An interesting, sad reason many women do not breastfeed - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 47 Old 05-25-2007, 08:51 PM
 
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I am foggy brained right now, so I hope I get this out right.... I think breastfeeding is something that many people want so badly for other people to do that they sometimes are reluctant to be frank about any difficulties. Or people downplay anything possibly negative, thinking it will discourage a woman from even trying to bf in the first place.

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#32 of 47 Old 05-25-2007, 11:08 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Lissybug View Post
I am foggy brained right now, so I hope I get this out right.... I think breastfeeding is something that many people want so badly for other people to do that they sometimes are reluctant to be frank about any difficulties. Or people downplay anything possibly negative, thinking it will discourage a woman from even trying to bf in the first place.
This is proably true, but I know that I would rather know about the pain firsthand....I feel like the same thing is true about childbirth....I would of rather had been prepared for that kind of pain, instead most people kept telling me that I'd be able to work through it...
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#33 of 47 Old 05-25-2007, 11:31 PM
 
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I was really frustrated because everyone told me, "if it hurts, you're doing it wrong."

I agree that people should KNOW it might hurt. Seriously, NCB mamas - would you ever tell a potential NCBer, "Oh, no, it didn't hurt at all - I didn't feel a thing!" or would you rather be honest and say "Sure, it was intense, and it was hard work, but I don't regret my choice." KWIM?

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#34 of 47 Old 05-26-2007, 05:24 AM
 
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It is a basic fact that many women feel initial pain and disconfort while bf'ing. But to give it up altogether would seem to be a situation of inappropriate or lack of briefing by professionals, peer group and relations. The baby does miss the essential nutrients as well as immunities. I have come across some women who continue to bf even though they don't get rid of some pain for other reasons as well. The reward is too great to give up.
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#35 of 47 Old 05-26-2007, 05:43 AM
 
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I think it is more than just pain - i think it is ignorance. I know that if I had read up on breastfeeding and its benefits and had seen this forum before I had my first child which I gave up breastfeeding after three weeks with because it was just too hard and I had had three infections. It was because of my ignorance that I got those infections and that it was so hard to breastfeed. LOL i was pumping cuz i was engorged between feedings and didnt realize that it would make me even more engorged :

I was so uneducated that it was inevitable I would quit and I did. I feel so rotten about it now but it was lack of knowledge on breastfeeding. now that I think about it, I dont even know why I didnt read up on breastfeeding at the time I got pregnant...young and stupid , I guess...oh well, now I know better.

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#36 of 47 Old 05-26-2007, 05:53 AM
 
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Originally Posted by steph76 View Post
That is what concerns me when people state how easy bf is.
Sure it is for some. But not everyone. What if your only IRL bf support had an easy time and you have complications.

That is one reason when I advocate I let people know that the start can be painful, but with help and support most are able to work thru it.
And when you do work thru the problems you will be sooo happy!!
Haven't read the whole thread, but this one stopped me.

My dd and I tried for 8 weeks. It was horrible. My mother had no problems lacking her ds or I. But I, for the life of me, was in pain. Probably sore nips that got worse. I expected difficulties at the start, I didn't expect a bad latch (thank you epidural or sore nips to the point of infection. All the same, I gave up and EP'ed dd until 12-13 months (now 3.5 yo.)
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#37 of 47 Old 05-26-2007, 06:00 AM
 
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Dang, it hurt more than my c-section, and went on for 6 weeks! But I was bound and determined. I knew how important it was for my DS, so I kept at it. And it did get to be painless over time. I tell my friends the truth, that it was the hardest thing I've ever done, but also the most worthwhile, and what I am most proud of in my life.

I've said this before, but I 'd really like to see pre-partum counseling sessions with a lactation consultant be a standard part of prenatal care. I think lots of Moms would do much better knowing what is going to happen ahead of time.

Yes, yes, and YES!

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#38 of 47 Old 05-26-2007, 11:14 AM
 
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I'm just grateful that a friend of mine warned me that yes, bf hurts at first, but it gets better. I'd kept hearing, as many of you did, that "if it hurts, you're doing it wrong!" and that would have really discouraged me without my friend's support.
She put it to me this way: "If someone suddenly started sucking on your elbows for six hours a day, your elbows would get sore, so I don't know why people aren't told to expect sore nipples!"
It hurt terribly, the first few days. My nipples bled and cracked. Then my milk came in, and all was well for about two weeks. And then we got thrush and WOW is that ever painful. Once the thrush started getting better, I got hit with mastitis.
I can say I'm glad that I nursed through all of it, and am still nursing. But I don't think I'd ever tell anyone else that they had to do it. The thrush/mastitis combo has made me pretty sympathtic to the people who elect to switch to formula because of pain.
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#39 of 47 Old 05-26-2007, 01:51 PM
 
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Originally Posted by sonrisaa29 View Post
This is proably true, but I know that I would rather know about the pain firsthand....I feel like the same thing is true about childbirth....I would of rather had been prepared for that kind of pain, instead most people kept telling me that I'd be able to work through it...
Yes, yes that's what I mean- it can be detrimental to NOT tell the whole truth about things. I had ds at home and I'd read a bunch of childbirth books, but so many of them had somehow glossed over the intense pain of it. I was so grateful for my grandmothers stories of birth (she said she thought You've Got to Be Kidding!!! about the pain, but had quick successful births) During my labor I could think back on her words and not get freaked out because it hurt so much, and instead go with it and believe I could do it.

I think the same can be useful for breastfeeding, so a mom who is having a hard time or a ton of pain doesn't think- oh well I guess my body just can't do it, or just feel like she was lied to ahead of time.

I mean bfing ISN'T always hard, but people should hear about the range of experiences a woman can have and still have a successful bfing relationship.

Mama to James 4-05 and Leland 7-07, and feeling so privileged to be growing kiddo #3 due in September!
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#40 of 47 Old 05-26-2007, 03:30 PM
 
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I've heard too many stories like this. I'm such a baby about pain! I get so scared about it. I don't even like stubbing my toe! Yet, I homebirth and breastfeed. And let me tell you, the afterpains get worse with each baby. They latch on and you go into labor all over again for days! I wanted to pump for my first cause I didn't like the sensation of my breasts, especially my nipples being touched. Well, be careful what you wish for. He wouldn't latch for 4 weeks and I had to pump alot until I got a nipple shield. Now I'm just grateful that they seem to come out and pop on, no problems.

Anyway, we will not solve this problem until we solve the overall selfishness and "microwave" mindset of modern society.

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#41 of 47 Old 05-26-2007, 03:37 PM
 
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Originally Posted by RootSnort View Post
Dang, it hurt more than my c-section, and went on for 6 weeks! But I was bound and determined. I knew how important it was for my DS, so I kept at it.

I've said this before, but I 'd really like to see pre-partum counseling sessions with a lactation consultant be a standard part of prenatal care. I think lots of Moms would do much better knowing what is going to happen ahead of time.
Exactly how I felt! Stubborness...maybe. I wante to do it cuz it was right...no matter what obstacle lay in my way. I don't think enough people think like that.

Maybe if moms are more prepared....they'd be more successful.

On a side note....it was really tuff for me the first 2 weeks and DH was So supportive it made a huge difference. Moms need support after they have their baby so they have all the time they need to focus on baby at first!
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#42 of 47 Old 06-07-2007, 10:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Why the " for "too painful" ? You don't believe people? I don't really understand why anyone would feel it's appropriate to judge someone else's pain tolerance level.
Um...My pain was excruciating. For BF and birth, so if I had really been judging, it would have been utterly hypocritical. Also, read my new thread in Birth and Beyond about pain tolerance. I felt like I was dying. And with breasfeeding that first week, pretty close to feeling the same way.
I've noticed that many people on here tend to get easily offended. It's frustrating.

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#43 of 47 Old 06-07-2007, 10:20 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Mommyofwills View Post
I personally wish someone would have told me in that first week that the pain would not last forever. I have breastfed consistently since he was born, but I honestly thought it would stay painful!!
I remember feeling very disenchanted with breastfeeding because I had done a lot of reading and attended classes and was trying to do everything like the books said in relation to positioning and latch, and I went to the breastfeeding clinic at the hospital and was told it was positioning and latch. Very frustrating!

I had been participating in the April 1999 moms on Parent Soup on AOL, but I headed over to the May moms board, figuring there would be more moms at my level of breastfeeding. And I said, "This really hurts, please tell me it gets better." I had a number of moms say, "Oh yeah, it always hurt me in the beginning, but hang in there, it DOES get better." And sure enough it did!

It took me several years of attending LLL meetings to realize that the pain I was feeling actually wasn't normal and was a sign of a problem. It wasn't until I had my second child and there was pain, but my nipples didn't get damaged, that I realized the normal tenderness vs. the pain that was the sign of a problem.
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#44 of 47 Old 06-07-2007, 10:38 PM
 
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It does hurt. And it gets more painful with each subsequent child. I remember BFing my son at the hospital and those pains were intense and even though I knew that this was a good thing b/c it was helping bring in my milk supply and helping my uterus shrink, I was thinking, "oh no! labor is starting again!"

Oh, the afterbirth pains? Yeah, I didn't notice anything like that with my first, but I definitely noticed it with my second, and I was actually getting a little upset there for awhile because I was thinking I was done with labor, but it felt almost like contractions starting again.
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#45 of 47 Old 06-07-2007, 10:50 PM
 
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I screamed at pain at latch on for the first two weeks (my husband had to leave the room when I did it becuase he couldn't stand it)
Oh wow, I remember doing that. Screaming and saying the F word and glaring angrily. I figured my kid would never have a nursing strike since she would just figure screaming was part of breastfeeding. And my husband would tell me, "I think she's hungry again" and I was so angry at him and telling him no, no, no!
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#46 of 47 Old 06-07-2007, 11:08 PM
 
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I was doing ok pain wise the first 2 days at home. I started using a nipple shield, so I could heal form the time or 2 she ahd her latch wrong. Then the lc's told me to sotp using the chield, as my duaghter was losing weight. After thatm thepain was worse than ever. It was indescribable. And it srated lasting the whoole feeding, where intially, it was only the first 30 seconds to a minute. It got so bad, sometimes, I simply couldn't force myself to latch her on. I would try, and nop matter hwo hard I tried, sometimes I'd pull away at the last second.

I would have continued thru that if she was getting enough, but she wasn't. She has dehydrated, losing wight, and the laqst ime she nursed, she pulled of screaming with hunger. So I gave her a bottle. I tried pumping, but I got less & less each time i pumped, not more. And pumping started hurting too.

I abolutely would try again with another child, and I think it'll work next time. Obviously, no guarantees, but I think it will. Next time I would supplementing sooner, and keep using the nipple shield awhile longer. (well, assuming I had similar problems. Hopefully I can avoid having to use it at all)

I think more women may have problems like I did, rather than just "it hurt, so I quit:. When I tried to tell people, they'd interupt, tell me pain was normal, and how they breastfed thru it, so I never got to finish my story.

I can't even type out just how beyond awful ti was, as I start crying too hard to type, and it was almost 2 years ago.

When I tell people now, if they want details, I jsut say I couldn't let down. (true, and why I switched to formula. However, i think pain may have affected that.

I know I did my best, and under the circumstances, and with what information I could get at the time, there was no other choice. But it makes me very angry that all other people heard was "it hurt so I quit" which was SOOOO not the way it was.
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#47 of 47 Old 06-08-2007, 02:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by huggerwocky View Post
Why the " for "too painful" ? You don't believe people? I don't really understand why anyone would feel it's appropriate to judge someone else's pain tolerance level.

The quotation marks were because those are LITERALLY the words that I've heard women use. They would literally, myself included, use the phrase "too painful". Can't something be literal? Those marks were not used in the "they just THINK it's too painful". You misunderstood.

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