Leaving a breastfed baby for a weekend - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 109 Old 02-19-2008, 09:11 PM
 
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I personally don’t know of anyone who ever left a baby for a weekend. I have heard of overnight though. if you are breastfeeding fulltime, it’s also a comforting thing for the baby, not just food. so baby will not get the same thing from formula and/or food. Also, if you will be too far away to come back in case of emergency, it’s borderline cruelty.
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#62 of 109 Old 02-19-2008, 10:31 PM
 
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I wouldn't do it. I have taken baby (alone, just she and I) on a flight at 7 months old, and that was actually really easy. Once she got mobile it's been much harder.

Why can't baby go with you?
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#63 of 109 Old 02-19-2008, 10:36 PM
 
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I wouldn't do it. I have taken baby (alone, just she and I) on a flight at 7 months old, and that was actually really easy. Once she got mobile it's been much harder.

Why can't baby go with you?
she clarified earlier she wants to get away from her baby, that is the reason for the trip.
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#64 of 109 Old 02-19-2008, 10:36 PM
 
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I wouldn't leave a 6 month old for the weekend, nursing or not but especially nursing. I also wouldn't put a babe on formula to get a weekend away. Take your baby with you, that's what you do when you have an infant IMO.
Those were my thoughts too. My son is 21 months old and I couldn't imagine leaving him for a weekend.
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#65 of 109 Old 02-19-2008, 11:02 PM
 
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I did it. Both baby and I did fine.

Part of being a good mother is making sure you don't get burnt out. Once you hit that wall it is hard as hell to fight your way back.

Just because *A* would not do it, does not mean *B* is a bad mother. She's just different from you. And that's okay. Each of us has to follow our own path in parenting.

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#66 of 109 Old 02-19-2008, 11:06 PM
 
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Ah, there's 2 pages there I missed. Oops.
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#67 of 109 Old 02-19-2008, 11:23 PM
 
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i wouldn't do it, but i have a friend who did something similar when her son was about 10 months old. everyone was fine and they are still nursing at 1 year.

i wouldn't be able to sleep or function if i tried to go on a vacation without my baby. not saying it's right or wrong, but i can hardly sleep or function without my DH, and without both of them, i'd be screwed

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#68 of 109 Old 02-19-2008, 11:28 PM
 
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well in 10 days I'm going to an unavoidable confrence. I've been pumping and saving for about 2 months now and will pump every 2 hours while I'm away. I'm totally saving my milk! my baby is almost 5 months and I'm going to be so sad while I'm away

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#69 of 109 Old 02-20-2008, 02:36 AM
 
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Originally Posted by DragonflyBlue View Post

Part of being a good mother is making sure you don't get burnt out. Once you hit that wall it is hard as hell to fight your way back.

Just because *A* would not do it, does not mean *B* is a bad mother. She's just different from you. And that's okay. Each of us has to follow our own path in parenting.
The idea of getting away for a party weekend is strange to me. I can't leave (and haven't left) our 16 mo DD for longer than a couple of hours. Otherwise, I would go NUTS! With that said though, I keep coming back to the fact that everyone needs to work out their own parenting. And what works for me doesn't alway work for everyone else. I may feel refreshed after a two-hour movie or dinner and then RACE to get home, but that might not be enough for every mama.

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#70 of 109 Old 02-20-2008, 10:36 AM
 
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I did it, with all 3 of my kids I think (I've a terrible memory, sorry). My middle was the most resistant to the bottle and ended up being spoonfed expressed milk, which she really enjoyed. There wasn't much affect on the nursing relationship at all, but the oldest and youngest were already used to bottles b/c I WOH.

Reading here, it would seem my nursing experiences are not the norm though. Once a babe was that old, I would not have even needed to do much more than hand pump a couple of times a day to keep my supply up in baby's absense. For me and my babies, the nursing relationship and our bond was just not so fragile.

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#71 of 109 Old 02-20-2008, 04:33 PM
 
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I think if you WANT to leave your baby for a weekend, you already don't have the mother-infant attachment that MDC promotes and therefore don't understand "what the big deal is" about your baby needing you..
I agree.

And also.. as a WOHM, I must say I wasn't at all offended by the comments here. Personally, being away from my DD for just the time I'm at work has been so hard for me and even at 11 months, there are times I miss her so intensely that I cry. It happened to me today! The thought of being away from her for a whole weekend makes my stomach do flip-flops! I know it would be even harder on her and it breaks my heart to ever think of her sad for even a second.

I guess that's just me, though.
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#72 of 109 Old 02-20-2008, 07:14 PM
 
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To the OP,

I think you might be looking for some technical answers about what, if any, impact the weekend trip will have on your nursing - I'd suggest checking out the KELLYMOM website and discussion forums!

There are many great lactation experts on there who can guide you.

KELLYMOM is a great nursing resource.

Also, try to phone a local laction consultant in your area - many do free consults. The ones at my local hospital/birthing inn have free walk-in hours once a week. It is definitely worth checking out.

Best of luck.
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#73 of 109 Old 02-20-2008, 08:17 PM
 
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Originally Posted by jodie84 View Post
I'd be leaving him with his father so it's not quite abandonment. He's fine about DP putting him to sleep too.
FWIW, I took DS (when he was about 9 mos old) out of state for a long weekend, to visit my family. He was away from DH for that time. When DH returned, we realized that it had been really, really hard on DS. He ignored DH for quite a long time when he saw him again, and seemed almost angry with him. Or confused by him.

In any case, DH and I decided neither of us will leave a child that age again even for 24 hours. It really was disturbing to us both. I can't imagine what it would have been like if I were the one who left!

Rebecca, mama to M (08/06) and E (04/09)
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#74 of 109 Old 02-20-2008, 09:36 PM
 
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Originally Posted by artgoddess View Post
she clarified earlier she wants to get away from her baby, that is the reason for the trip.
There is no way I would go away without my 6 month old baby, nursing or not. And I don't buy the "I know he will be fine" rationalization because there is really no definitive way of knowing this. None whatsoever.

Who is your true priority? You? Or your child?

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#75 of 109 Old 02-20-2008, 09:45 PM
 
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This thread is closed pending review. Thank you for your patience!

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#76 of 109 Old 02-21-2008, 12:58 AM
 
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Reopening, with a gentle reminder of both the User Agreement:
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#77 of 109 Old 02-21-2008, 01:30 AM
 
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Originally Posted by dawningmama View Post
For me and my babies, the nursing relationship and our bond was just not so fragile.
:/ i wouldn't have left my kids for an entire weekend at that age, either, but i don't really consider that our bond or nursing relationship was fragile. it is/was really good.

i have to say as mothers, we all do what we need to do. if your baby will take bottles and you feel ok with it, then do it. i don't think it is a choice i would make, but it is a personal choice, i think.
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#78 of 109 Old 02-21-2008, 02:35 AM
 
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Originally Posted by DragonflyBlue View Post
I did it. Both baby and I did fine.

Part of being a good mother is making sure you don't get burnt out. Once you hit that wall it is hard as hell to fight your way back.

Just because *A* would not do it, does not mean *B* is a bad mother. She's just different from you. And that's okay. Each of us has to follow our own path in parenting.

ITA


I personally would not leave for the weekend (not saying I wouldn't want to....) how will the baby tolerate it? dd1 would have probably been fine. dd2 no way!

I love MDC, I love mother mag.....both have really open my eyes to many things. but it seems that if you don't fit the criteria perfectly then your out of the 'group'. We need to support each other as women and mothers. Mothering is all about NFL/AP, and thats great we should advocate that but how about being more gentle with new comers? Some of the comments seem to come from a more harsh, judgmental place, than from a concerned supportive place.
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#79 of 109 Old 02-21-2008, 08:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I haven't checked back on this thread for a couple of days, but I really want to say thankyou mamas for your kind words
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#80 of 109 Old 02-21-2008, 08:45 AM
 
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I'm sorry, I think that your baby is just too young to be without you, whether or not the baby is breastfed.

I support the mama as a person and a mother, and part of that is helping her work through the issue she presented. On any mainstream board, everyone would have said "sure, go, have fun" however, this is an AP board so the opinions are going to be those of AP mamas.

The breastfeeding issue is a red herring, the separation issue is what is really going on, imho. Very respectfully, very gently, I hope OP can understand that there may be some underlying problem going on in her relationship with her baby that needs healing. I don't know what is causing her to want that sort of distance from her young baby, and what is going on in her life, but this is different from what many mothers experience in terms of bonding. A trip away is not the solution here for whatever the underlying issues may be.
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#81 of 109 Old 02-21-2008, 11:43 AM
 
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Let's stop accusing members of calling other members "bad mothers," OK? No one has actually done it, and if they did, you need to report the post rather than chastising other members. We can all have our own opinions without resorting to namecalling and accusations.

/mod hat off

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#82 of 109 Old 02-21-2008, 12:48 PM
 
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I was away from my baby twice, both times when I got a particularly bad case of mastitis and had no choice but to go to the hospital. It was cold and flu season, so I didn't want the baby coming into the hospital at all. One was for a day, the other was for two.

Honestly, it was total hell. I missed her desperately, every second. She lost weight because she wanted to bf and I wasn't there, though she did eventually take bottles (of bm). She periodically cried inconsolably, and when I came home, she fed frantically for hours. I felt terrible for what I put her through.

Now granted, she wasn't 6 months, but she also didn't have the level of awareness that a 6mo had yet.

Frankly, the thought of doing that to another human being just so I could party or cut loose makes me feel sick. Your son doesn't understand anything about the situation but that mommy isn't there anymore. That's all.

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#83 of 109 Old 02-22-2008, 01:04 AM
 
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After reading through this thread, now I feel even worse about my situation, because I'm basically leaving my baby EVERY week for a "whole weekend" because I have to drop her off at my parents' house on Sunday night while I go work 8 hours per day on Mondays and Tuesdays and then I finally get reunited with my baby on Tuesday night. Meanwhile, my boobs are plugged up and engorged the whole time and my breastpump is ineffective for solving that. It sucks. I don't want to do it. I feel sorry for my baby, feel sorry for myself, feel sorry for my parents who have to look after her, feel sorry for my husband who has to help suck on my boobs to unplug my ducts that happen those days because I don't have a baby to suck and them. And I feel sorry about the driving that everyone has to do. My parents offered to bring the baby back on Tuesdays, which is nice of them and my husband is taking them up on that offer so he doesn't have to drive over there after a long day of work on Tuesdays.

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#84 of 109 Old 02-22-2008, 11:38 AM
 
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Can you not get your baby back after work each night? Sunday to Tuesday is a long time, especially every week IMO.
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#85 of 109 Old 02-22-2008, 12:39 PM
 
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No. This is part of accepting the responsibility of being a mom. The needs of your child must come first for many more years. You can go anywhere you want just take him or her with you. I found jobs where my child could come with or I made do on a lot less and stayed home. I cleaned a lot of houses when I was younger and did a lot of babysitting. Not high pay but my child was with me and I did not have to stress over day care arrangements.
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#86 of 109 Old 02-24-2008, 12:47 AM
 
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I think my biggest concern would be if your lo has reached the separation anxiety milestone. If so, then I may think twice about leaving your baby for a weekend.

The other issues is the pumping. I would be concerned that you may not pump as much while gone. I know that my vacations away from home killed my breastfeeding relationship (I could not get the babies away from family members enough to keep my already low supply up and I didn't pump as much as I did at home). I really regret losing my supply and relying on formula. I really miss the nursing bond I had with the babies. Plus, formula is so damn expensive! Try to keep the breastmilk coming even if it is through the bottle.

I understand that there is some times when you really want to get away (i have twins ). If you really, really want and need that time away, I would start pumping now and build up a really good large stash (more than you think you will need). Also, if you leave the baby with your husband, make sure you leave something with your scent on it (sleep with the item for several nights- maybe a week) so the baby has something to remind him/her of you. I would definitely not stay gone for more than 48 max. There is research that shows babies can become depressed if their primary is gone longer than a few days (not sure how many days it is exactly).

I hope I was some help. I'm not trying to guilt you (we get enough of that from society), just wanted to offer some support. Take care.

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#87 of 109 Old 02-24-2008, 01:14 AM
 
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research that shows babies can become depressed if their primary is gone longer than a few day
Do you know where I might find that info? I would like to read that.


Oh i found a bit of it - never mind!!! Thanks
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#88 of 109 Old 02-24-2008, 02:45 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Treasuremapper View Post
The breastfeeding issue is a red herring, the separation issue is what is really going on, imho. Very respectfully, very gently, I hope OP can understand that there may be some underlying problem going on in her relationship with her baby that needs healing. I don't know what is causing her to want that sort of distance from her young baby, and what is going on in her life, but this is different from what many mothers experience in terms of bonding. A trip away is not the solution here for whatever the underlying issues may be.
I gotta say, I think you can love your baby and *still* want a weekend away. It's not about wounds in your relationship with your child, it can be about the person you were before having children, the person you remain regardless of how many children you have or how much you love them.

And that being the case, we don't know *what* the issue is that makes the OP want a weekend away (and it may be as simple as "fun with my sister", which is, IMO, not a trivial thing to want, nor a thing that should necessarily be stuffed in a closet for a few years), and a weekend away might, indeed, be the perfect solution.

To the OP: I think you can totally maintain breastfeeding. Pump, store, pump while you're gone, have your DP start giving the occasional bottle of expressed breast milk now, once a day or so, so that y'all can work out the kinks in bottlefeeding ahead of time. If you turn out to have one of those babies that just won't take a bottle, then I'm afraid this trip is doomed, but otherwise, it seems fine.
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#89 of 109 Old 02-24-2008, 02:54 AM
 
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I gotta say, I think you can love your baby and *still* want a weekend away. It's not about wounds in your relationship with your child, it can be about the person you were before having children, the person you remain regardless of how many children you have or how much you love them.

And that being the case, we don't know *what* the issue is that makes the OP want a weekend away (and it may be as simple as "fun with my sister", which is, IMO, not a trivial thing to want, nor a thing that should necessarily be stuffed in a closet for a few years), and a weekend away might, indeed, be the perfect solution.

To the OP: I think you can totally maintain breastfeeding. Pump, store, pump while you're gone, have your DP start giving the occasional bottle of expressed breast milk now, once a day or so, so that y'all can work out the kinks in bottlefeeding ahead of time. If you turn out to have one of those babies that just won't take a bottle, then I'm afraid this trip is doomed, but otherwise, it seems fine.
:

I think it's a tough thing to judge and I don't want to do that. It wouldn't be for me to leave a babe that small for a weekend away but I also don't think their breastfeeding and attatchment relationship is doomed either which is what the OP was asking about. I don't think she was really wanted opinions on whether or not she should go away for a weekend, and from what I read she wanted some support.


 
 

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#90 of 109 Old 02-24-2008, 10:48 AM
 
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:

I think it's a tough thing to judge and I don't want to do that. It wouldn't be for me to leave a babe that small for a weekend away but I also don't think their breastfeeding and attatchment relationship is doomed either which is what the OP was asking about. I don't think she was really wanted opinions on whether or not she should go away for a weekend, and from what I read she wanted some support.
I agree that she wanted support, but frankly, this is not the place to blindly expect that, especially when one posts something that is almost the antithesis of APing.

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