Spots to go nurse when out in public. - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 121 Old 03-31-2008, 01:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by gemelos View Post
Well I guess I will be one to disagree. I have been nursing for almost 5 years straight, I nursed my oldest in public til he was 3, nursed my twins in public, etc. But I totally get not wanting to make people uncomfortable. Are you usually in other people's homes or restaurants or what? If you are in someone's home and need to nurse discreetly, you can try sitting on the couch with your knees pulled up. It kind of supports the baby and your knees block the view. You can also drape the blanket over your knees instead of the baby or put a big couch cushion up. I've done that sometimes. Or just flat out ask "do you have a room where I can go nurse?" At the mall you can find a family lounge areas with couches to nurse. Restaurants are tricky if the people you are with are uncomfortable. I will normally request a booth and sit on the farside with dh on the aisle side to give us some privacy. Sometimes, though, there is just nothing you can do about it. I have asked people before "do you mind if I nurse?" and no one has ever said no. If they did say no I would have had to say "well, I need to nurse the baby, sorry." Anyway, I'm sorry you are in this position. Maybe the more you nurse around your friends and family, the more they will get used to it. My stepdad and granddad always get uncomfortable when I nurse so they just quietly get up and leave the room until I'm done.
Normally, I'm in other people's homes or my relatives are visiting, thus DH saying "You realize that every member of my family from the oldest to the youngest has seen your boobs?!"

Thanks for the tips on body positioning. Usually I sort of lean back on what ever I'm sitting (the butt eating couch 9 times out of 10) and use the cradle hold w/her. Now that she's older, I'll try the blanket again or step into another room.
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#62 of 121 Old 03-31-2008, 01:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I've found that people really don't care as much as you would think. I think your husband is being oversensitive.

Or if they do - who cares? People sit and make judgments about all sorts of stupid things, like your brand of shoes and the car you drive. Most people are more concerned about themselves than others - I really try not to let other people bother me!! Especially about something as important as nursing my baby.

However, that aside - have you tried a Hooter Hider? They are made by Bebe au Lait (I got one as a gift, from Nordstrom I think). My wiggly baby is okay with them where she isn't with a blanket, since the top is opened up so she can see me. I would make your husband buy you one (they have cute prints! a plus in my book hehe) and then tell him to shut up lol.

I agree with the other here to some extent, but you know your husband better than we do. Some people truly are squeamish about these things. I think people are being too harsh. If you can find something like the Hooter Hider that will allow you to nurse her but also make hubby feel better - that's the best solution.
I'll look at them. Maybe they have a nice in black. (Prints scare me. I'm horrible at matching them. The only thing I have w/a print is my Mei Tai.)

He's not trying to pick on me or be mean, just make me more aware of how people feel and how my actions affect them since I can be rather oblivious.
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#63 of 121 Old 03-31-2008, 01:17 PM
 
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I'm just viewing it no differently than if I asked someone to smoke in a different room than me. My only wish is that those who have a problem w/my bfing would have come to me instead of using my DH as a messenger.
You're not affecting their health. They are affecting the health of your child. eta - And actually it's not even them it's your husband who is amazingly amzaing, astoundingly insensitive. Who cares if people see your breasts doing what they are intended for?

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#64 of 121 Old 03-31-2008, 01:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Your child's right to eat is much more important that your friends and family's delicate sensabilities.

The issue here is them. They are obviously overlooking the biological function of the breast and assigning sexual feelings to breastfeeding if they are that uncomfortable with you nursing. Sounds like they need to get to the root of what's making them uncomfortable.

Are they uncomfortable with the fact they might see some skin or they uncomfortable with the knowledge you are nursing in their presence?

If you are comfortable and your baby is comfortable there is no reason to search out a place that makes others more comfortable.
As far as I know, it's not the act of nursing, it's that sometimes I'll inadvertently flash some nipple or breast because she'll pop off and holler because the boob's not in her mouth so my boob's kinda out there while I'm trying to relatch her or she'll fall off asleep and a little bit of my nipple will show before I realize it.

So instead of trying to fight it, I was just curious where one could nurse w/o being seen before rejoining friends and family.
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#65 of 121 Old 03-31-2008, 01:41 PM
 
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I'm just viewing it no differently than if I asked someone to smoke in a different room than me. My only wish is that those who have a problem w/my bfing would have come to me instead of using my DH as a messenger.
And this right here is the problem. Smoking imposes on other people. Breastfeeding does not.

Please be a good example for your children and don't be bullied by these people. Breastfeeding is normal and does not need to be hidden.

THEY are the ones with a problem. Let THEM find somewhere else to be.

-Angela
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#66 of 121 Old 03-31-2008, 01:44 PM
 
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Originally Posted by KurumiSophia View Post
Normally, I'm in other people's homes or my relatives are visiting, thus DH saying "You realize that every member of my family from the oldest to the youngest has seen your boobs?!"
So what?

Honestly, so what?

Do you realize that every member of his family has seen your ELBOWS! Yes, your elbows! Isn't that just NASTY?



-Angela
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#67 of 121 Old 03-31-2008, 01:46 PM
 
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He's not trying to pick on me or be mean, just make me more aware of how people feel and how my actions affect them since I can be rather oblivious.
Yes, he is trying to pick on you and be mean and control you. That is not acceptable.

What matters here is that your child needs to nurse. If others have problems it's from THEIR baggage.

Nursing where people can see is normal and natural. Anyone who doesn't want to see it can go somewhere private until you're done.

-Angela
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#68 of 121 Old 03-31-2008, 01:48 PM
 
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Originally Posted by KurumiSophia View Post
As far as I know, it's not the act of nursing, it's that sometimes I'll inadvertently flash some nipple or breast because she'll pop off and holler because the boob's not in her mouth so my boob's kinda out there while I'm trying to relatch her or she'll fall off asleep and a little bit of my nipple will show before I realize it.

So instead of trying to fight it, I was just curious where one could nurse w/o being seen before rejoining friends and family.
So what? There is no problem here except other people and their hang-ups.

There is no reason to segregate yourself to nurse. It sends the wrong message.

-Angela
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#69 of 121 Old 03-31-2008, 02:07 PM
 
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This sounds more like your husband's issue--he wants to control your body and who gets to see it, thus him saying "You realize that every member of my family from the oldest to the youngest has seen your boobs". So what? they're boobs! fleshy, self-filling, sanitary milk bottles! do these people avert their eyes when they pass cows in the field, or throw a blanket over a mama cat nursing her kittens? If they're religious, maybe you need to print out and laminate a painting of the Virgin Mary nursing Jesus--if it was good enough for them, it should be good enough for you. here you go: http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/strol...TION032708.jpg

seriously, I want to be gentle, but this makes me so upset!

anyway, an actual answer to your question... when we're out and I want shelter or privacy, I nurse in the car. I do this frequently if we're out running errands and he gets hungry--I drive to a convenient parking lot and nurse him...
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#70 of 121 Old 03-31-2008, 02:08 PM
 
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Originally Posted by KurumiSophia View Post
As far as I know, it's not the act of nursing, it's that sometimes I'll inadvertently flash some nipple or breast because she'll pop off and holler because the boob's not in her mouth so my boob's kinda out there while I'm trying to relatch her or she'll fall off asleep and a little bit of my nipple will show before I realize it.

So instead of trying to fight it, I was just curious where one could nurse w/o being seen before rejoining friends and family.
Why should you have to go to another room when they could just avert their gaze? I think it would be a lot easier for everyone if they just didn't look at your breast . I feel so sad that the natural way of feeding a baby it a "hidable" offense.
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#71 of 121 Old 03-31-2008, 02:26 PM
 
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I'm just viewing it no differently than if I asked someone to smoke in a different room than me. My only wish is that those who have a problem w/my bfing would have come to me instead of using my DH as a messenger.
I really hope that you see this as very different from being asked to leave the room if you were smoking. Smoking truly does infringe upon the rights of people nearby. You are releasing toxins in the air that people have to breathe. When you NIP, you are feeding your baby and your baby has a right to eat whenever and wherever it needs nutrition. What if you are on a plane and your baby is hungry? It is your divine right to be able to nurse your baby and have the freedom to do so.

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#72 of 121 Old 03-31-2008, 02:28 PM
 
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Honestly? It sounds like they all must be just STARING at you, WAITING for a flash of skin. They sound like perverts when your DH talks about it!

DD has always been very easily distractible, and my ILs are bottle feeders. I usually go to the den, and sometimes close the door, to nurse DD. But that is for HER, not for them.

You said they are religious? What do they think Jesus ate?
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#73 of 121 Old 03-31-2008, 02:45 PM
 
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I'm just viewing it no differently than if I asked someone to smoke in a different room than me. My only wish is that those who have a problem w/my bfing would have come to me instead of using my DH as a messenger.
As others have stated, breastfeeding is different than smoking in that it does not harm the health of the people around you.

Think of it this way - what if your husband came from a family of extreme lactivists and you were bottle feeding for some reason? Then, what if your husband told you that the sight of your baby drinking a bottle was offensive to them? Would it seem reasonable to not feed your baby around them?
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#74 of 121 Old 03-31-2008, 02:46 PM
 
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Well, I'd have to say that I think your husband believes your breasts belong to him and he is the only one with the rights to them. HOWEVER, they in fact belong to YOU and your dd is using them for nutrition.

If you decide that it is just easier to leave the room than to fight, then I would suggest saying something like this (when at someone else's home) "Oh, the baby needs to eat. I don't want to offend anyone, so may I use your bedroom to feed her?"

I'll bet money that people will either say "That doesn't offend me, do it whereever you want (proof its DH's problem)" or they'll let you use their bedroom.

In more public places, you can suggest more nursing friendly resturants and shopping places, places that have another room to go into to nurse if there are any in your town.

You can go out without DH and what he doesn't know won't hurt him!!!!!!
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#75 of 121 Old 03-31-2008, 02:47 PM
 
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Oh and have you ever been to the beach in the summer. So many male nipples!!!! It's sooooooo offensive, why can't they just put on shirts........
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#76 of 121 Old 03-31-2008, 02:55 PM
 
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I can’t read this anymore and not post.

I’m sorry but your husband has an issue and he just needs to get over it. There is no way you should have to go to a “private” place to nurse for him. Just do it! Nurse where you need to. The only reason to go somewhere to nurse is if YOU want to or your child needs you to. Does this cause major friction in your marriage? I can understand if you were fighting non stop about this issue trying to work something out like a hooter hider but please please please know that your husband is trying to control you because he views your breast as a sexual object.

I’m not sure if anyone has mentioned this before but have you tried to talk with these relatives that are supposedly offended by your nursing? Have you talked to them directly without DH around? If not, I would. Mention that your DH said they were uncomfortable with your nursing in front of them and try to find out what the issue is. Maybe tell them you will do your best to nurse discreetly but in the end, you child needs to eat and this is the natural way of feeding you child. If they are getting really bothered and threatening you, tell them you are sorry they feel uncomfortable but this is not your problem and if you can’t come to an understanding then you will not be coming to their house. Who knows…maybe once you bring it up, they won’t really have a problem and your DH was exaggerating because he is really the one with a problem!

I’m sorry you are in this situation. My DH looked like he would rather be dead then seen with me NIP when we first had DS. I think he has gotten over it but we have compromised on one thing….I don’t walk and nurse in public at the same time without a sling. For some reason, DH just can’t get over that and I’m fine with it anyway. I have my sling 99% of the time and if I don’t, then we sit at a bench. I understand how comments from others can be offensive and make you want to hide but you need to stand up for yourself mama!

To the PP who said about Jesus eating...I used that one once and they told me that of course Jesus was breastfed but do you really think Mary was flashing her boobs all around? No. she only nursed with other woman around or in the privacy of her home (this was someone at church). Yeah...I was shocked when I heard that but for some people the Jesus argument doesn't work.
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#77 of 121 Old 03-31-2008, 04:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by alegna View Post
So what?

Honestly, so what?

Do you realize that every member of his family has seen your ELBOWS! Yes, your elbows! Isn't that just NASTY?



-Angela
Only if I put my elbows down in the dog poo when I laid on the grass. :-)

(Seriously though, it made me LOL You do have a point. After my home visitor leaves, I'll ask him more about it and try to suss out which folks are actually offended and confront them directly.)
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#78 of 121 Old 03-31-2008, 04:43 PM
 
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Only if I put my elbows down in the dog poo when I laid on the grass. :-)

(Seriously though, it made me LOL You do have a point. After my home visitor leaves, I'll ask him more about it and try to suss out which folks are actually offended and confront them directly.)


There was a time and place (and still exists in some cultures) that elbows were seen as far too sexy to be seen naked.

Breasts are functional. Anyone seeing them while you nurse is seeing them function. *IF* this "they" has a problem with it, then "they" need to get over their problem.

It is their problem. Not yours.

If they're deeply offended by a flash of functional mammary gland then feel free to invite them to leave the room before you nurse.

-Angela
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#79 of 121 Old 03-31-2008, 06:06 PM
 
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Honestly? It sounds like they all must be just STARING at you, WAITING for a flash of skin. They sound like perverts when your DH talks about it!
Seriously!!

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#80 of 121 Old 03-31-2008, 07:03 PM
 
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Because I'm offending people in my circle by NIP even though I hadn't intended to. And since I'm the offender. . .

We've got a marriage of give and take and so I'm giving since this is not something I'm going to win.
You are not the offender. You are not doing something offensive. They are choosing to be offend by something normal and natural and they truly don't care about your comfort, or they'd shut their mouths.

And give and take, what does he have to give up? What's it cost him to say, this is our choice and our lifestyle. Of course if he isn't supportive. . .

IMO, it's sneaky of them to talk to DH, and he's got gall to not stick up for you. Who's his wife anyway? Who's he sleep with, live with, who's more important? He should be supporting his wife, not a bunch of people who stick their noses where they don't belong. If my DH didn't stick up for me, I'd be seriously questioning his value of me as his wife.(not sure how to express that, value isn't the word I'm looking for).

There are not generally alot of easy places in public. I like to sit in the nice big armchairs at Barnes and Noble.

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If someone can't come to me when they have a problem with me, then I just play dumb like I have no idea what the problem is. I just don't feel like they deserve a change in my actions if they can't even show me the respect to bring it up to my face.
ITA they are being disresepctful and not honest. I mean, I suppose I might not too much, if they said "Here is a nice bedroom with a comfortable chair, feel free to use it, if you want. . ."

Because my DD is distractible, I did go to a back bedroom this weekend, but I wouldn't if she would nurse at all, which she did when we were in the middle of the potluck and my two BILs were directly across from me.

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so I'm stepping around a lot of issues that I can't change since they're other folks issues. What I can change, however, is how I act and what I do around them. Since they're not comfy w/me nursing in front of them, I am trying to find where I can nurse and than rejoin the folks around me.
You've got it right, it is their issue, it's not your responsibility.

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He's not trying to pick on me or be mean, just make me more aware of how people feel and how my actions affect them since I can be rather oblivious.
He's definitely not standing up for you and running interference. He's passing the buck and making your responsible for their issues.
If someone comes to a family gathering wearing an immodest top, midriff showing, cleavage, does anyone complain about modesty? No way!!! The issue is not about modesty. It's about our culture being weird and sexuallizing everything. As much as I can figure out.

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You're not affecting their health. They are affecting the health of your child. eta - And actually it's not even them it's your husband who is amazingly amzaing, astoundingly insensitive. Who cares if people see your breasts doing what they are intended for?
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Originally Posted by KurumiSophia View Post
As far as I know, it's not the act of nursing, it's that sometimes I'll inadvertently flash some nipple or breast because she'll pop off and holler because the boob's not in her mouth so my boob's kinda out there while I'm trying to relatch her or she'll fall off asleep and a little bit of my nipple will show before I realize it.
If they can see the flash of flesh, they are staring. Bug off.

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Originally Posted by Inspired007 View Post
I really hope that you see this as very different from being asked to leave the room if you were smoking. Smoking truly does infringe upon the rights of people nearby. You are releasing toxins in the air that people have to breathe. When you NIP, you are feeding your baby and your baby has a right to eat whenever and wherever it needs nutrition. What if you are on a plane and your baby is hungry? It is your divine right to be able to nurse your baby and have the freedom to do so.
I totally agree!!! Whatever you believe, we are made to nurse. Anything else is unnatural, altho' sometimes necessary.

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Oh and have you ever been to the beach in the summer. So many male nipples!!!! It's sooooooo offensive, why can't they just put on shirts........


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Originally Posted by alegna View Post
There was a time and place (and still exists in some cultures) that elbows were seen as far too sexy to be seen naked.
And ankles!

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It is their problem. Not yours.
Yeah That!

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#81 of 121 Old 03-31-2008, 07:26 PM
 
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Long story short, I need to know some decent spots where I can go nurse DD since apparently I'm not discrete enough (according to DH) even though I keep my shirt pulled down and her head covers the rest. Yes, DD is at a point where she likes to pop off for a minute or so leaving my boob exposed. So when you're out in public (or @ someone's house for that matter.), where do you go to nurse so that you can do it w/o folks seein' the boobs?
Get a hooter hider
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#82 of 121 Old 03-31-2008, 08:32 PM
 
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I'm not sure that your DH is trying to be controlling here. It may be likely that hes embarrassed about what other people think of you breastfeeding in public or in general. Unfortunately BFing is not the cultural norm in US society. My DH was kind of weird about it after one of our male friends came over and was completely weird about it (at our house I was BFing DS in a leather chair situated in front of him and facing the same direction so there was no way he'd see me even but he left the room). I discussed with DH why he thought our friend was weird about it and the next time he was over and I had to nurse I brought up the topic of why it bothered him. He had no real reason and I told him I could care less if he saw boob and I know hes not trying to sneak a peak or anything. I think this helped DH. I also think it helps for them to hear +comments from ppl when NIP.
Hang in there mama
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#83 of 121 Old 03-31-2008, 08:58 PM
 
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I'm not sure that your DH is trying to be controlling here.
He told her she was being insensitive. Repeatedly!

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#84 of 121 Old 03-31-2008, 08:58 PM
 
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No offense, but people who are offended by NIP are probably going to be grossed out that you would go to another room in thier house to do it anyways. I don't think it is the showing of skin that offends but that sick idea that the act is sexual. I probably wouldn't go to thier house even if they did think I hated them or I would go but explain that we couldn't stay more than an hour or so because you didn't want to offend anyone by nursing.

Really people who get offended by nusring just irk me!

Amanda
Mommy to Alonzo (11), Jacob (9), : Lucas (8) & Trinity (almost 2!!)
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#85 of 121 Old 03-31-2008, 09:40 PM
 
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I'm sorry you are going through this. I know this has been mentioned before but try the hooter hider. I love mine! I'm a bit of a prude (for myself, not anyone else) so it makes me more comfortable in public and mixed company. DD doesn't mind it because she can see me. In fact, we sort have a special version of peek a boo. I think DD feels like it is our own private little world when we use the hooter hider. You probably could make one on your own easily if you didn't want to spend so much money on so little fabric.

I know I am only seeing a small snapshot of your husband and your marriage but from what you write, he does sound controlling. I hope this is truly a healthy relationship for you.

Good luck.

Mama to DD1 2007, DS 2009, DD2 2012, What a Journey this parenting thing is...
 

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#86 of 121 Old 04-01-2008, 01:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by mamaluvs View Post
I'm sorry you are going through this. I know this has been mentioned before but try the hooter hider. I love mine! I'm a bit of a prude (for myself, not anyone else) so it makes me more comfortable in public and mixed company. DD doesn't mind it because she can see me. In fact, we sort have a special version of peek a boo. I think DD feels like it is our own private little world when we use the hooter hider. You probably could make one on your own easily if you didn't want to spend so much money on so little fabric.

I know I am only seeing a small snapshot of your husband and your marriage but from what you write, he does sound controlling. I hope this is truly a healthy relationship for you.

Good luck.
This is just a small bit. He's a loving father and husband. Due to some things that happened earlier in our relationship that are my fault, he's a bit uptight about my body.

After some deep thought, I'm debating just NIP as per normal. I've already done as I wish to feed her for 6m, what's another 6m at least, if not a year and a half.

You ladies have all given me some food for thought that I'm chewing over and mulling. Ty
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#87 of 121 Old 04-01-2008, 02:45 PM
 
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I am a big introvert and don't feel comfortable nursing in public unless I'm covered up. I just use a big receiving blanket (DS's swaddles actually) and try to find a quiet spot with few people around. I am getting better with DS2 then I was with DS1. I am most uncomfortable around people I know and always find an empty room and close the door. No one is offended that I leave nor would they care if I stayed, but for me I am more comfortable. DH could care less either way so I am lucky.
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#88 of 121 Old 04-01-2008, 03:33 PM
 
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Originally Posted by KurumiSophia View Post
I just got a Mei Tai in the mail today which I adore but am not sure how to nurse in.



Thus wondering where to go, besides bathrooms, of course.

Use it as a cover up if you c/n wrestle your breast into the baby's mouth while s/he is riding in it.

For us, I always felt like a draped receiving blanket, etc., was the same as wearing a neon sign that said "I'M NURSING A BABY OVER HERE!" While the colorful cover-ups they have now (Hooter Hiders?) are prettier than those things Target sells that look like lead aprons, I still think that they are less discreet than just sitting, cuddling/nursing a baby.

Just my opinion.


PLEASE, never in a bathroom...would you eat lunch sitting on a public toilet??
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#89 of 121 Old 04-01-2008, 03:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Use it as a cover up if you c/n wrestle your breast into the baby's mouth while s/he is riding in it.

For us, I always felt like a draped receiving blanket, etc., was the same as wearing a neon sign that said "I'M NURSING A BABY OVER HERE!" While the colorful cover-ups they have now (Hooter Hiders?) are prettier than those things Target sells that look like lead aprons, I still think that they are less discreet than just sitting, cuddling/nursing a baby.

Just my opinion.


PLEASE, never in a bathroom...would you eat lunch sitting on a public toilet??
Not one of my prouder moments, but yes I have when I was working and only had like a 15 min. lunch break and I had to use the bathroom and was starving. I'd snag my lunch start towards the bathrooms eating, finish while I was on the toilet and back to my station to clock back on.
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#90 of 121 Old 04-01-2008, 03:52 PM
 
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Originally Posted by _betsy_ View Post
You said they are religious? What do they think Jesus ate?
My husband used this line on Christmas Eve a couple of years ago; our mothers would have had fits if they heard him.

And I agree, I doubt that anyone is truly staring at you, hoping you flash them.

But to answer the original question, and I'm not sure whether it's available to you or not, but Nordstrom has a FANTASTIC ladies lounge. Both in VA & MI, this is a mecca for nursing moms.
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