I seriously fear my ability to nurse another baby.... - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-17-2007, 10:22 PM
 
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Oh my gosh, I am so relieved to read this! I thought I was the ONLY person who didn't LOVE breastfeeding, evenwithout pain. It drove me nuts after a while. I think I have weird issues with my nipples, since the moment I got pregnant with DS I have not wanted DH looking at, let alone touching, my breasts. it felt... wrong. Yeah, creepy crawly is right, and really just sort of dirty. I know that's probably psychological, I just thought something was wrong with me, so didn't want ot admit it. I feel much, much better knowing someoneelse out there feels this way.

I don't think we're bad. In fact, I've always been proud that I breast fed as long as I did, which is not nearly as long as you did. I REALLY didn't want my son to get a feeling that I was grossed out, annoyed, disgusted with nursing beause I didn't want it to make him feel bad about HIM. So we weaned. I don't regret that decision either, as my son is very sensitive to every mood and whim of mine and DH's.

j
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Old 11-16-2007, 09:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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SUPPORT ONLY PLEASE.

so, she's 3.5 months old now and has been exclusively breastfed, and we don't use pacifiers.

Everything has gone OK so far, but I'm already at the point where I hate it again. Every time I have to nurse her I grit my teeth and I want to scream (or run away). I'm "too smart" to turn to formula, but I feel like if I have to keep nursing her I'm going to lose my mind. I just hate it.

Is there a magic way to get through this?

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Old 11-16-2007, 10:13 PM
 
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Could you be pregnant?
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Old 11-16-2007, 10:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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it's crossed my mind and gawd, I sure hope not.

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Old 11-16-2007, 11:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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nope, I'm not.

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Old 11-17-2007, 12:24 AM
 
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I just read through this entire thread, had no idea it was from months back. Anyway I've had/have some of those feelings too and yet I have no advice as to how I got over them.
However, I was wondering have you ever had any kind of long(ish) break from the kids? Perhaps you are just totally burnt out ..I know for me I'd dread being strapped to a seat doing nothing but nursing for 1/2 an hour at a time, I just wanted to escape and I couldn't and the anger/discomfort/rage came out on nursing.

When I became assertive enough to (FINALLY) say to dh "I'm leaving. I need a break. I will lose my mind if I'm here for one more second. The kids are fed. Do something with them" and leave the house and go out shopping, buy something for myself, I even visit friends now AFTER the kids are in bed and stay hours talking without interuption. I come back totally renewed and bubbly and ready to see "my babies". For me I found the key was getting OUT of the house, though. Being home and taking an extra long bath just got me sleepy and I'd feel like I wasted time. *shrugs*

Could you try getting a 2 hour break or so? Go to a bookstore and read a book or magazine cover to cover (I love doing that), grab a favourite drink, call your friend to meet up, etc.

*hugs* I've been there. I totally get every word of what you mentioned in your first post. Somehow I got through it, but honestly with the next one I'll be on the lookout for those awful feelings and act on them ASAP because, for me, it just got worse as the days went by and I had no kid-free time at all..

HTH a little, if nothing more than support and knowing you're not the only one..

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Old 11-17-2007, 02:10 AM
 
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Holly I have no advice but you wrote you wanted support so I wanted to let you know I support you 100% whatever you end up doing!

Big hugs. You are such a caring, loving mom. Whatever happens it will be okay.
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Old 11-17-2007, 02:19 AM
 
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We too batt;ed thrush for over two months. Ds was in the NICU and his thrush was systemic. I went on a low sugar low yeast diet and bothof us took probiotics. We used the nystatin on ds. Tried gentian violet. I am telling you all of this in case it happens again. Probiotics can make a HUGE difference. When we had thrush ds could not nurse. My mother, an LC had to syringe feed him. I realized that if I were any other mama they probably would haver thrown the towel in. Thankfully I had A LOT of support. So any support you need redhen you can get it here. My ds is till almost all EBM too. He still nurses 8-10 times a day most of which ahppen at the expense of my sleep. He spends a lot of the night on the nipple as well. I know it can be verty taxing but you can do it. A lotof us have been were you are and know what it is like to havea very high need babe. Hopefully the next one wiol use their thumd and give you a rest once in a while. Good Luck. PM if you need positive affirmations.

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Old 11-17-2007, 10:26 AM
 
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Big hugs!!! I'm pretty new to this board but I wanted to let you know you aren't alone!! I had serious issues with both kids (not going to hijack your thread ) But I feel like I persevered through SO MUCH difficulty to successfully brestfeed them that I totally mentally damaged myself! I'm pregnant again and the thought of putting another baby to my breast makes me panic. I'm doing everything I can to prepare to breastfeed again, and it's harder than anything. It's so hard to explain. Please PM me if you want to talk!!!!

Emily
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Old 11-17-2007, 04:21 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redhen View Post
SUPPORT ONLY PLEASE.

so, she's 3.5 months old now and has been exclusively breastfed, and we don't use pacifiers.

Everything has gone OK so far, but I'm already at the point where I hate it again. Every time I have to nurse her I grit my teeth and I want to scream (or run away). I'm "too smart" to turn to formula, but I feel like if I have to keep nursing her I'm going to lose my mind. I just hate it.

Is there a magic way to get through this?
I'm so sorry, I wish there was an easy way to get through this.

I don't really have any genius ideas for you...if I was in the situation I'd consider constitutional treatment by a very experienced very competent homeopath. I personally recommend the one at http://www.homeopathicare.org -- she has about 30 years experience and everyone who I have referred to her has had excellent results with their chronic illnesses, mood and emotional issues, etc.

HTH!
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Old 11-18-2007, 01:27 PM
 
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Some common things that can cause irritation with nursing are--low/no supply, pregnancy, bc pills, rapid weight loss, stress.
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Old 11-19-2007, 06:14 AM
 
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This may or may not be helpful. Is there any way you can sling your baby while nursing and do something else at the same time to take your mind off of nursing? I know when I want to be doing something else and all I can do is nurse my daughter it makes the experience unpleasant and frustrating.

ETA: Maybe you could set mini goals for yourself. So instead of looking at it as at least 8.5 more months of nursing you can commit to two weeks (or what ever interval makes you more comfortable) then reevaluate whether you want to EP or get donor milk. Maybe looking at it in shorter intervals will help psychologically.

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Old 11-19-2007, 02:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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After I posted the other day I went and got a pregnancy test and a couple different kinds of pacifiers right away. I'm not pregnant (that I know of, but we have not been careful and I really don't want to be pregnant so we're going to start). I think my biggest frustration is comfort nursing... the sensastion drives me absolutely crazy. When my breasts are full and she's chugging away nursing her is a relief and I enjoy it to some degree, but when we get to that time every night where she just wants to comfort nurse for two hours straight I want to scream. She had zero interest in the pacifiers, she looked disgusted. Honestly, I'm a bit glad, because I really hate them (no judgement to anyone who uses them, I just don't want to use them with my children).

I do have a lot of stress and I am losing weight, and I feel like I'm having some small supply issues, in spite of what kellymom says "this doesn't mean you're having supply issues" .... or maybe she's having a huge growth spurt. I started taking fenugreek 2 weeks ago to help out with that. She is hugely fat and pees & poops plenty, so I DO have a supply. I don't feel like my weight loss is drastic or too fast, I've lost about 12 pounds in the last month using weight watchers for nursing moms (I eat all of my points and usually use my "bonus points" too). I excersize, but not excessively (we walk about 2.5-3 miles every morning and I do 5-10 minutes of free weights or floor excersizes in the afternoon). My stress is that my husband is working 70+ hours a week right now. He usually works 60 and not having Sundays off just really, really sucks.

Anyway, I downloaded Ms. Pacman for my phone and I play that when I'm nursing her so I have something to distract me, it seems to help a bit. I'm considering pumping part time or EPing, but I worry that I'll lose my supply and it will all go downhill from there. I'm just trying to stick with it for now, and set small goals like the pp said. I'm telling myself I *can* quit any time, if I really need to. A non-mom friend of mine (because, REALLY, moms can be so hard on eachother) pointed out that my mental health is just as important as anyone else's health in my family.

Thanks for all of the comments and support ... keep them coming, I need it! s

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Old 11-19-2007, 02:19 PM
 
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Don't have any advice, just thought you could use a and a . You are doing great!

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Old 11-19-2007, 04:29 PM
 
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12 pounds in a month is too fast for a nursing mom. You shouldn't lose more than 1 pound a week. Any more than a pound per week and the toxins stored in your fat cells are secreted in your milk in too high a concentration. Also, the extra estrogen released from the fat might cause the irritation while nursing feeling.
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Old 11-19-2007, 04:41 PM
 
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That is pretty fast. Have you have your thyroid checked at all? Hyperthyroid can make you lost weight super fast, despite having a large appetite. It can definitely lead to irritability/sensitive skin/creepy crawliness.
It's fairly common after having a baby.

Hope things get better for you!
*hugs*

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Old 11-19-2007, 04:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I've only lost 1-2 pound a week for the last couple weeks, when you first start dieting/losing weight you shed a bunch of water weight in the beginning. But if you want to go back to the end of my pregnancy, I've lost over 30 lbs since giving birth 3 months ago.... so maybe you're right, that probably is too fast. The holidays are here now, so I doubt I'll keep shedding it so quickly, but I'll make it a point not to loose it so fast.

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