I'm a failure - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 08-10-2007, 02:39 PM
 
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I am so sorry you're having so much trouble. Try not to feel too bad about it and just take it day by day. I had lots of problems BFing with my first so I know what you are going through mentally. I haven't had the problems with flat nipples so I can't help you there, but I did have a cracked nipple once and it was painful to nurse. This website had a lot of good information on it: http://www.kellymom.com/bf/concerns/...lehealing.html. Maybe something in there will help you (although most of the advice in there has already been given).

Quote:
Originally Posted by mkmb129 View Post
Also, soaking them in saline water honest to goodness helps.
mkmb129 brought up the saline rinse idea. I was thinking that might help you. It helped heal my cracked nipple pretty quickly.

I also wanted to say that even if you go the route of pumping until your breasts are healed, all is not lost. You may be able to coax your baby back to the breast. I actually pumped for 1 month before we successfully established a BFing relationship.

Good luck and keep us posted.
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Old 08-10-2007, 02:43 PM
 
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Oh, mama! Your story sounds very similiar to mine. My DD had a horrible latch that left with immense soreness and compression stripes, I had to stop BFing and pump while they healed. Everytime I would try to feed it hurt too badly. But, you know what, I got help from a LC in my home and we were able to persevere. At six months we have a beautiful BFing relationship. Please don't give up and be gentle with yourself.

s

Mama to my beautiful Ana Carolina (2/07), Isabel Cristina (6/10), and #3 on the way in August 2013!

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Old 08-10-2007, 04:43 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Sage72380 View Post
You are NOT a failure. You are an awesome mom doing your very best for your baby.

I too have flat nipples. I used a shield for 2.5 months with DD. I hated the shield. I hated the LC that gave it to me prematurely. I felt like my body wasn't good enough. However, I didn't have sore nipples (until I weaned from the shield).

I suggest sticking with the shield until you're ready to try without. Cover your nips with lanolin, put the shield on, and nurse your baby. Use soothes and such for your nips. Pump when you just can't take it. Get BF well established. Get your milk supply established. Love your beautiful new babe.

Once you aren't having such a hard time, once you feel better, your nipples are healed, your milk supply is established, and you feel emotionally prepared to spent some time transitioning, then work on weaning off of the shield. By then your nipples will be a bit more elastic and pulled out, your babe will have a larger mouth and more head control to help out, and things should be better.

I really hated the nipple shield. I don't think it's a great first line of defense, but in your position, I think it's probably the best way to go. Cross the bridge of weaning from the shield later.

You can do this. Good luck. We're all rooting for you.
i'M GOING TO SECOND THIS ADVICE. oh sorry for caps! i used a shield with my dd1,for 3 months worked hard to wean her from iot & she nursed until her 3rd birthday. take it one day at a time ,mama & do not beat yourself up! also just so you know my ds2 is 2weeks5 days and we are having a rough go at nursing- it is hard and Ive nursed all my children exclusively(currently tandem with my 2 yo!) !!!! YOU CAN DO THIS!:
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Old 08-10-2007, 04:58 PM
 
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to you Mama.
No guilt trip here either, just support for whatever works best for you.

Michelle
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Old 08-10-2007, 04:59 PM
 
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while I trhink breastfeeding is extremely important.....

I think is MORE important to have a happy healthy mom that can enjoy her new baby without the worries of tremendous pain. Right now, there is no end in sight. You don't know if you will eventually end up bf without pain. You don't know if you will make enough milk (based on your previous experience) There are so many things you don't know and trying to make it all happen while in pain and tired and suffering from ppd...

Just think about giving yourself permission to feed your baby in whatever way you can and feel comfortable at the same time.

bf is important, but its not worth sacrificing the precious newborn age by constant worry and pain.

I know thats not a general consensus around here... but I think a happy mom and baby is whats MOST important.
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Old 08-10-2007, 05:08 PM
 
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Hang in there. Getting yourself stressed out about BF is not going to help. Do what you need to do, do what you can do for your baby. A loving, nurturing mommy is ultimately more important.

I have inverted nipples - and remember all too well the pain. I am expecting my second and the memories have been coming back - I have been trying to focus on the good moments and not on the pain (the little foot caressing my leg in the middle of the night etc).

Please remember that being a "good" parent is not reliant on one day, one act - it is the sum of years of work.
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Old 08-10-2007, 05:34 PM
 
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I am so impressed that you have made it this far already.

Your plan sounds fine.

If you do decide to pump, take it one day at a time. It sounds impossible to pump every day for X months. But if you tell yourself, I'll try very hard with pumping today, and then tomorrow I'll decide, then it is doable, and then approach the next day with the same attitude. Eventually, that "just one more day of pumping" will become 3- or 6- or 12- or more months without realizing it. It's not easy to pump. I know because I've done it, but take it in little steps, and it will be doable.

And really, every additional day that you can get a little drop of breastmilk is more than most mothers do.

Most important of all, you need to make yourself happy. It's better for a baby to be formula fed and not depressed, than breastfed and unhappy. Of course, it would be ideal to have a breastfed baby with a happy mother, and it looks like you have a good plan to try to achieve that, but if it doesn't work, the best that you can do will be more than good enough.
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Old 08-10-2007, 05:45 PM
 
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Hey hon, I'm so sorry. : We struggled for months to get on the breast - you can read my experience on my blog, if you want to, but I can give you my practical advice here.

Disclaimer - this is what worked for me, so I'm going to list my steps. It's not a failproof plan.

-Rent a hospital grade pump for a month
-Have DH, when he's home, or you when he's not, feed a bottle, while you pump with the double hospital pump
-Supplement with formula or donor milk when you run out of EBF
-Pump until your nipples are healed (it took about 3 weeks for me)
-Try a nipple shield during the day, still supplementing and pumping at night instead of trying a latch
-Once you have the nipple shield down, try adding nighttime feeds on the breast with the shield
-Work on weaning off the shield

Most of all, take it ONE DAY AT A TIME.

PM or email me if you need anything. Please.

Mama to H (6) B (3) : A (1)
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Old 08-10-2007, 07:50 PM
 
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I'm so sorry you're having trouble, mama. to you.
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Old 08-10-2007, 08:15 PM
 
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I've dealt with pain this time from the get go (baby #4). I kept thinking I'd never make it to 6months, I have. When he was 4mo old I went out and bought formula!!! I used all my coupons. The formula is still sitting there, although I did open 1 up and give him a bottle at night of the formula to give my nipples a break. By morning I could deal again. My #2 and #3 never had a drop of formula, my #1 was ff due to bfing problems (as in no one told me he was tongue tied until he went to the orthodontist 2 years ago at age 6).

A very wise woman told me, "You did the best you could with the information you had at the time." She was completely right w regards to my ds1 and ff, I did do the best I could do with what I knew at the time. I tried bfing him for 11 weeks and one day I realized it was over before it began. It still hurts my soul to this day. I was suffering PPD and it didn't help that bfing didn't work out.

I felt like a failure on so many levels -- the c/s, the nursing, reading depressed moms make depressed kids... I also did not have a support network or a doctor who cared. The OB stated to me I was not trying hard enough.

I think you are luck to have a supportive doctor. If you need PPD meds, then don't feel badly about them. If you need to supplement your supply, it's okay, some breastmilk is better than no breastmilk at all. My very own mother told me this when I didn't want to even try to bf my 2nd child. Don't feel badly about doing what you need to do to cope and manage.

My 4th baby became FTT at 5 mo old. We've been through the ringer. I learned to pump. I pump all day and nurse at night and in the morning. I pump to fortify my breastmilk with more calories to bring his weight back up. When I don't have enough for a bottle, I add formula to it.

He just got teeth on the bottom and I realize his latch is still a big issue. He was tongue tied, I had it clipped at 10 days old. His tongue is short, it has never come out to his bottom lip or further as my others did. Now he has teeth, I can feel his lower gum line on my nipple and realized he still isn't sticking his tongue out far enough. No wonder the last 6 mo have been riddled with pain and soreness.

Well, he has started solids and loves them. I am giving him the best calorie and nutritent dense foods I can. And he had cut his intake of bm by 1/2. I can keep up with his demand for milk now very easily.

I believe I have done the best I can with the information I've had. Do your best, know you've tried everything offered to you, and at the end of the day know you are doing what is needed for your baby to grow and be healthy.

I feel fortunate, 1 child of 4 was easy, my dd. What is with these boys of mine???
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Old 08-10-2007, 08:42 PM
 
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More

I'm repeating some of PPs' advice, but still:

I think it's great that you're pumping while you heal. It is not impossible for your DS to learn how to latch again after bottle feeding. My DS had bottles of EBM for the first three weeks of his life before I could even attempt to nurse him. He learned and then decided that bottles were no good! So, just because you're pumping now doesn't mean you'll always have to.

Also, as someone else pointed out, your DS benefits from every drop of breast milk he receives...think how many babies don't get any.

Have you tried covering your nipples in EBM and then letting them air dry? I've heard great things about the healing powers of breast milk.

Keep pumping and get help for your PPD. You are a great mom NOT a failure!

Wife to J, SAHM to W (03/06) ribboncesarean.gif at 32w4d, C (10/08) ribboncesarean.gif, and H (02/11) ribboncesarean.gif

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Old 08-10-2007, 08:51 PM
 
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I have only read a few of the posts, but I wanted to say

I have been pumping for my DS for 16 months, and you are not a failure and neither am I! You are getting milk into baby, and it doesn't matter how you do that! If you have to supplement, that is not the end of the world either. Been there, done that. Be nice to you!
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Old 08-10-2007, 10:19 PM
 
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Just wanted to offer you a big My 1st dd did not latch on for 17 days, and we ended up nursing for 4 years. The 1st 2 years, we did have to supplement, as I did not have a full supply because it took so long to establish, and I had no idea what I was doing. I also wanted to add that I agree with one of the previous posters, even if you ended up exclusively pumping, that would be okay too You are doing a great job! Hang in there.

Wife and SAHM to our two girls and one little man.
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Old 08-11-2007, 01:15 AM
 
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Hi Pookel... I haven't read through all 3 pages of this thread but honey, just do the best you can!!! I'm sure the mamas here have given you lots of great suggestions but please don't beat yourself up, it can be really tough in the beginning and I know we'll all be here to help! Take care!!
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Old 08-11-2007, 02:24 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pookel View Post
I'm already on Tylenol 3 and 800 mg ibuprofen for post-c/s pain.
I would reccommend small doses of Percocet (anywhere from half a tablet to 1 tablet to 2 tablets) instead of Tylenol #3. Perocet is stronger for you, but safer for the baby, with fewer icky metabolites and a little cleaner track record. Watch the baby to make sure they aren't too sleepy. If that happens, call the doc right away.
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Old 08-11-2007, 02:16 PM
 
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Oh, Pookel, I'm so sorry you're having so much trouble!

Just one pumping tip: lube up your nipples with olive oil before pumping. It should help with the friction.
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Old 08-11-2007, 02:52 PM
 
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Aww I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I too had flat/inverted nipples, never got my first dd to latch and pumped full time for many months. Sorta similar story with second dd as well. You are NOT a failure. You are still trying and your baby is getting your milk and you love your baby and are nuturing and caring. That does not seem like a failure in my book.

As mothers many of us face unexpected and difficult journeys that we didn't ask for or deserve, and neither did our children. But if you can just do the best you can with what you have been given to work with, then you are a success. It's all about perspective. Not everyone gets a perfect set of breasts or a perfectly healthy baby. It's what you do with adversity that defines you as a person and as a mother. Sometimes that means taking a path that is different from the one you intended. Other times it means trying one more time when you don't feel you have any extra energy or desire to do so. ((HUGS))

Whatever path you take, just know you tried your best and it's not your fault.

7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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