Leaving a breastfed baby for a weekend - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

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#91 of 109 Old 02-24-2008, 12:23 PM
 
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Originally Posted by KirstenMary View Post
I agree that she wanted support, but frankly, this is not the place to blindly expect that, especially when one posts something that is almost the antithesis of APing.
I think the support she was looking for was advice on maintaining a breastfeeding relationship in the face of a short separation from her baby. That issue has been pretty completely sidelined by the discussion of how non-AP the short separation is, but I think that the maintenance of the nursing relationship is a very AP thing to want.
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#92 of 109 Old 02-24-2008, 02:36 PM
 
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I think the support she was looking for was advice on maintaining a breastfeeding relationship in the face of a short separation from her baby. That issue has been pretty completely sidelined by the discussion of how non-AP the short separation is, but I think that the maintenance of the nursing relationship is a very AP thing to want.


 
 

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#93 of 109 Old 02-24-2008, 02:38 PM
 
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I think it is okay to offer advice on maintaining the bf relationship while away, and also advice on whether it really is consistent with AP to leave a young nursing baby for a weekend. IMO both are valid.

I really don't agree with the suggestions that a mama who loves her baby should not want time away, I think that is really quite ridiculous. But I do think it is valid to suggest that as primary caregiver and *the* food source, mama's desire for time away is superceded by baby's need to be with mama at this age.
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#94 of 109 Old 02-24-2008, 02:43 PM
 
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I really don't agree with the suggestions that a mama who loves her baby should not want time away, I think that is really quite ridiculous. But I do think it is valid to suggest that as primary caregiver and *the* food source, mama's desire for time away is superceded by baby's need to be with mama at this age.
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I think that at this age a mama's want to be away can be addressed in smaller bites in such a way that the baby's *needs* are still respected.

-Angela
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#95 of 109 Old 02-24-2008, 03:33 PM
 
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Meepy, can I tell you that I your responses on this thread?

I am one of those mom's who has taken weekends or trips without a nursing babe, and or toddlers. My mental health depends on my getting alone/down time. I *have* to have it. When I don't get that break, I become a piss poor mother.

I love my choldren with all my heart, they are my world, my everything, all I am, all I have, all I will ever be. But I am still me. And if I don't take care of me, I cannot take care of them.

I've done the not leaving bit. It so severely affected my mood, my mental stability that I was of no good to anyone, least of all my kids.

For me to be a good parent, I need that time to recharge. It is as vital to me as air.

My kids never had a problem with my little trips, be it for a few hours, two days or in one case, an entire week. (and yes, I was nursing then) If parent A does not feel comfortable with it, don't do it. But parent B should not be judged because you don't live inside her head. You don't know what struggles she may be dealing with. That weekend away to you may be seen as harmful when the reality is, it may have been a lifesaver for her.

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#96 of 109 Old 02-24-2008, 03:37 PM
 
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If parent A does not feel comfortable with it, don't do it. But parent B should not be judged because you don't live inside her head. You don't know what struggles she may be dealing with. That weekend away to you may be seen as harmful when the reality is, it may have been a lifesaver for her.
This is an interesting issue to me. I think that yes, it might be a lifesaver for someone and we don't live inside anyone else's head. But CIO might be a lifesaver for someone, spanking might be a lifesaver, etc etc. I do think there is a place to say certain parenting practices are not ideal, or not consistent with AP.
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#97 of 109 Old 02-24-2008, 04:30 PM
 
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I agree that she wanted support, but frankly, this is not the place to blindly expect that, especially when one posts something that is almost the antithesis of APing.
From what I understand, APing is not about being with your child 24/7, it's about both parents taking an active role in responding to their childs needs. From what I understand, babe will be with his father, who can practice ap pricinples as well, as can grandparents and caregivers.


 
 

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#98 of 109 Old 02-24-2008, 06:19 PM
 
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You are only 20 weeks pregnant. Baby isn't even here yet. See how you feel when the baby actually comes. I wouldn't put the baby on formula to have a weekend away. If you really do want to leave, try pumping once everyday for a month to have a bunch of milk set aside in the freezer for dad or the sitter to feed the baby. But I think that once the baby comes you may see how hard it would be to leave a baby, a breastfed baby no less, for an entire weekend. No criticism, just advice of a been-there-done-that mom.

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#99 of 109 Old 02-24-2008, 06:32 PM
 
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From what I understand, APing is not about being with your child 24/7, it's about both parents taking an active role in responding to their childs needs. From what I understand, babe will be with his father, who can practice ap pricinples as well, as can grandparents and caregivers.
No, IMO fathers and other caregivers simply cannot replace mama, the food source, when a baby is young. For short periods yes, but not for days at a time. It would be real pretty and tidy if it worked like that, with the way we choose to structure our families, but it's not reality IMO.
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#100 of 109 Old 02-24-2008, 07:17 PM
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Ditto to Meepy's posts!

To answer the OP's question, I'd begin pumping now and see how much you can even pump. Some moms (like myself) just don't pump very well, and in that case, yes you'd most likely affect your milk supply.

I personally wouldn't leave my 6 month old for a weekend, but have no right to judge another's situation. I think its more important for a baby to have a positive, happy mama (who maybe needs a weekend out every 6 months), vs a tired, resentful mom. Its ridiculous to tout a "one size fits all" approach to anything, IMO.

Sure, a mom can wear her baby 24/7 and be as 'attatched' as one can be physically, yet be a million miles away emotionally. Another mom might have so much love and security in her relationship to her baby that a weekend away will not diminish that for them. Its all in the mom's projection.
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#101 of 109 Old 02-24-2008, 10:35 PM
 
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No, IMO fathers and other caregivers simply cannot replace mama, the food source, when a baby is young. For short periods yes, but not for days at a time. It would be real pretty and tidy if it worked like that, with the way we choose to structure our families, but it's not reality IMO.
I disagree.


 
 

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#102 of 109 Old 02-24-2008, 10:38 PM
 
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I disagree.
Well good for you, and have at it. But when mama is nursing a young baby, it makes no sense to me to suggest she can just take off for two days and dad and gramma will fill in just fine. YMMV.
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#103 of 109 Old 02-24-2008, 10:55 PM
 
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Well good for you, and have at it. But when mama is nursing a young baby, it makes no sense to me to suggest she can just take off for two days and dad and gramma will fill in just fine. YMMV.

I think that's exactly right. You said "take off" for a few days. I think it's more about why this mama wants time away rather than the time away itself. If she needed to be hospitalized I don't think this thread would've gotten so heated. Again, she asked about sustaining breastfeeding during an absence which I think is possible, if fact I know it is because I know many people who have done it without major problems. Would I do it? No. Can I refrain from judgement, absolutely.


 
 

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#104 of 109 Old 02-24-2008, 11:28 PM
 
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I didn't make it through all the posts.... but wow. :

Here's my 2 cents.

I left my DS who was 100% breastfeed at 4.5 months. It was not for a life-threatening emergency or anything of that effect. One of my best friends was graduating from law school and I wanted to be there for her. Although I'd flown many places with DS before that point, this just wasn't a trip that I thought I could handle with him. It was 48 hours.

I had plenty of frozen milk and pumped religiously while I was gone. He wasn't thrilled with taking a bottle (never has been) the first few feedings, but his daddy loved him and cared for him and he did fine and was relatively happy the time I was gone. He was very happy to see his momma when I got home... and went back to nursing fine. I also brought a stash of milk home with me.

I honestly never even considered that I was not AP for taking this trip, but obviously there are plenty of mamas here who think that.

As for the breastfeeding relationship - I would *NOT* have taken this trip if the option was to give formula. But it is very possible to continue your breastfeeding relationship during a short absence. Does your DS take a bottle? How often? There's always the option of syringe or cup feeding as well.

I will be leaving my now almost 14 month old DS who is still nursing for the 2nd time in his life for 48 hours next month. I really struggled with the decision this time as I did the first time, but I feel DS's needs will be met well by DH. Actually, this time the decision was harder than the first because I feel my nursing relationship is MORE in jeopardy this time than the first since at 5 months DS was much less at risk for weaning. But anyways - sorry that is OT. And I know many moms here won't approve, but I wanted to share my experience with the OP.

Mama to two boys (1/07 and 3/09) and due with baby #3 in May.
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#105 of 109 Old 02-24-2008, 11:59 PM
 
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I didn't make it through all the posts.... but wow. :

Here's my 2 cents.

I left my DS who was 100% breastfeed at 4.5 months. It was not for a life-threatening emergency or anything of that effect. One of my best friends was graduating from law school and I wanted to be there for her. Although I'd flown many places with DS before that point, this just wasn't a trip that I thought I could handle with him. It was 48 hours.

I had plenty of frozen milk and pumped religiously while I was gone. He wasn't thrilled with taking a bottle (never has been) the first few feedings, but his daddy loved him and cared for him and he did fine and was relatively happy the time I was gone. He was very happy to see his momma when I got home... and went back to nursing fine. I also brought a stash of milk home with me.

I honestly never even considered that I was not AP for taking this trip, but obviously there are plenty of mamas here who think that.

As for the breastfeeding relationship - I would *NOT* have taken this trip if the option was to give formula. But it is very possible to continue your breastfeeding relationship during a short absence. Does your DS take a bottle? How often? There's always the option of syringe or cup feeding as well.

I will be leaving my now almost 14 month old DS who is still nursing for the 2nd time in his life for 48 hours next month. I really struggled with the decision this time as I did the first time, but I feel DS's needs will be met well by DH. Actually, this time the decision was harder than the first because I feel my nursing relationship is MORE in jeopardy this time than the first since at 5 months DS was much less at risk for weaning. But anyways - sorry that is OT. And I know many moms here won't approve, but I wanted to share my experience with the OP.
I was really worried when I left DS the first time right before his third birthday. I figured he would be weaned when I got home. I left on Monday morning before he woke up and came back Wednesday morning. I was so stressed during the entire trip. He fared much better that I. When he and his dad picked me up at the airport he was much more interested in the baggage carousel than me being home When we got back to the house his first mission was to have a nurse and he went right back into his routine, although he asked to go back to the airport for a few weeks after that.


 
 

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#106 of 109 Old 02-25-2008, 12:00 AM
 
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woops, double post


 
 

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#107 of 109 Old 02-25-2008, 01:52 PM
 
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I was really worried when I left DS the first time right before his third birthday. I figured he would be weaned when I got home. I left on Monday morning before he woke up and came back Wednesday morning. I was so stressed during the entire trip. He fared much better that I. When he and his dad picked me up at the airport he was much more interested in the baggage carousel than me being home When we got back to the house his first mission was to have a nurse and he went right back into his routine, although he asked to go back to the airport for a few weeks after that.
Thanks, that is encouraging!

Mama to two boys (1/07 and 3/09) and due with baby #3 in May.
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#108 of 109 Old 02-25-2008, 01:56 PM
 
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I didn't nurse my DD for 3 days when she was 3.5 or so. Our nursing relationship resumed fine after that. But 6 months to 3 years old are completely different situations IMO. I don't think going away for 2 days means the end of a nursing relationship with a 6 month old, but I do think that is a risk, and I also think it is unfair to a young baby who is breastfed and (usually) cared for by a nursing mother to suddenly have that mother gone for two days and two nights. I think barring a serious need to be away, doing so is not an ethical or kind choice to make when you have a young baby. I think it is a disruption of the attachment relationship, and also of the baby's access to its food source.

And, I think it is okay to say that.
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#109 of 109 Old 02-25-2008, 02:52 PM
 
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I think that at this age a mama's want to be away can be addressed in smaller bites in such a way that the baby's *needs* are still respected.

-Angela

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