I seriously fear my ability to nurse another baby.... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 47 Old 06-20-2007, 01:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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... because by the time my daughter weaned, I HATED breastfeeding her with an absolute passion. And it is SO HARD to say that.

I was on abx during her (otherwise unmedicated) hospital birth, which resulted in us dealing with thrush for over four months. I trucked through it, never feeling that there was any other option. Really, we got through that OK. I think what did me in is that she had zero interest in any sort of solids until she was almost 11 months old. I started offering solids (first home made baby food, then things like avo, banana, yogurt, then store bought food) when she was around 6.5 months old and everything was either spit out or she gagged and vomited. So obviously, she wasn't ready until she became interested. We never gave her EBM in a bottle, so for the first 11 months of her life she was to the "purest" definition of the phrase Exclusively Breastfed. We also never used a pacifier, and she often comfort nursed for hours on end.

We started night weaning around a year, which I thought would help with my frustration, but I got to the point that nursing her literally made me want to jump out of my skin (or out the window). We really (positively) never had latch issues- her latch was always perfect, but I really, really, really could not stand the sensation of her nursing by around 15 months. We weaned when she was down to around twice a day by 17 months and when I seriously just couldn't handle even 30 seconds of it.

I had originally planned to let her self-wean, so for a while I felt like a miserable failure. In retrospect, I'm quite proud of how far we made it and honestly don't see myself nursing any of my future kids past 18-24ish months, it's definitely what feels right for me/my family.

But since then ANY nipple stimulation makes me nauseous... my husband touching them, clothes rubbing against them, my daughter grazing them while climbing on me, anything. I am trying to be positive and think good thoughts about it and get excited about nursing the new baby, but honestly I am dreading it and am totally afraid that I simply won't be able to do it. I really do not want to be an exlusive pumper- I want our nursing relationship to be a sucessful one. We are UCing, but I have a local midwife who is willing to be a lactation consultant for me after the birth if needed.

PLEASE help!

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#2 of 47 Old 06-20-2007, 01:25 PM
 
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You can do it! You weaned your dd at the hardest part. It gets better from there. A LOT better.

-Angela
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#3 of 47 Old 06-20-2007, 02:32 PM
 
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I don't have any suggestions, but I just want to say thanks for being so honest about your feelings and reactions. I was an exclusive pumper for 11 months, and my dp is just bummed because even though I stopped pumping about 4 months ago, I just can't stand him touching my nipples. I don't want any kind of stimulation either. I just cringe and freeze up. Anyway, I hope lots of moms have good advice for you. I hope when the new baby comes, the whole hormonal thing will make you motivated and feel positive about nursing. I hear prolactin is very relaxing...anyway just best wishes to you.
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#4 of 47 Old 06-20-2007, 06:28 PM
 
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Sounds so hard and I have no advice except I would eliminate comfort nursing and possibly introduce a pacifier. I know they are a big no-no, but if doing so will make you a happier mom and allow you to nurse, I think it would have a role and value. Good luck.
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#5 of 47 Old 06-20-2007, 06:37 PM
 
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Sounds so hard and I have no advice except I would eliminate comfort nursing and possibly introduce a pacifier. I know they are a big no-no, but if doing so will make you a happier mom and allow you to nurse, I think it would have a role and value. Good luck.
Comfort nursing establishes supply.

-Angela
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#6 of 47 Old 06-20-2007, 06:59 PM
 
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beinbg also pregant.

I am wondering if the adversion you have to nipple stim NOW is just the pregant thing.... a lot of moms who are nurseing through pregancy feel "creepy crawly" while nurseing, and I know i don't like latch on and while i get joy form nurseinghim, it is NOT the same as it was before that home test turned pos

I am wondering if

1. you are focuseing on the NEG of the last time... the thrush, the feeling overwelmed at 2 hours nurseing sessions.

2. you are feeling anxious about two kids, and the nurseing conmittment to baby while older child to care for too

3, the pregancy horomons are making your breast anti-touch.

I have faith you can get over all this -- and have a GREAT nurseing relationship

Aimee

Aimee + Scott = Theodore Roosevelt (11/05) and 23 months later Charles Abraham (10/07)....praying for a little sister; the search starts May 2014
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#7 of 47 Old 06-20-2007, 07:19 PM
 
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Originally Posted by alegna View Post
Comfort nursing establishes supply.

-Angela
I didn't read that she had a real supply issue. But I would think that she could maintain supply with a few pumping sessions rather than long irritating nursing sessions. I just don't think that's healthy for anyone to be doing something that is so irritating and depressing. It seemed like she was looking for ways to make it an easier experience so she could breastfeed and I would have to say that would be one area I would eliminate. I comfort nurse and it hasn't helped my supply a whole lot (we struggle with just making enough) so I don't think it's a given that comfort nursing is necessarily a means to establish supply for everyone.
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#8 of 47 Old 06-20-2007, 07:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I never had any supply problems- at one point while a friend of mine was trying to relactate (around when my daughter was 6 months) I was also pumping enough to feed her 7 month old HALF of what she consumed).

I'm not a fan of pacifiers but I'm certainly not ruling one out this time around if it's going to give me the ability to maintain my sanity to nurse my baby to at least a year.

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#9 of 47 Old 06-20-2007, 07:28 PM
 
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so I don't think it's a given that comfort nursing is necessarily a means to establish supply for everyone.
It may not be, but non-breast sucking IS a way to lose supply...

-Angela
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#10 of 47 Old 06-20-2007, 07:35 PM
 
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I think your sanity is something extremely important to protect particularly as you will be caring for two children. Pacifiers might not be great and I personally have not used them, but there may be a time and a place. On the otherhand, you never know how your new baby will be. My 8 week old has discovered sucking on her hand so she has a way of comforting herself and I don't feel the need for long comfort nursing sessions. I mostly comfort nurse when I want to lie down for a nap. She nurses while I nap and it helps her doze off, too.
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#11 of 47 Old 06-20-2007, 08:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by alegna View Post
It may not be, but non-breast sucking IS a way to lose supply...

-Angela
I'm looking for support, I'm not looking for criticism of how I may or may not handle this. I'm well aware of the risks to my supply by using a pacifier, which I haven't even decided to use yet, and wouldn't until my supply and our nursing relationship was well established. I'm just looking for support on GETTING it established in the first place.

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#12 of 47 Old 06-20-2007, 08:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Aimee21972 View Post
beinbg also pregant.

I am wondering if the adversion you have to nipple stim NOW is just the pregant thing.... a lot of moms who are nurseing through pregancy feel "creepy crawly" while nurseing, and I know i don't like latch on and while i get joy form nurseinghim, it is NOT the same as it was before that home test turned pos

I am wondering if

1. you are focuseing on the NEG of the last time... the thrush, the feeling overwelmed at 2 hours nurseing sessions.

2. you are feeling anxious about two kids, and the nurseing conmittment to baby while older child to care for too

3, the pregancy horomons are making your breast anti-touch.

I have faith you can get over all this -- and have a GREAT nurseing relationship

Aimee
I never nursed while pregnant, she weaned at 17 months and a few months before we started TTC, but "creepy crawly" explains it very well. I would grit my teeth and tap my feet and eventually it got to the point that after nursing 30 seconds I was in tears I hated it so much (and that would be the day I stopped!).

I do agree that part of my current nipple touch phobia is because of normal sensativity due to my pregnancy, but I'm pretty sure I felt almost as strongly before I was pregnant.

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#13 of 47 Old 06-20-2007, 09:54 PM
 
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I felt the same way when I was pregnant with ds, and I didn't have a bad experience with dd at all (except latch issues/incredible pain), and she self weaned! Talk about feeling like a jerk. I can't say this will happen for you, but when ds was born, it went away completely. I had spent most of the pregnancy feeling doomed, because I knew I wouldn't ff, but I really didn't feel like I wanted to bf, and when he was born it was like I had never had a negative thought at all.

I still don't see me nursing ds for a full two years. I'm still squicked out by the thought of nursing an older toddler. I might get over that too, but if I don't, I'm not going to waste time feeling bad about it.

Hoping everything works out for you.
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#14 of 47 Old 06-20-2007, 10:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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That is very reassuring, thank you. <3

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#15 of 47 Old 06-21-2007, 12:32 AM
 
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I didn't read that she had a real supply issue. But I would think that she could maintain supply with a few pumping sessions rather than long irritating nursing sessions. I just don't think that's healthy for anyone to be doing something that is so irritating and depressing. It seemed like she was looking for ways to make it an easier experience so she could breastfeed and I would have to say that would be one area I would eliminate.
The discussionof BF is for the next baby -- the current child is totally weaned... thus she will be re-establishing supply "from scratch" like any first time mom. Thus -- each and every nurseing session will be importnat. Not like me, still nurseing my 19 month old while pregant, i COULD, likly, cut him back to save mental health if need be and pump in place.

But since this is a new baby ... it is starting over and every chance to put the baby to the breast is needed.

AND

I think with the new baby -- it will be like starting over... minus the thrush.... and the bad feelings will not be as much of an issues as you fear. I think your body will RESET as it were and the nipple stuff will be fine.

Now -- i found learning to relax and jsut BE when nurseing hard after we fianlly learned to nurse well -- at first it required so much thought and effort i was ok with it -- it was simulatiing, you know, but i had a time when it was hard for me to jsut sit and be and nurse.....it was a real learning expereince of mother hood for me..........................sooooooooo peronsialty things, or whatever, like THAT may still bug you -- the "tied down" feelings.. mentally.... that you are going to have to find a way around....maybe nurse in a carrier so you don't feel you are contactnly stopping you day?? something

Quote:
I still don't see me nursing ds for a full two years. I'm still squicked out by the thought of nursing an older toddler. I might get over that too, but if I don't, I'm not going to waste time feeling bad about it.
for what it is worth.........i find that "normal" or "confortable" gorws with the child I generally always knew i would nurse till 2....i NEVER thought I would nurse pregant or tandam nurse...now i amm nurseing pregant and proud of every day DS sticks with me. I see the abby coming at his 2nd birthday and know he will keep it up... not sure we will totally CLW, but as he grows, i do too and we might just do that...never thought we do what we are doing now, and never thought i'd be sooooooo jazzed to TN... i don't say "never" any more

AImee

Aimee + Scott = Theodore Roosevelt (11/05) and 23 months later Charles Abraham (10/07)....praying for a little sister; the search starts May 2014
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#16 of 47 Old 06-21-2007, 01:44 AM
 
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The discussionof BF is for the next baby -- the current child is totally weaned... thus she will be re-establishing supply "from scratch" like any first time mom. Thus -- each and every nurseing session will be importnat. Not like me, still nurseing my 19 month old while pregant, i COULD, likly, cut him back to save mental health if need be and pump in place.

But since this is a new baby ... it is starting over and every chance to put the baby to the breast is needed.

AND

I think with the new baby -- it will be like starting over... minus the thrush.... and the bad feelings will not be as much of an issues as you fear. I think your body will RESET as it were and the nipple stuff will be fine.

I did not read anything in her post that necessarily indicated worries about being able to BF as in supply issues or what not. AND I know she was talking about the next baby.

What I DID read was the stress of nursing, having grown to hate it at the end of last baby and basically still having those feelings and about to start all over with a new baby. And in summarizing her previous experience, I assumed she was thinking it would have to be the same way all over again. And to that I was suggesting she take one piece out if it lessened the burden. I was suggesting she give herself permission to not do the hours of comfort nursing beyond the basic nursing sessions needed to maintain a "basic" supply and feed her baby.

I also picked up from her writing that she would was looking for suggestions and support beyond having established her basic nursing relationship which I assumed she knew how to do having been there already.

There is NOTHING that says one has to comfort nurse to be a successful nurser. One could still nurse every 1.5- 2 hours give or take while meeting at least the minimum of 8 times in a 24 hour period without having to feel that to be a good mom and a successful breastfeeder you have to HAVE a baby permanently attached at the boob beyond that.

Editing to add: Though I said "successful" nurser, what I meant was a success at breastfeeding where supply isn't an issue. I meant that as long as supply isn't an issue, you can still be a great mother and be doing a great job of breastfeeding without nursing for hours on end if it's not needed.
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#17 of 47 Old 06-21-2007, 01:57 AM
 
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There is NOTHING that says one has to comfort nurse to be a successful nurser. One could still nurse every 1.5- 2 hours give or take while meeting at least the minimum of 8 times in a 24 hour period without having to feel that to be a good mom and a successful breastfeeder you have to HAVE a baby permanently attached at the boob beyond that.

For many women the "comfort nursing" as you call it is CRITICAL to an adequate supply.

-Angela
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#18 of 47 Old 06-21-2007, 02:08 AM
 
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Angela, my comment is in response to this one woman, not everywoman, and she stated she does not have a supply issue. Geesh.

And you ARE right about nursing often to help supply. That is why _I_ spend about 2-3 hours in the morning dozing and comfort nursing, or just nursing, my baby because _I_ do struggle with a supply issue so I am well aware of what some women need to do to keep things going or even get things going. I also spend as much time of constant nursing in the afternoon as well for that very reason AND I pump and we are just barely making it.
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#19 of 47 Old 06-22-2007, 02:16 AM
 
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For many women the "comfort nursing" as you call it is CRITICAL to an adequate supply.

-Angela
No one is disagreeing with you about this but that is not the point of this thread. The OP has serious mental roadblocks to breastfeeding, not physical. Her production/supply is not the issue. I am sure she knows all this but wants some comfort on how she can overcome her fear/anxiety over breastfeeding her baby. A good supply is great but not helpful if you dislike, fear or worse yet absolutely hate the idea of BF.

To OP- Keep strong mama! The suggestions from the PP have been good. It sounds like you genuinely are trying. You do what you have to in order for it to work and dont feel guilty about it!
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#20 of 47 Old 06-25-2007, 08:27 PM
 
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I want to offer support too!

My first daughter was a nursing maniac which was horrible those first few months when combined with poor latch. I would not have made it those first eight weeks except for my total belief that I was not going to formula feed and the support of DH. Things became comfortable for me after a few months and were wonderful until about 18 months when I had similar feelings to you. I began to dread the feeling of nursing. I weaned her for my own sanity at about 2 1/4 years old when I was about 3 months pregnant with DD2 and just had to have a break between the two children. I loved NOT nursing for those six months .

My second daughter is totally different. She likes nursing but rarely comfort nurses. She doesn't want to be nursed to sleep. She doesn't take a pacifier (and believe me, after DD1 I had them with me in the hospital ready to go!). I didn't have latch problems or sore cracked bleeding nipples. I've had a little trouble with plugged ducts because she doesn't nurse all the time but I'll take that any day over the lack of sleep from nursing all night. So, I hope your second child is different in this way. I love nursing again and I hope that feeling lasts another year or more. Good luck!
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#21 of 47 Old 06-25-2007, 08:44 PM
 
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no advice to add, just couldn't read without saying good luck and

Kelly, :Mama to Kevin, 10/1/05 & Seth, 7/7/06. ::
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#22 of 47 Old 06-25-2007, 11:27 PM
 
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Not much advice here either, but many .

I have never really liked breastfeeding, and between my 4 kids have had every problem in the book, including all you've mentioned. Yet, I've nursed #1 to 13 months (went on loong nursing strike that I probably misinterpreted as self weaning), #2 and #3 to 10 months (stopped due to medical issues with me, and then serious multiple food allergies in #3)... and #4 we are still nursing at 2yo even though I am pregnant and I have that horrible creapy crawly feeling. I really hope this doesn't come across as "high and mighty" because I don't mean it that way at all - I have a TON of sympathy for your situation, a TON - but you are probably a very strong woman and can do things you hate for the good of your child, if that is what you think is best. Here's another just so you know I mean this in a totally loving, supportive way.

What helps me the most is to set small goals. "I'll nurse for 2 weeks. I can't promise any more." Then at two weeks, I see if I can make it another few. "I'll nurse until 6 weeks, that's longer than most of my friends." Etc, etc. Some days I just have to promise myself, "I can make it through this next session, it's only 30 minutes. I can suffer for 30 minutes for the good of my child." Don't think past that 30 minutes. Think about every single benefit of breastfeeding for both you and baby. Brainwash yourself.

And since you say supply is not an issue, if you feel it's not an issue when this next baby is born - I think having boundries on comfort nursing is a great idea for your sanity. If you have just fed and you know they ate well (and it's not a classic "growth spurt time"), try everything ELSE first, nursing last. Worst case scenario, your supply *does* go down and you suppliment - but that is BETTER than quitting altogether (the other option if you lose your mind from nursing all day and night when you hate it, lol!) right?

If it's any help, all babies and breastfeeding relationships are different and this one may be totally laid back and wonderful for you.


Amy
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#23 of 47 Old 06-27-2007, 12:23 AM
 
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Just wanted to add some support. I nursed my first ds for 2 1/2 years, and although I mostly enjoyed it, I did get very worn down during the first year--he was a constant comfort nurser--high need and intense. He refused solids until about 14, 15 months. And at least part of this was just personality--he's still very intense, has a hard time calming down, needs a lot of comforting, and he's ten years old.

My second ds, however, is a much mellower kid--he nursed for comfort some, but mainly nursed for food. I had an easier time nursing him, however, because I realized I needed some limits for my own sanity. I didn't nurse him for two to three hours at a time--and I worked on teaching him to let me sooth him in other ways as well--rocking, singing, cuddling, etc. I used a pacifier for a few months and had no issues. And I had no problems with supply and found that my husband was able to be more involved in comforting the baby from the very beginning which helped everyone enormously. We nursed for two and a half years and I was much happier with the relationship.

Now with 3rd dear son, I'm doing the same sorts of things, occasionally giving a paci, encouraging dh to walk, rock, comfort baby, and the nursing is again going very well. I can leave the house, run errands, do things I need to do with other ds's. I wouldn't have been able to do this with my first because I was nursing all the time.

With ds #1, it was as if I had only one tool in my mothering toolbox, bfing, so that's the one I used. If I were you, I would get bfing well established in the beginning, make sure you have a good latch, are nursing every couple of hours, have enough wet diapers, etc., etc, and cut yourself some slack.

Good luck! -Kendra
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#24 of 47 Old 06-27-2007, 12:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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With ds #1, it was as if I had only one tool in my mothering toolbox, bfing, so that's the one I used.
OMG, does that ring true! I was a single mom as well, so all comforting was done by me- by my breast. Baby crying? Boob in mouth. Baby fall down? boob in mouth. My husband and I started dating when she was a few weeks old, but we didn't live together until her first birthday... when I was starting to give up on nursing. I think that having his support full time (instead of part) this time around will be a huge load off my shoulders.

Thank you so much to everyone who's offered support- your stories and sympathy REALLY, really help a lot.

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#25 of 47 Old 06-27-2007, 11:45 AM
 
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I think that even though you grew to hate the nuirsing demand from your older daughter, a new baby is like a new start, and for me nursing a newborn was so sweet and precious.

I nursed my younger son for 19 months and it was just the right amount of time for me. Although pacifiers are a big no-no(on MDC at least), I introduced the pacifier at 2 weeks when my ds would become upset by there still being milk flowing after he was done feeding but still wanted to eat. We used the pacifier until he was nightweaned at 10 months(he was eating very well by this time, otherwise we would've waited longer to nightwean). I too was still able to donate milk once he was only to a mom with a low supply. The most important thing to remember with pacifier use is to still offer the breast first, and the pacifier only if you know they aren't hungry. I think it helped to give ma a little bit of break. I really like the idea of "child-led weaning" I definitely don't think it is right for me either, and cannot see myself nursing past 2-2.5.

Another thing that the PP said, you are pregnant now, and for me, any breast sensations are awful during pregnancy. I hate it. That will likely change once the baby is born.

One last thing, you aren't giving birth to your current daughter, this will be a whole different person, with a completely different personality. Some babies are much more attached to the breast and nursing than others. My 1st son(non-bio), nursed on my partner absolutely constantly for almost 2 years, and never took any replacements or bottles, but my 2nd(my 1st bio-babe) did love to nurse, but was okay with nightweaning when we did, and then weaning at 19 months. He also loved his bottles(I went back to work at 5months PP), he would've(and once or twice did) taken the EBM in a bottle from ME.

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#26 of 47 Old 06-27-2007, 11:59 AM
 
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During pregnancy I absolutely could not stand to have my nipples breathed on--let alone nursed on. I had a very intense, knee-jerk response to it. That changed for me the day my babies were born. It's a hormonal thing. I am wondering if you were on BC pills when you were nursing your dd? The hormones in BC can create that same kind of feeling for some women.

I say, try not to focus on it and worry about it too much. Assume everything will be fine, and if it's not you'll deal with it as it happens. Take it day by day.
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#27 of 47 Old 06-27-2007, 12:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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wow, I never considered the BC. I had an IUD until she was a year old, which made me have HORRIBLE awful periods, and then started the minipill- EXACTLY when I could no longer stand nursing.

I bake, therefore I am.
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#28 of 47 Old 06-27-2007, 12:14 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redhen View Post
wow, I never considered the BC. I had an IUD until she was a year old, which made me have HORRIBLE awful periods, and then started the minipill- EXACTLY when I could no longer stand nursing.
I bet that was it.
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#29 of 47 Old 06-27-2007, 12:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am so glad you mentioned this- I was considering going on the minipill after we have this baby.... absolutely not now!!

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#30 of 47 Old 07-17-2007, 03:59 PM
 
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Hey Holly, I have no advice, but just wanted to give you encouragement!
I think that bfing your dd that long while disliking doing it is amazing!!!
And also the person who said that THIS time will be a different experience, different baby and all, was right on.
Nursing my 1st son was way different than nursing my daughter.
And this time too, it's different.
So hopefully this time it will be different for you and you'll LOVE IT!!!
HUGS!
here for ya!!
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