I spoke with an old friend today, he asked if I was still BFing = (DD is 19 months old and I nursed my older toddler throughout the last pregnancy, so it's been almost 3 years) I said that yes, of course I was, and he actually had the gall to tell me that his oldest child (the only one of four who was breastfed
) breastfed for two weeks but that she got everything she needed in that 2 week period, and that anything beyond that is unnecessary health wise. I was so flabbergasted by his ignorance that I had no comeback except for my old standby that a former U.S surgeon general recommended BFing last at least 1 full year and as long after as is mutually desired" And I asked why, if they felt that way, didn't his wife give their other children "everything they need"ed in a 2 week period and he said she didn't like feeling tied down.
That would make me mad too...what makes me mad is I have a friend who hates BF'ing and everytime she calls me practically one of her first questions is "are you still BF'ing? and I say yes...then she says "do you like it" ummm yes. A few years ago she was complaining about her SIL who BF and said that she thinks it is gross when babies who have teeth BF...she probably doesn't want to know that I plan on doing it until age 2 if she will let me...maybe longer.
Originally Posted by rmzbm
2 WEEKS? Why didn't I get the memo? I will begin weaning my 20 month old immediately!
:
Seriously. I consider myself to be a pretty accepting person of other people's choices. I really do (although I doubt I'll come across like it now!), but I don't like the implied tone of "what we did is better than your heathen breastfeeding - we're much less gauche" and the "she doesn't want to be tied down" bit. Umm, doesn't having children tie you down and give you roots? Isn't that how it's supposed to be? aaarrrggg
Didn't like feeling tied down to a newborn, huh?
Ummm can I just say how selfish that feels to me? And really, why bother having kids with an attitude like that?
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I can only imagine what would happen at bed time or during the night when they awoke scared.
And separation anxiety mus suck for that woman too.
And starting school with a scared, clingy child......
I am evil this way, but I would have said "I am sure the amazing ignorance of that statement makes both of you feel less guilty for placing your own desires above the need of a helpless newborn"
I really don't get into it with folks about their "choice" to breastfeed or not unless they get in my face with ignorance and lies. Then the gloves come off...
I would call him ignorant but in the nicest way -- I mean, obviously someone told him this false information and he believed it. I would say, "actually, the research shows that the longer you bf the more benefits the child receives, even past 2 years... but any bf is better than none!
" I mean, you have to educate him without making him lose face or he probably won't buy it.
Clearly he was foolish to believe whoever fed him this vile lie (I'm guessing Mrs Tied-Down-Blues) but that doesn't make him a lost cause.
My moms friend came to visit me and LO right after he was born. She had 3 kids and only BF the youngest. She told me he was sick a lot less than the older 2, but that I only needed to do it for 2 months because by then he had gotten all the colostrum he needed.
I just smiled. It isn't like she's going to have more kids that I can convince her to BF, her kids are older than me. The difference is for her,that was kind of the school of thought of the time-now we know better.
That's a shame. There are so many misunderstandings about BF and EBF out there. The most dangerous is that really, you just need to BF for a few days so that baby gets colostrum, but after that, hey formula is just as good as breastmilk. It makes me sad.
I think a lot of people who choose not to breastfeed or choose to stop earlier than a year or so feel very defensive about this decision, and in turn, go on the offensive against mothers who continue to breastfeed or extended breastfeed. I had a few friends who did this with me and it was very hard and trying. It was almost as though my act of breastfeeding was in itself judgment of their choice not to.
Sounds like she's not really educated on breastfeeding, especially given her "tied down" comment. Maybe next time the topic comes up, and it surely will, you can use it as an oppotunity to press him or her on the "tied down" thing ... I think a lot of moms fear nursing in public or pumping and use that as a reason not to breastfeed.
After four children, they are done. I feel it useless to say anything, as they will certainly not change. I think she enjoyed the idea of having a baby more than actually having the babies, if that makes any sense.
Even if I didn't breastfeed...I was the one that was going to be "tied down" to my newborn anyway. Seriously once the novelty of feeding a newborn wears off, I would guess the "burden" of it goes on the mama. I didnt' have a line of people that were just eager to feed and care for my baby. Ever. The few times people whined about not being able to give her a bottle, wouldn't justifiy FF to me. I did what was easiest for me, and for me it was BFing. (not that it was all easy...but in the long run its been really convenient)
Even my friends that FF are "tied down" to their babies to some extent. It's not like just because you FF, your kids are on auto pilot and you can lead a "Britney Spearsesque" life...unless you are in fact Britney Spears.
Whenever I get a response from someone about the "ease" of FF instead of my planned-on bfing, I always reply--"YAH, because I wanted to become a parent for how EASY my life will be from now on!!
"
I was registering for my shower with one of my SIL's a month ago in a baby store; this particular SIL (I have 3) FF and when it came to the aisle for feeding supplies, she got all giddy when she saw this one product---and turned to me and said, "Look! This is so great--it makes feeding SO convenient---this can go wherever you go!" to which I pointed right at my breasts and said, "SIL, THESE go wherever I go too
"
That was the last time she ever tried to sing to me the praises of FF, LOLOL!
See, I go all kinds of places and just take DS with me... and I don't have to worry about bringing anything special, other than diapers. Him, diapers, thats it. No need for bottles, nipples, formula, cereal, baby food, baby spoon... None of that! DS just nurses and/or eats what I eat. Nothing special. Nothing extra to lug around... why on earth would you do anything else??
It burns me when people say such ignorant things like that! I just want to look at them and say, "go educate yourself!" Oh well. I met one of my friends wife for the first time and she said she wasn't going to breastfeed her baby. When I asked why she just simply said because I don't want too! It really made no sense at all. I feel like its pure selfishness to not breastfeed your child/children. Sacrifice a little folks!!!!
Call me crazy, but I am still pretty tied down with my 9 year old
!! The baby is a piece of cake, she just comes with mom and sacrificing a whopping 20 minutes of so to sit and nurse between errands isn't so bad...gives me a chance to eat MY food!
isn't that what parenting and marriage is all about, "being tied down". Babies are not an inconvenience they are a blessing.
I would like to say that i would have said something very elequant about how great breastfeeding is, but i'm so not good with confrontation
Originally Posted by MichelleS
And I asked why, if they felt that way, didn't his wife give their other children "everything they need"ed in a 2 week period and he said she didn't like feeling tied down.
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They had FOURKIDS and she didn't like feeling tied down. Tell them I said thanks for the laugh.
I have always had a problem leaving my children to go out or anything. It's just me, and that is something I've never been comfortable with. I think "tied down" for her signifies two things - she felt that she could go out whenever and stay out as long as they need to since the baby is taking a bottle. I remember after the first was born, and after those first two weeks, they went out overnight for their anniversary. I remember being flabbergasted - I couldn't imagine doing that. But again, that's just me, not everyone, and I respect that. I don't understand though, how it's so easy to leave a 3 week old overnight though. - But then again - I like being "tied down"!!!
I dated him (the father and DH of "tied down girl") for three years when I was in my early early 20's and having watched him become a parent, I am so thankful that I didn't procreate with him.
My sister bf her kids even though she hated it and felt tied down. She new that formula is a substandard choice. I have always been so proud of her for it.
As for not saying something to these people because they aren't going to have anymore kids. I say who cares. They're spreading ignorance about bfing and should be corrected (gently and tactfully of course). They feel confident enough about what they know to share it with you. Maybe the next mama they school on bfing won't be as supported or knowledgable as you and it will be just another step towards her giving up. Just a thought.
I think it is all a matter of priorities. DH and I waited to have kids because we knew that they would "tie us down". So, when we were ready, we consciously made the decision and completely changed our entire lives to ready ourselves for children. We rearranged our job schedules and made our children our number one priority. One of us is always home with the kids. I breastfeed and DH gives DD a bottle of expressed breast milk when I am gone in the morning at work. We have sacrified income so that one of us is home with them all the time.
A lot of people have kids because it is "what you are supposed to do". You get married and have kids. I think some people have kids for "decoration". I don't think all people think through what it means to bring a child into the world and what it means to give them the very best that you possibly can. Sure, it sucks at times to not have the freedom we once had. But, I will never look back at my life and say I wish I would have given them more time or done more for them.
Breastfeeding is one of those things that was never a question for me. Luckily, I am in a family where all 3 of my sisters breastfed and our mother breastfed. One of my SIL didn't breastfeed her kids because she "didn't want to be tied down". She figured that she carried the baby for 9 months and didn't drink or smoke during that time, so after the baby was born - that was it. Once the baby was born she was free to drink and do whatever again and didn't want breastfeeding to keep her from being able to do these things. Does not make sense to me at all!
I don't get the "tied down" thing. This is a girl who spent her whole life waiting to have children. She really has no other interests besides her kids. So, if anything, she's tying herself down to that. I love being a mother and it's certainly a giant part of my identity, but not the only part.
So, I don't understand her rationale at all.
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