erm..breastfeeding and your sex life... - Mothering Forums

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Old 01-19-2007, 06:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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OK, I hope this is a suitable topic for here, it's kind of embarassing to post but I am a huge prude... I'm 5 months pregnant with my first and obviously preparing for (and looking forward to) breastfeeding. However, one thing that's been on my mind is the effect of the 'change of purpose' of my breasts on my relationship with my fella. He's a typical boob obsessed man, and a bit of fondling is always nice for both of us , but already I'm not really wanting to be touched much there, they are overly sensitive and it feels weird.
I guess my question is, does this persist and get worse when one is actually bfing? Can breasts be food for baby and fun for mum and dad at the same time? Or does feeding really alter their 'purpose' completely? I guess in my mind, if I'm feeding and being a bit mauled in that area x times a day, I really can't imagine wanting to be touched there in a sexual way, and I suppose I find that a bit disconcerting. Obviously, it's not going to have any effect on my determination to breastfeed, but I would like to be prepared so it doesn't cause too much upset between us (my DP is very respectful of my body and would be understanding, but probably still a bit put out underneath!). So, any advice or just experience from those who have been there done that?
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Old 01-19-2007, 08:01 AM
 
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Well, I get really sensitive during pregnancy so DH had to make sure he was careful about how much pressure he used.

I'm not sure how much I can say here, but bfing actually helped me. I made a strict, no touching by dh when dd was nursing policy but other than that, handling the breasts more myself during nursing and getting them used to being handled actually made me more sensitive to dh. Also, if it doesn't work out at first, don't despair- your breasts, just like other parts of your body, will change throughout your bfing relationship as far as what you like and don't like. (the same is true during pregnancy). So there's a good chance that any adversion you have will only be temporary.
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Old 01-19-2007, 02:05 PM
 
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For me, the only real problem I have is leaking during intimacy. Luckily dh is very pro-bf'ing and we just laugh it off. He is also a "breast man" and we both enjoy including breasts in our fun times while bf'ing and not. He says that my breasts have a sweet taste to them (not the milk, but the skin) when I'm breastfeeding. It usually takes me a couple of months after the bf'ing relationship is established to want to be intimate in a way that includes my breasts, as at first I do have some conflicted feelings (as does dh).

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Old 01-19-2007, 02:18 PM
 
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My own experiance is that i wanted no part of anyone aside from ds touching my breasts during our breastfeeding years (all THREE of them) then, once I dried up... it was aok again.

But, let me tell you. I had such a personal and feminine awakening, if you will, when my milk came in and I was sustaining another living being w/ my breasts. If teens could know what their bodies are REALLY for (teen girls).. man I look back on how I thought of my body as a teen and younger person and really wish I would have known the real purpose of my breasts back then...
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Old 01-19-2007, 02:28 PM
 
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yeh my boobs are for DD now cause he's afaid of the milk it will be ok now matter what you decide when you start bfing cause if the boobs are off limits he'll find another intimate "hobby"
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Old 01-19-2007, 02:35 PM
 
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Although everyone is different, there does seem to be a consensus - among everyone I know, at least - that once you're nursing, breasts are out the game. You just don't want any kind of non-nursing action there, it's irritating as heck after having the baby on them all day.

And dh will get used to it. Yep, he will. Frankly, if he is lucky enough to actually have an opportunity to have sex with you at all, what with the sleep-deprivation and your most likely total lack of interest, the man won't be complaining about ANYTHING. He will be thrilled to even get in the vicinity.
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Old 01-19-2007, 02:38 PM
 
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I tend to not enjoy including breasts as much for fun while I'm bf'ing. It's not a bad thing, though- when you have toddlers/babies that could wake anytime you find other ways to have fun!
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Old 01-19-2007, 06:15 PM
 
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My breasts are extremly sensative during pregnancy but after the birth they seem to do much better.
I sure dont cut hubby off from the boobs during our lovemaking. THey are one of his biggest turnons. He says the milk is just a bonus. It took him a few kids to decide that but now it does not bother him at all.
I figure that surely it makes him healthier

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Old 01-20-2007, 04:07 PM
 
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It's funny to see this post because my dh and I just had a conversation about this. It went something like this,
dh: "So am I ever going to get to touch those again?"
me: "Maybe a little, but the nipples are off limits. You'll need to ask Astrid (the two year old) when you can have them back"
dh: "Oh. Okay."
Tells Astrid that she is lucky as he walks away.

My breasts did become off limits for sexual reasons when my babies were born. It just didn't feel right for me. Everyone is different, but if you are already feeling that way now you may want to prepare dh. Just gove him extra attention in other ways and introduce him to a new partof you that likes to be touched and h can enjoy like the nape of the neck or small of your back. Let hime know he will get them back someday!!

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Old 01-20-2007, 04:46 PM
 
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Like you'll be in the mood for sex while breastfeeding anyway!

Wasn't there just a thread about the hormone suppression?

I actually really appreciate my Dh touching my breasts these days because it's a nice change from the demanding little person. It's nice to have them fondled instead of pinched, pulled, and gnawed on. By the baby, that is.

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Old 01-21-2007, 10:26 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Like you'll be in the mood for sex while breastfeeding anyway!

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
No wonder some people don't want to breastfeed:

Aaaagh I've been so positive about it and looking forward to nursing and now I'm just becoming terrified of losing my body, and losing our sex life all together. We've only been together 6 months (and I'm 5 months pregnant....ahem. Yes it was a big big accident but we're very happy now!), and sex is still really important to our relationship. Obviously having a tiny baby is going to have some huge ramifications in that department, but I want to limit them as much as I can and sometimes I just get really sad when I realise it's not going to happen.
Err, that has got somewhat off topic, sorry. Thank you for your replies, I guess I'll just have to wait and see how I feel!
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Old 01-21-2007, 10:50 AM
 
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I've been breastfeeding/pumping for 12 weeks now. I am thoroughly enjoying our sex life, and I don't view my breasts any differently now than I did before, except "dang, they're really good at this whole making milk thing!"

I believe it's all a mindset. Because at first, Dh felt guilty for still finding my breasts attractive. As I showed no judgement towards him, and welcomed his first tentative explorations in the area, he has become just as comfortable as I am.

While we no longer find time to have sex every day as before, that's more due to the fact I work at night, him in the day than anything else. If you put your mind on sex with your partner, and think about enjoying it, and if you recognized that men need sex for bonding, you will find yourself plenty interested in your partner.

Hormones can certainly have an effect, but the main effect is your mind. If we were strictly driven by our hormones, we would be nothing but instinctive animals without minds or free will. If you believe that's true, then feel free to ignore your husband's relationship needs. If you believe you're more than an animal, though, then you should focus hard on keeping the health of your relationship high.

You are your child's role models. Model well.
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Old 01-21-2007, 12:59 PM
 
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For me, I was able to separate the two functions. Most of the time they were for baby, but if DH wanted them they were ok for him to use too. lol To a degree- there is a little more sensitvity, so if he is a little rough it could be a problem.
For me though, it was a hormone thing. I was never ever in the mood.
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Old 01-21-2007, 01:07 PM
 
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I was able to seperate the two functions as well. And while I did have a period during pregnancy and in the earlier months with extra sensitivity, I've found that it did not last. I did not have problems with my sex drive nursing my first two and I think the only reason I do now is because I'm a mama of three!
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Old 01-21-2007, 04:16 PM
 
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my nipples were very sensitive during pregnancy but were less so after I gave birth. I never experienced what some women refer to as being "touched out". When ds was asleep I took that opportunity to shift roles and have fun with my boyfriend. I never had any problems seeing my breasts as functional and pleasurable and neither did he. Some people get turned off by leaking breasts but honestly that was...umm...not the case at all with us

A lot of it is psychological IMO, some people have a hard time with the whole madonna-whore complex. Some women get stuck in one role and have a hard time shifting from being a mama to "me" time but if you are already aware of that then I don't think you'll have much of a problem.

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Old 01-21-2007, 05:08 PM
 
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I think this stuff is just diferent for everybody.

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and The Nurture Center Store and Resource Center 3399 Mt Diablo Bl Lafayette CA 888-998-BABY
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Old 01-21-2007, 05:11 PM
 
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Originally Posted by beatee View Post
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
No wonder some people don't want to breastfeed:
I don't think it's the nursing that kills the sex drive for some people, it's the round the clock care of a tiny, squawling, sleepless human.

Not everyone loses their sex drive tho! You just have to wait and see how it is for you, and also how you feel about having your breasts touched.
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Old 01-21-2007, 05:28 PM
 
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Bfing doesn't put a damper on dh and I.

I have been bfing for 7 years not the same child though I have been preggo 5 times
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Old 01-21-2007, 05:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by beatee View Post
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
No wonder some people don't want to breastfeed:

Aaaagh I've been so positive about it and looking forward to nursing and now I'm just becoming terrified of losing my body, and losing our sex life all together. We've only been together 6 months (and I'm 5 months pregnant....ahem. Yes it was a big big accident but we're very happy now!), and sex is still really important to our relationship. Obviously having a tiny baby is going to have some huge ramifications in that department, but I want to limit them as much as I can and sometimes I just get really sad when I realise it's not going to happen.
Err, that has got somewhat off topic, sorry. Thank you for your replies, I guess I'll just have to wait and see how I feel!
Don't cry yet! I had similar fears but have been very pleased with how things turned out. I found pregnancy interfered way more than breastfeeding.

My nipples were very sensitive during pregnancy and that reduced my desire for them to receive attention during sex. Once my supply regulated and I stopped leaking (maybe around 3 mo post partum) I have had no problem using them both to nurse Ds and for sexual enjoyment. Honestly, a waking baby has had far more impact on my sex life than anything else.
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Old 01-21-2007, 08:04 PM
 
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Well, I agree that it's different for everyone.

I'm NOT a big fan of DH touching my breasts even when I'm not preggo. They just don't "do it" for me. And while I'm preggo pretty much forget it. They're way too sore.

But as it turns out once we get past the new nursing/sore nipples stage I'm fine with him handling my breasts while nursing. In fact, if anything I enjoy it more than when I'm NOT nursing. We have a running joke about the "nipples of steel" I have when nursing. Basically I think I'm really over sensitive about my breasts normally, but all the handling and toughening up that happens during nursing sort of evens it out for me.

So really you'll just have to wait & see how both of you feel about it. DH is also not bothered in the least by milk, but I do know men who that's a real turn off for. Again, it just depends on your individual bodies & preferences.

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Old 01-22-2007, 12:42 AM
 
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I really had a "please don't touch" policy for dh after dd was born. I think this was due in part to the fact that I was battling ductal yeast for the first 5 months. My breasts literally burned and stung and it was really uncomfortable just to have them attached to my body, much less being nursed from or touched! Dh and I talked about it and he was so understanding. After that, I would let him know if I felt it was OK. Things really returned to "normal" (pre-partum levels) when AF returned at 19m pp. I'm sure it was a hormonal shift.

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Old 01-22-2007, 06:09 PM
 
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I was really happy when DH expressed a complete lack of inhibition about loving my (soon to be) breastfeeding breasts. While I don't know yet how post-partum and babycare will affect my sex drive I'm hoping we'll both want to continue. One thing I did discover since I became pregnant (maybe TMI for some)--it feels much better to have the whole areola sucked, played with, etc. rather than just the nipple, so it seems partners can benefit from a little instruction in latching on too.
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Old 01-23-2007, 12:28 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Amris View Post
I believe it's all a mindset. Because at first, Dh felt guilty for still finding my breasts attractive. As I showed no judgement towards him, and welcomed his first tentative explorations in the area, he has become just as comfortable as I am.

While we no longer find time to have sex every day as before, that's more due to the fact I work at night, him in the day than anything else. If you put your mind on sex with your partner, and think about enjoying it, and if you recognized that men need sex for bonding, you will find yourself plenty interested in your partner.

Hormones can certainly have an effect, but the main effect is your mind. If we were strictly driven by our hormones, we would be nothing but instinctive animals without minds or free will. If you believe that's true, then feel free to ignore your husband's relationship needs. If you believe you're more than an animal, though, then you should focus hard on keeping the health of your relationship high.

You are your child's role models. Model well.
Well, big on opinion and hooey.

Good for you that hormones associated with nursing haven't damped your sex life. For some women that just isn't the case and I can assure you it is not "in our minds."

The whole "more then an animal thing" I am not even going to address because it is so obnoxious.
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Old 01-23-2007, 01:25 AM
 
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Okay, I'm different than most of these ladies, but maybe because I had to pump vs. breastfeed (nicu baby). Too much pressure was an issue, but it really didn't hinder our normal sex routine at all. When I'm with DH, I'm not in baby mode, and vice versa. Now at first, I had a real hard time with milk pouring out, but it didn't take long for that to stop occurring (or at least go to a minimal drip here and there). I showed him how I manually expressed milk, and told him not to handle me like that - or get milk in his face. Other than that, no issues.

Now, this go around, I have faith that I'm going to be able to actually breastfeed and retire ol' bessy (the pump). So I'm not sure if my body/mind will respond differently. I hope not - we both enjoy boobplay - but baby does come first, and that's without question.
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Old 01-23-2007, 11:42 AM
 
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I had no problem with breast sensitivity during pregnancy so they were fair game up until DD was born. Now they're still sort of off limits. It gets better all the time, I couldn't bear for DH to even look at them some days and now I don't mind if he touches them but not kissing/sucking -- it's still too weird for me to see him do that.

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Old 01-23-2007, 05:12 PM
 
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Well, big on opinion and hooey.

Good for you that hormones associated with nursing haven't damped your sex life. For some women that just isn't the case and I can assure you it is not "in our minds."

The whole "more then an animal thing" I am not even going to address because it is so obnoxious.
Thank you!!! I hope the OP has more luck with the hormone issue than I have, but if she doesn't, I hope she knows that it is NOT HER FAULT. :
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Old 01-24-2007, 06:18 AM
 
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I'm bfing my 5 month old dd and also still nursing ds at bedtime (he's 3). It took two years for dh to get comfortable touching them after ds was born. He was just a little weirded out by the milk I guess. But now he thinks its *fun*. I have crazy sensitive skin (like, I can't stand having any part of my skin rubbed, hands, fingers, legs, etc) for more than a second or two, but my nipples are (and have always been) pretty un-feeling. Thank God! So the sensitivity thing doesn't bug me. But for the first two years of bfing I sooo wanted dh just to dive in and touch them and he didn't until I finally asked him to.

I think the sex drive thing is very individual also. Mine was not affected at all after ds was born, but it was slightly lessened after dd was born for a few months. Its back on in full force now though!
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Old 01-24-2007, 06:49 AM
 
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In my experience they are out of play for the first few months and then I am happy to bring them back in later.

The feeling of your partner sucking is dramatically different than your child.

Mom of a 7 yr old, 4 yr old, and 1 yr old. Wow. How did that happen?
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Old 01-24-2007, 07:20 AM
 
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I've been breastfeeding/pumping for 12 weeks now. I am thoroughly enjoying our sex life, and I don't view my breasts any differently now than I did before, except "dang, they're really good at this whole making milk thing!"

I believe it's all a mindset. Because at first, Dh felt guilty for still finding my breasts attractive. As I showed no judgement towards him, and welcomed his first tentative explorations in the area, he has become just as comfortable as I am.

While we no longer find time to have sex every day as before, that's more due to the fact I work at night, him in the day than anything else. If you put your mind on sex with your partner, and think about enjoying it, and if you recognized that men need sex for bonding, you will find yourself plenty interested in your partner.

Hormones can certainly have an effect, but the main effect is your mind. If we were strictly driven by our hormones, we would be nothing but instinctive animals without minds or free will. If you believe that's true, then feel free to ignore your husband's relationship needs. If you believe you're more than an animal, though, then you should focus hard on keeping the health of your relationship high.

You are your child's role models. Model well.
Im not sure what to even say to that
Quote:
Quote:
Originally Posted by LolaK

Well, big on opinion and hooey.

Good for you that hormones associated with nursing haven't damped your sex life. For some women that just isn't the case and I can assure you it is not "in our minds."

The whole "more then an animal thing" I am not even going to address because it is so obnoxious.

Quote:
Originally Posted by momof1sofar

Thank you!!! I hope the OP has more luck with the hormone issue than I have, but if she doesn't, I hope she knows that it is NOT HER FAULT.
:
Back to the original poster...You'll figure out what you like/comfortable with. For me it varied dramatically from babe to babe. My hormones definatly took the nookie for a nose dive for a couple months after my second child. This time not so much
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Old 01-24-2007, 07:22 AM
 
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Originally Posted by kittycat9 View Post
Now, this go around, I have faith that I'm going to be able to actually breastfeed and retire ol' bessy (the pump). So I'm not sure if my body/mind will respond differently. I hope not - we both enjoy boobplay - but baby does come first, and that's without question.
That is TOTALLY what I called my pump too I feel a new thread coming on..."what did you name your pump"
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