Would you NIP at a wedding? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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Old 12-07-2006, 09:37 PM
 
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Just wanted to say most most bridesmaids and bridal gowns show more breast than almost anyone I've ever seen while nursing. I think you should bring an extra shawl or scarf and offer to give it to whoever complains to cover up the boobs of whoever is showing more than you are while you are nursing, if exposed breast bothers them.
Good point. And I can see that I'm making enemies here by having a different take on it (actually not so different--many here have suggested being discreet). Anyway,perhaps I'm being misleading because I'm really not "insistent" on a cover per se. My point is this only: I think someone's wedding is a place to "keep the peace," even if someone else is wrong or misguided. So it might be a situation where one would make some effort to be discreet, even if ordinarily they don't (and shouldn't) give a rat's ass about being discreet.
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Old 12-07-2006, 09:48 PM
 
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Yes, I nurse in public. I have never personally given my dc a bottle of EBM, only others have when I am at work or can't physically be with my babe. There is no "right" answer. Do what you are most comfortable with. Best wishes on enjoying the wedding!
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Old 12-07-2006, 10:19 PM
 
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Sure. I NIP in church all the time anyway...how would it be different at a wedding? I usually have her in my ring sling, and use that to help cover things. Most people just think she is sleeping in there. The way I see it is a discreetly nursing quiet baby is probably appreciated a lot more than a hungry screaming baby during the wedding.

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Old 12-08-2006, 06:56 AM
 
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Add me to the "would and have" group... At my sisters wedding, I was breastfeeding my son while 7 months pregnant with my 2nd daughter... AND I was the videographer... so imagine a 7 month pregnant lady with a 1 year old attatched to the breast while walking around video taping everything, and people's well-wishes to the bride and groom... hehe.. got some funny looks from some younger (20's... my age) folk, but just smiled and loved the remarks from the older folks ("You are such a good mommy, just feeding that little baby of yours")

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Old 12-08-2006, 07:58 AM
 
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I think the most sensable thing to do would be to talk to the bride and groom about it beforehand. inform them that you have a child that is still nursing, and ask if this will cause any problems at the ceremony or reception. if they say no, then there is no problem.

if they have a problem with it, then consider a few things. does your child normally have any problems with being bottle fed? if not, then I dont think its unreasonable to do so as a favor to the bride and groom on their wedding day.

if your child will only drink directly from the breast, and its an issue of feeding your child without causing offense or attending the wedding, i'd inform the bride and groom of the situation and tell them that if you cannot breastfeed your child, then you will not be able to attend.
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Old 12-08-2006, 10:55 AM
 
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Haven't read the other responses - but I did it at a number of weddings - most notably my brother & SIL's in 1993. My bridesmaid dress was peach brocade, two pieces (short sleeved jacket w/BIG shoulders and floor-length skirt) and about a million buttons down the front.

I would NIP anywhere though. Even did it on a parade float. (Two old guys watching it go by "Holy @#%& do you see that!!" ~ "Yeah now I've seen everything...." They were flabbergasted but what's a mom to do?
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Old 12-08-2006, 11:50 AM
 
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I nurse in public anywhere anytime.

"To err is human, to forgive, canine." - Unknown
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Old 12-08-2006, 12:07 PM
 
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I am so tired of the word discreet being thrown around when talking about nursing in public.
Guess what? Every single law, both state and federal, says a woman may nurse her baby and never says a WORD about being "discreet" about it.
Inevitably, someone tosses around the nursing mother who whips her boob out or opens her whole shirt but honestly, I think this is a myth much like the Yeti or the newborn that sleeps through the night.
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Old 12-08-2006, 12:34 PM
 
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I agree with you DID, discreet is not in the language...

I have seen a full breast exposed while nursing once. It was at a MayDay festival and the young mother has her shirt unbuttoned from the top down and had her left breast out. It didn't bother me one bit! She had a very newborn baby - maybe a 2 weeks old - and was working on his latch, making sure he was on correctly. I guess for her, she needed her breast exposed to do this. She seemed perfectly comfortable sitting on the lawn nursing her baby while we chatted. I didn't find it offensive at all (but then again, I'd never find nursing offensive!) But that's the only time I've ever seen it.

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Old 12-08-2006, 01:09 PM
 
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Every single law, both state and federal, says a woman may nurse her baby and never says a WORD about being "discreet" about it.
Ahem, actually, here in Missouri, the law does say "with as much discretion as possible," or something like that.:

However, I would definitely nurse at a wedding, but I also don't feel like you, OP, are doing anything wrong by deciding to take a bottle of EBM to this one event. I think it's nice that you are trying to consider everyone involved. And I'm sure you know that your baby's needs come first, and if for some reason the bottle doesn't cut it for your child (he won't take it, is distressed and needs to comfort nurse, etc.), you'd whip it out and feed in a heartbeat. I do recommend easy access clothing as your backup plan, but don't feel like a cheater or a wimp because you'd rather not NIP in this particular instance.

Whatever you decide, odds are, the bride and groom are gonna have way too many other things on their minds to care, and it's their day. Anyone else who wants to get offended gets a in my book.

Now, since I just realized this wedding was yesterday, I guess my $.02 doesnt matter much. Oh well.


How was the wedding?
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Old 12-08-2006, 01:28 PM
 
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I think the most sensable thing to do would be to talk to the bride and groom about it beforehand. inform them that you have a child that is still nursing, and ask if this will cause any problems at the ceremony or reception. if they say no, then there is no problem.

See, I would never do this. Would you ask if it's okay to give your baby a bottle? Or a pacifier? Of course not. If they invite me (and my child is not excluded, in which case I wouldn't attend) then I will nurse my child when they need to nurse. It is nothing shameful or questionable that I need special permission for.

-Angela
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Old 12-08-2006, 02:00 PM
 
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dis·cre·tion
–noun 1. the power or right to decide or act according to one's own judgment; freedom of judgment or choice:
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Old 12-08-2006, 07:25 PM
 
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dis·cre·tion
–noun 1. the power or right to decide or act according to one's own judgment; freedom of judgment or choice:
But also: 2.quality of being discreet; prudence

discreet: judicious in one's conduct or speech, esp. with regard to maintaining silence about something of a delicate nature

which is clearly what the law means, purely by the context of the way it's written.
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Old 12-08-2006, 07:27 PM
 
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I would and I have

Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

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Old 12-08-2006, 09:35 PM
 
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I think the most sensable thing to do would be to talk to the bride and groom about it beforehand. inform them that you have a child that is still nursing, and ask if this will cause any problems at the ceremony or reception. if they say no, then there is no problem.

if they have a problem with it, then consider a few things. does your child normally have any problems with being bottle fed? if not, then I dont think its unreasonable to do so as a favor to the bride and groom on their wedding day.

if your child will only drink directly from the breast, and its an issue of feeding your child without causing offense or attending the wedding, i'd inform the bride and groom of the situation and tell them that if you cannot breastfeed your child, then you will not be able to attend.
Oh, please!!!


The fact that this is even a thread..or a discussion, indicates to me.....that we are STILL so far from being where we need to be concerning FEEDING OUR BABIES!!.

We are not talking about stripping nude and running around screaming, we are simply feeding our infants, toddlers and children...the best food they will ever consume.

If someone has a problem with your nursing your baby, then it is THEIR lack of understaning and education regarding the very positive results for mom and baby for using their breasts as they were indended.

I dont eat under a tent, I dont expect my kids would like it either...nursing is EATING..if someone feels uncomfortable, then they dont have to look.

Also, covering up a newborn is fairly easy, try it with a 6 month old or a two year old or a 5 year old.....not happening..and why should it!!

Nursing is NORMAL...our culture has fostered the lie that it is not....$$$$$$$$$$$

Mary
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Old 12-09-2006, 12:44 AM
 
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Weddings are a celebration of sex, all the archaic etiquette is just a giant hooter hider for our discomfort with that fact.
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Old 12-09-2006, 01:02 AM
 
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: I NIP everywhere. I would definitely do it at a wedding.

What did the OP end up doing?

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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Old 12-09-2006, 04:02 AM
 
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I remember that we had a nursing mama & baby at our wedding, years ago. We actually seated them close to our table because we felt that nothing could be more auspicious for a wedding than a little nursing baby!
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Old 12-09-2006, 06:11 AM
 
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Oh, please!!!


The fact that this is even a thread..or a discussion, indicates to me.....that we are STILL so far from being where we need to be concerning FEEDING OUR BABIES!!.

We are not talking about stripping nude and running around screaming, we are simply feeding our infants, toddlers and children...the best food they will ever consume.

If someone has a problem with your nursing your baby, then it is THEIR lack of understaning and education regarding the very positive results for mom and baby for using their breasts as they were indended.

I dont eat under a tent, I dont expect my kids would like it either...nursing is EATING..if someone feels uncomfortable, then they dont have to look.

Also, covering up a newborn is fairly easy, try it with a 6 month old or a two year old or a 5 year old.....not happening..and why should it!!

Nursing is NORMAL...our culture has fostered the lie that it is not....$$$$$$$$$$$

Mary

I understand that nursing is perfectly natural, and that these "problems" should not exist.

however, they do exist, and its likely that this person has some sort of relationship with one or both of the people getting married. i just think its not worth ruining a friendship over, and if the bride and groom are that uptight about it then its better to just stay home.
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Old 12-09-2006, 12:23 PM
 
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But a nursing relationship is the most important...

Oh, I'm aware they exist....I work with about 20-30 nursing women a week....working in a lactation center. Also, being involved in a Mayor appointed group..that looked at all the research as to WHY our BF rates are so low.

I'm saying we are perpetuating the belief that nursing is "shameful" if we expect mothers to cover-up, or hide of tell their hosts they are nursing is that OK? Some moms like to go to a quiet corner...but they shouldn't feel like they have too.

I run BF support groups, and just yesterday NIP came up..and frankly..one mom is soo shy and nervous about it because one time, someone gave her a weird look....that she is terrified of nursing her baby in public....her baby is three weeks old, you can bet that fear will impact how long her baby receives human milk.

A nursing mother has the right to nurse her baby....anywhere.

Mary
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Old 12-09-2006, 03:14 PM
 
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amen doula mary!!!

i nursed at my cousin's wedding about 3 months ago, and everyone was so busy celebrating, no one even realized what i was doing (not that i cared anyways). i just made sure i had a wrap dress that allowed easy access.

my thoughts on the whole thing would be (as i'm sure PPs have said) if the child is invited, then there is no need to ask permission to feed them. most people would prefer a quiet, happy, nursing baby over a fussy, grumpy, hungry one any day! i've gotten PLENTY of strange looks, and even a few behind-my-back-but-loud-enough-for-me-to-hear rude comments, and it only makes me more determined to keep on NIP.

ALSO, as an aside, dd has been on strike for 2 months, and before that i wondered if i would have the courage to NIP once she started walking and talking and is "too big" by public standard. now that we're in this situation, i'm determined to NIP WHENEVER SHE WANTS no matter how old she is (if she ever goes back to the breast)!!! you never know how good you've got it until it's gone!
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Old 12-09-2006, 04:31 PM
 
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Old 12-09-2006, 10:37 PM
 
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wow, mary!

i may have to come down to lincoln to meet you now! we've had our differences regarding other topics, but everything you've said here about bf'ing and NIP echoes how i feel

successful #2 Jan. 25th - welcome Maisie Elise!
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Old 12-09-2006, 11:13 PM
 
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If a couple invites someone to their wedding who they know will bring a baby, why wouldn't they expect nursing to be going on? I think it's pretty much a given.
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Old 12-10-2006, 12:29 AM
 
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I think that in rare instances, it is important to be "considerate of other people's sexual hangups about women's breasts." If you can avoid creating tension at an event like this by using a cover or finding a private place (thereby making sure your child is happy and well fed), then I think it is a reasonable compromise to make. Someone's wedding is not the time to prove a point or change the world if it will cause unpleasantness, and there is an alternative that will not cause the mother or baby any hardship.
Feeding one's child is not proving a point. It may well be what "keeps the peace" in terms of helping maintain quiet for the ceremony though.

As for the first part, it's not my/our job to cater to others' mental/psychological problems. They can go get counselling. Their hang-ups do not dictate babies' needs being met.

If the mother and baby are both invited, then the couple would have to be pretty stupid to think that breastfeeding wouldn't be happening.

To answer the OP, did so twice. When DS was 3, I was one of the "bridesmaids" for one of my sisters. Because of the dress choice: A had managed to find a style to accomodate a wide range of sizes, including another sister who was very pregnant, I ended up having to nurse him in our dressing room by hiking the whole blasted dress up. But he wasn't a baby, so it wasn't like he needed to nurse on that regular a basis.

When DD was just 3, I think that was her age..., I sat in the front pew with Mom and Dad, as flower girl wrangler. I nursed her during the cermony while she was sitting with us and had gotten too restless or whatever. Minister looked me in the eye and kept right on going. I was nodding at what he was saying.

Interestingly enough, as an aside, all of us sisters and SILs had chosen, in our own styles, pretty much the same color of off white/ecru dresses.

"What will you do once you know?"
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Old 12-10-2006, 02:53 AM
 
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But a nursing relationship is the most important...
I agree. I'm not suggesting that the child should go hungry! all I'm saying is that if she is worried about a conflict, its better to talk about it before the wedding than after.
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Old 12-10-2006, 02:57 AM
 
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I would and I have! Several weddings in fact. Ds was at his first wedding at age 10 days and about 7 weddings before he was 1!

Megan Davidson, Labor & Postpartum Doula, Breastfeeding Counselor, Anthropologist, Mom to August (9) and Clay (4), Partner to Shawn.

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Old 12-10-2006, 02:58 AM
 
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I am with you doula mary on most everything except that part about it being easy to cover an infant. my infants kicked and get hot very easily!! and, since i was so busy trying to look to make sure that latch was correct, couldn't do that with the blanket unless my head was under it as well. and that might have been more obvious and drawn more attention.... :

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Old 12-10-2006, 03:00 AM
 
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I would and I have. I've also had mommies nursing at my weddings to both husband 1 and husband 2, and it never even crossed my mind to be bothered (of course by wedding #2, I had nursed 3 of my own.)
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Old 12-10-2006, 03:03 AM
 
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I am with you doula mary on most everything except that part about it being easy to cover an infant. my infants kicked and get hot very easily!! and, since i was so busy trying to look to make sure that latch was correct, couldn't do that with the blanket unless my head was under it as well. and that might have been more obvious and drawn more attention.... :
I thought I said, infants DONT like being covered....I always think..coveing your baby while BF is ike a BIG FLAG saying "I'm nursing!"....stare at me!!

Mary
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