tricky though! Most people don't realize what you're doing anyway.
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#57 of 99 Old 12-07-2006, 08:26 PM
 
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I have. It was no biggie. It was BILs wedding. It wasn't *during* the ceremony, though. The wedding was on a yacht, so I nursed her before the ceremony on the couches around the bar, then after the ceremony in the same spot, then during dancing while she was in the sling. I was standing around talking to the cousins and I don't even know if they knew she was nursing! Everyone else was eating and she had to eat. I saw no other option.
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#58 of 99 Old 12-07-2006, 08:30 PM
 
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I nursed dd at a wedding when she was an infant. It wasn't a big deal and I was pretty discrete (it was during a church ceremony).
Now she is 2.5y and she hasn't been to a wedding she can remember. I'm sure she would be much more interested in the bride than nursing, but one never knows!

Happy Mommy to one amazing girl (11y) and one sweet boy (7y), and wife to DH since 7/03 : :
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#59 of 99 Old 12-07-2006, 08:32 PM
 
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FWIW, I did cover up while nursing dd, at least one of the times. H's family is very conservative (read: repressed) and I want them to view bf as something beautiful and natural and not something that makes them feel vaguely uncomfortable. For them, I feel that flashing boob, even a bit, is more likely to make them feel uncomfortable and unaccepting of bf. I don't feel that alienating people by making them feel uncomfortable is the way to further our cause. But that's JMO.
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#60 of 99 Old 12-07-2006, 08:36 PM
 
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In a heartbeat. Go, enjoy, and nurse that baby!
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