Spots to go nurse when out in public. - Mothering Forums

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Old 03-30-2008, 12:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Long story short, I need to know some decent spots where I can go nurse DD since apparently I'm not discrete enough (according to DH) even though I keep my shirt pulled down and her head covers the rest. Yes, DD is at a point where she likes to pop off for a minute or so leaving my boob exposed. So when you're out in public (or @ someone's house for that matter.), where do you go to nurse so that you can do it w/o folks seein' the boobs?
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Old 03-30-2008, 01:08 AM
 
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I don't go anywhere special. I do it whereever and whenever he's hungry. No one's said anything negative about it yet. One guy saw me and told me that he and his brothers were breastfed and that's the only comment I've had about it. Do you use nursing shirts/tanks? Those help quite a bit. Using a carrier, like a sling, helps, too, because you can use it to cover more. I use a sling, have a nursing tank top that I use, and I pull the outer shirt over the exposed part. That seems to work so far.

One reason your DH might have said that is if he's not comfortable with the idea of you NIP. Mine isn't and he doesn't like me talking about it. I think he just tries not to think about it.
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Old 03-30-2008, 01:13 AM
 
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Your DH's comfort level should not necessarily be the guiding factor here. If you are comfortable, then you nurse wherever you are, however you'd like. There's no reason to hide.

I usually find a quiet, out of the way bench, the shade of a tree, a quiet bedroom, whatever. That's for DD's comfort, not anyone else's. She's always been very distractable and has a hard time settling down, especially if we're out and about.
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Old 03-30-2008, 01:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't go anywhere special. I do it whereever and whenever he's hungry. No one's said anything negative about it yet. One guy saw me and told me that he and his brothers were breastfed and that's the only comment I've had about it. Do you use nursing shirts/tanks? Those help quite a bit. Using a carrier, like a sling, helps, too, because you can use it to cover more. I use a sling, have a nursing tank top that I use, and I pull the outer shirt over the exposed part. That seems to work so far.

One reason your DH might have said that is if he's not comfortable with the idea of you NIP. Mine isn't and he doesn't like me talking about it. I think he just tries not to think about it.
I've been NIP whereever and whenever but apparently people have told him and not me that they're uncomfortable with it 'cause they don't want to hurt my feelings. I used a MayaWrap for a bit but it makes my shoulder hurt w/a vengeance since it aggravates soft tissue damage done when I got hit by a car. I just got a Mei Tai in the mail today which I adore but am not sure how to nurse in.

I have a nursing tank and a nursing shirt (one of each) but apparently that's not good enough somehow since he said "You do realize that every member of my family from the oldest to the youngest has seen your boobs?!" He even started in about how all the "perverts" could see and so on.

Thus wondering where to go, besides bathrooms, of course.
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Old 03-30-2008, 01:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Your DH's comfort level should not necessarily be the guiding factor here. If you are comfortable, then you nurse wherever you are, however you'd like. There's no reason to hide.

I usually find a quiet, out of the way bench, the shade of a tree, a quiet bedroom, whatever. That's for DD's comfort, not anyone else's. She's always been very distractable and has a hard time settling down, especially if we're out and about.
I'm rather comfortable but apparently folks are complaining to him for fear of hurting my feelings by coming to me directly. So I'm not just dealing w/his comfort level, I'm dealing with other people's too.

Part of me feels like I might as well just not go out for the next year and a half or so that she'll be bfing but I know that's not workable so I'm trying to work out a solution that will please everyone w/o me going completely crazy.
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Old 03-30-2008, 01:47 AM
 
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I've always used a blanket, for my own comfort. I used my HotSling thrown over my shoulder also (kind of like a purse - my arm through the loop of fabric and over my shoulder). I don't leave the room though. It makes my inlaws so uncomfortable, but I figure I'm covered, they can't see anything, they need to get over it!
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Old 03-30-2008, 01:51 AM
 
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I don't have any advice for locations - tonight I nursed DD while sitting on the floor of a bookstore, yesterday I walked around a store nursing her. I just wanted to say that this post makes me sad. You're doing a beautiful thing for your LO. Keep it up!

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Old 03-30-2008, 03:02 AM
 
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I agree with teh pp you are doing an awesome job, don't start. My advice is this when you have a baby is pops off a lot try nursing with your hand relaxed at the top of your shirt so the mili-second your DC pops off you can pull your top over your boob. That is what I do. Good luck.
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Old 03-30-2008, 04:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't have any advice for locations - tonight I nursed DD while sitting on the floor of a bookstore, yesterday I walked around a store nursing her. I just wanted to say that this post makes me sad. You're doing a beautiful thing for your LO. Keep it up!
I have no intention of stopping bfing. The thing for me now is to be able to find places quickly when she gets hungry that are private enough so its just me and her while she eats and than when she's done, rejoin the rest of the world.
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Old 03-30-2008, 04:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I've always used a blanket, for my own comfort. I used my HotSling thrown over my shoulder also (kind of like a purse - my arm through the loop of fabric and over my shoulder). I don't leave the room though. It makes my inlaws so uncomfortable, but I figure I'm covered, they can't see anything, they need to get over it!
I've tried using a blanket in the beginning but she despises things over her face so I gave up on that rather quickly which leaves me at a loss.
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Old 03-30-2008, 04:41 AM
 
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I have no intention of stopping bfing. The thing for me now is to be able to find places quickly when she gets hungry that are private enough so its just me and her while she eats and than when she's done, rejoin the rest of the world.
I just find a nice comfy place to sit. And then I focus on my baby and the rest of the world just fades away... Unless my 3yo is bugging me of course.
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Old 03-30-2008, 04:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I agree with teh pp you are doing an awesome job, don't start. My advice is this when you have a baby is pops off a lot try nursing with your hand relaxed at the top of your shirt so the mili-second your DC pops off you can pull your top over your boob. That is what I do. Good luck.
I usually tend to wear some shirts that are a bit large on me so the fabric will fall over my boob if she pops off but apparently its not enough for everyone around me. Any other private spots besides bathrooms and fitting rooms that you ladies know of?
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Old 03-30-2008, 04:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I just find a nice comfy place to sit. And then I focus on my baby and the rest of the world just fades away... Unless my 3yo is bugging me of course.
I wish it was so easy for me. *wistful sigh* Sad to say that I'm surrounded by folks who aren't as understanding of my nursing and are apparently offended by it. The thought of just staying home save for essential trips out such as to the grocery is starting to get really tempting just to avoid the argument altogether.
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Old 03-30-2008, 09:52 AM
 
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A few questions: Who are all these people who are so offended by your baby's eating habits? Is this one or two family members? Family friends? Neighbors? The whole town? Or could this be a blown-out-of-all-proportion comment by one ignorant person? And why is their comfort more important than yours and your baby's? Are these people you could choose not to see for a while--like until your baby weans? Could you surround yourself with a better class of people? What about your husband getting your back? Shouldn't he be standing up for his wife and child instead of passing along ignorant comments? Why is it your responsibility to be concerned about another person's discomfort with breastfeeding?

If you want someplace private for *your* comfort level, then by all means, look for some place that suits you, but don't feel that you need to hide because some people around you are uncomfortable with breastfeeding. It's not your problem, it's theirs. There is absolutely no reason for you to stay home except for trips to the grocery store unless that is what *you* want to do. Aboslutely essential is to get your husband on board. I'm a big judgmental, I'll admit, but I have no tolerance for a man who passes such comments on to his wife and expects her to comply for *other people's* comfort. Harrumpf.

For me, if someone had a problem with howmy baby eats, they can go hang out with someone else. Maybe I'll deign to see them again once my baby is weaned. And if someone didn't want me breastfeeding in their house, that's fine. I won't be going over there again. (And this *did* happen to me once with DD, 14 years ago. I was thrown out of my in-law's house for breastfeeding and never went back.)
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Old 03-30-2008, 10:47 AM
 
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I think the people around you need to get over themselves and accept that a nursing baby and a glimpse of a human breast is not something that needs to be hidden away. It's their attitude that is disgusting mama, they should be ashamed of what they are thinking. Nursing your baby is normal
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Old 03-30-2008, 11:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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A few questions: Who are all these people who are so offended by your baby's eating habits? Is this one or two family members? Family friends? Neighbors? The whole town? Or could this be a blown-out-of-all-proportion comment by one ignorant person? And why is their comfort more important than yours and your baby's? Are these people you could choose not to see for a while--like until your baby weans? Could you surround yourself with a better class of people? What about your husband getting your back? Shouldn't he be standing up for his wife and child instead of passing along ignorant comments? Why is it your responsibility to be concerned about another person's discomfort with breastfeeding?
From what I understood, it's members of our friend and our family. Personally, I could care less what they think but apparently my not caring isn't sensitive to the other people's feelings. He told me it's fine and well for me to bf but I need to be more in tune w/others' feelings about it and so I need to be more discrete and/or find another room. He's rather uptight about others seeing my "private" parts because he thinks its his job to protect me and from what I could gather, my NIP makes it hard for him to do so.

I mean, I suppose, I could not just see the family and his friends (mine all moved way out of town and out of state) until she weaned. It wouldn't be the first time I've dropped off the face of the planet but now he's upset that I've changed plans from bfing for a year to 2 yrs. Apparently, it's "icky" to nurse a toddler in his eyes. I'm trying to suss out why but so far no luck

It's part of him trying to help me be more sensitive to others since there's not too much of filter between my brain and my words and actions. The conversation started because some weeks ago, I innocently offered to express some bm for a toddler that is a great nephew of his best friend. So it went from that to my NIP making people uncomfortable. He likened it to my telling people how to raise their child. I was asked if I'd like it if people told me how to raise DD. I responded in the the negative and he told me that what I'm doing is quite similar to that and that I needed to start finding places to be nurse her because I'm not discrete. (Still trying to figure out how but its what he says and I trust what he's telling me.)

He's all for me breastfeeding our DD; he's reassured me of this many times. I just don't think he's as on board w/me NIP. The first time we went out for lunch, 2w pp, I fed our DD in the bathroom at his request because my NIP is "rude". We had a row over it and I told him I would not be feeding our DD in a bathroom and I thought that was the end of that. Obviously, I was wrong.

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If you want someplace private for *your* comfort level, then by all means, look for some place that suits you, but don't feel that you need to hide because some people around you are uncomfortable with breastfeeding. It's not your problem, it's theirs. There is absolutely no reason for you to stay home except for trips to the grocery store unless that is what *you* want to do. Aboslutely essential is to get your husband on board. I'm a big judgmental, I'll admit, but I have no tolerance for a man who passes such comments on to his wife and expects her to comply for *other people's* comfort. Harrumpf.
As I've said in other posts, I could care less, but I need to start finding places for the comfort of the people I'm around since what I'm doing is apparently insensitive to their feelings. It's just a compromise that I'm going to have to make if I want this argument to stop instead of going on for as long as DD nurses.

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For me, if someone had a problem with how my baby eats, they can go hang out with someone else. Maybe I'll deign to see them again once my baby is weaned. And if someone didn't want me breastfeeding in their house, that's fine. I won't be going over there again. (And this *did* happen to me once with DD, 14 years ago. I was thrown out of my in-law's house for breastfeeding and never went back.)
I've already wanted to quit hanging out w/his friend because I disagree so strongly w/the way he and his wife raise their children but I was told I need to start coming more because "they think I hate them", which I don't, I'm just not wanting to kick it because I don't have much if anything in common w/them and I turn into a babysitter while I'm there which isn't cool in my book. So it's just this never ending battle that I'm over and that I'm going to give in on just so it'll freakin' go away.
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Old 03-30-2008, 11:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I think the people around you need to get over themselves and accept that a nursing baby and a glimpse of a human breast is not something that needs to be hidden away. It's their attitude that is disgusting mama, they should be ashamed of what they are thinking. Nursing your baby is normal
It's what I keep telling him but he says it's "insensitive" and that I need to learn to filter my actions and words more because I have been offensive in how I bf because other people aren't as comfortable w/it as I am.

So thus wondering where the good spots are to go bf her before rejoining the world at large.
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Old 03-30-2008, 12:05 PM
 
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i don't know if this is enough of a solution for you, but it helps me when i NIP -
i try to go out wearing a cardigan over a tshirt. that way, when i pull up my tshirt to nurse, the cardigan is covering any exposed skin.

i do try sometimes to find a quiet corner when out in public - that way both baby and i can relax while she's eating.
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Old 03-30-2008, 12:35 PM
 
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I would tell you to avoid bathrooms...thats icky. Other than that if you're at someones house, ask if you can use a guest room/formal living room, empty room in the house. If its these same people then I bet they will still have a problem with even the idea of you nursing around them. So honestly I would just nurse in front of them but thats me. In public like a restaurant....there only is the bathroom and a waiting room. Ask your husband where he thinks you should go in that situation. If the answer is waiting room then my guess is HE has a problem when your friends and family possibly seeing your breast or something. At target or something I have done it in the fitting rooms (if I'm there), back table of eating area, rocker in baby section. I nurse all the time in front of my FIL and MIL never nursed hers, he has no problems with it I think cause in the beginning (when my breasts were MELONS and it was hard not to expose myself) he was over our house and I just said, "I'm gonna bf DS now but don't feel like you need to leave cause I could care less." And I think that set the tone KWIM?
My only concern is that your missing out on social interactions. Are you planning on having and nursing another child? If so thats 3yrs min. of being a recluse. Do you really want that? And when your DD is older and you have to explain to her that you have to go hide to nurse her lil brother/sister, what will you say and will it make her maybe have an aversion to nursing her own children in the future?? I know those questions may seem far off but really I think they are important to think about.
My DH tells me he thinks that when my DS can ask for it hes too old to nurse anymore. Well my DS is 10mos old and not eating solids and no where near weaning (neither am I) and he pretty much asks for it now. I tell him "do you think DS can just go from nursing every 2-3hrs to nothing...that'd be traumatic...he doesn't look at it as a boob. To him its simply milk and mommy and your a pervert if you read into it anymore" End of convo.
GL momma. I hope you have the strength to stand up to your DH bc I think these are more his issues than that of you being insensitive to others or others having issues about NIP.
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Old 03-30-2008, 12:43 PM
 
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I'm gonna be brutally honest--my tact meter is broken today. Your husband is the problem, not you or your friends or family. Your husband should grow a pair and stand up for his wife and child. Rather than telling you that you need to be sensitive to the feelings of others, he should start being a little more sensitive to yours. Real men don't send their wives to hide in the bathroom to feed their babies. And you can tell him I said that, too. :P
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Old 03-30-2008, 12:49 PM
 
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I have no intention of stopping bfing. The thing for me now is to be able to find places quickly when she gets hungry that are private enough so its just me and her while she eats and than when she's done, rejoin the rest of the world.
Why? If people are so bothered, they should at least be able to tell you. I think your question should be, "Where are some out of the way places I can tell other people to go to if they don't like me breastfeeding my baby in public?" I would mention "hell" as an answer to this question, but that might be too confrontational for you.
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Old 03-30-2008, 12:51 PM
 
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It's what I keep telling him but he says it's "insensitive" and that I need to learn to filter my actions and words more because I have been offensive in how I bf because other people aren't as comfortable w/it as I am.

So thus wondering where the good spots are to go bf her before rejoining the world at large.

I agree with the PP - this is your husband's problem. He needs to deal with it and not treat you like a child. I'm not sre why you're taking his word that what you're doing is rude - what do you mean about your filter between you mind and mouth not working? It's not your job to always make other people comfortable.
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Old 03-30-2008, 12:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I would tell you to avoid bathrooms...thats icky. Other than that if you're at someones house, ask if you can use a guest room/formal living room, empty room in the house. If its these same people then I bet they will still have a problem with even the idea of you nursing around them. So honestly I would just nurse in front of them but thats me. In public like a restaurant....there only is the bathroom and a waiting room. Ask your husband where he thinks you should go in that situation. If the answer is waiting room then my guess is HE has a problem when your friends and family possibly seeing your breast or something.
I know he has issues with people seeing my breasts due to past issues in our relationship but I've tried to explain that the context is completely different. Nursing a baby is so not the equal of me being a slut. And he goes on about the "perverts" seeing my boobs. I can see where he's coming from but I think he's just over-reacting on a grand scale.

I've nursed in bathrooms before so I know I can do it again, I just didn't like it. I just wasn't sure if there were other places besides bathrooms and fitting rooms that one could go. We don't have a "waiting room" in the restaurants around here. (Than again, maybe it's 'cause we got to mom and pop places to eat)

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At target or something I have done it in the fitting rooms (if I'm there), back table of eating area, rocker in baby section. I nurse all the time in front of my FIL and MIL never nursed hers, he has no problems with it I think cause in the beginning (when my breasts were MELONS and it was hard not to expose myself) he was over our house and I just said, "I'm gonna bf DS now but don't feel like you need to leave cause I could care less." And I think that set the tone KWIM?
My only concern is that your missing out on social interactions. Are you planning on having and nursing another child? If so thats 3yrs min. of being a recluse. Do you really want that? And when your DD is older and you have to explain to her that you have to go hide to nurse her lil brother/sister, what will you say and will it make her maybe have an aversion to nursing her own children in the future?? I know those questions may seem far off but really I think they are important to think about.
My DH tells me he thinks that when my DS can ask for it hes too old to nurse anymore. Well my DS is 10mos old and not eating solids and no where near weaning (neither am I) and he pretty much asks for it now. I tell him "do you think DS can just go from nursing every 2-3hrs to nothing...that'd be traumatic...he doesn't look at it as a boob. To him its simply milk and mommy and your a pervert if you read into it anymore" End of convo.
GL momma. I hope you have the strength to stand up to your DH bc I think these are more his issues than that of you being insensitive to others or others having issues about NIP.
We do plan on TTC when she's around 2 and a half to put approx. 3y between herself and any potential siblings and yes, barring any acts of God that prevent me from nursing, I will be nursing again when/if we have that next child. It's not my favorite plan to leave the room or just not go out while she's nursing but I don't see where I have a whole lot in the way of choice since my feeding choice is insensitive to others.

What will I say to her when she asks why I leave the room to nurse her little brother or sister? I'm guessing something along the lines of "Some people are not comfortable with me not using a bottle to feed DC2 so I go to another room so that I'm not being insensitive to their feelings and am being respectful of what they feel." I don't know if that answer would make her averse to nursing her own child one day. I pray not but it's not something that I can control.
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Old 03-30-2008, 12:55 PM
 
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Your husband is the problem, not you or your friends or family. Your husband should grow a pair and stand up for his wife and child. Rather than telling you that you need to be sensitive to the feelings of others, he should start being a little more sensitive to yours. Real men don't send their wives to hide in the bathroom to feed their babies. And you can tell him I said that, too. :P
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Sorry. I don't hide to feed my child. Period. Someone else doesn't like it- that's their problem. They are welcome to go away or put a blanket over their head.

-Angela
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Old 03-30-2008, 12:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Why? If people are so bothered, they should at least be able to tell you. I think your question should be, "Where are some out of the way places I can tell other people to go to if they don't like me breastfeeding my baby in public?" I would mention "hell" as an answer to this question, but that might be too confrontational for you.
From what my DH said, they were too afraid to hurt my feelings as I tend to feel rather deeply and "over-react" to something that's not meant as hurtful. So in the interest of being more sensitive to people around me, I'm trying to find where I can nurse her w/o them seeing any unintentional boob.
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Old 03-30-2008, 12:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by eclipse View Post
I agree with the PP - this is your husband's problem. He needs to deal with it and not treat you like a child. I'm not sre why you're taking his word that what you're doing is rude - what do you mean about your filter between you mind and mouth not working? It's not your job to always make other people comfortable.
I tend to say or do what ever comes to mind. No real tact filter as it were. If I think it, it's coming out of my mouth or I'm doing it.
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Old 03-30-2008, 01:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by _betsy_ View Post
Your DH's comfort level should not necessarily be the guiding factor here. If you are comfortable, then you nurse wherever you are, however you'd like. There's no reason to hide.
what she said.

You're DH is a perfectly wonderful man, I'm sure because you married him and had a baby with him, but he seems to have some stuff that he needs your help to work on. You wouldn't be asking where to bottle feed your baby, if his maturity and comfort levels were the only concern, would you? Talk gently to him and help him to be your advocate and an advocate for BF being right, natural acceptable and normal. Boobies are not only for men to fondle and oogle!
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Old 03-30-2008, 01:03 PM
 
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Originally Posted by KurumiSophia View Post
From what my DH said, they were too afraid to hurt my feelings as I tend to feel rather deeply and "over-react" to something that's not meant as hurtful. So in the interest of being more sensitive to people around me, I'm trying to find where I can nurse her w/o them seeing any unintentional boob.
Why can't the people around you be more sensative to YOU? Seeing skin never killed anyone.

~Marie : Mom to DS(11), DS(10), DD(8), DD(4), DD(2), & Happily Married to DH 12 yrs.!
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Old 03-30-2008, 01:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by crunchyconmomma View Post
what she said.

You're DH is a perfectly wonderful man, I'm sure because you married him and had a baby with him, but he seems to have some stuff that he needs your help to work on. You wouldn't be asking where to bottle feed your baby, if his maturity and comfort levels were the only concern, would you? Talk gently to him and help him to be your advocate and an advocate for BF being right, natural acceptable and normal. Boobies are not only for men to fondle and oogle!
No, I wouldn't because he's perfectly comfortable with bottles and he'd be thrilled to be able to feed her using a bottle.

I feel a bit at a dead end because I've tried to talk to him and let him know that boobs are not just sex objects, they're natural food for baby and he's protective and wants to keep me and all my parts for him and not let others see them.

If I had concrete numbers or something, this wouldn't be such a battle since he's very into things that can be proven w/o a shadow of a doubt, etc. I tried the "it's normal" tact but was rebuffed w/"it's not normal for everyone. you need to realize that." So I'm rather at my wit's end.
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Old 03-30-2008, 01:09 PM
 
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I do tend to remove ourselves from the main activity now that Bigfella is over 2. Part of that is my conscious decision to start gently weaning him. We no longer nurse in the middle of the fun because I want him to make a choice between nursing and having fun with the activity we were engaged in.

We will nurse away from friends/family, but still in public. At a basketball game, for example, we will go into an isolated area of the stadium and nurse there, so I can still see the game, but he is not hanging out with our friends. Or, he and I will go into the area of a restaurant where the payphones are. Or go sit in the stacks of the library--not the middle of the children's room. Yesterday, we were at the book festival, and when he asked for na-na, we went upstairs to the sofas outside an office in the building and nursed there.

Personally, i wouldn't change my nursing habits to make others more comfortable, but if the negative comments were bad enough, I would change my habits to protect myself and my child from all that bad mojo. Covering yourself up won't be enough for those people, since what makes them uncomfortable is nursing itself, not the flash of your breast.
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